I barely manage to sit still during the classes of the day and the workshop.

Even though my last night's mental breakdown can be considered embarrassing, I still can't help but be thrilled with the outcome.

Last night, after Spencer agreed to help me, he began ranting how I shouldn't be getting my hopes up because there's a very high and huge possibility that he's not equipped enough for this problem.

Of course, I didn't listen to him. Spencer Wright is one of the smartest human beings I've ever come across. He needs to work on his self-esteem.

Afterward, he continued telling me all the things he must do before we officially start.

My mood has been exceptionally good from the early morning I woke up today, Melody instantly caught on to it. She didn't entirely share my enthusiasm but she was sleepy enough to not break into a full-blown lecture of being careful and not to get myself into something I won't be able to handle.

As the workshop ends and Spencer leaves the lab, Anushka, Brian, and I are left packing our notes as other students file out of the room. From the corner of my eye, I notice Brian lingering, his eyes flitting to me every few seconds. The sixth sense in me gives an unnerving warning that it might be related to the date night I had to cut short after Spencer had called.

Anushka notices Brian's behavior too, but oblivious to my intentions, she winks at me and hurries out, leaving me along with him.

I offer a small smile as I zip up my bag and sling it over my shoulder. Side by side, we tread out of the lab.

"I was wondering if you're free this weekend?" Brian hesitantly asks.

I nibble my bottom lip as I mull over it. "Yeah, I am," I say eventually, although I have to come up with a way to show him, I'm not interested in taking our friendship to the next level. At least not as long as Spence Wright is in the picture.

He beams at me and we stop near the staircase. "Great, so we can go out together if that's okay with you."

The hope in his honey-colored eyes makes me feel like shit for knowing I'll soon be extinguishing it. But for now, I can play along, I just hope it doesn't make things harder for him.

I nod, agreeing and we decide to work on the details through text. Brian descends the stairs as I climb up, heading towards Spencer's office.

Unimaginable excitement hums throughout my body, I barely stop myself from bouncing to his room. By the time I reach it, he's standing in front of the library, his back facing me. I knock on the door and walk inside, shutting the door behind me.

Spencer doesn't bother to turn, already knowing it's me.

"I spoke with my postdoc adviser," he starts and turns to me, looking up from the book in his hand, flashing a marvelous smile at me that I can't help but return.

"He wasn't very thrilled with the idea of putting my research on hold, but he believes if we can truly pull this off, it'll be beyond worth it, obviously, but more because my research heavily relies on it and I already had to try to prove some part of Reimann for my research to work out." He shuts the book in his hand places it on the shelf.

"So we're good to officially start," I enthuse, grinning so wide my cheeks begin to hurt.

He runs his hand through his hair and pushes his other hand into his pocket, looking oddly uncomfortable. Fixing his gaze on the window, he continues, "I know this is important for you... it's a huge thing... but... I'm not so sure if we can actually solve it."

I sigh and drop my bag on my usual seat and walk to him. "Why not?"

He shrugs. "If it was so simple, someone would have done it already. And I'm not that experienced-"

I interrupt him, "What do you mean you're not experienced?"

Finally, he meets my gaze and lifts a shoulder. "Don't you think someone like my advisor is a better fit for this work?"

I exhale slowly and look dead into his eyes. "No."

He shoves his other hand into his pocket and I take another step to him, close enough I'm engulfed by his musky scent and have to crane my neck to hold the eye contact.

"You're smart, I'm not dumb and I really need this. We've got this." I hope my expression conveys as much confidence as my voice holds.

He sighs and nods. "But don't get your hopes up-"

I interject, "Okay." And grin at him again. "I won't but I trust you and our work."

With a sharp inhale Spencer walks to his desk and rummages around until he finds a thick leather notebook and holds it out for me.

Gingerly I go to him and accept it, without waiting for an explanation I begin flipping through it. The pages are filled with mathematical equations in his handwriting.

"Last night after you left I tried to come up with ways and plans for this... project and if there's any way for us to actually get a hang of it and get any result. We have to work together and that will only be possible if you raise your knowledge in this area. That." He points at the notebook. "Should help you. Meanwhile, you catch up, I'll try to come up with some ideas."

Looks like I wasn't the only one planning our future steps. When I got home last night, I spent a few long hours sorting through my ideas for the main solution and how to present them to him. Eventually, I settled with giving him bits and pieces of it so he won't get suspicious, that's the last thing I want it to happen.

If I gave him all my ideas and ways I've come up with hoping it'll result in the right answer, without doubt, he'll figure out I've been working on this problem for far longer. From there if he manages to link it back to the first day I came to his office and went through his stuff, I cannot even imagine the outcome. Nor am I willing to risk the slightest now that I'm so close to reaching my goal. I have to be patient and move carefully.

"I think I have a couple of ideas too," I say, making sure I sound uncertain and hesitant.

His eyebrows jump up with delightful surprise. "That's great! Tell me anything you come up with."

Relief floods me and I grin. "Will do."

He rubs his chin, his brows furrowing. "What we're about to do will be time-consuming... don't neglect your classes' works and assignments, okay? Their grades matter for the scholarship you want."

I smile brightly at him, hugging the notebook close to my chest. "Don't worry, it's all under control."

His expression turns grim. "There's one more thing I need to talk to you about." He rounds his desk, halting in front of his library and across from me, leaving only an arm's length space between us.

I hold my breath and fidget with the corner of the leather binding as I scan his face. The little crease between his eyebrows, along with hard eyes refusing to meet me as he pushes his glasses up his nose can't be good signs.

His shoulders are tense and with a sharp inhale he straightens himself. "I know in the past few weeks we haven't been exactly in the- uh... we have behaved out of character."

I frown and tilt my head with confusion. He cannot possibly be serious!

"I believe we should direct our entire focus on solving the hypothesis and stop ourselves from being distracted by the other things.'

"Other things?" I echo with disbelieve.

He cringes and uneasily gazes at me. "We have to act like mature people and quit with these games we've been playing. This... uh..." He uncomfortably shifts his weight from one leg to another, rubbing the back of his neck. "Attraction will cause trouble, and especially now when we have to fix our undivided attention on something so important. It'll only be a distraction, a complication in our process of work, making everything harder."

I press my lips into a thin line, barely keeping my annoyance and irritation at bay. "So what do you want me to do?" I ask through gritted teeth.

"To be strictly professional. We'll work under the appropriate guidelines of a student-professor relationship."

Sudden anger flares in me but deeper than that, a sharp pang shoots through my heart.

"You push me away the second things get serious," I accuse him as I stare at the window, trying desperately to calm my ragged breathing.

"Because what we've been doing is wrong. I have gone way out of my way time and time again for you... and it's... it's just-"

I cut him off, "It's just that you're a coward." I glare at him.

He purses his lips.

Jabbing my index finger at the space between us, I scowl. "Don't look at me like that, because that's the truth. You can't stand other men being close to me yet you can't make your self-righteous ass break one goddamn rule."

"That one goddamn rule can end my career," he shoots back.

"I'm graduating in three months," my voice goes up an octave as I stare at him with wide eyes.

Spencer pinches the bridge of his nose.

"You cannot get close to me, act all nice and everything, and push me away the next day. It hasn't even been twenty-four hours from last night." To my great surprise, my voice wavers, I look away.

By no means his behavior should hurt me, but it does. With one hand clutching the notebook, I wrap my other hand around myself.

"I'm sorry. I truly am, but with this project we've decided to work on, we'll be spending a lot more time together and if we don't set boundaries, things can get out of hand and cause unnecessary problems."

I arch an eyebrow as I turn to glower at him and take a step towards him. "Fine, set your stupid boundaries. But from now on, I'll do whatever I want, including flirt with whoever I want and I won't be letting you get close to me anymore."

I spin on my heels, snatch my bag, and storm out of his office.

I can't believe everything changed so quickly. I was so happy minutes ago that everything's finally working out and he had to say those stupid things at the end.

Unlike the other times, this feels final. Like the last time we'll ever discuss this topic. And it really hurts.

The thought of never being able to get close to him, touch him, kiss him, and feel him crumbles my insides. A sort of pain I've never experienced before.

To run away from the hurt I channel my energy into anger and frustration as I stomp back to my apartment.

∞ ∞ ∞

Thanks for reading, don't forget to vote and comment your thoughts, the following chapter is up too =)