He stops in front of me, his expression is pained. "I'm sorry."

I narrow my eyes and gaze at him with a slightly tilted head.

Again he thrusts his hand into his hair, not meeting my gaze. His shoulders hunch and he shakes his head. "I'm so sorry." He shuffles his feet, shifting weight from one foot to the other. "I don't know what I was thinking," he hurriedly says then groan, "this is so messed up."

My mouth hangs open, I can still feel the toe-curling sense of his lips moving over mine, but I overlook it and stand up. "Uh... I'm confused."

Finally, he looks up, and shame and guilt swim in his beautiful eyes. "I- this," he fumbles, motioning his hand towards the space between us. "Can't happen, a-and I don't know what I was thinking. I-I wasn't thinking straight, fuck." He takes off his glasses and rubs his eyes.

I frown. "Um... just to make things clear... I kissed you first."

He gives an incredulous laugh. "I know." He throws his hands up and I'm pretty sure his glasses were a mere second away from flying in the air and crashing to its destruction but he catches it at the last moment.

"But you are going through trauma, and I'm not. I'm the older one and supposedly the mature one, the one who isn't supposed to make these sorts of mistakes. Fuck I'm your professor!" he exclaims the last part as if he had completely forgotten that part. "I shouldn't have done that," he mumbles as if he's talking to himself.

"I wanted to-" I start but he shakes his head.

"No, you didn't, and I understand that and it's fine, you don't have to explain yourself to me or make up reasons. I get it, you're going through a rough time and I happened to be here, it's fine really... but," he pauses and inhales sharply.

Irritation scraps my insides and I hardly stop myself from snapping at him to stop thinking instead of me and telling me what to think too.

"We can forget it ever happened," he suggests, raising his eyebrows, a hopeful gleam in his eyes.

I bite my tongue to stop myself from pointing out not long ago he was the one who said, by pretending you can't change the reality. But seeing him, how unhinged and shaky he is, wallowing in regret and shame, I decide to go along with his plan, for his sake.

"Okay."

He nods with more hope, regaining his composure bit by bit. "It was a thing in a moment, we'll move past it... like nothing happened... and it won't change anything between us."

"Sure." I cross my arms in front of my chest.

"I'm still your professor," he states. Then groans under his breath, "Fuck, I just committed a crime." He walks to the kitchen, leaving his glasses on the dining table. I follow his movements with my eyes, observing his changing expressions and shifting emotions.

Spencer opens a cabinet, choosing a bottle of whiskey, and a glass, he pours two fingers for himself and downs it in one go, not even flinching once.

Without his glasses he looks much younger and standing behind the kitchen island, he appears alone and confused. Almost lost.

I clasp my hands in front of myself and gulp uneasily. "I'm sorry."

My voice snaps him out of his thoughts, his glazed eyes land on me, and with a blink, he's back to his assured self. "Don't, it's not your fault. I should have..." he trails down, gaze falling away from me. He draws a sharp breath and looks at me. "You've had a long day, I suggest you rest and don't worry yourself with other things." His features soften, melting my heart. A side of his lip twitches upwards in a feeble smile.

"Okay," I whisper. "Good night." I offer a weak smile and he nods.

"Night."

I barely hear him as I turn and make my way to his bedroom.

Behind the closed door, I touch my lips, recalling the kiss and a whole new bunch of butterflies go mad in my stomach, even my lips tingle from the memory.

Surprisingly for a little while, I completely forgot about everything that has gone wrong in my life.

As I slip under the covers, I can't bring myself to regret my choice. True, I gave in to the temptations of that moment, but I'd do it all over again if it means getting to have his lips on mine once more.

Tomorrow, I have to face the demons in my head, but for now, in Spencer Wright's home, I relish in the safety it offers, so I settle with gaining back my mental strength for the storm ahead. Because a voice deep within me is telling me, the real tornado is just about to start.

∞ ∞ ∞

The next day he drops me off, staying kind but distant all the while.

Back in my apartment, the reality of losing my dad, one of my biggest support systems, the wall I leaned on for the majority of my life, is now gone, sinks in deeper.

I call in sick, asking for a week of break from my boss. I don't think I'll be able to sit in the bookshop and not overthink everything. Thankfully, she agrees, insisting to call her whenever I needed something. She's a sweetheart.

Even Melody takes the day off for me and spends it with me. By the end of Monday night, I'm considerably in a better headspace. Though I don't dare to call Mom, or Mason, in fear of having my progress topple over me.

Maybe it's not the best way of coping, but I need to pull myself together and prepare myself for my exams, and there's still the solution I've found I have to convince Spencer to let it be published with my name on it too.

I'm sure that's what Dad would want me to do. Or at least that's what I keep telling myself.

On Tuesday Anushka, Meilin and Ashely visit me, bringing the notes and assignments with themselves for me too. Although I know they're a bit annoyed I didn't tell them what happened and they couldn't show up for the funeral, they don't express anything to my face.

On Wednesday I finally go to university, greeted by hundreds of condolences and barely clinging to the last strings of my sanity I make it through the day. Spencer Wright calls me to his office only to tell me to take care of myself and email him if I needed anything, and that I shouldn't be taking too hard on myself and he officially put the writing a paper project on hold until my exams are over.

Brian made an effort of meeting me, he even tried to talk to me, that asshole, but I ignored him up to the point he was practically begging for my forgiveness. Long might I hold some grudges, but a person like Brian doesn't deserve that mental space and energy so I gave in and forgave him.

Life falls into a routine. Classes, exams' preparations, talking with Mom on the phone every other day, sleeping, eating, getting used to not having a Dad, and stop referring to him in the present tense in my head.

Time goes on and I have to learn to go on with it. That's what I do. When I miss him, I don't hold back and cry. Even the days I get mad at him for leaving me, I don't hold back and shout at the sky, looking heavenwards, hoping he hears me.

But all along, I heal. I know I'm healing. I can feel it in every turn of points, every day I wake up, and I focus on that.

I hope he's proud of me for staying his strong girl.

Exams approach in blinding speed, almost three weeks of long days and pulling all-nighters, the exams go by too, and at last, I'm officially in the last semester of my bachelor's degree.

∞ ∞ ∞

Well :) I hope you liked this chapter =) Comment your thoughts and vote if you enjoyed.

Thank you so much for reading this story, like a crazy big thanks =) Honestly, this story's number of reads has me surprised everyday xD It went up over 200 in a single day! I don't know who you guys are, or if you're even enjoying this story (or even reading this A.N) but from the bottom of my heart, I hope you find this story worth your while (and don't end up regretting putting so much time into reading it). And thank you so much for giving this story a chance <33

Next chapter will be up on Monday.

Till then stay safe, lots of love, happy reading <3