[ for you who don't have my tiktok, this is one of the AI photos I created for our babies :') isn't it just- 😩 ]

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- Rick's POV -

"Cass!" I shout, so loud into the silent forest that my throat feels as if it's ripping in half, but I don't care. I don't even know how long I've been out here, searching. It doesn't matter. None of it does.

All that matters is finding her.

My chest heaves with exhaustion as overwhelming worry surges through my veins. Each intake of the frigid air burns my lungs but again, it doesn't matter. Every searing breath is a breath closer to finding her.

She can't be gone. She can't be gone. She can't be gone.

I repeat this in my mind over and over as I tear through the woods, my gun ready, scanning every inch of the forest for a sign of her. The cool metal of my revolver grounds me as I search the lifeless vegetation, determined to find the woman I love.

"Cass!" I shout desperately once again, my voice echoing through the looming trees. It's like I can feel the edges of my hope slowly fading, giving way to a deep dread that I'm terrified might swallow me whole.

What if... I don't find her?

"Rick?" A faint voice calls from the woods, momentarily paralyzing me, my heartbeat lurching.

"Cass? Cass!" my voice thunders into the woods, adrenaline flooding through my veins, fueling my unwavering sprint in the direction of her faint voice.

Dry underbrush crashes beneath my feet as I tear through the forest, every ragged breath I take in scorching my throat. Each second feels like an hour, my world reduced to a singular, burning need to find her.

With a sudden, heart-pounding stop, I whirl around, my senses on high alert as I try to figure out where her call came from. "Rick?" The voice, closer this time, calls out- undeniably Cass's voice.

Relief surges through me, so intense it threatens to break the dam of my held-back emotions as I tear off again, blinded by my hope of finding her. "Cass!" I shout, barely keeping up with my feet as they fly through the forest with a mind of their own.

She's here. She has to be.

But then, her blood-curdling scream pierces the air, a horrifying sound that nearly sends me tumbling to the forest floor, stumbling to a stunned stop.

My heart plummets.

No.

No.

With a newfound frenzy, I cry Cass's name before launching into a full sprint through the woods, crashing through the vegetation in my desperate attempt to reach her. My heartbeat is the only thing I can hear, only slightly louder than the horrific muffled screams of the woman I love, which are only getting louder.

Why is she still screaming? The question gnaws at me, every second of knowing she's enduring pain agonizing.

Finally, I crash past the brush and into a clearing, my chest heaving with exhaustion, my gun raised and ready. My initial panic subsides, and I lower my gun in astonishment because sitting right there, at the center of the meadow, is Cass.

Her unmistakable copper hair shimmers in the suddenly bright sunlight as she huddles with her knees pulled to her chest.

I stare at Cass in disbelief, a mix of deep emotions churning within me, thrashing against my insides as I gape at her. After a brutal week of relentless searching, I finally found her.

Tears of relief should be streaming down my face as I rush over to gather her in my arms and embrace her, but something about her posture, her demeanor... sends a shiver down my spine.

"Cass?" I ask, my voice coming out as a trembling rasp, unspoken dread hanging heavily in the air.

Cass slowly lifts her head, her beautiful tear-stained face making my stomach sink, her expression contorted with anguish. The sight of her trembling lips and quivering shoulders cuts through me like a knife. What happened?

"Rick," Cass whimpers, her voice a frail, trembling sound, her shoulders still shaking. It's excruciating to see her like this, my heart aching painfully as I take in the distress etched on her face.

Why was she screaming?

Pushing past the thought at the back of my mind, I instinctively move to run toward her, to take her in my arms, and bring her home so she never has to feel this way again.

But as I try to move my foot and take that first step, I can't. I look down at my boots in bewilderment, my confusion growing as no matter what I do, I can't move an inch, my feet glued to the ground.

"Rick, help me!" Cass cries desperately, the horrific sound of her begging grating against my ears, sending waves of torment coursing through me.

"Cass, I'm trying-" I stammer, panic engulfing me once again as I attempt to reunite with her.

She's so close, why can't I move? Why can't I touch her?

Cass screams again, letting out a gut-wrenching cry filled with terror. My wide eyes snap back to Cass only to see her now standing, her gaze locked onto mine. She's about four feet away from me now and abruptly no longer screaming.

My nerves jolt, my stomach wrenching at her contorted face, twisted by raw fear and terror. Her watery green eyes silently plead with me, breaking my heart as I continue to fight against the invisible force keeping me from her.

But Cass just looks at me helplessly, her eyebrows knitted together in that unmistakable Cass-like way, her lower lip trembling. "He's here," she whispers, her eyes widening with visceral fear. Her words send chills running down my spine, a nauseating sense of dread flooding through me at the look of profound terror etched on her face.

Through my panic, I frantically scan our surroundings but see no one except the two of us in the woods. My heartbeat gets louder and louder, nearly deafening as I turn and meet Cass's gaze, to see her standing even closer this time.

I'm completely frozen now as Cass stands a few inches from me, so close that I can see all the beautiful details of her face. The intricate swirls of yellow in those green irises, the scatter of freckles across the bridge of her nose, and slight wrinkles around the edges of her eyes.

Cass gently caresses my cheek, making a wave of emotions crash over me. My eyes flutter closed for a brief moment, savoring the sensation of her touch on my skin after thinking I lost her. When I open my eyes, I find her gazing at me with deep love, all fear, sadness, and despair gone from her expression.

My heart warms with overwhelming relief and love as her beautiful eyes roam over my face, the rhythmic motion of her thumb rubbing back and forth against my stubble soothing the anxiety I've felt without her with us.

Tears well up in my eyes, blurring my vision as my throat constricts with an overwhelming emotion. Words fail me, unable to convey the depth of what I feel. The overwhelming relief consumes me because Cass is here.

"You can't save me," Cass whispers wistfully, her face keeping that same loving smile, even as she tells me those heartbreaking words.

I shake my head, a sob wracking through my body, tears streaming down my face "No- Cass don't-" I begin, choking on my own words, unable to continue through the thick emotion.

Cass tilts her head, empathy crinkling her expression. "It's okay. I love you, Rick," she reassures me softly, her dreamy smile unwavering, before she slowly withdraws her warmth from me and turns away.

I'm left thrashing, terror coursing through me as I desperately fight against the invisible force that holds me back. "No! Cass!" I shout, my hoarse voice a desperate plea as I try in vain to follow after her.

But she continues to walk away, fading into the woods, slipping away like a wisp of smoke.

And then, suddenly, the invisible force is released, and I can move. Without hesitation, I throw myself forward, driven by an unwavering determination to reach her before she's gone.

I jolt forward in bed, desperately gasping for air as I lunge into nothingness.

Blinking with confusion in the dimly lit room, I slowly take in the familiar bedroom around me, suffocating disappointment crashing over me as I realize.

It was a dream. Again.

The distant chirping of birds from the open window reaches my ears as my heart rate gradually returns to normal. By instinct, I turn my gaze to the left side of the bed before I can think better of it.

The cruel emptiness of Cass's side of the bed cuts through me to the bone. This bed- our bed- is where we first made love, where we spent an entire night where I told her things I've never told anyone else, and where I proposed to her, seven days ago.

Is now ruined.

Every time I'm here, every time I look at this damn bed and Cass isn't there, my heart beaks.

Anguish surging up my spine, I hang my head, burying it in my trembling hands before releasing a steady exhale.

I can't believe she's still gone.

Cass's absence looms over me, haunting me, a constant ache in my chest. Every moment without her is hell.

It's agonizing to walk into a room and not see her there, grinning from ear to ear, joking with our friends, or laughing with the kids.

Every moment of every day is committed to my relentless search for her. Each day is spent retracing the paths she and Daryl took, scouring the woods for any hint of tracks or clues- anything that might lead me to her.

But... nothing. No matter how long I spend out there, no matter how desperately I search for her tracks, no matter how much I beg whatever power above over and over again, there's still nothing.

Why can't I find her?

A defeated sob erupts from deep within me, aching and uncontainable, and I surrender to it. I finally just give in. I let the unbearable pain that's been weighing me down every day take over, leaving me a heaving and sobbing mess.

Through my body-wracking tears, I hear a gentle knock on the bedroom door, startling me out ofit. I reel back my emotions, wiping away my tears and clearing my throat.

"Yeah?" I call out, my voice coming out clipped, making me cringe as I try to collect myself. You're not gonna find her if you let yourself fall apart like this.

The door gently pushes open to reveal Michonne standing in the doorway, her hand on the handle, her careful eyes falling on me. Despite how much I try to hide it, my cheeks heat with embarrassment that she's seeing me like this.

"You said yesterday you wanted to head out earlier- you good to leave soon?" Michonne checks, her voice careful and soft, her expression crinkled slightly with pity.

I clear my throat again, trying to clear the stubborn lump of thick emotion from it. "Yeah, just give me a minute," I respond shortly, and Michonne nods, her gaze lingering on me for a moment.

I notice her hesitating in the doorway through my periphery. "Rick, maybe-" Michonne begins carefully but stops as I whip my head in her direction, my brows furrowed deeply.

"Maybe, what?" I demand darkly, making Michonne close her eyes, cringing slightly, her posture stiffening.

Michonne takes a deep breath and shakes her head. "Nothing. See you out there." She says, before carefully closing the door behind her.

___

___

"This is where she went?" I ask, placing my hand on my belt as I squint out at the lush woods beside me, searching the thick brush for a sign.

Please. Please, be out there. Please let this nightmare end.

"Yeah," Daryl grunts from somewhere behind me. Blinking at the green trees, I inhale the cool air, nodding to myself at Daryl's confirmation.

I've replayed the story in my mind repeatedly since Daryl told me that night. The gunshots. The crash. Cass running off.

Why did she have to run off?

"Alright, tell me again, exactly what she told you," I order, turning expectantly to face Daryl, my stomach in knots. He stands behind me on the parking lot asphalt, tilting his head slightly downward. Behind him, Michonne, Carl, Maggie, Sasha, and Carol wait, their faces a mixture of concern and tiredness.

Daryl angles his head up, squinting through the morning light. "She told me to go back an' help you. That she was gonna meet me back home. That's it, Rick. I've told you thi-"

"-She just went straight in?" I check once again, shifting from one foot to the other expectantly, ignoring what Daryl was about to say. I tilt my head to the side, clenching my jaw as I wait for his answer.

Daryl meets my gaze and holds it for a second. Then he nods.

Letting out a slow exhale, I nod, turn, and storm into the woods.

I hear my family eventually following in tow, talking lowly amongst themselves. We slowly comb the woods, just as we have for the past week, searching for her tracks.

I'm painfully reminded of my nightmare as I trudge through the woods, looking around desperately. Despite my determination and blind hope, there's a dark part of me steadily growing every second we don't find her- a dread that we just won't.

I may be a grieving and worried mess, but I'm not an idiot. I was a cop so I'm well aware of the statistics for missing persons. After 72 hours, the search will get even harder, and they're assumed dead. And that was before all this.

But I keep going. Keep searching, endlessly. Because if I stop, that means I'm accepting the absolute worst possible thing.

In the middle of my haze of frenzied searching, I jolt to a stop at the sound of Daryl's distant whistle to the right of me. My footsteps falter on the vegetation and I turn, my chest heaving with hope before setting off toward the sound of his second whistle.

Crashing through the brush, I find Daryl, in a muddy area of the woods where the vegetation has thinned.

Furrowing my brows, I look at the mud Daryl's kneeled by, completely covered in overlapping footprints, and to my horrifying realization- blood.

I stagger back in horror as the rest of my family crashes through the woods behind me. My stomach twists as Daryl slowly stands up, holding something between his fingers.

"Daryl." I say roughly, a horrific feeling settling in my stomach as my brother slowly turns and faces me. The expression on his face, his slightly downcast eyes and his mouth pulled down in a grimace, sends a chill down my spine.

Swallowing back the intense nausea rising up my throat, I watch in horror as Daryl meets my gaze and holds out his hand.

I stagger forward, searching his expression wildly before dropping my gaze to his hand, focusing on what he's holding.

My vision tunnels as I realize that between Daryl's mud-covered fingers, is a small object, dirtied by blood and mud. But not just any object.

Cass's ring.

A shuddering and painful exhale pushes past my mouth as I gape at it in horror.

No.

No. This can't be happening.

"What-" Carl starts, but is cut off by Maggie's sharp gasp.

I don't bother looking at them. I can't.

My eyes are glued to the ring- the one I spent so long to find, once gold, gleaming, and sparkling. Is now this.

A dirt and blood-covered horrific reminder of everything I've lost.

An overwhelming surge of terror and worry consumes me. What happened to her?

"Rick," Maggie starts from beside me, her hand gently resting on my shoulder.

I jerk my shoulder roughly out of her grasp, stumbling backward, covering my face with my trembling hands.

This can't be happening again.

It's like I hear Judith's first scream again. Like I can see Carl's small crying face after doing what he had to do to Lori.

The crushing realization is suffocating me, just as it did then.

I'm back there, in that dark hole of madness, unable to comprehend the reality of it.

After a minute when I find a sudden burst of strength, I lower my hands, pushing through all of the despair to see my family, standing around, staring at me. Their expressions hold that gut-wrenching pitiful sympathy, the same expressions they gave me as I was losing it back at the prison.

Cass was the only one who didn't look at me like that.

Daryl is looking down at the ring, his bottom lip quivering, his eyes full of deep emotion. Maggie is staring at me, her face crumpled with pity and sadness, her eyes watering. Michonne and Carol are urgently talking in the back, too low for me to hear. Sasha is slowly walking over to Daryl, her eyes wide.

And Carl is blinking at me, his mouth agape in shock.

"Give me the ring," I order roughly, my voice grating up my throat as I shift my gaze to Daryl.

Daryl nods, stepping forward and passing it to me, his head still tilted down, his hair shielding his face. I take the ring, holding it in my palm.

"Tell me about the tracks," I instruct lowly, not breaking my gaze with the ring, my heart aching.

There's a pause.

"They're walker tracks. I-I lost hers in them. I'm sorry, Rick." Daryl explains, his rough voice wavering, an unfamiliar sound coming from him.

I slowly drag my gaze from Cass's ring up to his face. The face of my brother- a man I thought I could trust. His blue eyes are filled with deep emotion as I glare at him.

"What're you saying?" I demand shortly, anger rising up my spine as my breathing increases rapidly with impatience.

"Rick- it's not Daryl's fault-" Sasha starts urgently, stepping forward, making me whirl on her with wide eyes.

"It's not?" I demand wildly, making Sasha widen her eyes, flinching backward. Gripping Cass's ring in my hand tightly, I take a step toward her.

"Because before we left- I made Daryl promise to keep her safe. And look what happened." I growl angrily, only worsening the strong emotion tightening my throat.

Sasha looks at me like I'm insane. "We were being shot at, Rick! He had no choice-"

"-There's always a choice," I snap back furiously, making Sasha shut her mouth, anger flaring across her expression.

"Dad." Carl's strong voice cuts through my fog of anger, making me slowly turn to him.

My son, with his white gauze eyepatch and my old hat, stares back at me incredulously. His one eye searches my face, disappointment written across his expression.

"You know this isn't right," Carl mutters, making me swallow thickly, shaking my head.

"None of this right." I mutter with bitter disgust before storming back through the woods, going straight out from the walker's tracks, desperate to find something to tell me this ring doesn't mean she's dead.

___

- month two -

I stare down at the map, analyzing the marks I've left in red ink. The X where Cass and Daryl crashed, the circle nearby where we found her ring, and the numerous slashes across the areas we've searched.

Where did you go?

Maybe she backtracked, got confused after the herd, and went through the other side of the road? What if we've been searching through the entirely wrong side of the woods?

There's a soft knock, and I look up as the door to our spare room creaks open. Aaron comes through the door, smiling nervously. I nod at him in greeting.

"Aaron- great." I begin earnestly, looking between the map and the man as he gingerly walks in. "I was just looking at the map. I need your opinion on the area..."

Trailing off, I furrow my brows slightly as Aaron doesn't say a word, a strange expression on his face.

What's up with him?

"Aaron? What're-" I cut myself off, standing up straight, my smile dropping as I see who walks in behind him.

Daryl, Sasha, Rosita, Carl, Michonne, and Carol, trail in one after the other, their faces solemn. I send a directed glare at Daryl before looking at the rest, annoyance already fluttering through me.

"What." I snap impatiently. I don't have time for a damn intervention or whatever the fuck this is.

"Rick... it's been two months." Rosita begins gently, stepping forward, her hands on her hips.

I tilt my head to the side, squinting my eyes once at her, my mouth turning downward as I scour her expression.

"And?" I reply harshly, making Rosita let out a short sigh.

"We think it's time to stop searching Rick," Carol explains for Rosita gingerly, her arms crossed, her intense eyes boring into mine with determination.

Betrayal stings through me as I stare at the serious faces of the group in disbelief, shaking my head. "You're kidding, right?" I demand, my eyes wild.

I watch the discomfort go through the group as they avert their gazes, looking off to the side.

Anger flares through me as I slam down the red marker I had been holding, making a few of them flinch. "You're giving up? It's Cass!" I remind them sharply, my voice harsh, reverberating off the walls of the room.

Michonne's face crumples slightly, and she covers her mouth with her hand, looking to the side.

"We know, Rick," Carol says softly, as if she's talking to a child. A child who needs to calm down to stop acting ridiculous.

I turn to her, searching her gaze incredulously- searching her familiar face that I'm finding myself unable to recognize.

"This is the woman who saved your daughter. D'you remember that? How we all searched for Sophia? It was Cass who found her." I remind Carol sharply, making her expression falter as she averts her gaze.

I focus on the rest of the group, my anger growing to dangerous levels as they look back at me like I'm losing my mind. How can they turn on her like this?

"Sasha- Cass the reason Tyreese is alive." I growl, but Sasha looks right back at me, blinking past her welling tears. Slight guilt flutters through me, remembering what she's recently been through, but I push through it, my anger too intense.

"Cass is Judith's mom, you have all heard Judith's cries for her, I know you have," I snarl bitterly, making a flicker of emotion go through the group. Every night, no matter how much, Beth, Sophia, and I try, Judith cries for her relentlessly until she falls asleep.

But they stay, with that same expression of solemn determination, despite my words.

Shaking my head with disgust, I step back, my eyebrows raised. "I can't believe this," I breathe in disbelief.

"You don't think we want her back just as much as you do?" Michonne demands, her voice heavy with sadness that makes me look at her, taking in her distraught expression.

"We just can't anymore Rick- You saw what happened with Negan-" Michonne starts, making me let out a huff of aggravation.

"-I did what you asked me to!" I shout back, my throat tight with emotion. My chest heaving with emotion, I blink past my tears. "I helped you shoot out that fuckin' place because you asked, and look where it got us," I growl in response, fighting back the bile rising up my throat at the horrific memory of the night that still haunts me.

- a few weeks ago -

"Rick?" A tentative voice finds my ears, making me turn from the entrance of the RV.

Sophia stands behind me on the main road of Alexandria, blinking at me, deep emotion behind her brown eyes.

"Yeah?" I ask tiredly, searching her determined expression, wondering what she needs.

"I'm coming with you." Sophia tells me, lifting her chin with determination, her hand on the knife on her belt.

I sigh, already shaking my head but before I can say a word, she speaks again.

"No." Sophia blurts with determination. "I've watched you guys go out and look for her for over a month. She found me. It's only fair I help find her." Sophia argues intelligently, her mouth set in a firm line.

Looking down, my chest pangs. "Cass would kill me if she knew I let you go outside these walls, putting yourself in danger to find her," I inform Sophia.

Sophia grins. "Good thing she'll be too happy to see me to notice," Sophia responds quickly, looking at me expectantly, her eyebrows raised.

I look at her for a moment, a spark of pride going through my chest seeing how far she's come. Then I let out an exhale of defeat.

"l'right. Just, stay close okay?" I order, making Sophia's grin widen as she nods quickly, climbing into the RV before I can change my mind.

So now the group consists of Sophia, Carl, Glenn, Maggie, Abraham, Sasha, Daryl, Michonne, Aaron, Eugene, and Tyreese. We're taking the RV to do our largest search yet.

- present -

"I never wanted that to happen. None of us did." I gulp, my gaze briefly darting to Sasha and Rosita. "But Negan is not my concern. My wife is." I growl angrily, making Michonne sigh, looking down.

I don't know what they expect me to do. They've been handling leading Alexandria just fine while I've been out there, looking for Cass.

"You can't keep looking for her. Her tracks went cold. After what Negan did- He killed Abraham-" Rosita urges desperately, her voice tight, but I cut her off, sending her a look of warning.

Letting out a slow exhale through my nose, I shake my head and close my eyes. I can't deal with that. I just can't.

"They're right Rick. This thing with the Hilltop- we have to fight back against Negan," Aaron's careful voice urges me, and I hear some shuffling and sounds of agreement from my family as I stare at the floor.

I know why they want to fight back, after what Negan did- the terror he put us through, the grief. Somewhere deep down, I know I'm meant to lead the fight against them, but...

I can't. I'm not strong enough.

I slowly raise my head, looking across the group before my gaze settles on Daryl. He's been standing off to the side, quiet.

"What d'you have to say?" I ask quietly, making Daryl still, his eyes flicking up to meet mine with surprise.

"Rick-" Michonne begins, but I hold up a hand while not breaking my glare on Daryl, making Michonne stop midsentence with a sigh.

"I want to know what Daryl thinks," I growl, tilting my head to the side as I fight against the rage boiling in my veins, clashing dangerously with the freezing waves of grief.

Daryl gulps, looking down momentarily before looking back up. "I tried. There's... nothin'." Daryl tells me, his voice low with regret as he shakes his head slightly.

I tilt my chin up, clenching my jaw as I glower back at him in response. Everything comes surging to the surface. The rage, the betrayal, the grief, all of it.

"This is your fault." I inform him roughly, my voice dangerously low, rumbling, and filled with a venom that makes Daryl flinch. But he looks back at me nonetheless, not breaking eye contact like a coward would.

"Rick!" Sasha shouts, but I ignore her, not breaking my glare with Daryl.

"You promised me. And then you let her go into the woods, alone!" I shout, my heart slamming against my ribcage as I imagine what she must have been feeling at that moment.

How scared she was.

And Daryl left her. He let her be stubborn, and look where it got us. Look where it got her.

My chest is heaving in the aching silence of the room as the rest of them watch us, stunned. Regret is etched across my brother's expression as he looks back at me.

"I'm sorry-" Daryl begins roughly, but it's too much, my hand flies to my gun on my holster, earning cries of outrage from our group.

"Get. Out. I don't want to see your face, ever again." I snarl spitefully, watching the pain flash behind Daryl's eyes.

The rest of them are shouting at me, telling Daryl not to leave, but it all fades away as I stare back at the man I used to consider my brother.

After this, the betrayal of what he did- he's not my brother. Not anymore.

Daryl stands there for a moment, just looking at me. Then he nods once before turning and walking out the door. Carol follows quickly after him, but I know it's no use.

He'll listen to me this time.

"What's wrong with you?" Carl demands from beside me, his eye brimming with tears.

My mind a million miles away, I turn to my son, meeting his disgusted expression. my chest pangs slightly seeing him look at me like that.

But I don't say anything, blinded by the grief overpowering me.

Carl shakes his head before storming past me, following Carol.

I watch as all of my family members leave me, each one only making the pain in my heart wrench more.

Meeting Sasha's and Rosita's looks of despair don't help either, making guilt twist deep in my chest at who they lost. Not being able to watch them go any longer, I turn and lean against a far wall, sliding down to the ground as they all leave.

It's all too much.

My legs collapse under me, laying out straight as I bury my head in my hands, trying to breathe in and out. The oxygen doesn't seem to fully reach my lungs and the walls are encroaching as I fold into myself with defeat.

I'm back in the woods, in the same nightmare I have repeatedly, whirling around helplessly because Cass is just out of reach. Screaming for help before fading into silence, into a whisp of smoke that slips through my fingers.

I'm frozen, unable to move, paralyzed by the grief. Of Cass. Of Abraham. Of-

My thoughts are broken at the sensation of a warm hand on my shoulder, making me jump of out my skin, my heart lurching.

Whipping my head up, my wide eyes meet Michonne looking back at me, her eyes soft and concerned.

She's crouched beside me, tilting her head to the side, knitting her brows together.

Michonne doesn't say a word. And she doesn't have to.

My bottom lip quivers, the dam inside me breaking.

"I miss her," I whisper hoarsely, tears betraying me and quickly rushing to my eyes as I blink at my friend helplessly. That anger is gone, only washing me with a more powerful wave of guilt.

Michonne's face crumples with deep emotion and she nods in understanding, tears of her own mirroring mine.

"I know. I miss her too." She whispers in response. "So much," she breathes, her bottom lip quivering.

Clenching my eyes closed to fight against the painful surge of despair crashing through me, I look down, sobs beginning to wrack my chest.

And I just cry.

My life is crumbling apart, and I don't know what to do or how to move on from here. Because Cass has been missing for two months, leaving only her bloodied ring and nothing else to go on. Because I just banished a man I consider my brother. Because an asshole named Negan tore our group apart with his bat and his stupid fucking remarks.

Before I know what's happening, Michonne is hugging my lifeless body, crying herself.

I weakly bring my hands up to her back, I hug her as we cry together. A best friend and a fiancé sharing in our overwhelming grief, finding comfort in each other's presence.

We stayed like that for a while. Too long.

Because when Michonne and I part and she speaks to me frankly and honestly, in her own pit of despair and grief, I finally come around.

I realize what an idiot I've been.

She reminds me that Cass is strong as hell, and if she was alive, she would be back. Or she would have given us a sign.

But she hasn't.

So with a heavy heart, I finally began to accept the reality of our situation with the saviors. And that I just unfairly sent my brother away.

But it's no use. By the time I'm running outside, searching for him, I'm too late.

Carol tells me after smacking me that he got on his bike and disappeared.

Just like the love of my life.

___

- month three -

The last truck of Negan's arsenal has pulled away and down the road, taking almost all of our supplies with them. They took over Alexandria, removing our supplies and furniture, all the while flaunting the fact that they have Daryl prisoner.

It killed me- the way Daryl just stared at me wide-eyed, a traumatized ghost of the man I banished. I tried to get a moment to talk to him, to apologize, but Negan refused.

And now they're gone again.

Unable to face the defeat in my family's faces, I walk away. To the one place that belongs to her.

Alone, I stand in silence, my gaze fixed upon the wall before me. The weight of my grief and defeat tightly squeezes my chest, making it difficult to draw a breath in or out as I stare at the slab of sheet metal.

I stare at our memorial wall covered with names- the names of all the people we've lost.

And at the very bottom, there's a new name, added just a couple of weeks ago. A name that sends a searing pain through my chest. No matter how many days pass, the pain never gets easier.

I hadn't had the strength to come see it yet. But now that I have, my knees buckle in defeat underneath me and I fall to the unforgiving ground, unable to break my gaze with the words:

Dr. Cass Adams

It's scrawled out in black paint, so neat and official. They stand as stark contrast to the horrific truth they represent. I can't tear my eyes away from those letters, each one cutting deeper into my flesh.

I clench her ring tightly in my palm, the three stones digging uncomfortably into my flesh, a physical echo of the emotional pain.

God, Cass. I'm such an idiot.

Everything has fallen apart since you've been gone. And I just let it. I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry I failed you.

I stare at the name of my soulmate. My other half, the woman who was seemingly made perfectly for me, who was ripped from me.

We had survived so much together, she survived so much. Just for it all to be lost.

Over a stupid dry run that never should have happened.

I hang my head, hot tears streaming down my face, only adding to my misery. The pain is unbearable, a deep black void in my heart that nothing can fill. The woman I love deeply is gone, and I'm left with nothing but the memories of the life we shared.

But, through my blurry vision, something catches my attention- the black paint and paintbrush they used resting at the base of the wall.

Getting a strange stubbornness flitting through me, I sniffle, clumsily getting to my feet, and shuffle over. I snatch the paint and brush up, my sobs still wracking my chest as I dip the brush in the paint.

With unwavering determination, I begin to scrawl onto the wall, my emotions pouring out through the strokes of the brush.

When I'm finished, I put down the paint and toss the paintbrush aside without a second thought.

I take a moment to stare at my handiwork before turning to leave, the weight of Phillip's words from what feels like a lifetime ago echoing in my ears.

"You'll think everything is great, hell- you'll be about to get married! Then she'll up and leave."

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(A/N: had to include this screenshot from ao3 bc Wattpad doesn't support strike-through 🙃)

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- month three and a few weeks -

I'm groggily pulled out of the same recurring nightmare of almost finding Cass that has haunted my sleep for months. The distant shouts through the open window jolt me awake, and I sit up from the floor, blinking rapidly to shake off the remnants of the dream.

Standing up from my makeshift bed of a pillow and a few blankets, I squint through the darkness, checking my watch to see that it's the middle of the night.

Crossing the room quickly to the window, I peer out, my heart racing. Through the night, shadowed figures are approaching the gate, their voices raised in loud shouts. Anxiety courses through me, propelling me forward and urging me to go and find out what the hell is happening.

After throwing clothes on haphazardly, a surge of adrenaline courses through me. Before I know it, I'm stumbling down the stairs, the echoes of my footsteps reverberating through the empty house. The distant voices of people grow louder with each stride I take, the tension palpable.

Murmurs of someone returning fill the atmosphere, creating a symphony of hope that swells within me, raw and desperate.

Finally, I reach the gate just as it's wrenched forward, and there, stumbling in, is Daryl. My chest shudders with surprise seeing him after over a month.

He's no longer in those bizarre sweats with the A on them but wears shabby, oversized clothes that hang off his once-familiar frame.

Our people cry out his name, a few rushing forward to embrace him, but I stand there, my eyes locked on him in sheer disbelief.

He's back.

After hugging Carol, Daryl pushes past the crowd to get to me, seeming determined. He approaches me with a hesitancy in his voice, his words tinged with a mixture of vulnerability and urgency that hurts my heart, "I know you don't wanna see me, but I need to talk to you-"

I don't let him finish that ridiculous sentence. The emotions that have swirled inside me for so long overwhelm me and I cut him off abruptly, grabbing him roughly and pulling him into a tight embrace. Tears of emotion sting my eyes as I hug my brother, drowning in relief that he's here.

Daryl gingerly hugs me back as I shake my head. "No. Daryl, I was stupid. Michonne made me realize about a minute after you left- I'm sorry, I was an idiot." I mutter, my voice choked with remorse.

Daryl pulls away, his face etched with unwavering determination as he intently studies my expression. "I was wrong. We all were," he begins desperately, and I instinctively shake my head, ready to disagree.

"Rick," Daryl urges, stopping me, his voice filled with affirmation as his desperate eyes bore into mine.

"Cass is alive."

The words slam into me, a shiver racing down my spine and flaring up my arms. I'm frozen in place, swallowed by a stunned silence, as the astonishing revelation crashes over me, too surreal to fully grasp.

After all these months... she's been alive?

The voices of those around us morph into an indistinct, distant murmur, their insignificance fading into the background as I remain locked in this moment, frozen by the staggering weight of what I've just learned.

"H-How?" I stammer, my chest heaving under the immense weight of disbelief and profound relief. My words hang in the air, slowly sinking into my consciousness as I maintain an unbroken gaze with Daryl, his eyes unwavering and sincere.

"How d'you..." I begin again, my voice lowered, trailing off with a sense of apprehension, my stomach churning at the expression etched on Daryl's face.

Daryl looks down.

"She's there." He mutters, his words landing like a heavy blow. I involuntarily stagger a step backward, my mind reeling. After seeing what they did to Daryl, a sickening feeling overpowers me imagining her going through that.

But she's alive.

"How? What do you mean, she's there?" Michonne demands, her steady voice cutting through the swirling emotions from somewhere to the side of me, her expression of concern mirroring my own.

In the heavy silence that follows her question, I muster the strength to face Daryl once more, forcing down the lump lodged in my throat. A horrible sinking sensation settles in my stomach as I meet Daryl's pained gaze.

"Cass is... one of Negan's wives."

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A/N: THE TIKTOKS I'M ABOUT TO SHARE GUYS. Also, you have NO idea how long I've been planning this (literally since Phillip said that line to Rick) I'm so excited to share the rest!!! (also to anyone who has checked out my tiktok, thank you!! All the love I've been getting is wild, I appreciate it so much <33)