- Cass's POV -

Our night was full of trying to calm down the horrified D-blockers, offering whatever comfort me and Spencer could attempt, but there wasn't much we could say that would actually make them feel better.

I slept on the floor in my office beside Spencer, using the spare scrubs as pillows. The night was long and restless, my short sleep disturbed by the endless coughing and crying echoing through the cell hall.

After a relentlessly disturbed and ache-inducing sleep, I gently untuck myself from Spencer's arms and stand up, stretching with a grimace at the painful aches ringing through my limbs.

Sparing a final glance at Spencer sleeping soundly on the floor, I turn and complete some rounds, checking every bed to see if anyone is awake, needing help, or dead.

Luckily, none of the latter is present. The majority of people are still asleep, as it is very early, the sun barely shining through the windows. But I couldn't sleep more if I tried. Not when I know I have work to do. I offer water to those who are awake. They're quiet. Sad and groggy eyes look up at me as I offer them care. There's no attempt at small talk.

As I leave one of the cells on the bottom floor, after just giving one of them a bottle and an aspirin for their headache, I stop in my tracks at the two figures standing behind the main door to the cell hall.

Once I recognize them as Mischonne and Daryl, I nudge my head to the right, where the meeting rooms are.

"Hey," I breathe with a smile as I see the familiar faces of my friends appear behind the glass, wiping my sweaty hands on the sides of my jeans.

"How are you feeling?" Mischonne asks me, her eyes scanning my face with concern. Daryl has a similar expression on his face making my heart tighten in my chest.

"I'm fine. Just a bit tired from... everything." I admit with a smile that I force forward. I don't need them worrying about me. There's enough to be done that my current emotional state is not of importance.

"We're leaving in a few hours. Goin' on a run to the vet place to get the meds." Daryl tells me, his rough and reassuring voice making my body physically relax a bit.

It's definitely Herschel's plan. And a good one. Not many people realize the drugs used on animals are almost always drugs humans take- the vet college may have not been cleared out yet.

"Thank god. If more people get sick, we will definitely need it." I admit with a heavy sigh, holding my hand to my forehead. Feels a little warm. Huh.

"There's something else." Mischonne says, averting her gaze. Concern bubbles up in me. Dropping my hand from my forehead, I glance at Daryl for reassurance, feeling none looking at his downcast expression.

"Someone killed Karen and David last night." Mischonne reveals, making my head snap to hers in absolute shock.

"What?" I demand, my heart pounding in my chest, nearly losing my footing at her earth-shattering words.

"Someone dragged their bodies into that courtyard and burned 'em" Daryl explains with a wince, making my heart sink.

"Oh god..." I breathe, suddenly extremely overwhelmed. There's so much going on already. Now, this?

I'm still terrified that somehow Phillip knows where I am. And Patrick, a good kid, got sick and died before nearly killing me and probably infecting me. Then a dozen of our own people died and more could be infected. And now, there's a killer among us. Great.

Poor Tyreese too, oh god.

"It'll be alright." Daryl grunts softly, making me look up through my fog of all-consuming worry and stress. Meeting his calming and caring gaze makes me feel better, knowing my family is okay and can handle themselves. That they can handle what I can't.

"Yeah. We always make it through, right?" I offer, smiling weakly, fidgeting with the bracelet that Daryl and the girls made for me. The two of them nod.

"Especially you, Cass. You're a survivor. We all are. We'll be okay." Mischonne tells me softly, and I nod. She's right. Like usual.

"Are the kids okay?" I ask them, glancing between their expressions, relieved when I see no worry on their faces.

"They're just fine. Beth is with Judith and all the kids in the administration building." Mischonne explains and I nod with a smile.

"Good," I breathe, a horrible feeling abruptly settling in my stomach. What if I saw them for the last time and had no idea? I held Judith two days ago and had no clue that could have been the last time.

I shake my head, dismissing those pessimistic thoughts. They never help.

"Okay, well we should get going," Mischonne says with a sigh, readjusting her sword on her back.

I nod, gulping nervously, chills spreading down my arms in apprehension. "Please be safe," I whisper, making the two of them nod, soft expressions on their faces before they turn to leave.

I return to the cell hall, my heart dropping at the chorus of coughing surrounding me. I jump out of my skin at the loud banging to my right, whirling around to Sasha slumping into the hall, her skin pale and sweating, clinging to the wall beside her.

Shit.

- Rick's POV -

"You're lucky, none of these cuts will require stitches," Herschel tells me as he dabs alcohol-soaked cotton balls on my split knuckles. With a clenched jaw, I nod, staring down at my boots, guilt twisting my insides at what I did to Tyreece.

"You're also lucky that Cassandra isn't here to see that you nearly split open the palm she fixed up for you," Herschel comments, making a slight smile twitch at my mouth.

She seemed proud of her stitches and I have a feeling she would definitely be irritated with me. I also have a feeling that if she saw what I did to Tyreese she would have been disgusted. Or terrified. Probably both.

My stomach tightens at the thought of her being scared of me. Knowing what I'm capable of.

God, what is wrong with me?

"I wouldn't plan on much typing in the next few days," Herschel jokes, but I don't have the energy to respond let alone laugh. All I can think about is the expression on Daryl's face when he pulled me off Tyreese. The way he was looking at me is imprinted in my mind, making nausea twist deep in my abdomen.

"You okay?" Herschel questions, and I blink, not breaking the stare at my dirty boots against the concrete floor. What a loaded question.

"It hurts" I mutter simply, my throat feeling like it's being dragged through a cheese grater.

"I wasn't talking about the hand," Herschel replies quickly, making my stomach drop when I remember it all. Persistent tears well in my eyes despite my trying to fight them as I swallow thickly when Herschel speaks again. "We just went through something terrible. Everything we've been working so hard to keep out- found its way in." Herschel murmurs as he wraps my hand in clean white gauze from his personal first-aid kit.

I shake my head, glancing at my revolver on the table behind me. "No. It's always there." I say quietly, harsh dread creeping up on me, sending chills up my spine.

"We just lost twelve of our own. Two more were killed in cold blood. And we could be facing an outbreak." Herschel says, clearly imploring me to do something. To shake me out of my daze.

Like when Lori died and I became a shell of who I was before. When I spent my days ignoring my children and clearing the tombs, killing as many walkers as I could find. The only thing that brought me out of it was Glenn and Maggie being taken. Then everything with Cass and the Governor. Now here I am, months later, losing it once again.

"I think I've done enough damage for one day," I respond slowly, pinching the bridge of my nose with my good hand, waves of regret and pain being sent from my hand up my arm. I'm a monster. I pummeled the face of a good man who just lost the woman he loves.

"I've fallen off the wagon before." Herschel says absentmindedly, and I actually almost laugh as I finally look over at him.

"That's what this is?" I ask dryly, looking at my bandaged hand pointedly.

"Pretty close. When it happened, I didn't stand around feeling bad about it. I got back up. I had responsibilities. People to keep safe." Herschel says with raised eyebrows.

I let out a heavy sigh, feeling like the world is closing in on me. I'm trying. I don't know what happened with Tyreece- it's like all the stress and worry and anger just built up to a point where I couldn't control it anymore and I lost it.

I let my emotions, the fear for my kids, for Cass- take over.

But I can't afford to do that. Not anymore.

"All done." Herschel announces, patting my now completely bandaged hand. I nod, pushing off the chair and getting up, slinging my gun belt on, making sure the revolver is securely tucked in the holster.

My gaze lingers on the piece of metal for a moment. Remembering that just a month ago all I worried about was farming. About crop yields and making sure the animals were fed. Now...

"You can do it, Rick." Herschel says, holding a hand on my shoulder for a minute. I nod, my eyesight blurry from zoning out in thought before I blink rapidly, bringing myself back to reality.

"Yeah," I breathe. "Thank you. For the hand," I say, holding it up. Herschel nods, a kind smile on his face. How can he just do that? How can he sit there and give me the wisest advice and act like its nothing?

"You should check up on her." Herschel tells me softly with raised eyebrows, making my stomach flip.

I don't know if I can face it. What if I go there and find her sick and dying? What would I do then?

"Okay." I respond simply, not needing the argument or Herschel's advice that will most likely turn out to be correct.

After checking the water situation with Carol, having a tense conversation with Tyreese where I tried to apologize, and watching the group leave, I go to check up on Cass. I feel guilty that it's taken me all day, but I couldn't face it. I guess I'm a coward as well as a monster.

Cass and I meet up in the small meeting rooms with a single wall of glass between us. Cass walks through the doorway, still wearing the scrub top she put on yesterday, her hair pulled up away from her face messily. My heart aches seeing how tired she looks. The defeated expression on her face breaks my heart as she forces a small smile for my benefit.

"Hi," She breathes, crossing her arms, her eyebrows pulling upwards slightly in the middle.

"Hey. Everyone is okay, the kids are good. The group left earlier for the run. If all goes well they should be back in a day or two." I catch her up, making her nod, visible relief flashing through her expression.

"Okay, good. We're going need that," She responds, her voice distant as she glances behind her shoulder at the cell hall behind her.

"Are you doing okay?" I ask her softly, my heart pounding in my chest, sending waves of concern through my limbs. She looks back at me, plastering a smile on her face. A smile that doesn't reach her eyes.

"Yes, Rick. I'm okay." She assures me through her forced smile, blinking slowly as she lies to my face.

"How do I know you're telling the truth and not just trying to make me feel better?" I question her, shifting my feet, my eyebrows raised expectantly.

Cass looks down, a small but genuine smile on her face this time as she fidgets with a multicolored bracelet on her left wrist.

"My dad was a lawyer." She says, the random switch in conversation taking me aback for a second. I furrow my brows, waiting for her to finish.

"I could never lie to him. He always saw through it, I mean the man's job was to see through the lies of his clients," She tells me, a fond smile growing on her beautiful yet tired face as she looks up from staring at the ground.

"He would say: 'Andy, I know you better than that, stop bullshitting the bullshitter'" She imitates in a deep voice, mimicking her father. A smile quirks across my face as I watch her, fascinated with her opening up about her past.

"Wait- Andy?" I question her, my brows drawing together with confusion.

Cass nods, "Yeah, like Cassandra- my parents both called me Andy for the longest time I actually thought that was my real name," She explains with that same fond smile.

"Anyway- My dad came up with something for just me and him after my mom died when I was eight. That anytime we needed to tell each other that we were okay, that we weren't lying, etc. We would do this thing," Cass says, before imitating the motion. She brings her forefinger up and gently presses against the tip of her nose, pressing until her finger pushes past the tip, almost flicking it, before bringing it back down.

Cass looks up to see my expression as I patiently wait for her to finish. "Well, I thought you and I could do that. If one of us isn't convinced about something or we can't talk for whatever reason, it's a way to tell the other that we're okay. Or that we're telling the truth." She says with a shrug, averting my gaze.

"I like that plan." I tell her softly with a nod, making a grateful smile begin to pull across her face. Then I do the nose thing, pressing my finger against the tip of my nose, and flicking it across before bringing it down with a smile.

Cass's wide smile as she looks back at me sends warmth through my chest, feeling better than I have in a while.

Then, Cass's smile falters. Her gaze drops from mine, glazing over before she blinks rapidly, seeming to lose her balance. She stumbles slightly.

"Cass?" I question her, my heart dropping in my chest, adrenaline prickling through my limbs. No-

Cass lets out a shuddering gasp as she slumps against the wall beside her, her skin suddenly paling. Terror surges through me at the sight as I begin banging on the window, shouting desperately for her to look at me.

Her head lolls to the side, her weak gaze meeting mine. She's mumbling something, looking horrifically similar to how Patrick did the other day.

Panic swells in my chest and before I can think twice, I shoot at the corner of the window with my revolver, shattering it before jumping through, narrowly missing the large shards of glass.

I hear distant shouts of alarmed people in the cell block, but I don't give a shit, all that matters is Cass.

"... good dad. D-don't..." Cass mutters incoherently under her breath.

I feel like I can't breathe through my suffocating worry as I grab her shoulders, pulling her forward desperately. Her faraway gaze meets mine, blinking lazily. "Cass!" I shout, my voice breaking as I try to keep her awake.

"... n-need you..." Cass murmurs weakly, and I can't stand it anymore. Bending down, I grab her around her waist and under her knees so I can hoist her in my arms, letting out a grunt as I support her limp body weight. Cass continues to mumble incoherently as I rush back into the cell hall with determination, past the few people in their cells watching in confusion.

___

My breathing is uneven and shallow as I watch Cass sleep in one of the cells on the upper level, worry ripping my insides so violently I think I might vomit. The only thing keeping me tethered to reality is the sensation of my back pressed against the harsh concrete of the cell wall.

"Rick? What are you doing here?" An infuriating voice questions from to the right of me, making me stand up slowly, glowering in his direction. I've had a really shitty day and the last thing I want to deal with is him. Spencer blinks back at me in confusion, lowering the handkerchief pulled over his nose and mouth.

My face pulled in disgust as I look him down, I respond, trying to keep my cool despite the searing anger raging under my skin. "She collapsed. She's sick." I tell him roughly, and Spencer pales, his eyes darting to her sleeping form.

"Fuck, I knew this was going to happen." He sighs, running an agitated hand down his face before resting it on his hip. My eyebrows raise, my jaw clenching as blinding irritation shoots through me.

"What do you mean, you knew this was going to happen?" I demand roughly, taking a menacing step toward him. He blinks back at me in fear, his mouth opening and closing like a drowning fish.

"I-I just mean that she's been refusing medication despite having some mild symptoms... she's been putting the patients first-"

"-if she's having symptoms- she is a goddamn patient!" I shout back, making Spencer flinch backward, his eyes wide. "You let her refuse medication? You let her risk her life? What the hell is wrong with you?" I provoke him angrily, my mind racing a million miles a minute, raw rage boiling in my veins.

I swear- if she dies because this idiot let her be a selfless idiot- I will fucking kill him. I promised him as such.

"She's too stubborn! I tried, Rick! But her patients mean too much to her, she wouldn't let me!" Spencer argues, sounding like a schoolboy in trouble, trying to make excuses for the mistake he made.

Shaking my head, I glance back at one of the most important people in my life, worry consuming me once again. She's sick. We've been through this before after she was cut on that fence. I can't do it again. I just can't.

"You're weak." I spit, venom laced in my words as I turn to glare at Spencer. He blinks in shock, that forever infuriating and passive expression splayed on his stupid fucking face.

"What do you want me to do? Tie her down and force-feed her the meds?" Spencer demands impatiently, showing his first sign of actual human emotion.

"If that is what it takes to keep her alive- yes." I seethe, my eyes boring into his, my nostrils flared. He just scoffs, shaking his head, making his stupid hair flop across his forehead.

"You clearly don't know her if you think she would let me do that," Spencer responds, making my eyebrows raise.

"I don't know her?" I snap back incredulously, absolutely baffled by this idiot's words, my chest heaving in unbridled fury. Claiming that I don't know her? He doesn't know anything.

"Yeah. You're not the one dating her, I am." Spencer responds lowly, glaring back at me, his eyes nearly black in this light. Intense rage flares up in me, his words piercing my chest.

"You're a fucking moron. You don't know anything about Cass," I growl, feeling protective over her. He's known her for two weeks. I've known her for over a year.

Then, he makes a mistake. His face scrunched in anger, he reaches forward, shoving me back roughly. I stumble back slightly before scoffing in utter disbelief, my eyebrows raised at the audacity of this idiot. He pants heavily, watching me through his wide eyes.

"You're gonna wish you hadn't done that," I warn him lowly, that rage inside me beginning to reach my breaking point. The anger in my limbs begins to pulse, reddening the edges of my vision as I glare at him.

Spencer's face crinkles with irritation, and he tilts his head to the side. "Oh yeah?" He questions daringly, his eyes alight with audacity.

I watch him for a moment, breathing heavily, trying my hardest to calm down the raw anger pumping through my veins. He clearly didn't hear about what I did earlier today. What I'm capable of.

But I shouldn't give in. As Herschel said- I have responsibilities. And Cass wouldn't want this. I step back and shake my head.

I need to not lose it again.

Spencer raises his eyebrows expectantly. "What, scared? You know, so many people talk about how badass you were but all I see is a middle-aged loser who is only capable of killing damn crops," He snaps, his voice grating, sending a sharp wave of agitation slamming into me.

That's it.

I finally snap. And do something I've been waiting to do since the moment I met him.

In one quick motion, my vision now completely red, I turn and lurch forward, punching his jaw, hard. He whimpers in pain as my fist connects with his face, tumbling to the ground pathetically.

"Talk to me like that again and I'll break your jaw." I snarl, finding pleasure in seeing him slumped against the wall, his hand on his reddening skin, watching me with fear behind his eyes.

"Now, go get some medication for your girlfriend. Go." I order roughly, and he complies quickly, scampering to his feet and rushing out of the cell.

Sighing heavily once he leaves, I look down, examining my knuckles, which have re-opened once again, blood seeping out from the bandages. Once earlier today with Tyreece. Now, with Spencer.

Herschel is going to kill me.

I spare a glance at Cass, still asleep in the cell bed. She looks so fragile at this moment. Her sleeping frame curled up in the fetal position underneath the thin blanket. My stomach flips at the paleness of her skin and the darkness under her eyes.

We've been here before. Me, looking at her, knowing she could die. Thinking she was going to bleed out. Now, this illness could take her away. I could lose her.

I'm so fucking tired of losing people.

And now I have to figure out who killed Karen and David, and whether or not the rest of my family will return from their run at all, with or without the meds. Trembling, my hands come up to cover my face, trying to push all those thoughts away. To try to handle them. To make all of this more manageable.

My hands drop from my face as Spencer returns with an IV and pills Cass can take when she wakes up. He leaves shortly after setting up the IV, still not making eye contact with me, which I find a little too much satisfaction in.

I can't find the motivation to get out. To leave Cass. She could wake up at any minute and I need to be here to give her the meds. To make sure she's okay.

Leaning against the wall opposite her bed, I slide down to the floor, sitting down and watching her breathing. I watch until my eyes begrudgingly close.

"R-Rick?"

My eyelids slowly open, immediately grimacing in pain at the unnatural angle my neck was twisted in while I had fallen asleep leaning against the wall. Blinking past the sleep lingering in my eyes, my gaze finds Cass sitting up in the bed, watching me in confusion, her eyes wide.

I jump up, my heartbeat lurching. "You're awake," I breathe, the relief nearly suffocating me. I'm reaching out to touch her but she pulls away quickly, taking me by surprise. She's never done that with me before.

"Why... are you here?" Cass questions lowly, her chest heaving, her green eyes wild as they stare up at me. I gulp.

"You- collapsed while I was talking to you earlier and I had to come in and make sure you were okay," I explain, my eyebrows drawn together in concern.

Cass grimaces, holding a hand to her forehead, making me take a step forward but she stops me, holding out her hand. "You're an idiot." She breathes, shaking her head, her voice tired and hoarse.

"What?" I question, my heart suddenly pounding in my chest.

"You. are. an. idiot." Cass repeats clearly, looking up at me, those eyes filled to the brim with frustration. Her mouth is pulled down at the corners, the irritation written across her expression breaking my heart.

"Get out." She orders harshly through her sickly voice, her mouth pulled in a firm line.

"Cass-"

"I'm not going to let you put yourself at risk! Put your children at risk of becoming orphans! I won't." Cass says defiantly, shaking her head, her voice teetering on the edge of breaking.

I sigh, taking a step back and blinking in shock. "So it's fine for you to put your life at risk and refuse medication, but not me to make sure you're alive?" I ask incredulously, my eyebrows raised in disbelief. Cass just shakes her head, looking down at her hands.

"I'm a doctor Rick. My patients will always come first. I don't have children that rely on me. I need to protect these people. Heal them. It's my job." She tells me simply, shrugging her shoulders. I've never seen her like this. So defeated and drained. Slouched on the bed, staring down at her hands.

Before she can stop me, I crouch in front of her on her bed, collecting her cold and clammy hands in mine, making her eyes fly open, meeting mine with shock.

"You do have children who rely on you. They may not be yours but they rely on you, you know that." I point out to her, making her bottom lip quiver, her eyebrows crinkling together with emotion.

"We all need you. We're family. We love you- I love you, Cass. You can't just give up your life for your patients just to ignore your own. I'll never forgive you if you do," I inform her breathlessly, my eyes searching hers desperately.

Those green eyes become watery quickly, her expression crumpling as she looks away. My heart aches heavily in my chest watching her, wanting to take it all away. Ease her pain.

"Please. Take the medication." I beg her, gulping slightly, readjusting my grip on her hands.

Those teary eyes reluctantly meet mine, oceans of emotion behind them. I think I can actually feel my heart shatter in my chest, hating with every fiber of my being seeing her like this. To think this could be my fault- for keeping diseased pigs that spread illness to her. I should've known- when Violet got sick. I should've realized.

"Okay. If you leave now and don't come back." Cass decides, sniffling, her voice trembling slightly. Her words rip through my skin right to my core, filling me with regret and dread. I never want her to want me to leave this much. Ever.

"Deal." I respond calmly, making visible relief flood through her face. Her shoulders sag as I let go of her hands to grab the meds Spencer left. I pass the collection of pills to her and the water bottle. She takes the meds, chasing them with a healthy gulp of water. I close my eyes, relief flooding through me knowing she might be okay.

"Okay. Now go." She orders softly, her expression appearing conflicted. I do what she says though, keeping my promise. Despite the fact that the absolute last thing I want to do is leave.

Pausing in the doorway, I look back at her. "You'll keep taking everything you need, you promise?" I check, concern ebbing at me, knowing how stubborn and selfless this woman is.

Cass nods, before doing the nose thing she showed me earlier, flicking her finger across the tip of her nose. Her promise.

She isn't lying.

Letting out a sigh of relief, I return the gesture, making a tired smile pull across her face. I memorize that sight of her for a moment.

Just in case.

My heart splintering in my chest, I turn to leave but stop at her voice saying one last thing. Five words that I know are meant platonically, but make my world tilt on its axis hearing it.

"I love you too, Rick."