- Cass's POV -

The end of my knife plunges through the skull of the last walker before I rip it out with a heavy grunt, kicking the lifeless body away from me. Letting out a huff of exhaustion, my chest heaving, I wince slightly at the lingering hurt of my healing ribs. I pause, holding onto my left ribs, grimacing as my breath hitches painfully.

Turning around, looking past the circle of dead walkers at my feet, I spot Judith- in the window of the wooden shack we've been staying in for about a day now, blinking at me through the glass.

The forest surrounding us allows for some shade from the bright sunlight today, but the persistent rays burn through the green leaves, making the humidity worse. Leaning my head back in fatigue, I stare up at the cloudless sky, my limbs heavy and weak. There's been a lot of walkers in the woods recently, making surviving out here just me and Judith that much harder. I can't even count how many I have killed since the prison. Sighing, I close my eyes, letting the scattered sunlight tingle across the skin of my face for a moment. Just to catch my breath.

After a moment of collecting myself, I shake my head and begin to climb over the walkers I just killed, nearly tripping over the large number of corpses scattered around me, grimacing at the rancid stench of them. As I'm maneuvering around their bodies, I notice a lime green backpack strapped onto one of the walkers, making me raise my eyebrows with interest. Without hesitation, I squat down and cut the straps of the backpack before ripping the bag toward me.

Eagerly rifling through it, I let out a heavy sigh of relief at the water bottles and protein bars stashed inside, a small smile pulling at my mouth. Satisfied with my find, I stash the backpack under my arm and return to the shack, needing to force open the stubborn door with extra effort.

The shack is one simple and dingy room, consisting of wooden walls and floors, so dusty that the sun rays streaming in light it all up. On one side of the room is a line of run-down cabinets with a rusted sink below a window looking out into the woods. On the other side of the shack is an unused cot and at the foot of it, an uneven table with a couple of plastic foldable chairs. The table that Judith is currently sitting at alongside her diaper bag, staring at me.

"Hey Jude, that was a lot huh? Fourteen I think," I mumble mostly to myself, tossing the backpack on the heavily dusted floor and opening a water bottle, taking a long and grateful swig. The lukewarm bottled water travels down my throat like liquid gold, immediately settling my cramping stomach which has gone a little too long without food. I set the water bottle on the counter, letting out a sigh after that large drink. Not wanting to forget my loot, I retrieve the rest of the water and protein bars from the backpack, stuffing them quickly in the diaper bag before heading back for another drink of water, relishing in the alien sensation of complete hydration.

At the sound of Judith babbling behind me, I pause mid-drink, glancing over my shoulder at the chubby baby watching me, making me lower the bottle, feeling a pang of guilt for the indulgence.

"Okay, I'll make your formula now honey," I tell her softly with a smile, turning back around. Pouring the rest of the water into Judith's purple bottle, I hum to myself, feeling a sense of contentment. After putting the scoop of formula in, I cap the bottle and begin to shake it to mix it the best I can using only lukewarm water.

My humming continues as I absentmindedly shake Judith's bottle, staring out the window above the sink with longing. I wonder about my family as I zone out, gazing at the greenery beyond the dirty glass pane. That familiar anxiety and raw concern twist deep in me, and I stop shaking the bottle, holding onto the counter for support.

I'm lost in a cloud of anxiety, loss, and grief, trying to collect myself but failing miserably. I'm abruptly taken out of it, nearly dropping the bottle when I hear it.

It's Judith, saying her first word. "Mama,"

As soon as the sweet words leave her mouth, my heart sinks to the deepest part of my chest, goosebumps erupting on my arms.

Her first word and it's-

Slowly, I turn to face her, my face crumpling with emotion, a sizable lump forming in my throat when I fully take her in. Judith simply blinks up at me, tilting her head with curiosity. "Ma-ma" she repeats, her voice soft and adorable, grasping her hands out at the air in front of me.

My heart practically cracks in my chest, the shame almost too much to bear. "Cassie." I correct her softly, my gut twisting deeply with guilt. "Ma-ma." Judith repeats once again, giggling in delight, her brown eyes twinkling.

Suddenly not being able to take it anymore, I place the formula bottle on the counter and rush over to her, scooping her up in my arms. I hug her small and soft body to me tightly, closing my eyes as I press my forehead to hers. "I'm not your mama," I whisper hoarsely, my heart actively shattering in my chest as I hold her close to me.

Your mama died because of me. I am the last person to deserve that title.

Her tiny hands grip my shirt as she babbles softly. "But for you, I will try," I tell her softly, pressing a kiss to her little forehead. When I pull away, I meet her sweet innocent expression, feeling that all too familiar protectiveness and love for her flow through me.

I can't be her mother but I will try to be her Mama. I'll continue to protect her, feed her. I will give myself to her because she needs that. And I owe her that much.

Still holding Judith, I sit back on the old plastic foldable chair, making it squeak loudly. Leaning back in the chair, I grab Judith's mixed formula from the counter and pass it to her. She drinks gratefully, her stubby fingers grasping at the plastic, making me smile fondly.

Leaning back in the chair, I take a deep breath as she eats eagerly. It's been a month and a couple of days now, just me and Judith.

A month without a trace of our family.

I've tried desperately to find them for weeks. It's just so hard with Judith on my own. I've resorted to safely drugging her asleep with baby Benadryl so I can cover as much ground as possible, but it hasn't been enough or remotely easy.

We holed up in a preschool for the first couple of days. It was a little building west of the prison, across the street from a small BBQ. There I scavenged a light bag of food, carefully maneuvering around the massive dead walker in the middle which had a note pleading for someone to do what he couldn't. I guess someone did.

I scavenged the drugs I could find looking in the more unusual places that most non-medical people wouldn't think of. Then, because of the threat of a group of men, Jude and I had to move on.

We had been on the run for a while, jumping from place to place, spending some nights in the woods by a fire, until we finally found this shack. It has allowed us to have a well-deserved break for a few days.

Judith finishes her bottle and gurgles with contentment, earning a smile from me as fondness flowers in my chest. While Judith has been a dangerous burden out here, I'm eternally grateful she's here. At least I'm not completely alone. My hand comes up to caress her soft little cheek, my heart warming with adoration.

I hope there will be a day that I can tell her about her mom. Explain to her what Lori gave her. Explain what her babysitters, Beth and Sophia, did for her every day at the prison. A sob threatens to break my composure, my bottom lip quivering dangerously. I hope to god that those two are okay.

A knocking sound jolts the both of us, making Judith let out a cry, dropping her formula to the ground with a hollow clatter. Hope explodes in my chest and my head whips to the side. My wide, expectant eyes find the walker outside the kitchen window, banging against it, sharp disappointment and frustration crashing onto my chest at the sight. Jesus Christ. Will I ever get a break?

With a sigh of annoyance, I'm about to put Judith down to take care of it when behind the single walker, out comes an entire herd from the bushes, attracted to Judith's cries.

Fuck.

My heart pummeling against my ribcage, I throw on the baby halter, strapping crying Judith in. Quickly, my chest heaving with panic and adrenaline, I toss on the makeshift cloak I made from canvas curtains from the preschool, which hides both Judith and me from the walkers.

Slinging the diaper bag over my shoulder, I rip out my knife from the holster, throw open the door, and run away as fast as my feet will take me. As much as it pains me to leave a place where we were safe, I'm getting pretty damn used to it. It hurts less every time.

The groaning of the walkers gradually quiets as I tear through the vegetation, one hand holding onto Judith, keeping her close and secure under my cloak. I cringe at the feeling of my hand squishing through the mud covering my cloak. My old camouflage tactic. While efficient, it's still gross.

When I'm far enough so that I can't hear the walkers at all anymore, I slow to a stop, my breathing laborious. Skimming my surroundings briefly, I choose to push past the last bush of the forest, coming across bare railroad tracks.

Panting, my lungs searing with every breath, I glance back over my shoulder at the infested forest, before deciding on moving forward. I don't need to risk going back in there, not with Judith. While it provides us cover, it provides that same cover to the walkers, making it a not-so-welcome surprise each time they emerge from the brush to rip us to shreds.

After pouring a small amount of my water on some dirt to make some fresh mud, I smear it across my face and hair like I used to. I then check on Judith under the cloak, who has miraculously fallen asleep, earning an amused grin from me. I swear this girl is the weirdest baby ever.

Then I follow the train tracks. Just for a while to put some distance between me and that herd. They will probably go straight through so following the tracks north will be my best bet for avoiding them. I managed to take down that small group earlier, but I can't handle a large herd like that, not on my own.

Securing the diaper bag around my shoulders and sheathing my knife, I push forward. There's a light breeze that blows my hair back, cooling my sweat pleasantly. The walk is almost peaceful, listening to the rustling leaves, cicadas, and distant birds. As my feet clamber over the rusted railroad tracks, I practice the one thing that brings me peace.

Picturing my family.

Memories flash through my mind of them. Maggie and I crying with laughter a couple of months into the prison when Glenn returned from a run with half his eyebrow missing, watching Carol get reunited with Sophia, the look on Carl's face when he held Judith for the first time, hugging Daryl when he taught me how to make a snare, and the amusement in Rick's eyes as he teased me while I stitched up his hand.

A bittersweet smile pushes forward on my face, finding comfort in thinking of them. I hear their voices in my mind, easing my loneliness and the severe ache in my heart that's been hurting since the Prison.

No matter how tirelessly I search, I'm beginning to lose hope that I will ever find them. If they did survive, they probably found secure places or are on the run like me. I don't stand a chance in this wild rural area with a million places and directions they could have gone.

But, at the end of the day, I prefer that over the alternative. I would rather believe that I will forever live alone, continuously searching for them and missing them endlessly, rather than them being dead. My stomach churns unpleasantly at the idea.

They just can't be dead. I refuse to believe it. There's no way that Mischonne or Rick didn't survive. They always do. Or Daryl? If anything, he'll be the last man standing. He's the most capable person I know.

Realizing I should be paying more attention to where I'm going, my eyes drag up from the run-down tracks to scan my surroundings. The forest is starting to thin slightly, meaning there might be a town this railroad is leading to. Maybe somewhere secure where we can spend the night.

After about an hour of walking, I'm proven correct as I come across a small urban area with a collection of buildings, one of them right beside the tracks. It's a four-story brick building with large windows on each level, half the building alight with the late afternoon sunlight. Glancing to the left to see the sun beginning to sink on the horizon, I decide- that's our place for the night.

It's enough to protect me from the dead. And the living too if need be.

- two days after the prison -

I readjust Judith's halter on my shoulders with a slight grunt. "Damn, you're getting heavy missy," I murmur, glancing down at Judith under my cloak to see her smiling up at me.

Shaking my head in amusement, I face forward, feeling relief in seeing the preschool Judith and I have been living in for the past couple of days. Today was a long day of scavenging and all I want is to lie down for a minute. With my slowly healing injuries, it's not exactly been a walk in the park.

Pushing open the back door, I close it carefully behind me just in case walkers are nearby. I turn, ready to get all this mud off of me but stop in my tracks, my blood running cold at the sound of unfamiliar male voices trailing from the other side of the building.

My heart pounds heavily in my chest as I pull Judith to me tightly, silently praying that she stays quiet. I press my back against the wall, my ears straining to hear them, my brows furrowed with concentration and concern.

"Oh fuck yes, claim!" A rough male voice enthuses, making my brows twitch together in confusion.

"Is that a chick's underwear?"

"Yup. Fresh too."

My stomach drops as I realize they must have found the bloodied clothes I washed last night. Disgust rushes through my body, the hairs on the back of my neck standing straight in panic.

"I claim her when she gets back," A different voice snaps, making me close my eyes, grimacing in fear, my limbs tingling with adrenaline. They cannot hear me.

"That's not fair, you can't claim a pussy for yourself," Another argues.

"It's the rules! Right, Joe?"

"Good point Bill. But, we share women and children here, you know that."

As soon as the word 'children' leaves the unknown man's mouth, blinding rage surges through me, giving me the push I needed to escape. As the fragile men begin to argue louder, I carefully make my way to the room beside me where I stashed Judith's diaper bag. Pulling my knife from my holster just in case, I slowly back up to the door, staying crouched the entire time.

I cringe as my hand turns the knob and it slightly squeaks. My legs are on fire from staying so long in my crouched position, but I push through it, knowing I have no other choice. When no one is alerted of my presence, I open the door slowly and quietly, before slipping out.

As I ran away as quickly as I could from the monsters in the building, hopelessness settled over me realizing there is no escaping them. Walkers or men like that, are both monsters just the same.

The world has always been a dangerous place for women. Now we just have the dead to worry about too.

___

After four flights of stairs, I reach the top floor of the brick building. It's some sort of loft-like place with large windows giving it great visibility. I notice one of the windows is missing from its frame, so I move to the other side of the loft, far from the cooling air that could make Judith sick.

I pull off my mud-covered cloak and unhook the baby halter, freeing Judith. After a quick diaper change, I settle her down in her makeshift crib in the diaper bag. I just open it up wide enough and lay her in there, keeping her secure. She coos softly before falling asleep yet again, making me smile fondly.

With a heavy sigh, I sit down beside the diaper bag, glancing around our home for the night. Seeing no signs of danger, I glance back at the sleeping baby beside me, deep in thought as I watch her chest slowly rise and fall.

I never knew if I wanted to be a mom. I saw firsthand the horrific things women had to go through during labor and delivery when I worked in OB. But they were always so happy to have their little babies afterward, it made it all worth it for them.

I feel like I can somewhat understand that now with Judith despite the fact that I'm fully aware I am not her mother. But I would willingly get ripped apart by walkers if that meant she would be safe. I would give everything I have including my life to protect her. She is the only thing that has kept me going.

Back when Rick and I went on the run to the nursery for seeds, I defended Spencer to him, which in hindsight he didn't deserve, telling Rick that Spencer had to survive after losing all his people. I wondered at that moment if I could do that and immediately knew I couldn't. The idea of knowing my family was gone and trying to survive after that seemed impossible.

But thanks to having Judith beside me, it's all become bearable. While not painless, the heartache was eased because I have this sweet baby with me. Her innocence and pure love has made all of it possible. In all reality, we saved each other.

Softly caressing her sleeping face, I run my hand through her blonde baby hair. Even if we miraculously get reunited with the others, with her real family, I feel like I will always have a special love for her.

Especially after what we've been through on our own. I've been caring for her since she was born. It was my cell that housed her first crib. While Rick came back and insisted on taking her back as he rightfully should- she's always had that unique spot in my heart.

My girl.

My Jude.

It's just me and her now. And that's okay.

Using my cloak, rolled up on the mud-free side as a pillow, I curl up on my side facing Judith, trying desperately to fall asleep. As usual, I hold my knife close to my chest, trying to quiet my racing thoughts. Luckily, the physical exhaustion of the day surpasses my restless mind and I fall asleep swiftly.

I'm awoken by a familiar voice whispering my name in my ear. "Cass" Rick's rough voice echoes right beside me, jolting me awake abruptly.

As I do, I slice the side of my palm with my knife, making me hiss in pain. Applying pressure to the small cut to stop the bleeding, I whip my head around, looking for him in an all-consuming and blinding hope.

My heart sinks at the disappointing sight of an empty loft, realizing I was imagining it again. Dreaming of finally finding him. Of him finding me.

It's happened a few times more than I would like to admit. I don't even know if he is alive. We got separated by that explosion and for all I know, He was killed by the impact. Nausea rips through my gut at the idea.

All I have left of him now are my memories. Every time I stare up at the blue sky, I see his eyes. Then there are my endless dreams of him smiling down at me, the sun igniting his skin and brightening his eyes. Every time, he wraps me in a loving embrace and I press my face against his torso so I can feel his warmth and hear his steady heartbeat, his familiar smell surrounding me.

Just thinking about it makes my heart ache with deep longing. I miss him so much.

With a sigh, I place my head in my hands, hopelessness settling over me once again. I don't know how much longer I can take this. If this was all some sort of punishment for trusting Spencer with my heart, with my family, I get it. I just want it to end.

So fucking badly.

Dropping my hands, I spot Judith, wide awake, watching me with a curious smile on her face. She just looks so funny sitting up in her little diaper bag, smiling innocently up at me, a real laugh escapes my mouth, taking the both of us by surprise. It's been a while since that has happened.

"Mama," Judith mumbles after a giggle, her little hands outstretched and grabbing at the air in front of me. Smiling, I oblige, getting to my feet and lifting her into my arms.

"Hey Judie girl," I murmur, pressing my forehead to hers. "You have no idea how you've saved me," I tell her candidly, rubbing her back.

Judith grabs at my hair, pulling slightly, making me cringe at the sharp pain in my scalp. I pull back, untying her hands from my hair gently. "Okay enough of that missy," I tell her with a grin, making her giggle, slapping her arms around. She has such a vibrant little personality. I can't wait to see more of that when she gets older. I don't let that little voice tell me that 'when' should be an 'if'.

Smiling, I walk her over to the windowless frame on the other side of the loft to look where the railroad tracks lead. They extend north as far as I can see before they're covered by trees.

Glancing down at the baby in my arms, I realize we could stay here for a while. It's secure and safe. I could board up the lower levels to make it impossible for a herd to come through. And we have the advantage of being high up. It's definitely better than running around the wilderness with a 7-month-old.

I'll need to scout the surrounding area, find a stream or something to wash up and clean Judith's dirty diapers. Try to find some supplies, set up some snares, all of it.

We could survive here.

"Let's find some fresh water, huh?" I suggest to Judith, bouncing her on my hip. After a quick bottle of formula for Judith and a stale protein bar for me, we set off. I bring all the gear this time- learning from our experience back at the preschool when I lost a good deal of supplies I had collected to those creeps.

Cloak on, Judith and I head outside into the late summer air. It's sweltering under the thick fabric, but it's the only option. It hides Judith from people and walkers. And if it's for her, I can tolerate it.

I walk back on the train tracks, noting the location of the sun in the sky, creating a marker on the dirt outside the building with my foot so I can remember which way I went.

My blood runs cold at the rustling of leaves beside me. I freeze, the only part of me moving is my head steadily looking up. Relief shoots through me at the absence of a person in front of me- dead or alive. Realizing where the sound is coming from, I stare at the collection of shaking bushes beside me with wonder. Maybe it's a creature I can catch and eat.

I jump back, my heart lurching when a bird abruptly flutters out of the bush. The bird flaps its wings, flying in a circle long enough for me to recognize it as a small brown owl. It then flies off down the railroads before perching on a... sign?

With furrowed eyebrows and a tilted head, I curiously walk forward, my heart pounding.

I can read the sign it's perched on once I get much closer, the brown spotted owl watching me silently on the top. It's a wood sign, with a saran-wrapped map of the railroad system underneath, leading towards a black star labeled "Terminus"

The sign above the map reads:

THOSE WHO ARRIVE

SURVIVE.

TERMINUS, SANCTUARY FOR ALL.

COMMUNITY FOR ALL.

Huh.

I glance down at Judith underneath the cloak. Then I look back at the sign.

Do I trust it?

A strange feeling settles in my stomach at the idea. I don't know if I trust my decision-making anymore. After how blindly I trusted Spencer, who am I to make life-altering decisions? A judgment like this could mean life or death for Judith.

Looking back at the sign, I let out a careful breath, shaking my head to myself. It's too risky.

After Phillip and those creeps I encountered... I'm not sure if there are any good people left. Genuinely good people who would willingly invite others to join their community...

I can't risk it. Not with Judith.

As I'm turning away, the owl hoots loudly, making me stop before looking back at it.

What is with this bird?

Then it suddenly takes off, flying away into the sky. As I watch it go, I notice something on a concrete wall not too far from me as it flies past it. Scribbled on the wall are bold words written in what seems like... blood?

"GLENN GO TO TERMINUS
-MAGGIE, SASHA, BOB"

I let out a shuddering gasp, tears immediately springing to my eyes. Rushing over to the wall to touch the blood, relief overcomes me as I discover that it's still wet. It can't be more than a day old. My clean hand comes up to cover my mouth in utter amazement, tears welling in my eyes.

They're alive!

Maggie, Sasha, and Bob. If Glenn saw this, maybe he's headed that way too?

A sob pushes past my mouth, feeling entirely too overwhelmed to process what I just discovered. My chest heaves as sobs wrack my body, falling to my knees, holding onto the wall for support. For just a minute, I let myself cry. I let myself feel everything.

The complete and overwhelming relief I feel is almost unbelievable. Knowing that three people from my family are still alive, that they've been here, is mind-blowing.

After a few minutes of crying in utter disbelief, I gather myself up, take a deep breath, and decide to push forward. According to the map, I should be there within a day. I'm a lot closer than I thought.

After about four hours of walking, I can tell I'm almost there, I've passed more signs, but worryingly, no more messages for Glenn. Determined, I push forward anyway.

As I make my way to my family, I glance at the sky in anxiety, noting that the sun will be down soon. Shaking my head at myself, that same all-consuming determination flutters through me. I'll get there.

A smile forms on my face at the idea of not being so alone. The knowledge that I'll be reunited with the people I love fills me with joy.

That joy is abruptly ripped from me at the deafening explosion erupting ahead, making me stumble to a stop in absolute shock, my heart plummeting in my chest. Judith cries out as I watch in horror as a dark plume of smoke grows in the sky ahead of us, right where Terminus is.

Panic floods through me, and before I can think better of it, I take off in that direction, the desperation to find my family too strong to fight.