A/N: Face claim for Spencer above!!

- Rick's POV -

The worried mutterings of the group hum through my faded hearing but all I can focus on is her. Lying on that stretcher as I watch her chest shallowly rising and falling rhythmically. As long as she's breathing. It's okay. As long as the air is coming in and going out.

"She's going to need surgery." Herschel determines lowly as he and Bob asses her, making me sag with defeat, falling against the wall behind me. The exhaustion in my body is stifling but I'm trying to push through it.

I need to push through it.

"She's lost a lot of blood, she'll need a transfusion," Herschel decides as he bustles around Cass's office, ripping open drawers and rummaging through the contents.

"I-I'll donate. Take it" I choke hoarsely through my labored breathing, holding out my arm towards Herschel.

"Rick, you've done more than enough," Maggie insists, her eyes full of concern. Glenn nods beside her, watching me warily "Yeah man, you don't look so good," he adds. My chest heaving, I don't break my intense stare at Herschel, ignoring them.

"Does anyone know her blood type?" Bob asks, looking around. My stomach drops and I hang my head. I didn't think about that.

The energy in the group shifts to confusion as they look around in worry, looking for answers. The hope is starting to leave my body, draining steadily from my feet. Why don't we know her blood type? I feel like that's something we should know. 

"Is anyone O-negative?" Herschel asks after a sigh, searching the group. I close my eyes in frustration, pinching the bridge of my nose. I need to help her. If I can't-

"I am." a voice in the back speaks up, one particular voice that makes me want to punch my hand into the solid concrete wall beside me repeatedly. I raise my head, looking at him as he steps past Daryl and Sahsa to be in the front.

Spencer steps forward, gulping nervously. "I'm O-negative. I can donate," He offers and without hesitation, Bob ushers him in to get his blood taken.

"Alright everyone, we need to do this now, so you have to get out, give us some space," Herschel orders. Our friends reluctantly filter back into the cell hall, away from Cass's office.

I shake my head, glancing over at her unconscious body laying flat and lifelessly on the stretcher. Nausea twists deep in me to see how pale she is. I can't leave her. I worked so hard to get her back I can't just leave her now.

"Rick. Go. You've done everything you can." Herschel orders sternly, and I glare back at him. "I'm not leaving her." I grit through my teeth, hot tears of worry and frustration threatening to push past my eyelids.

"Come on man," Daryl grunts, grabbing and tugging me away. I go in defeat, an all-consuming worry taking up every thought. I realize I don't have the strength to fight it, my limbs are solid lead at this point, weighing me down. Almost as much as my all-consuming fear.

I can't watch another one of my people die. Not after Shane, Lori, T-Dog, Dale, all of them. They were family. And so is Cass.

She can't die. Not after everything we've been through. Everything she's been through- even before the turn. She's too strong. Too important to die from a fucking cut on a godamn fence.

___

Judith's laughter bubbles over the constant chatter of the cafeteria as I bounce her on my knee. She coos, grabbing her hands into the air at nothing, an adorable smile on her little face.

She babbles incoherently to Carl sitting beside me, making him break out with a fond grin. "When do you think she will speak?" He asks, looking up at me past the rim of my old hat. I glance back at my daughter thoughtfully, watching as her big doe eyes wander around.

"Well she's just past six months, so it should be soon. I think," I respond, furrowing my eyebrows slightly, trying to remember how old Carl was when we said his first word.

"Dad," Carl utters under his breath, and I look up from Judith to see what he's calling me for. Then I notice them, the sight alone making my heart sink. Spencer and Cass headed our way, their hands intertwined, Spencer carrying his tray of food. I clench my jaw, trying to reel back the intense wall of emotion pushing against me. She's bringing him to lunch. To make me get along with him.

God, this will be painful.

"Hey Rick, I guess we've never officially met- I'm Spencer," Spencer says abruptly with a friendly smile, holding his hand out for a shake as he reaches our table.

Sparing a quick glance at Cass, watching me expectantly, I force myself to shake his hand. I enjoy the slight grimace on his face at my harsh handshake.

"Nice to meet you, Spencer," I respond, my eyes boring into his for a beat. He blinks back at me, not flinching under my gaze. "I've heard you've been having trouble in the shooting range," I say, studying his reaction carefully.

"Rick." Cass snaps with frustration, making my eyes dart to hers. Those striking green eyes of hers are wide with warning, silently reminding me of our conversation the other day. My stomach twists slightly at her piercing gaze. She really has no idea the effect she has on me. 

"Hey, it's alright, it's true!" Spencer admits with a breathy laugh as he plops down across from me and Carl on the bench. Cass perches down beside him, turning her head to listen to him speak.  "I've never been the gun-type of guy, but I want to pull my weight 'round here. Luckily Carol is a good teacher and I'm learning quick!" Spencer explains cheerfully, taking a bite of his lunch.

"What did you do, before the turn?" Carl asks from beside me, his gaze not exactly warm, making pride flow through me. He doesn't trust him either.

"Well, I was working as a lab tech at a doctor's office for a while after college, that's why I work with Cass now," Spencer tells him, his over-simplified tone reminiscent of how you would talk to a seven-year-old.

Carl's glare darkens. "You don't need to talk to me like I'm a toddler," he retorts quickly, making shock flash over Spencer's face.

"Oh- I'm sorry kid, I didn't mean-" Spencer says, his eyes wide as he stumbles over his lame apology.

"It's fine. Just know that I'm a better shot than you. And don't call me kid. It's Carl," he snaps, pushing off the table and practically stomping away, making an amused smirk pull at my mouth. From what I saw, Carl could easily out-shoot the dumbass sitting across from me.

Cass sighs, turning her head to watch my son storm away. "I'll talk to him," She says quietly, sparing me a meaningful look before getting up and walking after Carl. I watch her go, half of my heart warming at how much she cares about Carl, the other half remembering with dread the idiot I'm now being left alone with.

"I'm sorry I didn't-" Spencer begins to tell me, but I shake my head, looking back at him, stopping his train of thought.

"It's fine. I should apologize. He's a lot more grown-up than people would think." I explain, glancing down at Judith still resting on my knee, gnawing on her hand. 

"I'm just not good with kids," Spencer laughs with self-deprecation as my eyebrows raise slightly. Cass loves kids. And she's choosing to be with a guy who 'isn't good with them'? Interesting.

I glance back at Cass and Carl, in the yard now, talking. Her arms are crossed, a soft expression on her face as Carl talks animatedly to her. My eyes spend a little too much time memorizing the way her brows are crinkled in the middle, her warm eyes filled with emotion, and her mouth pulled down in the corners slightly.

Knowing she's far away and won't hear this, I turn my gaze on Spencer and his infuriatingly friendly expression. Before I can say anything, Spencer beats me to it.

"You don't like me very much, do you?" He asks, the first hint of intelligence I've seen shown clearly in his expression as his brown eyes look me over. I'm taken aback for a moment- surprised that he seems to have an ounce of courage.

Considering his words, I tilt my head to the side, averting my gaze, looking at block D for a moment, focusing on a trail of vines crawling up the concrete building. His question swirls in my mind and I consider going the gentle way. Lying to him and pretending to be his friend- to make Cass happy.

As my eyes slide back to his, watching me patiently, I realize I can't. The Image of that exact face pressed up against Cass's and his hands on her body as they kissed that one day flashes through my mind- reminding me painfully why I do not in fact, like him.

"No, I don't." I respond honestly and simply. His nostrils flare slightly and he looks down.

"What did I do?" He asks with a slight scoff of frustration, his eyebrows drawn together, not looking back to meet my gaze. I sigh, my nose twitching slightly in anger, clenching my jaw to stop myself from telling him the entirety of the truth.

You took her. You slid into her life like a greasy little snake while I was gone and somehow managed to get her to agree to go out with you. And now you are infiltrating my life, showing off the fact that you got to her just a few days before I could.

"Listen to me, Spencer." I start, meeting his confused gaze. Those eyes drag up from the plate of food he was staring at, meeting mine. "I don't trust you." I tell him slowly and clearly, making disappointment flash over his features, his gaze averting mine once again.

"Which is incredibly inconvenient because you are dating someone I consider family. And I would do anything to ensure the happiness of my family." I assure Spencer, who nods, his gaze not breaking with his plate, gulping.

"I don't trust you, and as you pointed out, don't like you very much either," I tell him honestly, my face twitching slightly- trying to contain the anger flaring up in me. "But. Against my will, by dating Cass, you're going to be a part of my family. As long as you treat her right, we're fine." I tell him shortly, despite it being a flat-out lie.

Spence lets out a breath, finally breaking the staring contest with his plate of ribs, looking up at me, sincerity behind his eyes. "I will do everything in my power to keep her from harm, Rick." Spencer says, sincerity laced in his words. I stare at him for a moment, studying him, trying to figure out what else he could be hiding. Seeing nothing, I nod once, looking back at Judith.

- Cass's POV -

"Carl, what was that?" I ask with slight frustration as I follow the angry kid out into the prison yard. He stops, kicking a stay rock in the grass, seething.

"I don't like that he was talking to me like that. He has no idea what I'm capable of- what I've done and he talks to me like I'm a kid," Carl spits, his voice laced with irritation as he stares at the earth.

I sigh, looking down at the gravel beneath our boots. "He didn't mean it that way Carl-" I start, but Carl turns to me, his eyebrows set with anger.

"He can barely shoot a gun, Carol told me. He wouldn't be able to protect himself or you, so why are you with him?" He questions in disgust, making me cross my arms as I look down at him with exasperation.

"I'm dating Spence because he is a sweet guy. The first guy to treat me good after Phillip." I explain gently to Carl.

"Someone can be sweet while still being able to protect their family, you do know that, right?" Carl asks bitterly, squinting through the bright sunlight at me. A small and amused smile pulls at my face.

"I don't need protection Carl. While I'm definitely not on the same level as your father or Mischonne, I can handle myself. And protect Spence if need be," I point out. Carl shakes his head.

"He doesn't know you! What you've been through- what we've all been through. He's not one of us." Carl insists, his eyes pleading with me.

"Carl-"

"You shouldn't be with him. You need to date someone who understands you. Who has been through the tough stuff and is still here." Carl argues.

My eyes soften. Why does he care so-

"Nothing should stop you from being with someone that is right for you. Not distance, not situation, not age- Spencer just isn't right for you." Carl says with a definitive look before stalking up the gravel path and back into the courtyard.

I smile to myself in amusement as I watch him go. Oh, Carl.

- Rick's POV -
that night.

Standing watch at the west watchtower, I finally feel warm in the coat Daryl found for me. It's a dark-brown felt coat with a sherpa collar. A substantial upgrade from the previous and slightly too-tight jacket I've been wearing for the past couple of months. I guess actually having a stable source of food and farming helped make me gain some muscle.

As I let out a long sigh, a visible cloud appears in the air in front of me. Despite it getting closer to summer, the evenings are still frustratingly freezing. The sun has just crossed the horizon now, painting the sky a lilac color and cooling the night further.

Glancing at the face of my watch, I sigh in annoyance. The next person should be here for our shift change by now. Luckily this is the last time I have to worry about it- Cass told me my stitches are healed now and I can go back to farming. Thank God. My stomach twists with a hunger for dinner as I wait impatiently for the shift change.

Finally, the sounds of footsteps clambering up the metal staircase pound behind me, and I sigh with both relief and annoyance. About time.

Turning to give them a piece of my mind, I'm met with Spencer. Of all people. I try my hardest to hide my distaste as I meet his smiling expression.

I promised Cass I would try. For her.

Despite the fact I believe I've had my fair share of Spencer today, I'll endure it. Again, for her.

"Hey man, cold evening huh?" Spencer chirps briskly and I nod silently, starting to gather my things.

"Is that a new coat?" Spencer asks, eyeing my clothes.

"Yeah uh, Daryl grabbed it for me the other day," I respond, glancing at Spencer in a thin long-sleeve.

"Hey, being close to a Runner has benefits, right?" Spencer adds playfully, taking in a deep breath and rubbing his hands together, his breath clouding in front of him as he grabs the assault rifle, slinging it over his shoulder. A small twinge of pity washes over me knowing he will be on watch for a couple of hours- and it will definitely get colder.

"Do you not have a jacket?" I ask, and he shakes his head, that irritatingly friendly smile on his face anyway.

"Here," I say roughly, turning and rummaging through my bag. I had planned to give the jacket to Carl for him to wear once he grows out of his clothes, but it can't hurt to give it to Spencer. I did promise to be nice. No matter how aggravating it is.

I hand over the jacket and Spencer grins widely. "Oh man, this is great, thank you!" He says, setting down his rifle to enthusiastically put it on. I try not to find satisfaction in the fact that it fits his narrow frame loosely. Does this guy ever eat?

"Yeah, no problem," I respond, bending down to grab my stuff, eager to get the hell away from this infuriating man.

"Hey, sorry if this is intrusive but- you were married, right?" Spencer asks, and I freeze, before slowly looking up at him.

I clench my jaw. "Yes." I reply steely, setting my jaw tightly.

This guy is honestly incredible at pushing my buttons. Date Cass the second I realize how I feel about her. Great. Mention my dead wife. Even better.

He's really on a roll.

Spencer nods, looking down like he's thinking about something. "Well, as you know, I'm seeing Cass right now, and uh- there have been some... issues," Spencer reveals awkwardly and my eyes flick up to his.

Issues? 

I try to suppress the hope growing in my chest as I stand up, watching him expectantly for him to continue, keeping my face as unreadable as possible.

"I hope this isn't over-stepping but... Cass and I have been having problems- in bed," Spencer manages awkwardly, avoiding my gaze, his cheeks red.

Scalding jealousy suddenly roars rampant inside me and simply nod, pushing an uninterested expression forward. This dumbass is with her and can't even pleasure her right?

Dear God. Trying to be nice to him might actually kill me.

Rage screams under my skin as I listen to him, trying to seem unaffected. "It's just- I figured someone who was married would know what to do. Like, what would you do if you were in my shoes?" Spencer asks sheepishly, scratching the back of his neck and avoiding eye contact.

My eyebrows raise slightly for a moment and I shift on my feet, averting my gaze.

I can't exactly tell him what I would do if I was in his shoes.

I can't tell him I would worship Cass's body like a fucking altar every day if I could. That I want nothing more than to kiss every inch of her body- love every inch.

To have her moan my name, begging me not to stop. That I would eagerly spend hours going down on her just to taste her. To make her feel so much pleasure she screams and digs her nails into my skin.

That I would love her endlessly and always make her feel safe. Make her feel loved and happy. For her to know she will never be hurt in my arms- in my protection. Make her feel more satisfaction and contentment than this gangly idiot could even begin to attempt.

That I would give anything to have her want me too. For her to know I'm worthy of her love- that I would treat her right.

That I want nothing more than for her to be mine. For me to be hers.

... Yeah. I can't say that.

"Spencer, you're a- good guy. I get it. Just ask her what she wants, and then- give it to her," I manage the last part, pushing the image of them together far out the back of my mind, clenching my jaw. I'm in disbelief that I'm helping my natural enemy, telling him how to please the woman that should be my mate.

Spencer smiles, a small blush on his cheeks. "O-okay. Thanks, man. I appreciate it," he says with a nod, which I acknowledge, glancing out at the darkening forest for a moment.

"I've known Cass for a long time, since a few months after the turn. And I care about her- a lot. As I said before, she's a part of my family," I inform him clearly, making Spencer turn to me with an interested expression. "And I'm sure she's told you about Phillip and all the shit he did to her," I say, anger flaring up at me just thinking about it, making him nod, looking down with a pained expression.

I take a threatening step toward him, my eyes studying every micro reaction on his face before I speak again.

"Now that we're safe here, that we have a place to catch our breath and be normal, I've stepped away from killing. I focus instead on my kids. On farming," I explain to him slowly. Spencer nods, eyebrows twitching together in confusion.

"But-" I say shortly, my voice hardening. "If I hear anything about you hurting her in any way- I promise you. I will kill you." I swear to him frankly, my voice low and threatening. "If you put my family In danger? Again. I will not hesitate to kill you. It may not seem like it, but I assure you, I am more than capable." I all but growl.

Spencer gulps, meeting my gaze with wide eyes. "You don't have anything to worry about. I would n-never lay a hand on her," Spencer assures me, his eyebrows pulled together with sincerity.

My calculated gaze roams his expression, looking for any trace of a lie. For any hint of hidden brutality behind that friendly exterior. He simply looks back at me, steadfast in his genuine expression.

Reluctantly, I step back and let out a slow breath. "Good. Don't mention this to Cass. She wants us to get along. And we can- once I decide I can trust you." I inform Spencer who nods, a hopeful expression on his face.

"Yeah, I won't. And you can- I know that saying that won't make you actually trust me- but I'll prove you wrong. I care a lot about Cass, really." Spencer assures me and I nod. My stomach sends me another signal of its hunger and I glance over at the courtyard.

"Okay. Have a good shift and don't forget about our conversation," I tell him, before turning to take my leave. "Thanks, really, I appreciate it. The jacket and the conversation, which I will not forget!" Spencer calls out to me as I make my way down the stairs, my jaw clenched.

As I descend, I try to ignore the incredibly strong urge to strangle that idiot. Luckiest man alive and has no idea. 

After a disappointingly Cass-less dinner, Carl, Judith, and I head to block C for bed, Judith fully asleep in my arms.

Carl has already disappeared to his top bunk to read his comic books under his flashlight while I tuck Judith into her crib securely.

Her eyes blink awake, and I freeze. Her mouth pulls into a lazy baby smile, cooing something. I strain my ears, hoping for her first words to come tumbling out but it's just incoherent babbling.

"Okay Jude, come on now, It's bedtime," I tell her softly, swaddling her securely to help her fall back asleep.

Her doe brown eyes soon disappear under her fluttering eyelids, and she falls asleep, steady and small breaths coming from her little nose.

I find myself watching her sleep for a while. Finding comfort in knowing she and Carl are safe here with me. Cass had been sharing her cell with Judith for a while- especially when I was struggling after losing Lori. I'm eternally grateful that Cass was there for her during that time. While she put up a fight when I insisted to take Judith into Carl and I's cell, she eventually accepted it when I reminded her that as Judith's father, it's my job to take care of her, not Cass's. It makes this stubborn attraction to her so much harder because not only is she brilliant and beautiful, she's cared for my children as her own when I needed it most. She's just- incredible.

"Hey, can I talk to you?" Cass's voice softly questions from behind me, making me turn in surprise, looking away from sleeping Judith. My heart aches with longing at Cass's familiar figure leaning against the doorframe, a hopeful expression on her face. I can't help but notice how the moonlight streaming across her face illuminates her stunning features in the most amazing way.

"Yeah, of course," I respond, slightly breathless, making her smile warmly back at me.

She leads the way outside, through the raised exit from C block and past the rusted chainlink door until we are walking through the empty courtyard together, the full moon beaming a surprising amount of light down on us.

Our footsteps echo on the concrete as we quietly walk at a steady pace through the courtyard. Then Cass lets out a careful breath.

"So, this is a little awkward but I think it's best if I just talk straight with you," Cass expresses, her voice slightly tense. I nod, my eyebrows furrowing and my heart starting to pound more noticeably in my chest as I glance down at her profile.

She stops walking, worrying her bottom lip with her teeth, her gaze averted. I come to a stop too, studying her with concern and trying not to notice how kissable her lips look.

"It's about someone who I suspect has a crush on me," She says softly, her eyes flitting up to mine. My stomach bottoms out, my heart lurching in my chest.

She can't know- can she? I swear to god if Glenn told her-

"What?" I ask, my voice sounding surprisingly normal considering the emotional warfare going on inside my mind.

She cracks a breathtaking smile. "I know, but after he talked to me today... I have a feeling." She trails off, and I just stare back at her, wracking my brain, trying to figure out what the hell is going on.

"Carl," She clarifies, and my body almost sags with relief, but I stop it.

Wait-

"Carl?" I ask in surprise, making her let out a sweet laugh that echoes across the empty courtyard and makes my chest tighten.

"Yeah, Honestly, it's endearing. He tried to tell me that Spencer didn't deserve me and I needed someone who actually knew me- what I've been through, all that. He also made a comment about age gaps." She tells me with a grin and I look down, shaking my head in amusement.

Like father, like son indeed.

"I'm sorry," I apologize but she just laughs, shaking her head, making that soft hair shift across her shoulders. "Don't be! It's bound to happen, especially at his age. I just wanted to tell you because I don't want him to get hurt. Maybe you could talk to him? Let him down gently?" She suggests gingerly and I nod understandingly.

She's so kind.

"Yeah, don't worry, I'll have a talk with him about it," I confirm, making her sigh with relief, looking down for a moment.

"Okay good. I know what it's like to have a big crush and it's painful," she chuckles, something unfamiliar in her eyes before she adds, "especially as a kid."

I cock my head to the side, smiling slightly to myself. Not the case for me personally.

"Well, I'm glad I got that cleared up with you. The last thing I want is to hurt Carl, but it's for the best. I don't want him suffering in love after me when it will never happen for obvious reasons," Cass breathes with a smile, and I nod. If only she knew. That's what she's doing to me every day.

"No. We don't want that," I agree. I definitely don't want Carl to feel this too. "I'll talk to him- get it all sorted out," I determine with a nod.

"Thank you," Cass beams back genuinely, touching my arm tenderly for a moment before walking away. I stay standing where I am, my head following her but my gaze staying trained on the same spot, the skin she touched burning for a minute or two, all the way through my new coat and onto my skin.

I find Carl not too long after, not wanting to push this off. "Carl," I whisper, quiet enough to not wake Judith, who is miraculously still asleep.

Carl sits up, looking at me questioningly. I motion for him to follow and walk away, knowing he will. He does as I predict, tailing behind me as I lead us down through the halls and into a random room, closing the door behind us. We seem to be in an administrative office of sorts, with metal office furniture and far too many chairs thrown in haphazardly.

"Dad? What's going on?" Carl questions and I sigh, sitting down in one of the many chairs, and motioning for him to do the same.

"We just need to talk," I tell him simply. Carl furrows his brows, looking thoroughly confused as he hops onto the desk facing me.

"Do you happen... to have a crush on Cass?" I ask gingerly and immediately get my answer when his face flames bright red.

"How-"

"Doesn't matter," I dismiss, making Carl sigh, hanging his head. Pity courses through me, knowing exactly how he feels.

"She's just- so pretty," Carl mutters quietly, and I nod. Yes, she is.

"Carl, you can't just go around telling people they shouldn't be with the person they're with. No matter how you feel," I tell him, and he nods, still not looking at me. I feel like a hypocrite. I did the same to Cass, I just didn't tell her all of the truth.

"But Spencer sucks!" Carl groans dramatically and I have to suppress a laugh.

"I'm not his biggest fan either. But she chose to be with him. You have to accept that." I tell him softly, some part of me knowing I'm telling it to myself too. "And she's about fifteen years too old for you," I add with raised eyebrows, my eyes crinkling with amusement. He sighs.

"I know that." He mutters in defeat. "It's not even that big of an age gap," He mumbles lowly to himself and I grin. This kid, I swear.

"It's not the age gap Carl- it's that you're thirteen," I emphasize to him making him groan, throwing his head back in defeat. "Do you think she knows?" He asks quietly, staring up at the ceiling.

"I don't know, Carl. But it would be best for you to try to get over her. There are girls your age here you can focus on instead," I tell him gently. Carl pulls a face of disgust.

"The only girls my age here are a really weird girl in block D and Sophia," Carl says and I nod knowingly, amusement bubbling up in me. "Sophia's a good choice. She's your best friend, she's nice and pretty," I point out, but Carl shakes his head, scrunching up his face.

"No, that would be weird. She's Sophia," Carl enunciates clearly and I smile.

"Right." I nod seriously. I thought the same about Cass, but that clearly changed. "Okay, let's go to bed," I say, getting up. Carl drops down from the desk, seeming relieved.

"You good?" I check with him, and he looks at me for a second before nodding. "Yeah. I will be," He says seriously, before opening the door and walking out. I smile in amusement. The apple truly does not fall far from the tree.

Carl walks back into the cell, climbing into his bed and immediately going back to his comic book. I check in with Judith in her crib, still fast asleep. I gently brush her baby hair fondly.

I don't know what I'll do when she's dating age. I have a feeling she'll throw her future romantic endeavors for a loop. She is Shane's kid after all.

Not feeling tired enough to sleep, I decide to let Cass know I talked to Carl already. Knowing her, she would be worried about it until I talk to her. I step up the stairs to her cell, trying to be quiet, knowing that most people are asleep. Cass is like me though, we stay up later than others.

As I reach right outside her cell, I freeze, my heart wrenching and stomach churning unpleasantly. I'm horrifically reminded of when I walked in on her and Spencer last time- but this is worse. Much worse.

It's quiet. I wouldn't have heard it if I was downstairs or five feet in either direction. But in this exact spot, I can hear it distinctly.

I feel nauseated to my core as I stare at the floral sheet in disbelief, the sound of heavy breathing, fabric rubbing together, and even more horrific- a slight breathy moan- filling my ears.

While knowing what her moans sound like is making me lose my mind- the brutal reminder of who is making her moan makes my heart sink even further. 

Knowing what he is doing with Cass- I can't stand it. I quietly walk away, my heart pounding in my ears, my chest tight with pain.

I enter back into my own cell, sitting down on the bed and putting my head in my hands, trying to calm my racing thoughts.

He's sleeping with her- after I gave him advice on what to do. My heart feels like it's been shattered, every beat sending shards of it through my body, earning waves of pain.

I turn, falling back onto my bed and staring up at the bottom of the top bunk. Resting a hand on my forehead in misery, I let out a sigh.

Fuck.

- Cass's POV -

Lying in bed and reading a random book I found in the library, I yawn as I try to concentrate on the story. It's some Dostoevsky novel and god, it is boring. All I can think about is Rick and Carl. I hope if they already talked, it went okay.

I find my eyes wandering past the droning on of my book and around my cell as I think about the Grimes men. My eyes dance over the side table with my hoard of books I haven't gotten around to returning to the library and past it to the sink, the edges of the metal bowl covered with my toiletries, the hamper in the corner, reminding me I need to do some laundry soon, and the old chestnut dresser we found a few months ago. I smile seeing the obnoxious multicolored cat statue Mischonne and I each got when we retrieved that photo for Carl all those months ago.

It's kind of ironic. I spent so much time pining after one Grimes man just for the other one to develop a crush on me. I'm just hoping it's just a tiny childhood infatuation that he will get over quickly. I know far too well that long-term crushes suck the life out of you. Especially with someone completely unavailable to you.

I'm sure it will fade quickly. At least, I hope so.

At the sounds of footsteps approaching, I look up to see Spencer entering the cell, opening the sheet before pulling it shut behind him.

"Hey babe," He chirps cheerfully as he comes in.

"Hey," I reply softly, before going rigid as he walks past me because I'm suddenly hit with the smell of...Rick? Something stirs in my stomach and I sit up, looking at Spencer questioningly. Then I notice it.

The jacket.

"Babe, where did you get that jacket?" I ask curiously, already knowing the answer before he replies. He explains that it was Rick's and he lent it to Spencer because he got a new one. I nod with a gulp, feeling overwhelmed by his smell.

Spencer comes over, standing in front of me with a smile. "Do you like it?" He asks, and I just nod once, one of my hands coming up to touch the fabric of the hem. My heart flutters.

It seems so ridiculous. It's just a jacket. But it's Rick's jacket. And being able to touch it, like this... feels way better than it should.

I honestly don't think I will ever get over him. Some part of me will always want him.

"I know we haven't been the best in bed recently, but I want to try something new," Spencer says tentatively, and I look up to meet his eyes.

I'm not hopeful, but it may get better.

And as much as I hate to admit it, Spencer in this jacket is really turning me on.

"Okay," I breathe. He bends down, capturing my lips in a kiss. I bring my hands up around his neck as I close my eyes, dropping the book to the ground with a clatter. The feeling of Rick's signature jacket under my hands and his smell invading my nose as I kiss Spence satisfies that desire deep within me that always wanted to feel Rick. To kiss Rick.

Spencer breaks the kiss for a moment and I reluctantly pull away. "Tell me what you want," He whispers.

Huh. Well, that's new. 

I smile. "You could go down on me?" I suggest gently under my breath, and he hesitates before nodding reluctantly.

"You asked me what I want," I frown, pulling away. Irritation flashes through me. What kind of man is reluctant to be intimate with his girlfriend?

"Yes- sorry I just never really did that in other relationships," He says, practically pulling a face, causing my eyebrows to raise in disbelief.

"I feel bad for your old girlfriends then," I reply coldly, my arms crossing across my chest in annoyance.

Spencer grabs my arms gently. "Hey, hey. I'm sorry. Let's do it," He says with a smile and I nod after a beat. It's not the greatest feeling when it feels like it's a chore for him.

I unbuckle my jeans and pull them off, while Spencer watches with a grin. I can't help the tentative smile spreading on my face too. He hops on the crowded bed and gets to work.

It's not the best, and I have to keep instructing him what to lick and how to do it. Eventually, I give up, instructing him to do missionary instead. He complies eagerly, jumping out of his pants and into a condom before getting on the bed again, and kissing me. I have to touch myself to get myself going as he enters me.

It's just like normal again. Same old thing. I plan on letting him do as he needs because I do like him- I just know I probably won't finish. I just can't find the energy to have to explain to him what would make me feel good. So I'll just endure it. He leans his head against my neck, and I close my eyes, grasping his shoulders.

Then-

I feel the jacket again.

An objectively wrong yet tantalizing thought flits across my mind as my fingers caress the fabric of the jacket, slowly dragging down his back. All at once, the smell of Rick invades my nostrils and before I know it, a slight breathy moan is escaping my lips.

This encourages Spencer who starts to thrust into me harder, and behind my closed eyelids, it's Rick. I allow this forbidden fantasy to slip through the reasoning center of my brain. If I have to have mediocre sex, I may as well make it more enjoyable for me. Right?

I bring my hands up to Spencer's straight blonde hair, imagining it as the curly brown of Rick's. I grip some of his hair, pulling it back slightly, earning a groan from Spencer- no. Rick.

Closing my eyes again, I focus on the smell of the jacket. As the thrusts get more rushed and messy, I rub myself harder, that familiar tingling sensation building quickly in my abdomen at my imaginings.

I bite on my lip to stop myself from moaning Rick's name as I tilt my head back, one hand still gripped on that damn jacket. That jacket that was wrapped around Rick for months last year. The jacket he looks so goddamn good in. That I noticed, had been getting tight recently.

A hot blush fans my cheeks when I think about the muscle he has built after all this time of farming, exercising, and being fed. When I saw him getting out of the shower the other day, God, he looked so good.

The pleasure building in me only gets more intense as I remember the interaction vividly. That towel hung low on his hips, showing off his dripping wet and toned torso with that defined v-line.... oh God- I wanted him so bad. Something about him at that moment just oozed sex appeal and I had to literally force my eyes away from his distracting form, trying not to think about the strip of fabric that kept him from being completely... exposed.

Just imagining his perfect and utterly attractive body on top of me, those muscles rippling as he thrusts into me is bringing me rapidly closer to finishing. The idea of it not only being that great body- but that it would be him on top of me, fully throws me over the edge.

The image of Rick's face flashes behind my eyes as I actually orgasm for the first time with Spencer, pleasure exploding through my nerves, so intense that my shoulders and chest shudder.

Spencer finishes soon after me, panting heavily. He murmurs something about it being good for him and I nod, not completely paying attention.

After getting cleaned up, Spencer says goodnight and sneaks out quietly to return back to his D block cell.

As I lie in the quiet of my own cell, I bite my lip again. This time with guilt, not pleasure.

I cannot believe I pictured another man while having sex with my boyfriend. It's just- Rick will always have that kind of effect on me. It's not an excuse but the sex with Spencer just isn't good at all. We both know it. I like him, but it's like there is no sexual chemistry, which is frustrating.

I rub my forehead with defeat, sighing into the silence. Why can't I just get over Rick? I'm doing everything I'm supposed to. I'm dating someone else. I don't spend as much time with him as I used to. I try so hard because I value our friendship above any possibility of a relationship. But nothing has changed.

I'm still longing for the man I will never be with. Despite having a perfectly good boyfriend right in front of me. Literally inside me- and it's not enough because he's not... Rick.

I groan, flopping over and burying my face in the pillow.

Fuck.

- the next morning -

"Sorry about that Sophia, I tend to be a book hoarder," I explain to Sophia with a grin as we head to my cell after breakfast.

"It's okay!" She enthuses as we make the way up my stairs, where the copy of Pride and Prejudice resides. She requested it over breakfast and I eagerly complied- happy to share my passion with this sweet girl. "I wish I could still listen to my iPod while reading, it's not the same without it," I say to Sophia who giggles. "What would you listen to?" She asks curiously as we reach the landing.

"Oh well, basically anything except this one Kiss song. Oh my god. My roommate in med school would play it over and over repeatedly, it drove me crazy! I swear I almost broke her damn record player to make it stop!" I laugh, remembering her for a moment. Jo. We had planned to keep in touch after med school- the nights laughing as we tried to study for our finals completely sleep-deprived while I got absolutely wasted on tequila with her watching in amusement, were some of the best nights of my life. I hope she's alive. Wherever she is. She was one of the most determined people in our class, and the smartest, so I wouldn't put it past her.

"But the book is just as good without music, I assure you" I grin at Sophia, pushing past the memory of a woman I will never see again, making her nod with a small smile.

I pull back the sheet, securing it on the cell door to let the light in and make it easy to walk through. I allow Sophia to go in to search the tower of books stacked haphazardly on the old side table I scavenged.

Then Sophia gasps, making my heart drop. I quickly look in, going to grab her to put her behind me. "What is-" stopping myself when I see it.

A fuzzy, brown creature is sitting on the end of my bed, making me let out a horrified gasp. "Is it a rat?" I question with disgust, my voice raised in shock. Sophia giggles, looking closer.

"No Cassie, it's a... bunny rabbit!" She says with delight, dropping down to pet it.

Horror suddenly crashes over me, making me freeze as her words hit me like a train.

A Bunny.

An intense shiver goes down my spine, and I stumble backward, my chest heaving with panic. No.

No.

Fear is coursing through my limbs, making my nerves tingle with adrenaline, my lungs suddenly struggling to get a breath as I stare at the creature with wide and panicked eyes.

"Cassie? Are you okay?" Sophia asks me, turning to me with concern.

I shake my head, blinking rapidly, trying to calm down the white-hot terror coursing through my veins. He's been here.

"S-Sophia. Step away from it now." I order, my voice trembling. Worried, Sophia does what I say, her eyes widened.

I have to leave.

Without a second glance, I rush down the stairs, almost tripping as I attempt to put as much distance between myself and that thing as possible.

Phillip's been here- He's been in my cell.

Sobs of panic overwhelm me and I stumble through the halls, trying to find something. Not exactly sure what that something is though. I just need it to help. To make this panic subside.

Then I all but collapse into someone, their hands immediately coming out to grab me to stop me from falling on my face. I'm frozen for a moment, fearing the worst. That he's already here. And going to kill me. Now.

"Cass? Are you alright?" Rick's concerned voice breaks through my cloud of all-consuming fear.

Shaking, I raise my head to look at him, pure terror crushing me. A glimmer of relief courses through me at his familiar expression.

How does he do that? With just one look, he makes me feel better. Floods my body with the assurance that I'm safe with him.

Rick's eyes widen at my distraught expression. "Did he hurt you?" he demands roughly, his voice concentrated with rage. I look down, shaking my head, almost laughing at the idea of spencer doing something this upsetting. "No," I breathe quietly.

"Cass, what is it?" Rick questions, grabbing my shoulders as he bends down, trying to read my face, contorted with concern. I blink back at him, my face grimacing with fear. Those blue eyes scour my face, searching for an answer.

"P-Phillip was here." I finally breathe, earning an intense shock to flash over Rick's expression. His eyebrows flick upwards, his mouth parting in disbelief.

"How? Cass-"

"He's going to kill me."