- About a week after the dinner -

Rick grips the back of my thighs, tossing me on the counter roughly. I suck in a sharp breath at the sensation of the cold counter on my ass through my jeans. This combined with my hot skin aflame with need nearly overwhelms me as I gaze up at Rick, hoping to express my intense lust through my features.

His normally bright blue eyes darken as he tilts his head to the side intimidatingly with a smirk, building the anticipation in my chest, butterflies swirling around my ribcage.

God, he's so devastatingly hot.

Suddenly he's pushing between my legs, which I gladly spread for him, capturing me in a frenzied kiss. I groan into his mouth, satisfaction flowering in my chest at the perfect physical touch between us. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I pull him deeper into our kiss, one hand tangling in the hair at the base of his neck.

His calloused warm hands wander up and down my torso before gripping my ass roughly, earning a lilted moan from my lips, throwing my head back. He breaks the kiss to suck on the sensitive skin underneath my jaw, his stubble itching my skin pleasantly. I moan, arching my back, digging my nails into his arms, begging for more.

More of him.

I feel the desire building rapidly between my legs, desperate for his heavenly touch.

He rips down my jeans roughly, pulling down my underwear to my knees. I gasp at the sudden exposure of my eagerly wet center, my face heating at his expression as he gazes at me.

"You're beautiful," He tells me lowly, his voice deep and rough.

I can't hold back the moan that escapes my mouth as he begins to eat me out, his lovely mouth satisfying that growing need deep inside me. I sigh with pleasure, throwing my head back, one hand down, tangled in his gorgeous brown curls nestled between my legs. Where they belong.

I'm so close to finishing when suddenly,

I'm interrupted.

"Knock knock," a voice sounds from the closed entrance of my tent. The voice of the very last person I want to hear at this moment. I jerk up suddenly in my sleeping bag, yanking my hand out from my underwear, my heart pounding. I take a second to breathe and clear my throat, bringing myself back to reality.

"Uhm- yes?" I call out, trying to sound normal as I attempt to calm my heart pounding relentlessly. Rick unzips my tent's entrance partially to show his face. I fight hard against the heat in my cheeks, trying to look casual under his irresistible gaze.

God, if he had any idea what I was just thinking. What I was doing-

"Sorry if I woke you, I was just about to head over to see Carl a little earlier than normal, are you in?" He questions, his eyebrows slightly raised as he awaits my answer.

I try not to notice how much I adore his husky morning voice or his messy bedhead or those beautiful blue eyes watching me, shit, still waiting for my response.

"Yeah- uh totally. I'll just get dressed and be out in a sec," I respond hurridly, internally screaming at myself. He nods with a smile, zipping up the tent, his footsteps fading as he walks away. I sigh, running my hand through my hair.

That was close. I think as I pull up my jeans awkwardly in the small tent. So was I. Another thought pops up and I pause, stopping myself.

No. Enough. He's married.

That familiar feeling of guilt creeps up around me as I pull a white t-shirt over my head. Running a hand over my face, I try to collect myself. I feel like a mess lately.

Rick is a happily married man with a child. He's kind, selfless, brave, and our group's leader. Yet all I can think about when I'm around him is how I desperately want him to be mine.

It's gotten worse lately. He's stopped wearing his sheriff's uniform but is instead wearing different, usually dark t-shirts or button-ups. He's also started to grow out his stubble and God, does Rick look good with facial hair.

I bring a hand to my mouth, trying to contain myself and those thoughts swirling around my brain accompanied by the frustrating feeling of dissatisfaction. Quickly running a brush through my hair, I decide I'm ready, unzipping the tent and stepping out only to be met with the sight of Rick giving Lori a kiss.

Faltering, my heart sinks at the sight in front of me. It's ridiculous how just one small kiss can hurt so much.

The longing in my chest is almost painful as Rick turns around and spots me, walking over and greeting me with a smile.

"Ready?" He asks and I nod, giving Lori a wave before Rick and I head over to the farmhouse.

Carl's sutures should be healed properly by now. Rick and I have been working on getting him out of bed and getting his body gradually used to exercise again to avoid any complications. We started out just helping him get out of bed safely, then walking from the bed to the other side of the room, gradually moving the distance farther and farther.

He's doing much better.

Before we reach the farmhouse, Glenn and Maggie stop us, informing us that they are heading to the pharmacy later and checking in case we need anything. I tell them getting any antibiotics, disinfectants, and painkillers would be great. Rick doesn't have any requests but says they should ask the others, just in case.

Maggie and Glenn nod, waving goodbye as they head to the camp to ask the rest. I watch them for a moment, definitely not noticing how close they're walking together. Maggie finally admitted to me the other day that she and Glenn have a thing going on, but swore me to secrecy due to Herschel and the fact he would most likely not be happy about it. Still, they are so cute together.

"So, Cass, what level are we taking Carl today?" Rick questions me as we head up the steps of the porch.

I ignore the butterflies swarming in my stomach just from hearing him say my nickname. I turn to him with a hopeful smile.

"If today goes well, it might just be a discharge day," I grin, making Rick smile widely.

"I hope so," he responds, opening the door for me.

We get into Carl's room to find him awake, playing chess with Sophia. These two have gotten super into both board and card games in the past week and are getting pretty good.

Rick and I take the two of them outside to get Carl moving as I assess his movements and watch for any pain. He and Rick play a loose game of soccer, Sophia and Shane joining in.

Even Daryl stops by to watch the game, talking to Carol a little bit. I watch them all with a grateful smile.

We haven't had any walker incidents all week, it's been so peaceful.

As the soccer game continues, I force myself to track Carl the whole time, not only to make sure he's okay but to make sure my eyes won't drift back to Rick. That way I don't notice how attractive his genuine grin is as he plays with his son or the fact that his black t-shirt is starting to stick to his torso with sweat. No. I definitely don't notice that.

Carl is moving normally, running and jumping, seeming perfectly fine. It's incredible, he has had an exponential recovery.

I wanted to be extra safe with these strange circumstances, but he's doing great. I smile with pride and gratitude. My first patient of the apocalypse is officially discharged.

"He's recovered, hasn't he?" Herschel suddenly asks beside me, startling me and making me whip my head to look over at him in surprise.

"Sorry, didn't mean to scare ya. He's doing good though," Herschel confirms, watching Carl. I nod with a proud smile.

"Yeah, I'm officially 'discharging' him today, so you'll get that room back. Thank you for allowing him to stay with you. Having a bed to sleep in has definitely helped his recovery," I thank Herschel, who nods in acknowledgment, watching the soccer game unfolding in front of us.

"So, what is next for your group?" Herschel asks, glancing over at me.

I furrow my brows. "What do you mean?" I ask, turning fully to look at Herschel, confused.

"I've told Rick this. I can't have y'all staying here forever. I helped Carl, we gave y'all a place to stay temporarily," He replies coldly, not looking at me.

I blink. Rick hasn't mentioned this once.

"You should talk to your leader," Herschel says quietly, before turning and going back into the farmhouse.

Are we really going to be forced onto the road again? To put Sophia and Carl in danger on a daily basis? When we are all safe here?

My stomach twists with anxiety at the thought of going back out there. Daryl has worked with me a couple of more times to help with my aim and one time Shane came with us, eventually allowing me to use a real gun. It might have been the first time Shane and I started to get along, which is surprising considering he still doesn't trust me.

He knows I'm hiding something from the group, and he is right. It's just that I don't think it would help them if I told them the truth. I don't want to make things worse for them.

I feel somewhat more confident with weapons, but it doesn't make the prospect of going back out there any better.

When I look back at the playful soccer game in front of me, I'm not filled with happiness and hope but dread instead. Why hasn't Rick said anything to us? Rick glances up almost like he could read my thoughts, his smile falling at my expression. I try to change my features to hide my fear, but I've always been too easy to read.

They finally finish the game, Carl celebrating his victory with Sophia as they jump and cheer, making Shane and the other adults laugh.

Rick meets me at the porch, clearly concerned. "What's with the face? I thought he was doing better," Rick mutters under his breath, his hand resting on his belt anxiously.

"No, it's not that. Carl is totally fine. My issue is that I just spoke to Herschel, who told me that we are about to be kicked out of the farm," I grit through clenched teeth, making Rick clench his jaw and look away.

"He said he's mentioned this many times Rick. Why haven't you said anything? We can't survive long out there," I say desperately and Rick's gaze meets mine with intensity.

"Don't you think I know that?" He snaps, squinting at me, the frustration clear on his face. "I'm working on it," He adds, glancing over at Carl and Sophia playing their game of tag.

"What does that mean? You're 'working on it' ?" I demand, crossing my arms. He turns to me with a look of warning, making me gulp at the intensity behind those eyes of his.

"I will not let my family be tossed out. That's all I know." He stresses with finality, going down the stairs before saying something to Carl, who then shouts with excitement, hugging his dad tightly.

Watching the two of them, my heart is heavy. I hope with all my being that Rick succeeds because watching that sweet kid possibly die after how hard he fought to recover would kill me.

That afternoon, I'm helping move out all the medical supplies and personal items from Carl's room when I run into Maggie. She offers for me to come with her, Glenn, and now Daryl to go to the pharmacy. Apparently, the last time they went, she got attacked and they want to be safe. I agree, glad to have the distraction.

Maggie and I meet on the grassy road outside to see Glenn sitting on a chestnut horse, an empty one beside him. Daryl is waiting on the side, sitting on his motorcycle. Maggie glances at me expectantly.

"So it's between riding on a horse or a motorcycle," I state distastefully, glancing warily between the two options in front of me.

"Yeah no, I'm taking the motorcycle. Is that okay with you?" I ask Daryl who nods once in approval. Maggie nods as well, going to get up on the empty horse. Gingerly, I sit on the back of the motorcycle behind Daryl.

"You alright there doc?" Daryl asks, turning around to glance at me, a hint of amusement in his voice.

"Well, I have a traumatic childhood memory of horses and have seen my fair share of dead motorcyclists in the ER, so no, I'm not alright," I snap, shifting in my seat, trying to get comfortable. Daryl snorts.

"I'm a safe driver, I promise," He remarks with a quick wink, and before I can reply, he revs the motorcycle, suddenly speeding down the dirt road. I let out a small squeak, instinctively throwing my arms around Daryl's torso, squeezing my eyes shut tightly. I don't change that position for the whole ride, praying to whatever power above that exists to not let me die this way.

What seems like an eternity later, Daryl and I finally arrive at the pharmacy. I practically leap off the motorcycle, glaring at Daryl, who seems pleased with himself.

We arrived earlier than the other two, so we decide to do a little sweep, making sure that there aren't any walkers wandering around.

After my training with Shane, which consisted of him quizzing me relentlessly on safety, he claimed he was satisfied with me having a gun, under supervision of course. To my annoyance.

I hold my new handgun in my hands nervously, my eyes scanning the deserted street. Daryl loads his crossbow, holding it to his chest.

Daryl and I only have to kill a couple of walkers who were stuck behind a car around the side of the building. Just to be safe.

Daryl took them out so as to not draw more walkers with the sounds of gunshots.

After a few minutes of looking around, we determine the area is clear.

Deciding to wait outside for Maggie and Glenn, as they have the list of needed items, the two of us sit on the bed of an abandoned truck, staring out at the ghost town.

It's actually peaceful. The weather has slightly started to cool down, so it's no longer that horrible sticky humid heat. There is a soft breeze that contrasts the heat pleasantly and I relish the feeling of it against my slightly sweaty skin. I glance up at the white clouds passing through the sky, letting out a relaxed sigh as the wind blows my hair to the side gently. I'm glad I came on this run.

I feel eyes on me and turn to see Daryl studying me, a strange expression on his face. "What?" I enquire, turning my head to the side.

"I'm just trying to figure you out," He grunts. I furrow my brows with confusion.

"What do you mean?" I ask with a curious smile, laughing lightly. What is he talking about?

"I saw you and Rick earlier. Arguing." Daryl says absentmindedly, messing with something on his crossbow.

"Oh yeah, that," I mutter awkwardly. I hope Daryl didn't overhear, it seemed like Rick did not want the rest of the group to know.

I'm about to ask how much he knows when Daryl speaks again.

"You know, people can say a lot of things 'bout me. That my brother was an asshole, I'm a useless hick, or that I don't really fit in the group. Fine with me." Daryl says quietly, making my heart hurt for him. It makes me sad that anyone would say that about him.

"But they can't say I'm not observant. I had to be to survive as a kid," Daryl explains simply, adjusting the head of one of his arrows. I gulp.

What is he getting at?

Daryl finally looks at me, squinting in the spotty sunlight.

"Is there somethin' going on with you two?" He asks, making me widen my eyes. I was not expecting that.

"No! What? No. He's married with a kid. No. I - he- would never-" I ramble lamely, my face heating the more I speak. Daryl just watches me unflinchingly, not satisfied with my pathetic stuttering.

Giving up, I sigh, glancing around, as if Rick was somehow able to hear, before turning back to Daryl, a queasy feeling settling in my stomach.

There's no way I'm getting out of this huh?

"Look. I might have a stupid, little-and I mean little- crush on him. But nothing will come of it. He doesn't know and doesn't need to. It will fade." I manage, my face bright red with embarrassment. This wasn't how I was expecting this run to go.

Daryl just nods once.

I get saved by the sound of hooves clicking on the asphalt nearing us. Looking up, I'm met with the sight of Glenn and Maggie's horses trotting toward us.

I jump down from the bed without hesitation, eager to get away from the embarrassment of that conversation with Daryl, walking over to the other two.

"You guys all set?" Maggie asks as she and Glenn get down from the horses after hitching them to a post. "Yep," I respond with a nod, glancing back to see Daryl following me over.

Daryl opens the pharmacy door carefully, his crossbow raised. After scanning the store for a second, he holds the door open for us to walk in. Maggie heads confidently to the back, holding a crumpled piece of paper in her hand. Glenn follows, looking around at the signs posted around the room. I walk to the back with Maggie, hoping to help her find the right medications.

We get lucky. There are tons of antibiotics and painkillers left over. It takes a while to scrounge through all the bottles, trying to make out the somehow already faded labels. I help Maggie know the non-generic names and get the right stuff.

Once we get all the helpful medications, I head back to the main pharmacy area, looking to see if I can find some extra stuff that could end up being useful. I wander over to an aisle where Daryl is already scanning the shelves thoughtfully.

We look over the aisle for a while in silence before Daryl talks to me in a low voice. "So what are you going to do about-" I cut him off with a dangerous look.

"Daryl. He's taken. He loves her. There's nothing to do," I hiss angrily, turning around with a huff. I grab some gauze and bandages, shove them into my backpack, and walk away.

Daryl and I meet back up with the other two, all stocked and ready to go. The four of us open the door, heading outside, our weapons drawn. Once we take a couple of minutes to confirm we are still clear, we agree to head back to the farm.

Then Glenn groans, "Shit, I forgot something," he announces, stopping us. I glance at the sun beginning to descend toward the horizon.

"Are you two okay staying here alone? It makes sense time-wise for us to head back first anyway," I suggest. Maggie and Glenn exchange glances, before agreeing. We say a swift goodbye as the other two walk back into the pharmacy.

Daryl and I ride in silence. This time, I allow myself to open my eyes, my nerves calming quicker than on the first ride. Eventually, we arrive back at the farm. I can't help the festering embarrassment and shame ebbing at me from our conversation earlier.

Once Daryl stops the motorcycle, I get off, stalking away wordlessly.

I meet up with Herschel, replenishing one-half of the medical supplies in the closet in what was once Carl's room. We have decided that's the best place for the medical supplies, the other half I'll be putting in my tent. Herschel doesn't seem impressed when I inform him that Maggie and Glenn are still at the pharmacy. Alone.

Half an hour later, I'm in my tent, organizing the medical supplies into categories. I try to make the best first-aid kit I can, eager to add the supplies that Maggie also collected. My busy hands come to a stop when I hear shouting outside the thin orange fabric of my tent.

Furrowing my brows, I exit my tent and round the corner to see Maggie yelling at Lori, tossing a bag at her feet, before storming off, Glenn following after giving Lori an apologetic look. I widen my eyes, rushing over to Lori.

"Are you okay?" I ask gently, grabbing the bag off the ground for her, looking up to see tears forming in her eyes.

"Y-yes I'm fine," Lori manages, holding her hand out for the bag. I hand it over, not being able to stop myself from quickly reading the label through the transparent bag. The morning-after pill?

I widen my eyes, gaping at her with disbelief. She wipes away a tear on her cheekbone, avoiding my gaze. "Lori..." I say breathlessly, a horrible feeling settling in my chest. A baby? Now?

"You can't tell Rick," is all Lori says back, shoving the box in her back pocket clumsily.

"He doesn't know?" I demand incredulously, my eyes wide as I watch her shake her head, looking down.

"Look, Lori. This is never an easy decision to make, even before all this. Every woman has a right to choose, but under these circumstances, you should really tell Rick," I implore as Lori pointedly avoids my gaze.

I sigh. I can't imagine being in her shoes right now.

"Whatever you decide, know that I will be here if you chose to keep it. I helped care for premature infants in the hospital, so you're in good hands. Just- you should really discuss this with Rick," I offer gently, before turning, leaving her to her own thoughts.

So not only is Rick married with a kid, but he also has another on the way. I almost laugh at my rotten luck. Of course.

That evening, I'm leaning against a fence on one of the pastures, far from everyone else.

I just needed a break from everything.

There's no valid reason why I, a totally separate party, should be this devastated by the big news.

But not only are we possibly going to have a pregnant woman and then a baby in the fucking apocalypse, but Rick could be having another baby with his wife. The rational part of me is rolling my eyes at this desperate woman, pining after an absolutely unattainable man.

My thoughts are interrupted by the sound of footsteps crunching on the gravel path behind me. Glancing up, my eyes find Maggie walking up to me. I smile at her, only for her not to smile back.

"Hey," I greet her softly, looking back out at the farm. The sun is fully set now, the sky turning a beautiful lilac color.

"I need to talk to you," Maggie says flatly, making me look over at her, my heart sinking at her expression.

"What's wrong?" I ask with concern. She clenches her jaw.

"I want you to stay away from Glenn," She responds coldly with raised eyebrows, taking me aback. I pause for a second, racking my brain on why she would ask me this.

"Wait. What?" I ask, confusion washing over me as I meet her angry gaze.

"You know what I'm talkin' about," she retorts accusingly, yet I just stare at her with a dumbfounded expression, waiting for her to elaborate.

"I heard you and Daryl talking in the Pharmacy. 'he's taken, he loves her.' I've seen you laughing with Glenn and the way he looked at you in that towel. I'm not blind." Maggie huffs, staring out into the pasture. It takes me a moment to process what she's accusing me of and I have to fight a smile at the ridiculousness of it.

"Maggie - I do not have feelings for Glenn. I promise," I tell her calmly and clearly, making her glance over at me, unconvinced.

"Listen. That guy adores you. I don't think anyone in this world would make him change his mind," I start, and Maggie nods slowly, watching me carefully.

"Honestly, I wish it was Glenn, it would be less complicated that way," I laugh bitterly, looking off as stars start to begin to twinkle in the darkening purple sky above us.

"How is that?" Maggie asks curiously, the former accusatory tone gone, the breeze pushing her hair past her face. Relief flashes through me, glad she believes me.

I spare a glance at her, a bitter smile on my face.

"Because he's not married. With a kid and another one on the way," I breathe, my chest tight at my second confession today, watching her expression morph from confusion to shock.

"Told you. Complicated." I mumble bitterly, looking down at the rough fence I'm leaning on with a sigh.

Fuck