- Cass's POV-

The men are getting into the car while I dash in the library to grab my knife that had fallen off my belt while changing. I'm rifling through the blankets on the floor before the knife plops on the ground and I grasp the leather handle, attaching it to my belt once again.

At the sound of muffled voices outside, I freeze in my tracks when I realize its unfamiliar voices.

Sneaking across the room as quietly as I can, I crouch beside a window and carefully peek outside. Through the window, I spot Rick and Glenn leaning against the SUV talking to a pair of men while Herschel sits in the back of the car. It's clear the pair of men have been on the road for a while. You can tell by their disheveled clothes and layers of dirt and sweat on their skin.

I notice the strong northeastern accents as they talk to Rick, seeming friendly. Rick doesn't seem too alarmed, just that familiar cop-like apprehension on his face as he sizes them up.

Deciding to brave it, I carefully open the door and step out, cringing as the library door slips out of my grasp and slams behind me. The two men whirl around, the slimmer one pulling out a gun and pointing it right at me. I freeze, throwing my hands up in surrender as my heart leaps out of my chest.

Shit.

"Oh, darlin' I'm sorry! You fuckin' scared me!" The slimmer one enthuses loudly with a laugh, putting his gun back on his belt, making the bigger one laugh along, seeming amused.

Chuckling nervously as I straighten up and drop my arms, I meet the gun wielder's gaze. "Well, you scared me right back so I guess we're even," I respond breathlessly, my eyes flitting to Rick's, who doesn't seem too happy I came out. He stares me down for a moment, a stern warning behind his intense eyes, before looking back at the two men. His hand moves slowly away from the gun on his hip.

Suddenly getting the feeling that coming out wasn't the best idea, I run a hand through my hair anxiously. "Wow, Rick. This is some beauty you got here. Why didn't you mention her before?" The slim one asks, turning to Rick, who just stares back coldly, clenching his jaw. The stranger's tone seems friendly but there's a sharpness to his words that makes me nervous.

"That's Cass, our surgeon," Glenn interrupts, his eyes shifting between me and the men ogling at me. They let out a whistle.

"Damn. Well, I got an organ I would love to transplant into you," The bigger one smirks with a gross wink, making me quirk a fake smile that comes out more like a grimace.

"That's no way to talk to a lady, young man," Herschel scolds from the car, making me send a quick small smile to him in appreciation, which he acknowledges with a nod.

"You're right, excuse my friend Tony here, we haven't seen a woman in a long time, let alone a beautiful doctor. I'm Dave by the way" The slim one introduces himself, making me nod back at him in an attempt at an introduction.

"Nice to meet you," I mumble, sending a worried glance at Tony, who is staring me down like a meal. And here I was thinking I would only have to worry about the flesh-eating undead.

"Well, we need to leave. Nice meeting you both." Rick interrupts shortly, causing Dave and Tony to look over at him.

I take the opportunity to rush past Dave and Tony to stand beside Glenn, gripping his forearm tightly. My heart is hammering in my chest with anxiety and holding onto Glenn seems to be the only thing keeping me calm.

Glenn glances to the side at me, his eyes wide with confusion but after seeing my expression he seems to understand, turning his attention back to the men, tolerating my iron grip.

"Where you headed?" Dave asks Rick, turning his head to the side with curiosity.

"Fort Benning," Rick lies, those intense eyes staring him down unflinchingly. He is not happy with him.

"Sorry to piss in your cornflakes officer, but we ran into a grunt who was stationed at Benning and he told us that it was overrun by lamebrains," Dave informs us, crossing his arms. Rick averts his gaze, clear disappointment flashing over his face at the news. I let out a sigh of defeat, looking down.

"Wait, Bennet is gone? For real?" Glenn asks with shock, and Dave nods.

"Unfortunately, my friend," Dave confirms.

I bite my lip, my mind racing on what we will do next. That was our backup after the farm. Where else could we go?

"So where you folks holed up? Can't be in that car, it's way too clean for that," Dave quips with a smile, those dark eyes looking back at Rick for an answer. Despite his friendly tone, his words are a threat.

Tony turns to Rick, seeming interested. "What, you guys have a trailer park, camp, farm?" Tony suggests, making me freeze at the suggestion of a farm. The men seem to note our reaction and lack of an answer as we silently watch the pair. I can't decide if we should stay quiet or come up with a lie, but I'm blanking on an answer.

Tony suddenly moves to go relieve himself on the side of the library, making me look away in disgust.

"Tony! We have a lady here! Cassie, I'm sorry. Pardon Tony, he ain't got no tact," Dave apologizes to me, but I just shake my head in dismissal, gulping nervously. I can feel the buzzing in my ears as I watch the two strangers with apprehension.

Something is very off.

"You got a farm?" Dave asks, turning back to Rick with a curious smile. Rick doesn't answer, just staring Dave down before glancing over at Tony, his eyes meeting mine for a second before going back to Dave.

"It safe at this farm? Hey Glenn-"

"I think we've said enough," Rick interrupts roughly, making Dave glance back to him, a strange smile on his face.

Dave doesn't break eye contact with Rick when he speaks again. "Hey, this farm sounds kinda sweet, don't it Tony?" Dave asks loudly, and Tony nods from beside the library, finally done.

"Yeah real sweet," Tony responds slowly, heading back. As he walks by me, I hold my breath because of how bad he smells, nausea rippling through me at the rancid mix of body odor, urine, and liquor.

Dave clears his throat, drawing Rick's attention back to him. "Look, we got people at our camp who need help, can't you spare a few more?" Dave asks, his friendly facade starting to fade, desperation showing through.

"That's not an option," Rick responds simply, his eyebrows drawn together. He's right. We don't need men like this in our group. Around the kids. A wave of disgust washes over me at the mere thought of one of these creeps looking at Sophia or Beth.

"We can't take in any more people," Herschel adds from inside the car, making Dave squint his eyes at him through the sun, not looking too impressed with his answer.

Suddenly his sour expression is covered with that smile again. "I thought we were friends! Come on, we've all had to do hard things out there. Ain't no one's hands clean in this world anymore." Dave insists, but Rick doesn't budge, crossing his arms silently.

"This is bullshit!" Tony swears abruptly.

"Calm down." Rick orders roughly, his brows furrowed, making Tony get only angrier. He gets up in Rick's space, shouting.

"Don't tell me to calm down! Don't ever tell me to calm down!" Tony shouts, his eyes wild behind his reddened cheeks.

Rick pushes off the SUV, ready to fight, his hand resting on his gun. My eyes widen, my grip on Glenn getting involuntarily tighter, making him grimace slightly.

"Hey! No need to get ugly. We're friends right?" Dave enthuses, also getting up and nearing Rick and Tony. Rick clenches his jaw, his eyes tracking Dave as turns, heading towards me. Rick turns his head to the side, watching him carefully. Dave focuses his full attention on me, making me gulp in anticipation.

"We ain't got lassies like this back at camp, just a bunch of jag-offs like us," Dave says quietly, looking at me, right at eye level. He makes no effort to hide his eyes raking slowly up and down my body.

"Unfortunate," I snarl as Dave laughs, his rancid breath fanning over my face, making me tilt my face away in disgust. His dark eyes dart down to my hand still gripping Glenn's forearm, leaving a white imprint on his skin.

"Got a thing for Chinese?"

"He's Korean." I correct Dave shortly, letting the disgust at his behavior show plainly on my face. Glenn angles himself slightly in front of me, glaring at Dave, only making Dave grin back threateningly.

I'm starting to get really sick of that fucking smile.

Dave slightly steps back as Rick speaks up. "That's enough. We need to leave and so do you." Rick commands sternly, his eyes shooting daggers at Dave. I don't think I have seen Rick look this threatening. Realizing the severity of the situation, I become acutely aware of the location of my knife, hanging heavily over my right hip on my belt.

"I just want to get to know this pretty lady, that's all," Dave says innocently, his hand coming up to touch one of my strands of hair.

I slap his hand away which he uses as an opportunity to grab my wrist, yanking me towards him. I yelp, my heart jolting in my chest as he pulls me against him, ripping me away from Glenn. One of his arms hooks around my neck, his forearm digging in slightly as a warning.

"Get off her!" Glenn shouts, trying to grab me back, but Dave pulls me away too quickly with a sinister laugh. I pant with panic, a wave of fear crashing over me.

Suddenly, Dave gropes my asscheek roughly, making me grimace, trying to wriggle out of his iron grip. Nausea twists my intensities at his repulsive hands touching me.

Rick is shouting but I can barely hear what he is saying through the ringing in my ears. Before I can even think about what I'm doing, I remember the time Shane taught me, Andrea, and Carol self-defense. He taught us exactly what to do if someone has us from behind. I take a deep breath, then go.

I stomp on Dave's foot sharply, making him release me in shock as he hisses in pain. Taking the opportunity of him staggering back in shock, I elbow him sharply in the nose, feeling blood spatter on my elbow. Dave stumbles back, and I spin around, thrusting my knife into his neck and pulling it back out quickly, allowing the blood to pour out freely before splattering loudly on the road.

"Hey! What the hell!?" Tony screams, pumping his shotgun, aiming it right at me, but Rick puts a bullet in his head before he can pull the trigger, making him collapse to the ground, lifeless.

Dave stumbles back, his eyes wide, blood pouring down his throat. I stagger away from him, still in shock at what I've just done. He crumples to the ground as Rick puts a bullet through his head.

My heart races, my breath coming in ragged bursts as I stand there, knife in hand, a mixture of emotions churning within me.

"Holy shit," Glenn breathes somewhere to my right.

Yeah, h oly shit.

I stare at Dave's lifeless body, blood pooling around his figure. He's dead. A living person. Not a walker. A person.

Glancing down at my right hand and the fresh red blood all over it, I let out a shuddering breath before starting to hyperventilate, my limbs becoming tingly as I feel a panic attack coming on.

"I killed him. Oh God-" I struggle over my words as I clumsily back away from his body, trying to calm myself down to no avail.

My field of vision is suddenly taken up by Rick in front of me, staring intently into my eyes.

"You didn't kill him, Cass. I did." Rick says calmly and carefully, watching me with concern. I stare up at his expression, into those blue eyes, letting his words digest. Blinking quickly, I nod.

I take a deep breath, my heart beginning to calm down. It was self-defense. That's it. I stare at my blood-caked hands again, the shaking slowly ceasing.

"We can get you cleaned up back at the farm," Herschel suddenly says softly, not in the car anymore but right beside me, his arms gently touching my shoulder. I glance over at him, my eyebrows turning up in hope.

"You said you wanted us out-"

"-I changed my mind." Herschel finishes for me with finality. He and Rick share a meaningful look for a moment, coming to an unsaid agreement. "Come on, we have to leave now before they turn," Herschel explains softly, gently ushering me into the back of the car.

I jump at the sound of gunshots suddenly dinging the car, jarring me out of the calm finally settling.

Rick curses, stopping the car and jumping out. I do the same, Herschel coming out on my side, so all four of us are crouched behind the car on one side as bullets continuously pelt the car.

"Who the fuck is that?" Glenn groans, looking around wildly, panic in his voice.

"I'm guessing Dave and Tony have friends," Rick growls angrily, reloading his gun roughly. I gulp, checking mine as well while Glenn loads the shotgun.

Rick turns to Herschel. "You missed out on the gun lessons, you going to be alright?" He checks, and Herschel grabs his pistol. The one that was beside him at the bar last night.

"I know how to use them, I just don't enjoy it," Herschel mutters, cocking his gun.

The shooting stops. Rick and I slowly come up to peek through the car windows. There are two guys coming out of a white truck with their guns, approaching Dave and Tony's bodies. "They fuckin' killed them!" One cries, angrily looking at our car. I notice movement on the roof of the library. There's a guy up there too.

Rick and I duck back down. I nudge my head to the library with a questioning look and he nods. He saw him too. The men are reloading and Rick gives us the signal.

The four of us stand up, shooting back at Dave and Tony's friends. Rick manages to shoot one of the men down, while the other ducks out of the way. We drop back down, breathing heavily.

Suddenly the groans and smell of walkers grow steadily around us. We stare at each other with wide eyes. The gunshots must be attracting them. I peek out to see walkers coming down Main Street, making the man left on the street scream before jumping back into the truck.

"Randall! Come down! The roamers are everywhere!" He shouts, and the kid complies, jumping down into the alley between the library and the thrift store. There is a thud and he suddenly screams in pain.

"Sorry Randall, I'm not dying!" The guy in the truck shouts, before speeding off.

"Don't leave me!" Randall screams, and as the truck gets out of my line of sight, I gasp.

The kid fell on a dumpster, one of his legs completely impaled on the fence.

Rick sprints out from behind the car. Glenn, Herschel, and I follow as the kid screams for help.

"Shut up!" Rick shouts to the screaming kid, taking out a couple of walkers nearing us.

"We have to leave, Rick!" Glenn screams through the sounds of walkers as we assess the guy in front of us on the fence.

"He's just a kid!" Rick insists as Randall groans through his tears. I get nearer to his leg to take a good look. The black fence has an extremely pointy top which is wider than the base. We couldn't remove it without serious damage.

"This place is crawling with walkers!" Glenn shouts desperately, pumping the shotgun and taking out a couple of the incoming undead.

"We can't leave him!" Rick insists roughly as the kid screams again. "Shut up, or so help me god," Rick growls, making the kid shut up, blinking with wide eyes.

"The fence went clean through, there's no way we can get the leg off in one piece," Herschel tells Rick, and I nod in agreement.

"He's right," I confirm.

The kid screams in pain. "Shut up or I will shoot you!" Rick shouts before Herschel grabs him by the arm, dragging him away from the kid while I inspect his leg.

"That might be the best option. We can't get the fence off without ripping his muscle to shreds. He's going to bleed out" Herschel insists, glancing me and the kid warily.

"Are you saying we should put him down?" Rick asks, disgust flashing over his face. "He's not a barn animal, he's a person- a kid," Rick snaps sharply, turning to me. "What d'you think?" He asks, his eyes searching mine. I hesitate as Herschel looks at me too.

I glance at the kid, whimpering as he looks down at his leg, blood pouring from his injury. "We don't need to kill any more people. We should at least try, he can't be more than eighteen," I say warily, looking back to Rick and Herschel. Rick nods in agreement.

"Fine, but we have to cut off the leg." Herschel orders and I nod. The ideal way would be to saw off the top of the fence with some sort of machine, but that's not happening. We will have to sever the ligaments below the kneecap and cut above the tibia.

Rick lifts up my knife and I realize he must have grabbed for me. I didn't even think about that. "Will this cut through the bone?" He asks me and I nod. It has a slightly serrated edge, it will work good enough.

The kid freaks out. "No, no, don't! No, no!" He repeats frantically under his breath through his sobs, making me I cringe. It's like I'm in my ER rotation all over again. We start making plans about finding timber to cauterize the wound, and Glenn starts to panic.

"Guys, there are a lot of walkers!" He cries, his voice wavering as he clutches his shotgun to his chest. Herschel and I tie a tourniquet to the kid's thigh, as Glenn continues to panic, desperately begging us to hurry up.

Rick goes around the other side, clamping his hand over the crying kid's mouth, "Shut up!" He shouts, before looking down the alley. "Oh god, they're everywhere," Rick groans as four walkers stumble down the alley. He takes them down as Herschel and I struggle to get the right angle for the amputation.

"We gotta go!" Glenn screams, and Rick comes up to me and Herschel.

"Hurry up!" He ushers us, but I turn to him.

"There's no time!" I shout back desperately, stumbling backward helplessly while Glenn screams "We have to leave!" again.

Rick shakes his head, rushing over and yanking the kid's leg completely off the fence, making the kid let out a blood-curdling scream. I cringe before rushing over to help Rick carry him to the car. Glenn and Herschel cover us as we make our way back to the car as quickly as possible as the kid starts to faint.

Rick and I toss the kid in the back, I jump in with him, putting him in the middle seat and Herschel jumps in the opposite side. With some extra clothes in the back, I blindfold him and tie him up, keeping pressure on his wound. Glenn shoots some walkers out the passenger window to clear our path as Rick speeds off.

I start to calm down on the drive back to the farm. It's a quiet drive, and I'm looking forward to getting back to the camp and washing off this blood.

I'm okay when it comes to blood, I wouldn't be a good surgeon if I wasn't. But it's different when it's from someone I killed. Watching that kid get his leg ripped through the fence wasn't easy either and carrying him to the car got me drenched in his blood.

"Is that a car?" Glenn asks, leaning forward in the passenger seat and squinting ahead. I lean forward and to the right a bit, past the diver's seat to see through the windshield.

Sure enough, in the middle of the road is an overturned car. Rick slows down as he drives carefully around it. My stomach drops as I recognize Maggie's car and a familiar coat lying on the ground next to it, a dead walker not too far away.

"Isn't that-" I start, but before I can finish, Rick floors the gas, determination on his face as we begin speeding down the road.

"What's happening?" Glenn asks with wide eyes.

"That's Maggie's car and Lori's jacket," I say quietly, my heart sinking with dread.

We arrive back at the farm, speeding up the dirt farmhouse driveway. The group comes running out, and I notice Shane, Daryl, and Andrea already outside, surrounded around the truck with weapons and a map ready. Probably to come searching for us.

Rick screeches the car to a halt, and we all get out. "Dad!" Carl shouts, running up to Rick and throwing his arms around Rick's midsection, Lori follows soon after, hugging Rick too. Relief flicks through me to see her here, unscathed.

Maggie runs towards us, past Herschel, to hug Glenn, who shrugs her off, a pained look on his face. I don't think he's okay after what he saw. I'm not and I've seen some shit working in the hospital.

Walking up past the Grimes family, I'm met with hugs from Sophia and Carol, warming my heart. I hug them tightly, offering them comforting smiles and dismissing the blood covering me, blaming it on walkers to the scared Sophia. Carol knows better, sending me a concerned look which I dismiss with a quick smile.

"Are you hurt?" I hear Lori ask Rick, who shakes his head, looking at the cut on her face.

"No, but are you? We saw the car-" Rick starts, scanning her body up and down for injuries. I turn to see their conversation, wanting to know if she needs my help.

"Yeah, I'm okay. I crashed coming out looking for you," Lori admits, making Rick shake his head, worry splayed over his face.

"Snuck out on her own." Shane buts in, making Rick turn to him. "I brought her back," he says with this strange, almost proud tone, and Lori looks away, clearly annoyed.

"Are you crazy? You could've-" Rick starts angrily, staring at Lori incredulously.

I cut him off. "Lori, are you alright? Do you feel dizzy?" I ask, making Lori turn to look at me and Rick sigh, running a hand over his face.

"No, I'm okay. I don't know about the baby though," She admits quietly and I don't miss the concern in her eyes.

"It's okay, I can get you checked out," I assure her, making her smile slightly.

"Who the hell is that?" T-dog interrupts, looking at Randall in the back of the car.

The group quiets, all their attention turning to the SUV and Randall blindfolded in the back. "That's Randall," Glenn says, meeting my gaze as everyone slowly makes their way over.

After Herschel and I repair Randall's muscles to the best of our ability considering the damage, we walk out into the dining room, where everyone waits on us.

"We repaired his calf as best we could, but he'll probably have nerve damage," I announce as we walk in. "He won't be on his feet for at least a week" Herschel adds.

"When he is, we will give him a canteen, take him out on the main road, and send him on his way," Rick decides, making a few people nod along. Seems like the best idea.

"He knows where we are," Shane buts in, crossing his arms.

"He was blindfolded the whole way here. There's no way he knows where we are," I argue, turning to meet Shane's annoyed gaze.

"He's not a threat, just a kid," Rick says, clenching his jaw and staring Shane down as he scoffs.

"Not a threat. How many of them were there?" Shane asks, tilting his head in a condescending, sarcastic way. "You killed three of their men, took one of them hostage, but they ain't gonna care right?" Shane asks sarcastically, letting out another scoff.

"They left him for dead," Rick says sharply, "No one is looking for him" he insists.

Shane clenches his jaw.

"We should still post a guard," T-dog speaks up, and I nod. It's the safest thing to do.

Shane scoffs. "Right. I'll go get him some flowers and a box of chocolates. I guess we're back in fantasyland people!" Shane shouts sarcastically as he stalks off, out of the dining room.

Herschel starts to follow him. "You know, we haven't even dealt with what you did at my barn yet. Let me make this clear once and for all. This is my farm." Herschel starts, and Shane turns to him impatiently.

"Now, I wanted you gone. Rick, Glenn, and Cassandra talked me out of it, but that doesn't mean I have to like it. So do us both a favor - keep your mouth shut." Herschel finishes angrily, and I can't help feeling a bit of satisfaction at Shanes's expression.

Shane just gives him, Rick, and me a dirty look, and then storms out of the farmhouse angrily, slamming the screen door behind him.

We agree as a group to not decide anything until Randall wakes up. The group disperses, Andrea going outside after Shane and I notice Carol walking with Daryl. I come up to Rick and Lori, who are speaking quietly together.

"Lori, I think should do your check-up now," I suggest gently, and Lori nods with a hint of nervousness in her eyes. Accompanied by Carl and Rick, we make our way into the guest room. Lori takes a seat on the bed, and I retrieve my stethoscope from my bag.

Glancing at Carl for a second, I hesitate. "He knows," Lori assures me, making me nod. "Everyone knows now," She mutters under her breath as she lifts her shirt up just enough to expose her stomach.

I frown slightly at how thin she is. It can't be easy for her with limited food options and morning sickness, but she needs to gain some weight if she wants to carry this baby to term. I don't say anything just yet, putting in my stethoscope ear tips and getting to work.

Positioning the head of the stethoscope, I start searching for the baby's heartbeat. Placing it gently around her lower abdomen, just above her uterus, I expect to detect a steady rhythm. Given that she's probably about three months along, the heartbeat should be audible.

It takes me a while to find it during which Lori stares at Rick with wide, terrified eyes. Before they can speak and voice their concerns, I let out an exhale of relief as the quick and faint heartbeat finally comes through. The silly baby is upside down.

"It's okay. The baby is fine," I breathe with a comforting smile, making the room let out a sigh of relief. I turn to Rick, ushering him to come over. Handing him the ear tips, I maintain the stability of the stethoscope against Lori's abdomen.

Rick eagerly puts in the ear tips, a genuine smile lighting up his face as he hears the heartbeat. A flutter of warmth brushes through me at his joy, and I swiftly divert my gaze, reminding myself why he's smiling.

Lori's smile mirrors Rick's, and they share a heartfelt moment that swells with emotion. Tears glisten in their eyes, and Rick hands the ear tips to Carl, who seems alarmed at first, eliciting a chuckle from us all.

"It's so fast!" Carl whispers with wide eyes as he listens intently, making me smile fondly.

"It's a good thing. The baby's heart is small, so it has to work extra hard. You're going to have a very healthy younger sibling," I assure him, a genuine smile gracing my lips.

"Big Brother Carl has a good ring to it," Carl grins widely, sparking laughter all around.

"Yes it does," Rick laughs, ruffling Carl's hair fondly.

Leaving the small family alone, I excuse myself to take a shower. I jog upstairs quickly, my stomach in knots, my emotions churning within me. The second I get into the bathroom, I close the door behind me swiftly, locking it as tears begin to freely stream down my face.

Turning on the shower to get it heated up, I hastily peel the clothes off me as fast as I can before throwing them across the room forcefully as if having them off will make what happened while wearing them would go away.

Letting out a whimper, I press the heels of my hands to my eyes, my lips trembling as I attempt to hold back my sobs. The weight of the day slams into me, finally taking its large toll.

Standing alone in the shower, I let the hot water wash away the day. The dirt, the blood, and sweat, in hopes it will erase what happened.

Feeling an overwhelming sense of defeat within the confines of the shoer, I stop holding back and just let myself cry.

I cry because of that sad librarian that died alone. Because I got groped and leered at by creeps one of which I had to stab because god knows what he would have done if I hadn't. Because that poor kid will always have nerve damage because he got left to die.

Because out of all the people in my life, I had to fall for the man who has a beautiful and happy family. And every time those forbidden feelings bubble up, it fills me with disdain and guilt. I shouldn't want him, but I do. So deeply.

And I cry because I'm stuck in a walker-ridden hell that I can't escape from.

Staring down at my blood-caked hands for a second, I jump into action, grabbing the bar of soap and scrubbing them as hard as I can. I scrub and scrub, all the while wishing I had the proper sponge and soap we used when scrubbing in for surgery. Then I would actually feel clean.

Through my blurred tears, I watch as the blood scrapes off slowly but surely. My hands become red and inflamed from my fervor, but I persist until they are clean of the gruesome reminder.

Dropping the bar of soap on the nearby ledge, I sigh, slowly sliding down the wall of the shower, hugging my knees to my chest.

The water pounds against my pathetic frame on the floor, and I have enough sense to turn it off to not waste water.

But I stay there.

At the bottom of the shower, hugging myself until I start to shiver and I'm forced to come back to reality.