A/N Sorry in advance guys, idk how to write someone losing their mind so this is pretty bad. I'm trying to have Addy keep her personality, but still show the Flare eating away at her brain. I don't care for this chapter. It's trash in a bucket. Read at your own risk😔

I feel like I'm losing my mind. At first, when I saw him, I thought I was seeing things. He couldn't be here. Chancellor Paige had told me they'd recaptured him. Was I progressing so close to the Gone that I'd started hallucinating?

But my worries were set aside when Thomas embraced him. Thomas. Oh gosh, I'd ruined things with him, hadn't I? My hands quake at the thoughts that claw inside my brain. This is my fault. It's all my fault.

Tears force their way out of my eyes as I push away from my brother's embrace. I love him, but I can feel the tension in his arms. He still doesn't trust me. He probably never will again. I had to do it. I had to. But... maybe I didn't.

A sob cuts of the thought, slipping through my cracked lips. I can't think like that! I'm not like that. It was for them, not me. The tiny demon that eats away at my brain whispers, but you're the one who matters. They can take care of themselves.

I want to believe it. I want to succumb to the voice and let it take over my body. I don't want to care anymore. I don't want to feel anymore.

"Addy." Newt's voice is choked by tears, but it wraps a thick rope around my waist that pulls me out of the pit I'd been thrown into. "Addy." His voice cracks and softens. His chocolate eyes pierce my very soul, filled with a deep compassion and longing.

I can't stop shaking. I reach for him, knowing his embrace will be my savior, but we're blocked by my mother.

"Please," I beg. "I need him."

She shakes her head, eyes filled with sorrow. "I know, but if you get too near him, you'll both die. You'll infect him. It's for the best. I'm sorry."

I choke back a sob. Deep down, I know she's right, but the more prevalent emotion is anger. Anger that it's true what she says, anger that I can't be with him, anger that I caught the Flare, anger at ev-er-y-thing! The last thought is split into syllables, just as my composure slips out of my grasp and shatters into a thousand pieces. The leeches in my brain take control.

"This is not fair!" The vibrations echo through my throat and scratch deep, bloody chasms in the sensitive flesh as they go. "I didn't ask for this! I don't deserve this!"

My hands search for something to cling to, but I can't see. Not with the glaze of madness covering my eyes. My knees give out and I pound against the ground with my fists, like a toddler throwing a tantrum. If I were more concious, I'd be embarrassed, but I have no control. I am a spectator in my own life.

"What's going on? What's wrong with her?" Newt's voice is laced with worry and echoes in my ears as though it's miles away.

"Stay back, Newt!" My mother warns. "You're not immune! Thomas, get him out of here! Go to the trucks, take the girls with you!"

Thomas bites his lip in a last ditch effort at retaining control over his emotions and nods, guiding Newt away from the spectacle I'm making of myself.

"No!" The blond boy fights. "I won't leave her! Not like this!"

"Go!" Mary orders again. She kneels to my level, grasping my forearms in her soft, but strong hands.

My actions are a blur as the demons attempt to fight off my mother, using my limbs for their dirty work. She holds me tight to her body, still retaining the patient, motherly strength that I'm sure she had when I was young. I want to stop, but fighting makes the throbbing pain in my head worse.

Suddenly the fog obstructing my vision ebbs and I can see clearly. My mother's face has melted away in the glare of the sun and formed a disfigured Crank version of the woman I know. Bloody scratches mar her cheeks and ooze with ebony goop. Her eyes are completely black, lacking the white around the iris entirely.

My screaming grows and I fight more urgently, although this time, it's me fighting, not the darkness in my brain.

"Calm down, Addy!" She streches her hands to me as I wriggle free, but the already skeletal limbs are almost gray in decay and the fingernails are long and yellow. A screech escapes my lips.

"What's going on? How do I help her?" The British voice is coated in pearly tears, but breaks through my ears and snaps some part of my brain. Just as I throw a forceful punch that lands square in my mother's nose with a crunch, I can see through the hallucination and I know exactly what I've done.

Mary curses.

"Mom!" Thomas runs to her side, abandoning Newt where he held the other boy back.

My hands fly to my mouth as my mother dabs at the crimson blood flowing from her broken nose. "I- I'm so sorry!" I sob. "I didn't mean it. Th- there was a Crank and I-"

Tears drown out the rest of my words and my body is wracked with guilt. Though blurred and fuzzy, through the drops of salty liquid, I see Newt, standing just out of reach. He wears an expression of shock, horror, and... fear. He's afraid... of me.