I get into the car and drive away as fast as I can, making my way to the retirement home to visit my grandpops. The drive there is short, but I can't seem to get Shawn off my mind. 

At the desk, I give them my name and also pay the money I owed them for the past two months. Flashes of watching Shawn thrusting into me through the reflection of the mirror keep playing in my head and I try to clear my mind. 

The male nurse shows me the way to the room my grandpops is staying in, automatically drawing any thought of Shawn away.

'Here we are.' He says, opening the door for me.

I thank him and walk inside, seeing my grandpops smile at the chirping birds outside of his window. I don't greet him, there is no point in doing so.

'Look what I got you.' I say, sitting down across from him.

'Melanie?' He asks.

To this day, I still have no clue who the fuck Melanie is.

'No, it's Celina.' I say.

He frowns for a moment and I see a glimpse of recognition in his eyes. A smile appears on his face. For the first time in months, he recognises me.

'My granddaughter.' He says, his voice shaking. 'Where have you been?'

'I visited you last week and we made--' I stop myself. He won't remember it anyway.

I show him all the things I got him, from food to clothes, to just nice stuff I know he would like.

He hugs me tightly and one tear escapes my eye, missing the only person in my life that matters to me. My grandpops.

We decide to play a game together and he wins again, just like always. I've never been good at chess, but they say it helps your brain and increases intelligence.

I sigh in defeat for the fourth time today and my grandpops laughs, knocking my king over.

I look at the clock, surprised by how fast the time flew by. Visiting hours are over and I'm told to leave by the nurse.

'I love you much.' I say, resting my hand on the door frame before leaving.

'I know.' He smiles at me.

I say my goodbyes and leave his room with a broken heart. It breaks every time I visit, afraid it'll be the last time I see him.

With tears in my eyes, I make my way back to the car. Driving out of London, listening to music calms my nerves and I can't wait to be home so I can finally lay down and relax.

When I pull up to the massive driveway, I see an angry Elijah walking towards me and I open the window while parking the car.

He is going to raise his voice again because I took his car without letting him know I would be away this long. Mark my words.

'You could've just called me to let me know it would take a little longer!' He raises his voice.

Told you.

'Yeah, I know, we've been through this. I need to buy my own car. I'm sorry. It will not happen again. Blah blah blah.' I say, not interested in his anger at all.

I stop the engine and get out of the car, handing Elijah the car keys. He pulls me into a tight hug just when I wanted to walk away.

'You know I get worried.' He says, holding me tightly.

'I know, Elijah. But it's not your job to worry about me anymore.'

Flashback

'Please, Elijah! I'm ready. Why are you making this so hard?!' I say, following him through the hallways.

'Because you're just eighteen, Cee! You're too young! You don't know what you want. Maybe you'll regret it and there is no taking it back.' He says, finally turning around.

'I am telling you I want this! Stop looking for excuses! If you do not want to do this, just tell me honestly!'

Elijah walks to me and stands still in front of me, brushing a lock of hair out of my face. I look into his black eyes and he sighs, resting his hand on my cheek.

'Are you sure?' He asks, biting his lip.

'Yes. I want this.' I assure him. 'And I want to do it with you.'

His expression softens and he presses a kiss in the corner of my mouth, pushing the door of my massive bedroom open.

The curtains are half-open, fresh air rushing inside through the open windows. A ray of sunshine falling onto the bed in the middle of the big room.

Elijah closes the door behind him carefully, making sure it's locked before wrapping his arms around me and lifting me off the ground.

I wrap my legs around his waist, holding onto his broad shoulders as he softly lays me down on the bed, his body pressing against mine.

I see him looking into my eyes, second-guessing all of this.

'Please.' I whisper.

He softly brushes his lips against mine, giving me small loving kisses. He starts moving his hips, grinding the bulge in his pants between my legs, turning me on immediately.

Elijah keeps kissing me, moving to my neck and kissing my collarbone, making his way down to the edge of my panties, taking my jeans off first.

He kisses me between my legs and takes my panties off, throwing them aside before moving over my body again.

The pressure of his thumb drawing circles on my clit makes me moan and when he stops I stare into his eyes. He slowly unbuckles his belt, not breaking eye contact.

'Are you sure you want to do this?' He asks again.

I nod.

'I need to hear you say it.'

'I want you to take my virginity, Elijah. If it's not you, it's not anyone.' I whisper against his lips.

He nods slowly, entwining his fingers with mine and moving our hands above my head, holding them there.

I feel the tip of his cock pressing at my opening, begging to enter. I lock my ankles together behind his back and slowly push him inside, making a soft moan escape my lips from both pain and pleasure.

Present-day

'I will always worry about you.'

'You should've thought about that before you pushed me away.'

I push him away softly - the irony - walking to the front entrance of the castle, my hands full of shopping bags.

I hear Elijah sigh when I close the massive door behind me. I bring everything I bought to the kitchen, seeing Sky listening to music while chewing on a piece of candy.

'Hey, Cee. How are you? Did you enjoy your day off?' She asks, reorganising her bra.

'Yes, it was really nice. My grandpops recognised me today so that made me happy.' I will not tell her, or anyone, about my encounter with Shawn at the pastry shop.

The bags are full of stuff and I wonder where I'm going to store it all.

Sky screams when I put the boxes full of pastry on the table for everyone to enjoy.

'And tell me about Shawn Mendes. How was he in bed?' She asks with a big smile, bending over the table.

'It was amazing. ' I sit down across from her. 'He was like a god in bed.' We both laugh.

'I heard he called to become a member.' Sky winks.

'I don't understand why Elijah offers memberships, it's not like they're getting any discount.'

'No, but he can control the clients that way.'

Sky and I chat for a little while about the memberships and eat the pastries on the table. I should have just bought one, now I want to eat it all.

'What about you? Did you have any fun clients?'

'No, not really. One was nice. He just watched as I made myself come, so that was easy money-making.'

'Yeah, that's nice.' I stop talking when Elijah walks into the kitchen.

'Anyway, Sky. It's late and I had a long day, so I'm heading to the dormitory to get some sleep.' I say, taking a bite of an éclair.

'Good night.' She says.

Elijah grabs a beer out of the fridge and walks out of the kitchen before I do.

-

At four o'clock in the middle of the night, I startle awake, feeling sad and empty all of a sudden, anxiety giving me a panic attack.

It gets hard to breathe and I sit up straight looking around in the dark. Some of the beds in the dormitory are empty and all the other girls that are here are asleep.

I grab my bathrobe and walk out of the dormitory, making my way to the west wing, walking in the shadows of the hallways of the castle so no one sees me.

It's pitch black outside, but I somehow manage to find the door of Elijah's bedroom.

The door is unlocked and I push it open, seeing him sleeping in his bed with the windows wide open. Cold air blows inside and I see the full moon from his window shining inside the room.

I pull at the duvet and Elijah wakes up a little, rubbing his eyes so he can look at me. I take my robe off, dropping it to the floor.

He looks into my eyes and moves to the side a little, making place for me to lay down next to him.

'I can't breathe.' I tell him, feeling like I might die.

He is the only person from my past that can give me comfort and I somehow will never be able to let him go completely. Whenever I need him, he's there for me.

He sits up, resting his hands on my face.

'Look at me and imagine a lake. A deep lake, full of water.' Elijah says with a raspy voice, thick of sleep.

I look deep into his eyes and think about the lake I ate my pizza yesterday.

'Imagine you're drowning, looking up at the surface, the light of the sun guiding you.'

Always so creative with his examples to get me out of my panic attacks.

'Swim to the surface and let the cold fresh air fill your lungs, giving you the oxygen you need.'

I gasp for air and it somehow works, it always does... He tells me to inhale and exhale a couple of times and I feel myself calm down, controlling my breathing again.

'I'm sorry. This is my fault. You're the last person I want to argue with.' Elijah says not letting go of my face.

'I know.'

He pulls me to him and I rest my head on his shoulder, wrapping my arms around his naked upper body.

He whispers in my ear and runs his fingers through my messy hair, trying to comfort me. It works and we lay down in bed, Elijah pulling the duvet over our bodies.

I rest my head down on his arm and move my body against his, his bare hot chest against my back. Elijah wraps his other arm around my body, nuzzling his face in my neck.

I exhale sharply, enjoying his presence. He always manages to calm me down and make me feel better by just being around me.

All my anxiety leaves my body and I close my eyes, holding Elijah's hand around my body as I slowly fall asleep again.

-

The next morning I wake up, still being held by Elijah's sleeping arms. He wakes up when I try to sneak out of bed, pulling me back by my arm.

I tell him I need to go and take a shower, but he interrupts me, saying he got something important to tell me.

'You are getting your own bedroom with Mia.' He says, immediately getting my attention. 'If things like this happen again, you need to be close to me, therefore you and Mia will be sleeping in the bedroom next to mine. If Mia wants to, her son can visit and maybe stay over once in a while.'

'Thank you, Elijah, but I do not want any special treatment.' I say.

'You have no say in this matter, Celina. You and Mia will sleep there tonight.'

He used my full name, now I know he means it.

I nod, giving him a small smile before walking out of his room, down to the dormitory to tell Mia the great news.

That same afternoon, Mia and I spent hours straight bringing our stuff from one side of the castle to the other one.

I push the door open and freeze. This was my room for four years until I moved to the dormitory, I just never knew Elijah's room was right next to mine.

I look at the queen-sized bed on one side of the room - the bed where I lost my virginity - and I chuckle a little, putting the box with my stuff down on it.

'This room is massive!' Mia exclaims, walking in behind me.

'I know...' I sigh, walking to the closet.

Elijah left everything the same as how it was when I left it. The only change he made was moving another bed in for Mia to sleep on. 

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