beomgyu's just sitting on the couch quietly. after hearing taehyun's conversation with soobin, he feels like his mind just went blank.

he just let kai guide him to sit on the couch. he's tears just won't stop falling. why won't they stop falling?!

"please beom, hear me out-" he angrily looked at taehyun.

"you lied to me." his voice was like a whisper.

he can't believe it. his friends, the ones that he trusted the most—lied to his face. how could they do that?

he sobbed. "you—you of all people, knew what i was going through. but you decided to lie?! how am i suppose to listen to you?!"

kai was silent beside him, trying to console him by rubbing his back.

"listen to me okay? i just knew this last week, and we're planning on telling you.." taehyun explained.

"where is he?" he brushed away his tears. he's done crying, everything felt numb that he doesn't feel anything anymore.

"please beom calm down-"

"if you're not planning on telling me, then i can find him myself."

he stood up, walking straight to the door. if they don't tell him where the hell his best friend is, then fine. he'll just look for him. he's got all the time in the world.

"wait beomgyu—fuck—where are you going?!"

the door burst open before he could open it.

"all of you, sit. no one is leaving until i fucking explain this situation," soobin announced, his hands holding plastic bags.

beomgyu had no choice, he glared back before sitting back to the couch.

---

"okay, here goes the story." soobin drank his beer before facing his friends. kai sat beside him, while beomgyu and taehyun were on the other couch.

"two months ago. it was two months ago when i accidentally met yeonjun's mother while i was on busan. we talked, and then i asked her if yeonjun was doing great in school. that's when she started acting weird, like she didn't wanna talk about her son. she left, but my curiosity is killing me so i followed her," soobin exhaled, all that memory comes back to him.

beomgyu's listening intently, absorbing all the words that comes from soobin's mouth. he doesn't want to miss any detail. he's also holding back his tears from falling again.

"i followed her, and my feet brought me to a hospital. i felt like my heart stopped for a moment when she walked inside. i said i don't wanna assume things, so i kept following her. she went inside a room, and that's when i saw him. he's sitting at the hospital bed, looking fine. he didn't have any bandage or any signs of injury so i thought, 'oh maybe he just got into a small accident'. boy i was so wrong." he laughed nervously, trying to hold his tears.

"what do you mean hyung? y-yeonjun's okay right? right?" taehyun hugged beomgyu to calm him down. soobin ignored his question.

"when his mother was gone, i visited him. i was so excited to surprise him, i even bought those expensive games that he like because i didn't gave him a parting gift-" this time, soobin didn't stop his tears from rolling down his face. he remembers it clearly—the pain he felt.

"-but when i opened the door and smiled at him, he didn't smile back. i stood there in front of him but he didn't even glanced. he just asked one question, 'who is there?' "

"n-no, that can't be-" kai muttered. he smiled painfully at him and then held his hand. he needs some strength.

"and it dawned to me. he can't see me, he can't see my smile—fuck, he can't even see that game i bought him! i just stood there and sobbed like an idiot." he wiped his tears.

beomgyu kept crying. he couldn't accept these. the pain, it's too overwhelming for him—he can't breathe.

"i talked to him after that. he said that i should keep this as a secret, and i thought of you," he pointed at beomgyu. "i knew it was unfair to you, because you're here and you're hurting! but i also knew that yeonjun was just protecting you. he didn't want you to know what he's been going through because he knows that you're gonna be in pain again. trust me, there's always a time where i wanted to tell you everything.. but i can't—because when he left you, you were hurt. and the thought of hurting you again? i couldn't do that. that's the reason why we kept it for so long."

"so i'm sorry, i'm really sorry." soobin cried again when kai hugged him.

"no hyung, we understand," kai whispered, holding his hyung tight.

"beom, breathe slowly please." taehyun hugged beomgyu. he's trying to atleast make a little of his pain go away. because he knows it's too much for him.

beomgyu's tears don't stop falling. he can't keep thinking of that times when he was cursing yeonjun because he didn't reply to his letters.

so that's the reason. it's not because he doesn't want to, but because he couldn't see his letters. he couldn't read them. he couldn't.