REAL LIFE (JUNE 22),

TW: attempts of suicide and mentions of thoughts any paragraph will be marked with ⚠️

⚠️ There I was. At the edge of a cliff, about to jump off. Only this time, there were no friends around me to hype me up to jump off, knowing I would be safe. Only this time I wasn't. I wasn't safe at all, I was far from safe this time. No one was here to tell me that they hope I don't die, no one even thought that. No harness was strapped around my waist to protect me from dying. I was free. Free from safety.

⚠️ I slowly step closer to the edge, looking down at the landscape below me. I take a deep breath, stepping closer once more, muttering a few words of sorry to myself.

"Ella. Don't step any closer to that edge." A voice from behind me instructs.

This voice was his voice. The voice who had told me many times to not do what I was about to do. The voice that had told me he loved me. The same voice, that had formed the words "We should take a break.". The same voice that I haven't heard in 2 weeks. The voice that belonged to someone I'm in love with.

"Matt, leave me alone," I tell him, not bothering to turn around. "Ella why are you doing this?" he questions. "I have to Matt," I answer.

"Says who?"

⚠️"Everyone. Matt, everyone. All of the little fans that are obsessed with you, so obsessed that they want me to kill me, the girl you believed over me because you don't trust me, everyone. Everyone wants me dead. And like you guys always say, gotta make the fans happy." I tell him, finally turning around to prove my point.

⚠️"Ella no. Not everyone. I don't. Chris doesn't. Nick doesn't. Baylen doesn't. Alahna and Madi don't. Elmer doesn't. I don't. I don't want you dead." Matt argues.

⚠️ I just roll my eyes as his lies seep out of his mouth. I turn back around, stepping forward on the edge. As I'm close to jumping off, I feel arms wrap around me from behind and pull me to their chest, preventing me from doing anything.

⚠️ "Matt let go of me." Ella demands, squirming around in Matt's arms as he carries her away from the edge. "No Ella. You may not be my biggest fan right now, but I need to save you from killing yourself." Matt objects, picking the girl up fully, and pressing her chest against his.

"Wrap," Matt instructs. Ella rolls her eyes in annoyance, adding an annoyed sigh, and reluctantly wraps her legs around his figure and her arms around his neck, a tear sliding down her face as Matt carries her to the van.

He carefully places her in the backseat behind the driver's seat, then gets into the front.

"Hey, Matt?" Ella starts, "Uh yeah?" Matt replies, taking a quick glance in the rearview mirror. "Why did you come to the cliff? She questions.

"I was heading to Wendy's to go get food for everyone, well not you cause you weren't with Baylen, he just said you were out and to not worry about it or whatever, and so I was on the way to Wendy's and I saw your bike right at the entrance, and I knew it was yours, cause I was there when you got it last Summer, and I mean it stays at my house when you guys went back to Florida. And since I knew it was yours, I pulled over and went to find you to see if maybe you were in there. I almost gave up but then I heard you talking to yourself so I came to see you." Matt explains.

"Dammit," Ella mutters.

⚠️ "No. Not dammit. I'm so glad I heard you talking cause I bet right now, you'd be about 200 feet in a ditch, dead. Do you know how much of an impact that would have on your friends? On me?" Matt begins to get a bit angry, the fact that the girl he loves was almost dead a matter of minutes ago.

"I'm sorry." Ella mutters, "Ella. I know you think that that was the best option, but it's not. You have people to talk to." Matt replies.

"Like who? You?" Ella snaps, "Not nec-"

"Cause I don't think I have you to talk to. I don't have you. I don't have anybody." Ella cuts him off, "Ella, you do have me. So we're on a break? I'm still available to be your friend until everything with River dies down." Matt assures her. "Yeah, whatever," Ella replies, rolling her eyes and tucking her legs into her chest.

⚠️ "Ella I'm serious. You are one of the people in the whole world I care about most. I care if you want to take your own life. I care about you. So don't whatever me cause I mean it." Matt states.

⚠️ "That's bullshit, Matt. I know it. You're just saying that cause I'm your friend and you don't wanna be the reason someone ends their life." Ella snaps back, regretting that she told Matt that he was the reason she wanted to kill herself because he wasn't. He was the reason she wanted to stay.

"I'm the reason?" Matt asked quietly, "No I said it wrong." Ella sighs, knowing she's going to have to explain herself. "The who is the reason?" he questions. Ella takes a deep breath before starting.

⚠️"It's not really a someone- well it kind ais kinda not- but before we started dating like we weren't even hanging out I was getting death threats and people would tell me I should kill myself cause the world doesn't need a slut like me. But I would only get those like once every 2 months or something. Now when I started to hang out with you guys, it became more often where like I would get one every week or so. When everyone found out we were dating, I got them like every other day maybe every day. Now since River keeps posting things about me 'cheating' I get at least 5 a day telling me I'm a whore and how I used you for sex when we didn't even fuck at all. It got too much and once we broke up, took a break, or however you wanna phrase it, I thought 'damn, life really just sucks' so I read at least 50 of those dm's and they really sunk into my brain and I realized they're true. No one needs me. You clearly don't. My friends don't. No one. So that's my reason. Not you. Them. You're so-called fans. Bullshit. And you can hate me for the rest of your life for talking shit about them but if they're gonna go low enough to tell someone to kill themselves, send death threats, rape threats, I'm sorry but they can go fuck themselves cause they're just jealous assholes who need to get a life."

Ella slouches back in her seat after speaking. Her face scrunches up in confusion when Matt pulls over to the side of the road. He gets out of the car and opens Ella's.

"Get up," he says. Ella shoots him a confused look as she slowly gets out of the car. Her face softens when Matt pulls her figure into his own and wraps his arms around her as tight as he could.

⚠️ "Ella I love you. Like I literally love you. So you may think that I don't need you, but I really fuckin do. Breaking up with you was a big mistake and I regret it every day. I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry I came into your life and caused all of this trouble. I am so sorry. You deserve better. Way better. Please don't kill yourself, it's not worth it. Please. I don't know what I would do if I had to live with you not being alive. I don't. And I am here for you. Please talk to me when you ever feel like you want to do something. Please, Ella. I don't care if it takes all day, I don't care. Just know that you can talk to me." Matt assures her, not letting go once.

"Okay." Ella replies, " I will."

"You will what?" Matt asked, making sure she knows what she was saying she'll do.

⚠️ "I will... talk to you whenever I want to do something to myself or whenever I need to. I will not kill myself. I will stay alive. And. I will continue to love you too." Ella replies calmly.

"Good. Now talk to me whenever you're ready, I'll be right here." Matt tells her, finally letting go of the girl.

"Ready for what?" asked Ella. "To be my girlfriend again. I was wrong to not trust you and I do trust you." Answers Matt.

"I'm ready. I think."

"What do you mean you think?" he questions. "Well, I mean like. I just I'm ready for a relationship with you. But I'm not ready for the heartbreak when something like this happens again." Ella clarifies.

"It won't. I have full trust in you. I know you're not the type of person to cheat. I'm sorry for believing those posts. I won't break up with you again, I could never go through that pain again." Matt assures her.

"I really love you, Matt." Ella states, resting her head on his chest, "I really love you too Ella." Matt replies, resting his head on top of hers.

"Can I be your girlfriend again?" she asks quietly, hoping he didn't hear. "No."

"No?"

"No. Because I'm supposed to ask you " he clarifies, "Jesus Matt you scared me." Ella laughs.

"So then will you be my girlfriend? Again?"

"Yes. Yes, I will." Ella smiles, leaning in to kiss Matt.

"God damn, I missed those lips." Matt mumbles, "Hm yeah well get used to them, you own them now." Ella replies.

"Hm? I can live with that."

KIERA SPEAKS: we're not gonna talk about how this chapter is 600 more words than usual