It was a quiet day at St. Thomas, which meant Cassie had lots of time for her little patients. Most of the kids had visitors and the one's who didn't sat together in the common room of the children's ward like most days. Only one of her patients wasn't in the mood to join the other kids and asked if Cassie could read her favorite book to her.

It was the same girl Kyle told her about the day they had a 'date'. They found out the girl had cancer and that she had to stay at the hospital for a while. This was one of the reasons why the brunette was sceptical about working with kids. Taking care of sick people was always sad but watching a five year old slowly deteriorate was even worse and it broke Cassie's heart to know there was a 50/50 chance that the girl wouldn't make it.

This was just another reason why she never wanted to have children of her own. Her heart couldn't take it if anything like this would happen to her own baby. The more kids you had, the more worries would come with each kid. But it was too late for that now.

A small smile took over Cassie's face when she heard soft snores coming from the girl. She closed the book and put it on the nightstand next to the bed before tucking the five year old in. It wasn't even dinner time yet but the chemotherapy treatment probably caused the tiredness.

A soft knock on the door got the brunette's attention. Turning around only to see Tara stand in the doorway made her groan in annoyance. Two months had passed since she last talked to the doctor and if she was honest, she didn't plan on talking to her now. Especially not where twenty kids would be able to hear them fight.

“What do you want?”, Cassie asked while wrinkling her nose before getting up. 

“Five minutes of your time, please”, the older brunette asked in a pleading tone.

With soft steps Cassie left the room so as not to wake Lucy and closed the door behind her, her arms crossed in front of her chest while she eyed Tara suspiciously. Those would be five wasted minutes.

“Five minutes, not a second more”. Cassie nodded the doctor with her and sat down in a quiet corner in the common room. This way she was still able to help the other two nurses watch out for the kids and listen to Tara's bullshit.

With a grateful smile, Tara took a seat across from her, her eyes wandering around the room for a moment before her attention was back on Cassie. The last weeks were an absolute shit show and she had to fix things before it was too late. Jax barely talked to her anymore, made sure she stayed far away from the clubhouse most of the time and told her honestly that he was thinking about a divorce.

That's not what Tara wanted. She wanted her husband's trust back and the only way to show him how serious she was about their relationship was through Cassie, Happy and James. The three of them probably hated her with a passion after they found out she was Kayla's little helper⸺ something she still regretted.

“I know you don't want to hear this but⸺ I'm really sorry about everything, Cassie. If I could turn back time I would, I swear. I helped Kayla because I knew how she felt. She felt trapped and wanted out of this life. She didn't care about the price she'd have to pay. When I heard Kyle managed to get a 'date' with you I panicked. That was the moment I realized how fucked up her whole plan was. Fact is that I never wanted you to get hurt.” Tara's clammy hands lay in her lap as she nervously played with her fingers.

Her mouth felt dry as the desert while she was waiting for an answer. The way Cassie just looked at her with no emotions crossing her face made her nervous. Even though many wouldn't believe her, Tara meant her apology seriously and hoped to get a second chance from Cassie.

“Well, Kyle's hands were still all over my body because two women thought it was a good idea to drug another young woman to hurt someone else. Why did you agree to the plan in the first place? What did I ever do to you?”, the brunette raised a brow at the doctor, curious about Tara's answer.

Tara cleared her throat and dropped her eyes at the question. A feeling of shame rose inside her. “Because I thought you were no different than the Croweaters. Young, pretty, good with the guys⸺ I was jealous, even scared.”

“Scared of what?”, Cassie whisper-yelled at the brunette, bending over the table a little as a nurse looked into their direction. “That I would take your man? If that would've been so easy you should probably question your marriage, not other women. It was obvious I only had eyes for Happy, Tara. And even if not, it doesn't give you the right to drug someone and hope they get hurt!”

“I know that”, Tara snarled desperately, keeping her voice low. “I made one mistake, Cassie. I was  so blind and wanted to help a friend that I didn't realize how nice you actually were. Look, I never wanted this life but I want to try to fit in and I can't do that if everyone hates me.”

Cassie snorted a bitter laugh, throwing her hands aside while she sat back. “So, that's the reason why you're here. You hope that James, Happy and I just accept your apologies so you can come back to the clubhouse with the hope everyone else just forgets what you did.”

“That's not true”, Tara said sternly, shaking her head. “I'm here because I actually feel bad. If you can't forgive me, that's fine, I'll have to find another way back into the club. We don't have to become best friends, I know that I messed that chance up, but I want us to get along.”

Her blue eyes bored holes in Tara as the anger from back then rose up in her once again. “If it was just the one thing, I might even have forgiven you. I believe you, that you're really sorry. But Lily is still struggling to this day with the after effects of the injuries Kayla inflicted on her. She's still plagued by nightmares, starts crying out of nowhere, is more clingy than ever and only trusts few people. And you are partly to blame. When will you finally understand what you actually did?”

“I suppose you'll always blame me for that?”, Tara asked meekly. “Thing is, I know I deserve it. But I wish there was a way to make up for my mistakes.”

“Well, there's no way⸺”, Cassie couldn't continue as she felt a wave of nausea wash over her. She stood up quickly, the chair squeaking as it slid across the floor, and rushed down the long hallway to the visitor's restroom, just managing to slide to her knees before throwing up.

Tara had watched how the young woman's face lost all color in less than a minute and rushed after her. She carefully took Cassie's hair in her hands and held it out of her face while the brunette threw up again, sincere worry written all over Tara's face.

When Cassie was done, she slumped against the wall and pulled her legs close to her body, a look of shame on her face before she buried her face between her knees, desperate sounding sobs filled the room only a moment later

Tara flushed the toilet and sat next to Cassie. Even though she was the last person Cassie probably wanted to see right now, Tara stayed seated and carefully placed a hand on the brunette's arm, an almost sad smile on her lips as the doctor realized what was going on with the younger woman. The doctor knew Cassie never wanted kids on her own and now she was puking and crying⸺ Tara didn't need more proof to know what was going on.

“How far along are you?”, she asked softly.

“Eight weeks”, Cassie choked out between her sniffles, not sure why she even opened up to Tara. To the woman she never wanted to talk again. “I don't even know how it could happen. Except for one time we always used a condom because we didn't fully trust in birth control.”

Tara nodded slightly, about to give some advice until it hit her. “You said eight weeks. So you got pregnant around the time you were drugged. I know this is a personal question, but did you have sex with Happy shortly after the incident?”

Cassie slowly lifted her head. Wiping away the tears, who had left a trace of smudged mascara on her cheeks, she sniffled again and nodded briefly.

“That's what I thought”, Tara sighed, giving the brunette's arm a gentle squeeze. “The drug in your system probably made the pill less effective for a day or two. As a result, there was no longer full protection to prevent pregnancy.”

Cassie let out a desperate laugh, new tears streaming down her face again. “Fucking great.”

“Does Happy know?” Tara draped an arm over Cassie's petite body and tried to give the younger woman as much comfort as possible. She still remembered how she felt when she found out she was pregnant with Thomas. But the difference here was that Happy's and Cassie's relationship was stable, not like her's and Jax' back then.

“Not yet. I only found out two days ago myself”, she muttered, again wondering why on earth she let Tara know all those things. Out of all people she could talk to about this, she chose to open up to Tara. Maybe because the doctor wouldn't judge her for thinking about an abortion. “The guys have been on the road for five days. On the phone yesterday, I thought about telling Happy about the pregnancy, but he sounded so tired and exhausted. I knew he just wanted to get some sleep. But they're coming back today, means I have to tell him.”

“I understand.” Tara nodded understandingly and agreed with Cassie. You probably shouldn't discuss such a thing over the phone anyway. A question was burning on her tongue, and she finally asked it after another moment of silence. “You want to keep it? I remember you once said that you don't want kids.”

“No, I don't want to keep it.” The small cabin filled again with sobs that echoed throughout the room. Cassie hated looking so weak in front of others, but the news that she was pregnant threw her off completely. It was hard enough pretending everything was okay at work all day, or when James, Benny, Lyla or Gemma stopped by her place. She just couldn't hold it in any longer.

“But you feel like shit for choosing an abortion, am I right?”, Tara asked sympathetically. “That's exactly how I felt when I was pregnant with Thomas. It was too soon for another child, I wasn't ready.”

“But you kept him”, Cassie stated, her voice muffled by her stuffy nose. “Do you ever regret it?”

Tara shook her head, smiling. “No, him and Abel are my whole world. I'm glad I couldn't do it but⸺ I'd never judge a woman for getting an abortion. I'm sure you have your reasons why you don't want kids and that's okay.”

Cassie rubbed the tip of her nose with the back of her hand, her eyes burning from all the tears and mascara in her eyes. “So it doesn't make me an awful person?”

“No”, Tara replied quickly, rubbing the brunette's arm. “What do you think will Happy say about this?”

“That's my problem. I don't know what he'll think about it.” The Connor woman swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat, staring at the tiled floor. “What if he wants to keep it? If I take the baby away from him he'll hate me.”

This decision must be terribly difficult and Tara's pity grew with each sob that came from Cassie. Right now she didn't know how to best help her, but she wanted to help somehow.

“But you can't just keep it because he wants it, this will only lead to more fights in the future”, Tara sighed. “It's your body, Cassie. But why don't you talk to him first, hm? Maybe he's not ready for a baby yet either.”

Cassie nodded slightly. She understood what Tara was saying and the doctor was probably right with her words. If she would keep the child just because of him, it would lead to so many arguments in the future. That's something she didn't want. But how horrible would it be to take a child from someone who would love it unconditionally?

“Or”, Tara spoke up again, making Cassie raise an eyebrow.

“Or what?”, she asked urgently.

“Or you keep it to yourself and get an abortion without him ever knowing”, the woman suggested sheepishly.

“No, no way. I can't do this to him”, Cassie shook her head quickly and got up, straightening her clothes. This was something she didn't even have to think about. She would never be able to forgive herself for doing this behind Happy's back. Both had promised each other absolute honesty when they decided to try a relationship. And she wouldn't break that promise.

“Hey, it was just an idea. No one said you have to do it”, Tara assured her, raising her hands in surrender. “It's good you wanna talk to him first, shows how strong your relationship is.”

She eyed the doctor with caution and wasn't sure if Tara's words were meant honestly or not. It was hard to trust someone who had betrayed you and used your vulnerability once.

“Please just keep it to yourself, okay? I don't want anyone except for Happy to know for now”, the brunette mumbled and walked over to the sink where she rinsed her mouth and rested her hands on the sink to look at herself in the mirror for a moment.

“My lips are sealed”, Tara promised before rubbing Cassie's back. “I'll give you a moment to yourself. If you need anything, you know where to find me.”

Sighing, the brunette lowered her head and closed her eyes. After Tara left her alone, another deep sigh slipped past her lips. This situation was just fucked up and she already feared the conversation she would have to have with Happy later.