THE WAY I LOVED YOU / 017
OUTER BANKS
₊˚ ୨ ♡ ୧ ˚₊ — the real behind the fake

✧

. . .last summer

EDEN NEVER BELIEVED SHE WOULD SPEND her life with these four brainless boys, but there she was!

          While Pope took care of bringing the Popcorn without even dropping a single one on the floor, JJ and John B prepared the couch into a bed and filled it with blankets and cushions that Eden had brought from home for gave the appearance of a well-kept house. It was her favorite evenings. Films, cards, beers in secret with truth or consequence ( forbidden to kisses, rule number 4 in their friendship list made by Eden ). She could have been chatting with Yasmina to make food, but she quickly ran away before she even asked. That's what we call a real fugitive!

          Eden came out of the bathroom in her pajamas made of short blue shorts and her white top, running towards the bed in the middle of the living room and jumping on it. JJ let out a shock, his mouth open wider than a fish as his hands rested in his golden hair. John B, he started laughing like nothing was happening while the blond started his whole dialogue about how long it took him to do it. Pope, busy digging into the different candies, turned towards them and frowned at the scene. JJ grabbing Eden by the waist and starting to tickle her while John B tried to pull him off of her.

          By the looks of it, it was the group of friends everyone wanted to have. The idiot of the group who doesn't care about everything, nicknamed JJ Maybank in this case. The little one, smart but much naughtier than he seems when they get to know him, known as Pope Heyward. And next to it, the little duo of the group which stands out from the crowd and which is more seen for : best friends too friends. John B Routledge, the nice, thoughtful guy who goes fishing every morning and comes back to show his friends like the feat of the century, while Eden Winslow, the pretty girl from the Cut who lived from day to day, hiding her sadness behind a smile straight out of paradise. The girl who hangs out with the bad boys but probably has the best life.

          So, yeah. She never would have imagined living her life alongside them. She would have rather imagined it next to a handsome rich guy, but life has led her where she is. At the Chateau. A card game between the four teenagers, Pirates Of The Caribbean playing on the old computer found in the attic at Eden's, accompanied by candies, chocolates and Popcorn, Pope threw his last UNO cards in the middle. Groaning, JJ, who also had only one card left, picked one.

"That's so full of shit, this game!" He got angry like a child while Eden stared at him with eyes full of laughter.

John B added for the pleasure of seeing his best friend turn red even more, "Or maybe you're too stupid to, JJ."

Eden shook her head, remarking, "This game is all luck. Loser, winner, all card draw." JJ shrugged before seeing her place her last but one card, muttering with certainty of winning, "UNO."

The blond frowned while the Routledge boy looked back at Eden, to whom he smirked. Then he placed a pass, giving Eden the chance to play again. Before JJ could speak, Eden laid down her last card, raising her arms in the air.

"Wh— What?! No, no, no. I saw you, guys! I saw you." Eden simply shrugged, a neutral face as John B looked at her out of the corner of his eye.

          Pope sent them questioning eyes, blinking his eyelashes slowly. JJ suddenly threw his cards in the air, throwing his arms up in defeat. The Heyward boy patted his shoulder, a smile to comfort him.

          "Don't worry, bro. You're gonna get it next time," he said before placing his eyes on the two best friends smirking. "if they don't cheat again."

          Eden placed her hand over her heart, opening her mouth to grumble, "How dare you, Pope? We're innocent!"

          Nodding, John B added, "Totally!"

JJ started rambling about how this game was shit while Pope listened to him talk without trying to calm him down. Eden and John B took the opportunity to concentrate on the film, sharing the bowl of Popcorn between them.

What if it was awkward between them because of their fake relationship? A little, but the two had learned to separate their game and their real friendship when no one was around them. That was for Eden. She almost didn't care because. . . Well, it was John B. Her best friend, nothing could be awkward or uncomfortable when it came to her friendship with him.

For John B, it was a completely different matter. Was he okay with this idea of ​​a false relationship to scare away a Kook who has been harassing Eden, who has been going on for three months? Not really. But when he saw her trying to get away one day from Rafe Cameron who wanted to kiss her, John B knew he had to accept. Because no one could ever touch her again like that idiot did.

After asking Eden for a list of rules to follow so that nothing comes between their friendship, he finally accepted. Three simple little rules, 1) never kiss, 2) don't forget it's a game, 3) don't fall in love. Especially the third was important, for John B it was the center of this game. Eden had already made him read a book where there was a best friends to lovers, and it scared the hell out of him. Not that John B never had a thing for Eden Winslow, everyone had a thing for her. But that was the fact. . . Well, it was her. The girl he had known for too long, who knew all his secrets, who comforted him when things were bad. The fear of losing everything he cared for haunted him.

          If he had to erase it from his life, he would do it. He would erase every moment that allowed him to get closer and closer to Eden, not as a friend, but as a guy who starts to have feelings. Because that's exactly what was happening. Was he afraid? Yes, very scared. But he liked her, and not as a friend.

          "Hey," Eden called out to him, pulling him out of his thoughts. John B turned to her, following her gaze to JJ who was sleeping on Pope's shoulder. "And then they say they're completely straight." John B smiled, staring at them as she did.

          "You should sleep too. Tomorrow we're going fishing and I don't think you'll be able to stand up if you don't fall asleep right away." He explained as he grabbed a blanket and placed it over her body.

          She immediately warmed up in it, looking up at him. "Good night, grumpy." She hummed, then closed her eyes. John B rolled his eyes and turned around, lying back to back with her.

          Eden always had difficulty falling asleep. Too many sounds, not enough sounds. Thirst, hunger, desire to go to the bathroom. Everything made her want to get up and do lots of useless things. And often the only place that could calm her was the sound of water. The sea, or simply a river under her feet as she lets herself sway in the night breeze. And that's what she did.

          She quietly got up from the sofa, wrapped the blanket around her body with her hands, and looked around to make sure she hadn't woken any of the three boys. A snore from JJ's mouth told her he was sleeping like a baby. Eden smiled softly before opening the door that led onto the porch, then opening the next one and finally feeling the damp, cool night air with the blue, black sky descending over the bright water lit by the moon. She headed towards the wooden bridge in front of the Chateau which gave access to the river. Small cracks were heard, but nothing alarming as her hair came to rest in front of her eyes. Eden blinked, staring at a star that seemed to follow her every move she made.

          Once below the small hut, she placed her hands on edge of the ramp which avoided falling and sat down next to the small lit light that John B always leaves there in case Eden wakes up in the night. He knew about her difficult nights, it was a secret to no one.

          The teenager fixed her brown eyes on the river that floated beneath her feet. Water was her path to calm, it was the path she took when something was bothering her. And what was bothering her at that precise moment was the feeling of love. A feeling she once felt for a boy in the third year of high school. But nothing matched what she felt in that moment. It was the power that came over her to want to be with this person every second. Those shivers when he slipped his hand into hers in the middle of a horror movie. These sentences remaining in the hollow of her head when she tries to close her eyes in the night. It was the feeling of being unable to breathe without this person by your side. But she hated it, because she was falling in love with her best friend. And that was against the rule. Not the one in their stupid contract for the fake relationship, but the rule she made the day they met.

          John B was the breastiest human she met in her life. The only boy who made charcoal masks with her, the only one who smiled at her even when he was angry with her, the only one who caught fish and always gave them to her to please her. He was the only human being to ever hurt her. And she should risk being with him and breaking him like she did with everyone she's ever loved? She refused, it was against herself.

          But yet, when her gaze fell on the bracelet on her wrist that John B had specially made for when he accepted this stupid game she wished it could disappear. If she hadn't asked him that, she probably wouldn't be here today. But there she was, falling into his arms.

          "I was sure of it," a voice cut into her ears, making her jump as she turned to find John B, his hands in his pockets. "You can wake me up when that happens, Ed'."

          She sighed, shaking her head. "Nah, you deserve your six hours of sleep, John." He shrugged, finding that true. "I was going to go back, but you had to come."

He chuckled, sitting down next to her. "Of course." He murmured as if it were the evidence of the year. Eden raised her shoulders, shivers running down her spine from the cold of the night. John B noticed this, and quickly took the blanket he had also brought and placed it on her shoulders. She thanked him with a gentle smile, then remained in appalling silence.

          But it didn't last.

          "Yo, do you see it?" She said, frowning. John B looked at her questioningly. "That star keeps looking at me." He couldn't help but let out a little laugh. She turned to him, a smile on her lips. "I'm dead serious. Look," she exaggerated, taking his hand and pointing at the star, closing one eye. "It looks mad with rage at me."

          "Eden, we all have lots of stars watching us." He tried to resonate with her but she did not accept this simple explanation. "So what do you think it's mad about?"

          "I don't know. Maybe it's my grandmother who died last year. She never loved me. . . Oh, wait. Maybe it Derek, my uncle who wanted me to wear always dresses. I hated him. And I didn't like dresses. It shows my flaws." She said out loud without thinking, looking down at her thighs.

          John B frowned, uttering the most said phrase in the world when a girl makes fun of herself, "You look beautiful, Eden. Stop putting yourself down. And. . . We all have some flaws. It's natural to life."

          She grumbled, "Yeah, I know. But they're still there, and even though we try to convince ourselves it's normal, part of us says it's our body's fatal mistake."

          "Hmm. . . And, what do you think is my body's fatal mistake?" John B asked, turning his head towards her, placing his arms back for support. Eden opened her mouth halfway, nothing coming out. "Come on, we all have at least one. What's mine?"

          She refused, "I'm not going to tell you about your flaws. That's not cool." He raised his eyebrows, waiting patiently. She stuttered the first thing that came to mind, "You always have a pimple on your forehead."

          "Thank you." He said straight away, making Eden roll her eyes.

          A new silence has come to settle between their bodies. Eden continued to stare at the star as John B played with the bracelets around his wrist.

          It was the time to say what she had had to say to him for two weeks already. Rafe was no longer chasing her, he had finally stopped. They had succeeded, but yet Eden didn't want to let him go. She knew he wasn't going to leave, but part of their new relationship was going to disappear.

          "We can stop," she admitted without even thinking about it further. John B said nothing, not knowing what she was talking about. Eden turned her head to the left, whispering, "The game, this fake relationship, it's over. Uh, Rafe is finally disinterested. We succeeded."

          John B remained silent, trying to put on a small smile even though his heart was cracking. No, not right now, he thought.

          "It's, um, it's great. But, are you sure?"

          She nodded, "One hundred percent sure." He blinked. It was a weird feeling. Not like a breakup, but an end to something he hoped would last forever. "I think I should say. . . Thanks. It was really nice of you to do that for me, John B."

          He nodded without saying a word as she placed her hand in front of him. He was speechless as he shook Eden's cold hand, signifying the end of the era. What was happening to him, he couldn't speak.

          Eden smiled uneasily, then jumped up without even looking at him. She hated it as much as he did to end it, but it was better for them this way. She began to walk towards the Chateau, her hands trembling, her breathing dry. What the hell was going on? She wanted to turn around, she wanted to, but her head told her to keep moving.

          So he spoke for them.

          "No," John B said loud enough for her to hear. She stopped abruptly, slowly turning towards him. "We can't."

          She frowned, her eyes blinking multiple times. "Wha. . . What do you mean, John B? It's over. He's disinterested."

          He cut her off in her sentence, "I know. But. . . I'm not." She kept the same expressions on her face the more he spoke. ". . .I've never been disinterested by you." Eden placed her mouth in an 'o' as she saw him take a few steps forward, continuing to speak, "I— I mean, would it be that bad?"

Eden exclaimed, "Yes, it would be."

"Eden, I spent the last three months being the one you used to scare away that idiot who wouldn't stop following you. And. . . The moment I felt this jealousy piercing my head, I panicked. But in a good way, I think." He made the girl in front of her recognize what was in his heart, approaching her with small steps as if an element was calling his body to join her.

"There is no good way to be jealous of a guy who is with his best friend, John B. That's the second rule, it's just a game." She pointed out, raising her arms in the air.

He lowered his head, running his tongue over his dry lips. "God, I know, Eden. I tried, okay?" He whispered in an almost trembling voice finally in front of her. "I acted like that asshole in your goddamn book. But I swear it wasn't planned." Eden looked up at him. He was always a little taller than her, annoying her with this stupid fact. "I don't want to pretend anymore."

Her heart was racing, not being able to calm down as he added more and more to each of his sentences. And it was when his hand passed over her cheek that she felt a mountain of butterflies coming down. She closed her eyes, she didn't want to see him. John B stepped forward, enough for her to feel the warmth of his breathing.

Rubbing his thumb against her cheek, he whispered close to her lips, "Can I kiss you?"

Biting her lip, she gave no signs of disagreement or agreement. She wanted him to kiss her. She wanted it so bad.

          Exactly, that was bad.

She no longer even thought of their friendship in all this, but only the image of his lips against hers. And it didn't take anything more than that for her to nod gently.

"Yes or no, Eden?" He asked more seriously, wanting to hear her answer to be sure of her choice.

She ran her hand behind his neck, touching his soft hair, then whispered, "Yes," before crushing her lips on his for the first time — if you don't count the fake ones. John B's arms came to encircle her waist in a single circle, pulling her closer to him and deepening the kiss with such gentleness as strength.

          Boom, boom, boom.

          It was touching with infinite softness as her fingers played with his wavy hair at the bottom. Nothing was like the little kisses they shared in front of Rafe to prove that they were 'really' together. This one sent shivers, sensations to her lower abdomen. It was a catch that sent her flying into the clouds with him. Every breath, every shiver, every grip on her hips made her drift towards an unreal dream.

Boom, boom, boom.

          It was as if no one was there. Eden only gave importance to just having him pressed against her and kissing him as she dreamed so much. Nothing was happening now. Time seemed to pass in slow motion, but yet she felt like she was moving against his lips for minutes that seemed to never stop.

          She was warm, very warm despite the humidity of the night. She slowly pulled away from him, pressing her forehead against his. She wishes he could read her thoughts. She wished she wasn't the one pushing him away like everyone else.

          "I'm sorry," she said quickly, moving slightly away from him, but his hands remained delicately gripping his hips. He blinked, not understanding. "I'm so sorry, John B."

          He furrowed his eyebrows in a tight arch, asking calmly even though the stress was creeping up on him, "Sorry for what? You did nothing wrong, Eden." His voice shook even more, he knew what was going to happen, and he did everything to avoid thinking about it.

          Her hands that were behind his neck fell down, brushing her fingers against his arm. She looked up at him with humified eyes, breathing with the last strength she had left, "We can't." John B's eyes turned wide as he opened his mouth to protest when Eden immediately added, "I'm going to break your heart one way or another, and I don't want to. I can't. . ."

          "So break my heart, Eden. Break it into a thousand pieces, it's yours. Do what you want with." He countered her words, dropping her hips to grab her shaking hands. "I'm yours."

          Eden shook her head, releasing her hands from his grip, "No. . ." John B didn't try to catch up with her and watched her take two steps away, still looking at him with sadness filled in her eyes. "I'm just a mess to you, John B. Everything I touch, I break. I hurt people without meaning to, and I don't want to make you suffer because I like you. You're the most important person in my life, okay? And. . . Hurting you is so horrible that I can't."

          "So you'd rather hurt me now instead of trying? Is that what you're saying, Eden?"

          Two tears came out of her eyes which she wiped away immediately. She hated herself. She really hated herself for doing that.

         "I. . . I'm sorry," she whispered, not even knowing if he had heard her, then turned on her heel so she could flee as quickly as possible. But John B didn't decide that.

          He caught up with her, circled around her body to land directly in front of her. Eden stopped again, biting her lip to try to calm her tears which wouldn't stop flowing like a tsunami. "What scares you so much, Ed'? I'm scared too, all right? But we can be together to try to reduce that fear, don't you think?"

          Eden wiped away her tears with a swipe of her hand. "You can't understand."

          John B then insisted, "So help me understand you."

          "You can't, because I don't even fucking understand myself, John B!" She yelled as she faced him, breaking down sobbing.

          He looked at her with watery eyes. His heart thought about helping her, his head told him to let her go. But he didn't want to let go of her, he liked her. In a forbidden way. It was forbidden to like a person that much.

           "Don't push me away," he hummed as he moved towards her a little, catching her hands. He listened to his heart ; helping her understand that it was normal to be afraid. "Don't ever push me away, Eden. I will always stay."

He wrapped his arms around her body in a warm, loving hug. Eden let her head fall against his chest without returning his touch.

She didn't want to leave him, she wanted to be able to stay in his arms and let herself be taken wherever he would go. She would be willing to cross the world for him, as long as he loves her in return.

But Eden was that girl who touched everything and suddenly a flame was created and she ruined everything with a simple gesture. It was a reflex, she always had to move away before she got hurt first. A life lesson that Yasmina taught her. A lesson she would have liked to never know from this monstrous woman who knew nothing of what she was saying. But Eden grew up learning to listen to everything her parents said. And to be honest, on this one, she can admit that it was fucking bullshit.

She pulled away from his hold, took a sniff, then her watery eyes fell on the image of the brown-haired boy who was in fact her best friend. Eden placed her hand on his cheek, rubbing it with her thumb then kissed it sadly. John B closed his eyes to feel her lips one last time on his skin, then when he opened them again, no one was standing in front of him. He turned to find Eden running away as if her shadow was chasing her back to where she started.

John B observed her disappear between the branches of the trees, and immediately something popped into his head. She hated walking alone at night. Even though her house was two houses away from his, John B ran to join her. If it could be the last service to be rendered to her, he would do it with gratitude.
But when he arrived at the corner of the path, he only saw the figure of Eden entering the house, being stopped by her mother who began to argue with her. Before he even turned around, he saw the Winslow girl turn around when Yasmina had disappeared. He stood frozen in the middle of the path, examining her like a treasure but nothing seemed different.

It was Eden Blair Winslow, her best friend for over ten years. The girl with whom he had pillow fights, who pulled his hair into ponytails for laughs, who could make his day better just by showing her little smile when she was embarrassed. Nothing could be different with her. Everything always seemed simple and sunny with her. But. . . Indeed, there was something different.

It was sad looks, in a dark and not sunny atmosphere. Nothing showed the good weather, it was over.

They were over.

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authors note: i know this was a flashback but OMG them kissing is so wow hihiii!! love my babies sm 🤭

ummmm so what did u tought about this chapter?? they were so cute and so fragile :((

nothing more to say but i'm sorry for the wait 🥲 love u all and take care of yourself <33