The man with jet black hair lowered himself down the last few feet of rock and began to pick his way toward the lagoon. Though he had taken off his coat and trailed it now from one hand, his grey shirt stuck to him and his hair was plastered to his forehead. 

Love isn't always perfect. Sometimes a few things aren't meant to be together. Every love story isn't a fairytale and a lovable one. Sometimes the hardest part of loving someone is that moment when you realize the best thing you could do for them is let them go. I felt I loved Sunaina, I truly did and the only flaw was that she was the girlfriend of my dearest late friend, Kartik. 

I never knew he was going through so much that drove him to kill himself. 'I hate this feeling, Sameer. It's like I am here but not really. I have a family who cares for me, Sunaina, who loves me so much but is still so left alone.' He did tell me what he felt like sitting at this place that day. Maybe I could have saved him. Only if I could have assured him that day, Kartik wouldn't have died.

He said and looked at his friend who was listening to him keenly. They sat down facing the water. It seemed as if it was the finest of mirrors, never showing exactly what is above, but converting it to an image so beautifully smudged and broken. 

"Kartik was the only friend I had. He had all those qualities that could have attracted a person. He could speak for hours about anything, make people laugh, and get along with strangers very quickly. Sunaina and Kartik have known each other since they were six. They knew each other more than they knew about themselves. Sometimes I was envious of Kartik, seeing them together made me feel sick. Sunaina and I had never spoken before his death. We would smile and greet each other, that's the only words we exchanged then. 

I remember the day I saw Kartik for the last time. It was the third Sunday of the month when I woke up to the steady patter of rain upon my window, droplets yet to scatter the nascent rays of the rising sun. The sound brings a calmness to mind, a soothing melody, a natural lullaby. He had come to the badminton court early. He played the game aggressively that day, 'I don't want to lose this game today.' His eyes didn't hold any emotion, for a second I felt I was speaking to someone else. We walked down the aisle, had our breakfast in the restaurant we always used to, and then left for our houses. The next day, when I got news from my parents that Kartik had committed suicide by cutting his wrists last night. 

After his death, I felt as if a part of me left me. I wasn't able to concentrate on anything. Music, which had always been a way of solace for me all these years, didn't help me much. I tried diverting my mind by reading books and exercising yet I wasn't able to overcome the loss. That's when my parents decided to send me to a hostel so that I could meet new people and make new friends.  

The day before I left for the hostel, I met Sunaina. She had a fair complexion and presented herself gracefully. She was slim whereas others called her skinny. She wasn't underweight, or at least not by much. In truth, this made her anxious and her only relief was walking around with Kartik. "I feel very sorry. I was the only one who knew what Kartik was going through. But then, I was feeling too low. I understand that isn't an excuse but that's the truth. He meant everything to me, losing him feels like losing myself and I have no reason to live. I think I’m annoying even if I'm not. If you compliment me, I won't believe it. 

I knew everything about him but I couldn't save him. I feel sick of myself. He knew what both of us were going through. I rarely open up to people, because I am terrified of getting hurt again. While Kartik feared being left alone. He made friends, spoke for hours with people but at the end of the day, he was alone and tired. Only we knew what we were going through. Kartik trusted you the most, so did I because of him. I trust you the most at present, even more than my parents. You were the only one that made Kartik connect emotionally. You weren't someone who made friends for some benefits from him, that's what he said. The only person whom I can rely on and speak to is you. 

I overthink things and always think I'm doing something wrong. I like to help people with their problems so I can hide from them. I was always lonely but after Kartik's death, I feel enclosed in a dark room. Sometimes it feels better while sometimes it gets suffocating. I feel lost, feel as if this is just my body and my soul has left long back. The pain in my heart is unbearable and I don't think I would be able to overcome this loss. Things are getting worse, that's why I decide to leave this place and take the help of therapists. 

I wanted to meet you before I go. Kartik always trusted you. There's something about you that makes me trust you too. 

When I tell you to leave me alone, please don't go. If you don’t tell me what's up, I will continuously ask you what's wrong. Despite what I'm dealing with, I will always be there for you." 

"You will get better, Sunaina. Trust me, you will." I said. She smiled a bit, that smile was the prettiest thing I had seen. She walked into her mansion while my eyes traveled to Kartik's mansion which was adjacent to hers. Things could have been different if Kartik was with us, I thought. 

After a week of meeting Sunaina, I shifted to a boys hostel. My parents urged me to rent a room but I refused. I chose to stay in the hostel so that I could divert my focus from the mishap happening in my life. But, it wasn't as easy as I expected it to be. The boys staying there roamed around shirtless. It seemed as if they had not bathed for a month or so. The bunk-beds made of cheap striped with their rough canvas mattresses were jammed end to end on both sides of the long, drafty room. There was a huge board stuck on the wall against which the study table was placed. There was just a small window with an ashtray placed on the small stone slab. The other boys screamed like hooligans, running around, playing pranks, and laughing out loud all day except my roommate, Manoj. 

He was a handsome sight and in my memory, I can still see him sitting at the corner of the bed wearing a vibrant-colored shirt and cream-colored shorts. I don't think I ever saw Manoj without a paintbrush in his hand creating an art. He raised his head and smiled a bit seeing me. The only weird thing about him was he only painted tunnels. "It makes me feel connected to the real world." He used to reason out. 

"Munna, you are living in the real world." I always replied, he just smiled and continued his paintings. He was weird and different from others in the hostel. He could remain silent on the funniest joke while laughing like a maniac on the silliest one. We used to go to college together, stay up late at night watching movies, and ended up getting drunk. That's how we spent our first semester. Sometimes you end up missing the most obvious things. That's what happened then too. Munna left the college and went back to his hometown, reasoning that he didn't feel like continuing college anymore. He did complain about studies and projects but I never thought he hated it to this extent. With no message left, he left in the early morning and I never met him again. 

The bus ride had always been my solace. Listening to the same playlist, viewing the same view passing felt like a beloved and rewatched movie. I felt everything was turning normal but it didn't. I never realized how connected Munna and I had become in such a short time. "Stressed?"

"Sorry?" I mumbled as I noticed a girl wearing a hoodie speaking to me. I took off my earpods, to listen to what she was saying. "You seemed to be stressed." 

"Thanks for your concern but I am not stressed." 

"If you say so, I accept that. Leaving all these things aside, I am Naina and it's not the first time we are meeting. We both are classmates and I have seen you traveling on this bus. I have noticed you are always stressed when you travel." 

"Are you stalking me?" 

"I have been traveling in this bus since I was 17 years old, Mister. I noticed you because you were the only weird person I found." She said, I stared at her, nodding my head averted my gaze. I didn’t feel like talking to her or anyone at that moment. I just...can't. Fortunately, Naina didn't push me to communicate. There was nothing 'princess' about her though, just fierce independence. Her eyes spoke of a beautiful soul and her appearance was calm that did hide intense inner sufferings. She was staring outside the window deep in thought, journeying through some creative stream only she could sense. "How long are you going to stare at me like a pole?" 

"You are pretty," I said, embarrassed. She ruffled her hair and turned to face me.

 "That's something which no one has said to me." 

"That's so strange that nobody has appreciated your looks. You look like a potato with eyes." I laughed and she joined me. Her laughter was like the summer rain and the birdsong too, and every time I heard it, no matter the weather, the sun brightened. It was as if her sound lifted a veil from our eyes and allowed us to see the world more clearly. It's funny how laughter can do that, those honest rumblings of the soul. 

"Now, it sounds like true praise." I watched her as she smiled and then asked if I was okay with music, and when I nodded, she plugged in her iPod and loaded up a playlist that did make me smile. It consisted of classic rock which I loved listening to. She stared back outside the window. The thing which I loved about her then was how she never tried to fill silences with forced conversation. 

"Munna, my roommate, left college," I spoke, she looked at me and smiled softly. 

"His friendship alone had strengthened me in a way that no one else’s ever had. He swept me from my grievances and helped me to get better. In other words, he was exactly what I needed. And I certainly didn't want to lose him. If he was going through he could have told me, maybe I could have been of some help to him.” 

"Maybe you couldn't have stopped him. We all are going to lose our loved ones as well as ourselves one day. Nothing in this world is permanent. The end could be as Gabriel's or Theo's." 

"Interested in reading books? I am glad that I met you, finally with whom I could speak about books." 

"My father owns a bookshop. It's not a huge one but contains a few classics that I enjoy re-reading. It mostly consists of magazines for adults, that's the reason why people still visit his bookshop." 

"It seems interesting, which makes me feel that I should visit your bookshop once." 

"You can visit it today, Dad isn't at home." I agreed to her proposal, not just because I wanted to visit the bookshop but also because I badly needed someone with whom I could speak about random things. Naina was different from the girls I had met before. She wasn't concerned about my looks nor was she too conscious about her actions and fashion sense. She was carefree like a bird, who spoke what she felt like. Someone like her was difficult to find. I continued listening to 'Yesterday by The Beatles' that she had played on her iPod. 

Shelves of books expanded over the wall, while a rack was placed in the middle where newspapers and magazines were kept. There was a reception counter on the corner, where many blanks, as well as scribbled pages, were placed. Naina took me to her room upstairs. Her room was a mess. Wrappers of chocolates, wafers, pens, books which she would have been reading, and even a bedsheet were scattered on the floor. "Staying too organized isn't my way of living. You can roam around the bookshop and pick any book you wish to read." 

"Naina, can I ask you something?" She raised her eyes to me ever so lightly and gestured for me to speak. 

"I wanted some advice. I love someone dearly but things aren't that simple. She isn't well since she lost her boyfriend, who was my best friend too. Things were never aligned in the way I wished they could have been. She doesn't love me but I couldn't move on. I feel guilty for not helping my friend and I don't want to lose another friend of mine. I want to confess my love but it then feels like I am being an opportunist." 

"If you confess about your love to someone, you aren't being an opportunist. It's always better to confess than regret your entire life. Sometimes a few people aren't meant to be. I realized this after I dated Sharad, who is currently my boyfriend. I do love him but this relationship feels suffocating for me. I cannot and would never change myself for someone. He expects me to not be loud, be shy, and conserved. He expects me to behave as an 'ideal girl'. I don't know if we will end up breaking up or staying together. But it feels that this isn't right for me, not right for us." She said sitting next to me on the bed. Everything felt so perfect with Naina, she was fun to hang around with. In this world of judgemental society having someone like her as a friend was a boon. We stayed up all night reading books and eating Maggi with tomato ketchup. 

Nothing good ever lasts. Maybe that's God's plan. This is what happens when you let people into your life. They tear you up leaving you with nothing. Until your heart is full of holes. How can you still love someone who does that to you? When I got back to my hostel in the morning, the receptionist gave me a letter which was delivered from the Healventure Asylum. A letter which I had been waiting for all this while. 

Sameer, 

I am sorry for not replying to your letters. I used to read all your letters but wasn't able to write to you again. I just wasn't able to think of something or present my thoughts to you. I have so much to say but I don't know where to start. It's crazy how fast things change, how we are in love one day, and the next day everything becomes just a mere memory. It must have been so easy for Kartik to give up on me, but for me, it isn't. 

I came here with the hope of overcoming the loss of Kartik but it feels like I just can't come out of it. Every day, I feel as if I am losing a part of myself. Hope feels like such a silly little four-letter word and yet it's still in our everyday language. Doctors tell me 

to hope all the damn time and I find it rather repetitive, but a necessary task. Without hope, there wouldn't be anything we know in this world. This word has lost its meaning because people throw it around and kick it in the dirt, but I still hope. I hope one day I will feel better, but that's an impossible task. I think our versions of love are different, you never give up on someone you love. Yet he was quick to leave me. I told you everything, I let down the walls I had built. I wish he was still with me, that things could go back to the way they were, but it doesn’t work like that. Sorry, I must have bored you with my talks. 

I wrote this letter because I wanted to meet you. According to the rules of the asylum, I cannot leave this place before I am completely cured. I wished to see you, speak to a friend and my only friend is you. I would be glad if you come to see me here.

After reading that letter, I was a mixture of very happy and very sad. And I am trying to figure it all out, all these feelings and emotions and words and thoughts, and what they all mean. Everything I feel is a contradiction of itself, and I do not understand any of it. I couldn't help but be concerned about her health, so I called the bus depo to get the schedule of buses to the address printed in the letter. Taking two pairs of clothes and some essentials, I sneaked out of the hostel premises and walked towards the depo. 

Sometimes I don’t notice when I’m being quiet. There is so much going on in my mind that everything seems loud. Everything seems obnoxiously vibrant and even the sound of my tiny heartbeat is drowned out by the incessant noise. I could feel my heart beating rapidly with the only thought of meeting Sunaina. There were very few passengers on the bus, already asleep or reading some books. I sat on the last spot of the bus, holding my backpack tight as I watched out of the window, my eyes drooped as the chilled winds brushed my face. 

Healventure Asylum was situated in a village of twenty adobe houses, built on the bank of a river of clear water that ran along a bed of polished stones. It looked like an abandoned place, a place where no human can be found. I waited for the guard as he went to inform me about my presence in the main office. I noticed him coming running towards me and handing me an id card. "Her room is the second one, right from the Big Yellow House." He directed, I muttered a thank you and left from there. I could feel my heart stumbling over its rhythm. I swallowed dryly, unable to wet my parched throat. I felt like a teenager then. "Sameer." I heard her voice, as she walked towards me. I moistened my lips and waved a hi. She gestured for me to get into her room. 

"How are you?" I asked as I sat on a couch, noticing her much more closely. She had lost weight while her face seemed to be elongated. She looked like a ten-year-old kid. The only thing that hasn't changed about her was her sophisticated self, the way she held herself in the presence of someone. 

"All these while here, it has been tough on me. It feels tiresome of being okay with things that I am not okay with. The worst battle I fought here was rejecting the thoughts that were the truth. I wanted to speak to someone, I am glad you came here. I have mastered the art of being silent even when there is a lot to say." 

"Death of Kartik has left us devastated. I don't know how to comfort you. There's so much I want to speak about but I am not getting the right words." 

“Sometimes, a bad day turns into a bad week, which finally becomes a bad month, which ends up leading to generalized bad times. And you struggle. That's exactly how I felt all these while without Kartik. Every day I used to assure myself that I was getting better, but I wasn't. Things get worse and I can't decline that fact. Sometimes I understand how he would have felt when he cut his wrists, a satisfaction of finally being able to escape the sorrows of the world. I feel like I have no strength left, I don't want to fight anymore because I am tired of this theory of making it out alive." 

She said her eyes were fixated on her fidgeting fingers. We sat in silence, none of us spoke as we thought about Kartik. Things would have been completely different if Kartik was here, with us. There are so many things in life we can’t explain. Oftentimes things happen for a reason and we are forced to deal with the outcome. There are people I think about every day who are no longer present in my life. Simply due to choices made by themselves or an ongoing persuasion by others. "You must have spoken about how you feel with your parents, Sunaina. They could help you out."

"My longing for my father's death began in childhood. If only he could have died, we could have lived a better childhood, that's what I thought as a kid. When I was thirteen years old, my parents parted ways. My mother started working hard to make ends meet. She did try a lot, overworked herself till a point where she couldn't bear it anymore. That's when she started drinking and became an alcohol addict. I can't even remember when we conversed. I can't remember how many times I said I was fine, just because I don't want to bother someone with my issues. I tried so hard. You know that, right? I am trying harder than you could ever imagine, and now here I am, trying my best just to forget everything. I want to get better but it feels that I am never going to be the one whom I used to be. What are you looking for, Sameer?" she asked. 

 "I'm just looking for someone to understand me. To listen to what I have to say. To feel me. To be real with me. Someone I can be myself with. Someone who knows what it's like to be broken down. Who knows what it's like to rise. To be put back together again. Someone who has healed. Or who's going through the healing process. Someone Who's been through hell and back. Someone who just knows. Who has been through the same path. Who respects life. Love. And anything in-between, you know? Someone who has come back stronger. Who'll make me feel appreciated. I'm not asking for a lot. I'm just asking for a real person. That's what I'm searching for. That's what I want." 

I looked up at her as she stared up at me, I couldn’t stop myself from looking from her eyes to her lips and back again. This feeling was not new to her, for she had kissed another, but for me, it was my first. “Do you want to?” I asked in a hushed voice. She puts her hands on either side of my face, and everything falls away. I have never gotten so lost before. And then, the space between us explodes. My heart keeps missing beats and my hands cannot bring her close enough to me. I taste her and realize I have been starving. I never felt like this before. Maybe it lasts a minute, and maybe it’s an hour. All I know is that kiss, and how soft her skin is when it brushes against mine, and that even if I did not know it until now, I have been waiting for this person forever. "You are going to be fine, Sunaina." 

We stayed quiet for a long moment, I could only feel her against me, her muscles firm and eyes wet. “Would you choose to drown with me beneath a river or burn with me in flames?” She asked with no expressions on her face. 

“Neither,” I whispered, caressing her hair. "Everything will be fine, Sunaina. We will come out of this, for sure." I assured her, she nodded her head a bit. We did not speak much that night and slept in the same position. I knew the promise made was a blunt one, but I wished it got true. She did have a huge heart and would always help someone if she could, that's what I was trying to do. She smiles like she’s never been hurt, and if you didn’t know her, you wouldn't ever imagine her to ever be hurt. But it happens, a lot more than anyone realizes. She's fragile, and it takes very little for her to be hurt, as she takes everything to heart. 

The dawn brought with it a new freshness to the light as if the world had been upgraded to some higher definition. I watched how her hair swayed due to the breeze blowing. The smell of brine water hit my nose as I stared at the mass of water before me. Sunaina sat on the rocks and stared at her bare feet. "I don't know how long I am going to live but I want you to promise me that you won't forget me." 

Those words stuck in my brain, looping in my mind as I looked at her. That was the last thing she ever said to me. I promised myself that I won't ever forget her. I returned to my dorm assuring Sunaina that everything would be fine. The only thought that we deserved better, a better love story, a chance to discover our love and what we could have become together, made my heart sink. I called Naina as I noticed a lot of messages and calls unanswered by her. 

"Naina?" 

"Are you fine?" She asked after taking a pause. 

"Not that good," I said honestly. I didn't want to lie anymore cause I was tired of all the happenings. I wasn't able to take it anymore, feeling everything moving apart. After meeting Sunaina, I felt more lost. I was too disturbed and couldn't think straight. If someone asks me a question, I would repeat it to myself hundreds of times, still won't be able to answer. I felt an urge to meet a person with whom I could speak nonsense without being judged. I did not realize this earlier but I did miss Naina. It's strange because I had met her only once yet felt so close.

 "Can we meet somewhere, please?" I asked. 

"I am traveling by train, I will reach home at 3 am." 

"I will be waiting for you outside your house." She hummed as I cut the phone. I may have sounded desperate but she agreed to meet me. She's the girl I never saw coming, the unexpected one who calms me.

 I noticed a frail figure getting down the bus. I couldn't resist myself, so I rushed towards her. She stalled as she turned around noticing me. I embraced her, after a few seconds she caught up to me and threw her arms around me. "I am sorry. I didn't pick up your phone and did not answer your messages." 

She let go and put her hands on my shoulders. She looked at me, shifting her eyes as the bus left. "That's fine, Sameer. At this moment you must have been in your hostel not here. You could have apologized to me over the phone I was never angry or upset." I stared at her as she dragged her luggage to her house. I opened the door using the key which she handed me. We sat on the chairs which were present in the bookshop itself. She was much quieter than usual, shuffling her feet and playing with the black rings she wore on her fingers. "Something wrong with you?" 

"Just break up post effects," She said disinterestedly, "As I had said before I wanted to end my relationship with Sharad. It felt more like an emotionally draining relationship." I nodded my head in a way of understanding as she tied her hair with a rubber band. 

"Your father, isn't he at home?" 

"Most of the time he isn't at home. He is mostly involved in playing cards and wandering around to several places. It's been a while since I have seen him. Can't you just stop speaking about all these things, all I want to do tonight is drink and sing all night." 

"It's almost 3:30 am, Naina. If you do so people will throw us out of this city." I chuckled as she got up from her seat. She held my hand taking me upstairs to her room. 

"I don't care about what people say, Sameer." She said bringing her guitar, gesturing to me to take the glasses from the shelf. She brought two bottles from the fridge and headed towards the terrace. We sat next to each other on the floor, resting our backs on the wall. She started to play 'The Way I Feel Inside' by The Zombies, drinking champagne, and we started singing the lyrics. We weren't professional singers but little did we care about that. Our voices raised as alcohol was taking over our subconscious mind. I could feel my muscles relaxing and stress seizing out of my mind. I noticed Naina's face shining under the midnight sky, her nose and cheeks had turned red due to the cold and of course our drinks. We laughed as the song ended. I never felt like this before. She was crazy and weird and also made me do such things which were fun. We lay next to each other watching the star-filled sky. 

"The place where Kafka lived would have looked the same," I said as I turned my face to look at her. 

"Yes, maybe one day I will go to that place. Where I could be lonely, away from the world, do whatever I want." 

"You still do what you feel like, Naina." She smiled and continued staring at the sky. 

We would talk for hours about absolutely nothing. We would laugh until we couldn't breathe. Nothing we ever did was simple. Our every touch and moment spent together was memorable. Finding a true friend like Naina was difficult, I thought to myself as I saw her busy counting the stars until she fell asleep. 

Things weren't going to be simple from then. I wanted to have a secure life with Sunaina. All she needed was some support, love, and a home. Her not-so-good childhood did take a negative toll on her health, while Kartik's sudden death worsened it. I went back to my hometown, deciding to take a part-time job along with my studies. I kept writing letters to Sunaina, assuring her about our future. But as it is said, you can't save someone from their destiny, from what they were created for, what you can do is make it easier for them, bring more joy and less pain. After a week of returning from Healventure Asylum, I received a call from there that Sunaina had died during dawn. My brain stuttered for a moment and my eyes take in more light than I expected, every part of me goes on pause while my thoughts catch up. I went back to where it happened. My mind wandered over the conversations of Kartik, Sunaina, and me. I thought about Sunday morning badminton matches with Kartik and beautiful moments spent with Sunaina that night. It felt as if I wrote a good story over the top of a bad story, and in time the ink of the bad story fades away until only the good one remains. 

When you're damaged, you learn to take what’s given to you and be grateful for it. You learn that love is not a game, and cherish it. You learn how to appreciate the smallest things people do for you. Because when people have gone through wars that have left them broken, they understand how fragile life is. They understand how they must make the most of it. And most of all, they understand how important it is to always be kind. 'Sometimes things aren't meant to be yet they teach you a lot.' Words of my Nanu resonated in my mind. 

Everything that's happened has happened for a reason to serve a purpose to always grow and go through lessons in life that shape you into who you truly are. I've made mistakes, I've fallen down the road, I've broken hearts, I've torn my family apart, I've lost those whose trust meant the world to me. I stared at Sunaina's house and Kartik's house which was adjacent to each other. Kartik's parents had left the house after his death. Though they weren't there anymore, I knew I would cherish memories that we made together, forever. My mind slowly crept back to Naina. I felt a pang of guilt gripping my heart, I didn't inform when I left my hostel. I didn't call her all these months, disappearing for all this while suddenly. I had always been a reserved person until I met her. 

Her life hasn't been the easiest, and I guess that's why she loves and lives the way she does. Without regret, worry, or fear, her wild heart beats like thunder. Leaving is always the hardest, but she controls the situation the best way she knows how. She doesn't see faces, she sees hope. She doesn't hold just anybody, only reciprocating souls, her life is not for the weak-hearted. It's for someone who believes in her and stands for and beside her when the world is trying to tell her to fall in line with the rest of the faceless names. I didn't know how to face her, still, I dialed her number waiting for her to pick it up. 

"Hello." Her voice calmed my varying heartbeats. 

"Naina?" I called out her name. 

“I have to talk to you,” I said. “ I know I shouldn't have left that way without informing. I have a million things to talk to you about. A million things we have to talk about. All I want is to see you and talk. I want the two of us to begin everything from the beginning.” Naina didn't speak for a while, after a long silence her quiet voice broke the silence. 

“Where are you now?” 

Where was I now? 

Gripping the receiver, I raised my head and turned to see what lay beyond the phone booth. Where was I now? I had no idea. I could only see the coniferous trees and a few houses. Where was this place? All that flashed into my eyes were the countless people walking by to nowhere. My heartbeats felt to be slowed down as I called out for Naina to help me get out from this dark spot. 

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.
I hope you like this story.🤞 Do comment your views💜

What are your theories for the ending?!

What was your favourite part from the story? (I am really scared if you guys didn't like Sunaina-Sameer scene)