This was going to be my summer. No stupid skater boys or crushes getting in the way. Just me, my friends, and a whole hell lot of pathetic masturbating.

And hopefully a boyfriend.

—Let's not get into that right now. Like I said, my summer. I can go to the beach and maybe get high here and there. I'm not going to let anything bad happen. All I want is for this to go as planned. Nothing is going to ruin this for me. I'll make sure of it.

"Pinky."

I held out the desired finger to my mother, placing my phone down. She filed the nail expertly, putting all the random things it needed to look good. I couldn't give three fucks how it worked, honestly. I don't understand, and I don't plan on understanding anytime soon either.

She glanced at me. "What's got you all dreamy? Is it Dallon? Or Jon? I bet I can guess!" She gave her teasing voice, and I knew I wasn't getting out of this one. Saying neither wouldn't exactly be a lie but...they were, somewhere in the back of my brain. Well more in the front but that's not important. Biting my lip, I replied,

"Just...relationship things."

It was the least revealing option. Of course, she would ask more. I loved her to death but she was nosey. We both knew that. It was obvious to what kind of relationship things, and it was obvious to who exactly I was thinking about with these relationship things. She raised an eyebrow, silently asking for details.

So, being the perfect, beautiful, amazing son I am; I gave them.

Of course, it was Jon and Dallon. "Well, I don't know who to choose. It's confusing. I really like Dallon, but I also really like Jon. There's no 'who I like more'. I like them both the same and I don't know what I should do, mom." Who wouldn't be confused if they liked two people at the same time? Well, probably people who don't like two people at the same time. So, basically most of the population. But that doesn't matter. What I'm trying to say is that obviously there's more to what I am, I just don't know what it is yet.

Honestly, I've been thinking. Before you say something like 'oh no that's not a good idea', listen to me first. "I was thinking that maybe it could be that I'm polyamourus. Here's the thing though; I haven't been attracted to anyone but Jon and Dallon. I couldn't see myself dating anyone else and if I do I'm extremely repulsed, disgusted and mortified." Okay, this was harder to explain than I thought. Just the thought of being with someone else made me sick to my stomach. Even if both of them hated me more than anyone they've met, I couldn't help but find comfort in the touch I got.

"Ryan, I'm starting to think that you're just a hopelessly hopeful romantic."

She finished up my last nail, going to take a sip of her drink. We had gotten some Dunkin' Donuts earlier before to celebrate the start of summer, and who doesn't love a good cup of caramel iced coffee? Weird people, that's who.

I felt more offended than anything. "I'm not hopeless! I'm just...optimistic about love while being desperate at the same time!" I'm well aware that it's practically the same thing as what she said. But the thing is, it's not entirely the same. So that makes me right and her wrong. I'm always right. "Sweetie, that's the same thing." Of course she was going to say that.

"It's not...I just know that I might have a chance, but I might not either."

I skipped a song on my phone, knowing it'll ruin the mood. Instead of questioning why it was on that playlist, I just let it be. I wish I could let my feelings be that easily. It was the first day of summer break, and thinking about boys is the last thing I want to do.

"I'll figure it out later."

Word count-687
First chapter here we go
Trying to make this longer than it needs to be but trust me getting into the relationship is gonna take far longer than y'all expect

But anyways, till next time, trash bins <3