Brandishing my sword, I leaped into the fray, narrowly dodging a knife swing from Purple Guy. I was searching for the one that had started this war, the one who had stolen both my Fre Shavoca Do and my happiness in one day.

Quackity.

Unfortunately, he had disappeared in the turmoil and was lost in the thick of battle. So instead, I turned around to survey the chaos, so that I was able to write a description of the battle for this book.

I watched as Glitch began fighting with Purple Guy, matching his strength even though they were weaponless. Somewhat surprisingly, Squidward had joined them, a burning rage etched across his face. He refused to let his precious Glitch get hurt, even if they were on the wrong side. On the other side of the casino, Smart Hulk was battling with Ennard, who looked genuinely terrified as he tried and failed to gain the upper hand. Smart Hulk was muttering to himself, creating advanced mathematical calculations in a split second that would allow him to have an advantage over Ennard, whether that would be in dodging a blow or forming one himself.

But neither of those fights could compare to the one that was going on in the center of the casino.

Technoblade and Ballora, the two people that I simped for most in this adventure, had lost all sense for their personal well-being in their burning hatred for each other, and had immediately gone to fight each other the moment the war started. Now they were battling in the center of the room in an act that I could only consider as...beautiful. It didn't even seem like they were fighting, rather than performing an entrancing, choreographed dance. Technoblade swung his sword at Ballora with such skill and vigor that I had only seen in fantasy movies, and yet she dodged them every time, which only added to my theory that she was a skilled dancer or gymnast. Or something like that. I don't know.

A loud gunshot from behind me broke me out of my trance. I tore my eyes from the two beautiful people before me and turned to face Quackity, pointing a smoking gun at me.

"How the HELL did that miss-" he angrily muttered.

"Well, I am a main character, so I can't really die, can I?" I replied, shrugging.

"That doesn't mean we can't fight," Quackity told me.

"Oh, yeah. That's true." I said, pulling out the sword I had brought for myself. "Come at me, bro."

Quackity yelled in anger, pulling the trigger of his gun again. I leapt out of the way, swinging my sword at him, but he did a backflip over a nearby pool table.

"Show-off," I muttered. "Why is everyone here so skilled?"

Quackity didn't answer. Instead, he grabbed the nearby balls used in pool and began chucking them at full force towards me. I began using my sword like a baseball bat, knocking the balls aside, but I missed one of them, which ended up hitting me in the arm. This hurt. I involuntarily dropped my sword, and Quackity immediately dove to the ground and snatched it up.

"Fuck-" I swore, looking around for another weapon. Upon discovering one of those sticks that people hit the balls with in pool, I grabbed it, and we began the ultimate battle for supremacy. The pool stick immediately broke, much to my dismay. An idea popped into my mind, and I quickly climbed onto the pool table.

"It's over, Quackity!" I laughed, T-posing over him to assert dominance. "I have the high ground!"

Quackity pointed my sword at me. "You underestimate my power."

Welp, my plan had failed. I quickly got another idea.

"Don't try it," I said.

Quackity didn't listen. He tried it. I performed a stunning, majestic spin-kick that would have looked epic if this was a movie instead of a book. My foot collided with his skull, and he fell back, dropping the sword. I grabbed it, and leapt on top of him, pinning him to the ground.

"TELL ME WHERE MY FRE SHAVOCA DO IS!" I demanded, holding my sword to his throat. Quackity merely laughed.

"Foolish child..." he smiled up at me evilly. "My troops and I have eaten it. It's all gone!"

No...it can't be. The thing I had worked so hard to reclaim...gone, in an instant, lost to the stomachs of these monsters. The realization consumed me with rage, and I stood up, holding the hilt of my sword with both hands, pointing it down.

"For this heartless crime against myself and my friends..." I raised the sword, preparing to stab Quackity. "I deem it worthy for you not to live!"

Before I could bring my sword down upon Quackity, and end everything, a body flew into me, knocking me hard against the pool table. My sword fell out of my hands onto the ground beside him.

"Oh for FUCK'S-"

My voice faltered as I saw the person who had caused me to fail. It was Ballora, unhurt and seemingly unaffected by her fight with Techno, glaring at me just as she had when she had killed Spongebob. I was screwed.

"Oh FUCK-"

That was as far as I got. She rushed at me, slamming me against the pool table, wrapping her hands around my throat. I tried to push her off of me, but any attempts to do so were futile.

I was DEFINITELY screwed.

"Ballora, please don't kill me." I managed to choke out in anguish and despair, before coming up with an ingenious idea to get her to spare my life. "I think you're really hot! When I saw you bartending that's all I thought! I found out I was bi because of you! You're really- JUST PLEASE SPARE ME I'M RUNNING OUT OF IDEAS HERE!"

That was sure to summon him.

Ballora only laughed in response. "You think I haven't heard that before?" she asked. I sighed. Of course people of all genders, and lack thereof, would be attracted to her, it's irresistible- wait why did I care? She's literally about to kill me!

Thankfully, she wasn't able to. A sword flew from out of nowhere towards her, causing her to relinquish her hold on me in order to not have her head sliced off. It sailed through the air towards the elevator that led to the bad guy's secret basement lair, cutting through the cables and causing it to fall back to the floor below. I noted to myself that if anyone fell down there, they would most certainly die. This definitely won't come into play later, right?

It seems the owner of the sword had other plans.

Technoblade ran in from the thick of battle over to me.

"Wonder, are you alright?" he asked worriedly.

"Of course I am!" I replied. "She was about to kill me, however."

I pointed at Ballora, who held a hand over the side of her face, wincing in pain. Blood was seeping between her fingers, and I realized that the sword must have hit her as it was flying towards the elevator.

"You missed," she growled.

"Well, not exactly," Techno said casually. "I wasn't exactly aiming for you, so that cut is your fault. You see, Technoblade never misses. I was actually aiming for that elevator so that I could kick you off of it and kill you."

"Wh-"

Before Ballora knew what was happening, Techno rushed at her, pushing her back to the gaping hole that once was an elevator. It probably still could be, if the cables were repaired, but still. She was backed up against the edge, with Techno trapping her. Terror filled her eyes as she realized that there was nowhere to go.

"THIS! IS! SPARTA!" I shouted heroically.

"I understood that reference," Techno commented, before extending a foot and kicking Ballora off of the edge into the abyss below.

Now, unlike most of the people here, Ballora actually had braincells. Before she fell, she grabbed onto Techno's foot, yanking him off of the edge as well. Techno yelped, quickly holding onto the floor in order to save himself.

"TECHNO-" I shouted, running over to him. "Take my hand! I'll help!"

"No, Wonder...we're too heavy." Techno told me, his voice shaking ever so slightly. "I'll pull you down too, and I can't do that. Wonder, ever since we met, I wanted to tell you something, but I never had a chance to. I want to tell you now before I fall."

"Don't say that, Techno," I pleaded. "You're not going to fall...what was it? What did you want to tell me?"

"Wonder, I-"

He never got to finish. His fingers slipped from the edge of the floor, and he fell into the abyss. Ballora's shrieks of terror were the last thing I heard before a distant thud, signaling the end of their descent.

Technoblade and Ballora were dead, and all hope was lost.