▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅

❛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴘ. ᴘᴀɴ ᴇғғᴇᴄᴛ​​​​​​​​​​. ❜ ° . ༄
- ͙۪۪˚   ▎❛ 𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐄 ❜   ▎˚ ͙۪۪̥◌
»»————- ꒰ ᴛʜᴇ ɢᴏᴏᴅ, ᴛʜᴇ
ʙᴀᴅ & ᴛʜᴇ— ᴏʜ ɴᴏ, ʜᴇ's ʜᴏᴛ! ꒱


❝ WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS
SO QUICK TO INSULT ME? ❞

▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅

As Five waited outside of the washroom for his girlfriend, he couldn't help but think about how things had gone so terribly wrong so quickly. Only a few hours ago he'd been happily relaxed, on a road trip with his favorite person and his brother. He'd been making plans with Alexa to have a normal life, free of the stress that the apocalypse caused. He'd even liked what she'd had on her list— and had added a few items himself that he hadn't shared with her. . . yet. Everything he'd been looking forward to had been thrown out the window the moment those stupid cows had disappeared in the field.

During the last two apocalypses it had been. . . easier to ignore the side-effects that came with his rediscovered hormones. The first apocalypse had been the easiest— Alexa had made it clear that there would be absolutely no romantic advances for either of them. The second apocalypse had been slightly more difficult— hence his aloofness— but he'd made it through 'til the end when they'd successfully stopped it (or so they'd thought.) He'd finally been able to act on his suppressed emotions for the brief, peaceful time in the last hours of their stay in '63. Then they landed in this new timeline which (while it wasn't without its hiccups) he'd thought that they'd finally done it: he could fully enjoy everything that came with reuniting with the person he'd longed for most at the end of the world.

Without the threat of their impending doom, Five had let his mind be occupied by something other than saving his family. Since this morning, almost all of his thoughts had revolved around his girlfriend. He'd been tempted to say no to Klaus' road trip because he'd planned to spend the day with Alexa— until he came up with bringing her along. That had been one of his best ideas until his brother had (with unusual accurateness) guessed his plans and forced them apart. It didn't help that he'd been surprised by her change of clothes; it was hard keeping his eyes anywhere but on the blonde with how her short skirt showed off her legs.

The hormones he'd been suppressing had come to the forefront in the backseat of the hotel's car— and it was proving difficult to get them under wraps again. Pacing in quick steps down the hallway was helping somewhat, so he continued to do that until the two women made their appearance. His gaze immediately fell on Alexa and any (faint) worry he'd had about her confronting the aggressive brunette eased.

Lila gave him a baleful look. "Alright, you little pisspot. Your girlfriend's convinced me that it would be beneficial for both of us if we worked together. Don't get me wrong, though— I still hate you."

"The feeling's mutual, Lila," Five replied evenly. He turned his attention back to his girlfriend. "So, did you get the briefcase?"

"Yes and no," she answered, and held up one as proof. "They're here but they don't work."

"Either of them?"

She shook her head and let her arm drop back to her side. "Nope. Apparently the odds for that are astronomical and definitely don't mean anything good for us."

Five let out a heavy sigh. "You'd be right about that."

Before the trio could say anything else, Diego's voice sounded down the hall as he came towards them: "I was training, honing my skills. The biggest thing is that I was becoming a man."

His son wasn't impressed. "Right. Is that why you wear those tight pants?"

As they rounded the corner, they came across the trio who were still standing outside of the washroom. "What the hell are you guys doing?"

"Bathing," Lila answered simply.

Diego gave the three of them skeptical looks. "Together?"

Five barely paid him any mind. "Okay. Diego, we don't have time for this. Lila, Lexa and I have got important shit to do."

His brother began to protest: "wait— whoa, whoa— what's more important than family?"

Alexa was the only one to give him a response: "the world that the family lives in, Go-go."

Diego tried to call after the British woman to prevent her from joining the pair in the elevator. Thankfully, she wasn't easily deterred and she was able to quickly reject him. While Alexa would've normally stood up for her brother, she knew that they needed Lila's help more than saving his feelings.

☂︎ ☂︎ ☂︎

"Are you sure you have to change?" Alexa asked as they made their way through the lobby. "Your old man attire is cute."

The boy couldn't help how pleased he felt at her words— though he couldn't help but tease her: "only cute? Are you sure you don't mean hot?"

She gave him an amused smile. "Mmm. I meant what I said. It's just missing your hat."

Five let go of her hand to slide his arm around her waist. She settled comfortably against his side as they walked and matched her steps with his. "I believe that my hat is still in the back seat of the hotel's car. You know— after I took it off so I could kiss you?"

She paused for a moment to lift up on her toes to press her lips to his cheek. "How very generous of you."

"Isn't it?" he commented lightly. He earned an exasperated eyeroll in response.

"You're full of it," was her only lighthearted response.

They finally arrived at their destination: the tailor's shop that was located behind the check-in desk and down one of the hallways. An older man with graying hair sat at the counter and he greeted the couple with a genial smile. "Hello. What can I do for you today?"

"I'm looking for a suit," Five answered.

"We can do that, sir," the tailor replied. Then, his attention turned to the blonde. "Anything for you, miss?"

Alexa glanced up at her boyfriend with a faint smirk. "Fi?" He looked down at her curiously— though also with some trepidation at her expression. "We could have matching suits. That would be fun, wouldn't it?"

Unbidden, an image came to mind of them wearing similar clothes like some couples did. He felt his face flush at the thought of her in a suit, with the pants neatly fitted to her legs and the top following her curves. But then the thought was dashed as he realized they'd done that all their childhood and while it might be different now, he valued her individuality. So, he shook his head and sent her a smirk of his own. "Nah. I happen to like your skirt very much."

He left the rest of the words understood: but if you wanted to, I wouldn't stop you— because he would never want to tell her what to wear; he knew well enough that she could make her own decisions.

Her face filled with a light blush at the implication of his comment. She hastily turned back to the tailor and gave him an grateful smile. "Thanks, but I'm good with what I'm wearing."

The older man nodded, unphased by their suggestive conversation. "Of course, miss. Right this way, then."

He led them to the back of the shop where a three-way mirror stood in front of a circular platform. Several chairs stood off to the wall, which he gestured Alexa towards. As the blonde sat down in one of the seats, Five stepped up on to the platform.

"If you'll be so kind as to remove the extra layers, I'll be able to more accurately measure you," the tailor said. Five did as he requested without complaint and stepped down for a minute to hand his vest and flannel shirt to his girlfriend. When he returned to his spot, the man instructed him on how to hold his arms for the measurements. While he worked, he began to talk about his qualifications in the field and that he'd been a master craftsman for ten years.

Alexa tuned out the tailor. Not out of intended rudeness but because her gaze focused on the boy in front of her. It always seemed like he was wearing a dozen layers at any one time, so she was taking advantage of the fact that he was just wearing a t-shirt and pants. (Un)fortunately for her, Five kept his eyes trained on the mirror and he could see exactly what she was looking at so avidly. He straightened proudly— much to the satisfaction of the tailor, whose job was suddenly made easier.

The blonde's elbow was placed on the arm of the chair and her chin was resting on her closed fist. Her eyes trailed over his form appreciatively. As hard as it had been for Five to keep his hormones under wraps, it hadn't been any easier for her, especially in '63 when she'd become a teen again. She hoped that once they solved this next world-ending event, they'd be able to have some. . . alone time.

Eventually, the tailor finished his measurements and Five dropped his arms. The older man rolled up his tape measure as he stood. "What color suit were you thinking, sir?"

"Black, if you have it." Five appreciated that the man used 'sir' rather than any juvenile term he'd been addressed with in the past; one of the only commendable things about this hotel was that they never assumed anything. Or if they did, it was always in the guests' favor.

He nodded. "Very well. The adjustments may take some time. Please make yourselves comfortable while you wait."

Once he left, the boy turned to his girlfriend with a smile. "Well, you heard the man." He stepped off the platform and went over to where she was sitting. With only a few tugs on her arm he was able to pull her out of her chair— though not without much protesting. Her complaints increased when he sat in her previously occupied seat.

"Five!" she exclaimed with an indignant huff. In a moment of pettiness, she dropped his vest to the floor. The flannel shirt remained in her hands until she slid her arms through the sleeves to wear it on top of her white t-shirt. The blue plaid matched nicely with her navy skirt so she rolled the sleeves up to her wrists to make it fit better. She resisted the urge to tuck her nose into the collar and smell it, knowing that that action would only cause him to tease her.

While she was distracted with getting his shirt to fit comfortably on her, Five reached forward and grasped her wrist. Taking advantage of her split attention, he drew her towards him so that she landed on his lap. Alexa's eyes narrowed for a moment before she sighed. "Alright, fine. You can have my seat."

He wrapped his arm around her waist to pull her against his chest. Ducking his head so that he could whisper in her ear, he murmured: "I wasn't asking for it, darling."

Even as she relaxed against him Alexa couldn't help but retort, "cocky bastard."

"Why are you always so quick to insult me?"

"It's not an insult if I'm telling the truth."

They continued to banter lightly back and forth for several minutes until the girl shifted to get into a more comfortable position. Five's words cut off abruptly and his hands grasped her waist. A slightly pained expression crossed his face as he let out a quiet grunt. "Don't move."

"Don't—? Oh!" She suddenly understood his request and smiled sheepishly. "Sorry."

Alexa couldn't help but feel pleased that Five— who was normally so composed— was so easily affected (by her) like this. It felt nice that her boyfriend found her appealing especially because they were essentially adults now (even if their bodies didn't reflect it.) After a moment's pause so he could collect himself, she gently placed the palm of her hand against his chest. He watched her warily but those were the only intentions she had. "You know. . . you don't have to be so careful."

He looked down at her with concern. "Are-are you sure? Even if we're the same age now, our minds still have a twenty-something gap—"

"I don't care," she insisted firmly. Then, she backtracked. "I mean, I do, obviously. I care about you— but not that we're mentally twenty years apart. That's a lot easier than what it was like when you first got back to 2019. God, that was hard. I don't know what I would've done if I'd gotten to see you every day but our ages stayed like that. . ."

"I wouldn't have minded," he offered softly.

"Yeah, but I would have. People probably would've called the police if we ever tried to go out together. If I'm being honest, I'm kind of glad that it worked out this way," the blonde admitted. "Even with all of the extra apocalypses at least we get to be together now." She looked up to meet his eyes to add quietly: "and I mean that in more ways than one. I. . . want to do everything with you," she finished. Her cheeks tinted pink at her confession.

Five's breath caught in his throat at her words. The forty-five years he'd spent in the apocalypse had been hell and he'd never let himself think farther than reuniting with his family. Planning into the future would've only caused him more pain. But now— but now, here he was, with his girlfriend, who was telling him what he'd hoped to hear one day.

He lifted his hand to cup her face so that she would meet his eyes again. His voice was soft as he replied: "I'd like that too, darling, but not yet."

Alexa gave him a confused look, though not a disappointed one. "Not yet? Is it because of the apocalypse?" She was pleased with herself for speaking so evenly when most of her mind was focused on how warm his palm was against her skin.

To her surprise, the boy shook his head. "Not really. I, uh, I. . . want to tell you how I feel first."

Oh. Her heart skipped a beat in her chest at his thoughtfulness, though a part of her wondered if she'd have to wait another hundred years. She lifted her own hand to place it against the back of his. "Fi, I know how you feel about me. Like I said before, you don't have to try so hard. Just the fact that you are— trying, that is— is practically the same thing."

"I want to say it," Five insisted. "I've made you wait long enough, Lexa. I will say it."

She smiled slightly at his vehemence; he'd never been one to do things halfway. "Alright, Fi, I believe you," she said with a faint chuckle. "Just. . . don't feel like it's something that you have to do, okay? I'll love you no matter what."

"Say that last part again?"

She gave him an amused look, thinking that he just wanted to hear the words. Still, she wouldn't deny him. "I love you."

His emerald eyes were sincere when they met hers. "As I you, darling."

Alexa leaned forward to press her lips against his briefly. "You're getting better, darling."

"Well, it seems true that practice makes perfect."

☂︎ ☂︎ ☂︎

The tailor returned almost an hour later with the completed suit in hand. Five spent a few moments to switch clothes in the changing room and then he stepped out in his suit. Alexa's eyes widened at the sight of her boyfriend's new attire. He smirked at her expression. "I guess you like it, then?"

She stood slowly and came over to him as he examined the length of the sleeves. When she was close enough, he looked over at her. "Yeah, uh. . . amazing," she stammered out. Her face felt very warm as she admired his clothes— they fit him exceptionally well.

"I thought you liked my so-called 'old man' outfit," he reminded her.

The blonde finally pulled her gaze away from his suit to look at him. "I do, but your old man outfit was more 'bring my daughter home by six.'" She reached out to tug on the lapel of his blazer. "Your suit is more 'your daughter calls me daddy too.'"

Five didn't really understand her explanation but his attention did catch on a specific word. He could recall too easily what he'd said to her during his Paradox Psychosis; the thought returned now and he suddenly regretted that his pants were so well-fitting. He was quite certain that his ears were very red and he quickly changed the subject: "right then. Ready to go find Lila?"