𑁍𝚌𝚛𝚎𝚍𝚒𝚝𝚜 𝚝𝚘 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚘𝚞𝚝𝚜𝚒𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚍𝚒𝚛𝚝𝚢𝚒𝚖𝚊𝚐𝚒𝚗𝚎𝚜 𝚘𝚗 𝚝𝚞𝚖𝚋𝚕𝚛 🌞𑁍

Dear Dally,

I was 17 years old when I fell for you. I was afraid of the idea of being in love and my very first instinct was to run away and never talk to you again. A big part of my wanted to pack up and leave and move to another country, because the truth is, I am unhinged, my head was a mess and my mind wasn't in the right headspace... and by God, I didn't want to ruin all that was pure and wholesome about you.

The way you held me to your body, so tenderly, they way your fingers trailed down my spine, the way your hands intertwined with mine... I felt safer than I have in years. I felt wanted and needed... I miss the way you played with my  hair. I want to feel that way again.

So much happened in so little time. I told you so many of my secrets, but I knew that they were safe with you. I told you I liked you and you said you felt the same. I always thoguht of you as someone who would never hurt me. You were so sweet, so gentle, so damn kind and innocent. I wanted that. Ii wanted every part of your soul.

But you hurt me. It was unintentional, of that I am undoubtedly sure, but you did. Was I too honest? Did I scare you away? What did I do wrong? What is it about me that makes you not want me?

You never made it clear, what exactly it was that you wanted. The signs always seemed to point in my favour. You didn't hurt me because you didn't want me. You hurt me because you lied. You lied with your word - when you said you liked me, when you said you loved me too... You lied with your silence- your lies were so loud. I never knew silence could be that way. But you lied. In every single way a man could lie... you lied.

I know that you never meant to lie or hurt me, I can see the wonderfully beautiful colours of your soul. I can feel the purity radiating from your body. I can feel your kindness shining away like a fiery beacon. You are a lighthouse.

But I am an ocean. I have the ability to destroy your light. I am the deep, dark pits of the ocean floor, I hold secrets and anger. If I'd have won your heart I would have destroyed all that was good in you.

Just like the ocean, I can make tsunamis rise and flatten cities. I am glad that you decided that I wasn't worth your time. I'm glad that I wasn't what you wanted.

But I am sorry. I'm sorry that you wasted your time on a girl like me. I'm sorry that I wasn't what you wanted or needed. I'm so sorry. I hope one day you'll find the right girl, a girl that can love you more than I ever could have. I'm so sorry that I'm not perfect. I wish I could've been what you clearly needed.

I'm sorry that your mum died. I'm sorry you were homeless... , I'm sorry that your dad didn't want you. I wish he saw your worth like I did.

I hope you know your worth. I hope you can see what I see in your. If it had been anyone else I would've hated you. I would've talked about you in a disgusting manner. I guess that just goes to show how much I loved you. It shows that what I felt was real and it meant something to me.

I still kind of love you.

Love,
Y/N