Note that this chapter was written on Google Voice. I've been having a lot of mental health issues and haven't been able to write almost at all. I wanted to give you guys something even if it's not as good as what I would usually do. Nothing makes me happier than riding and it sucks that I can't do it. If anyone here has gone through depression they'll know what I'm talking about, the block that never seems to go away. Anyways, enough dumping, read the chapter.

I expected giving birth would be a horrible ordeal. Everyone I've ever met that has given birth to a child has said that it was the worst and best experience of their life. Well, I would hope that the birth of my twins wouldn't be too bad, I know better. Thankfully in this day and age, they have ways to make birth less painful. Nowadays they can just put me up on meds and I'll be fine. Or induce me for a C-section. It's not like I'll have permanent damage, I'm an immortal with healing powers.

All in all this week hasn't been the worst. I got to meet back up with my son who I haven't seen in a hundred years, I met a new young witch, and Kol hasn't managed to kill anyone in the Quarter.

My brothers have barely seen me since my due date a week ago. I don't think they're deliberately trying to ignore me. I should hope we have a better relationship than for them to do that. I know for a fact that Elijah once wanted a child and I believe that Finn feels the same way.

Nobody in this family seems to get exactly what they want. Rebekah especially. She wants to find her mate or mates, and live a normal life. She'll never be able to have that. Some part of my mind I wish I could give her that, let her heal her trauma and wounds that continue to be opened by our brothers time and time again. Out of everyone, she deserves happiness the most.

I was a week late. Not uncommon, but it did scare me. I know I'm ridiculously anxious for the arrival of my children, but I just wished that they could come sooner. My back is killing me, I'm constantly thirsty for blood, my magic is starting to go haywire.

What I mean haywire, I really mean it's messing me up. I haven't been able to do normal spells. When I try I usually blow up the entire room, putting myself in anyone else who could be in there in danger. It the same each time, cold brushing against my spine until it turns into a blazing inferno. I've tried every single thing in the book to try to make it stop, but it only seems that these attempts make it worse. Even Kies tried to help. Hell, the entire coven has tried. My magic doesn't like me right now. It holds me back in the worst ways. One of my fears is that my family will need me and my magic won't work, or make things worse for everyone.

Caroline had her baby on Monday. Aric came into this world a tribrid. We didn't expect such an occurrence, but we should have. Nik should have known but his baby would end up being like our family. It's not like hybrids aren't a usual occurrence here. He isn't a siphoner, but he's a witch, displaying uses of magic as soon as he was born. I can tell that Nik's proud of him, part of the new family that he gets to have with Caroline.

And yet the twins are refusing to come out. We've done everything we can to try to speed up the process, but it seems they're coming on their own time. What they'll come out as remains a mystery, although I suspect that they're both siphoners. It only makes sense for them to be like that, be like me. Stefan knows that I'm scared for them to be anything like me. I could tell he's scared that they'll be like him as well. With him being a ripper it could be a problem.

We know that Aric thirsts for blood, which means that my twins will as well. If they end up being rippers we could be exposed. How will we send them to school knowing that they could hurt another child on accident? Then comes their aging. Aric is progressing nicely, but what if they grow faster or slower than a normal child? What if they end up as immortal babies? That would be a nightmare. They deserve to grow up.

Then comes our enemies. We don't know what's going to happen. With our family, with Marcel (who is still feeling rejected by his father), or with anyone new who could come looking for a fight.

It's only practical that I fear for the safety of everyone in my family. That's what I've been doing for a thousand years and it's what I'll do till the day I die. I've always been the protector, the one who means to understand the situation before picking a side (although I'll always pick the side of my brothers and sister), the one who works and manipulates the situation to her advantage. What happens now that I have other priorities? How am I supposed to balance all of these things at once?

"Astrid." It was Elijah. I haven't talked to him in days and even then it was brief. I miss being close to him. I miss the way it used to be. "You're dwelling again," he commented as he sat on the edge of my bed. "You don't do well when you dwell."

"Yet I do it no matter how many times you advise me against it." His face remained plain, undecided. "What do you need?"

They always need something.

"Ah," he started, wrapping his arm around my shoulder like he would when I was a young child. "I need nothing from you today, sister." Elijah let out a small chuckle. "How are the twins?"

I should have known. Elijah and his weird questions about my pregnancy. "Fine. Late. I'm ready to get them out of me though, they make me look like a ready-to-burst water balloon. I'm almost immobile."

"Ridiculous, Striddy, you're glowing." I giggled at his attempt to cheer me up. The pregnancy glow did not happen for me. There's nothing sexy about hunger and random bursts of anger or sadness. Or worse, magic. That's definitely the worst one. "Besides, we would love you even if you looked like a balloon. I would never let you pop."

"Kol would dagger you just to pop me if I turned into a water balloon. But he would save the water for memories." Elijah laughed and pulled me closer to him. "How is Kol? I haven't been able to check up on him and Davina this week. Or most of my coven. I'm terrible at leading, aren't I?"

The small smile that previously lingered on my older brother's face dropped at the last comment. I'm the only one who seems to believe that I'm doing a bad job. I should be listening to my coven mates and family, but for some reason, I can't. My magic won't work and it needs to work for the coven to work correctly. It's terrible and makes me want to scream into a pillow. Elijah knows how this feels, the loss of magical ability. He was a normal witch, destined to follow the path of guarding nature. That didn't go so well with his turning, leaving him defenseless in the magic he once loved. I felt bad but what could he do about it? The fact that I still had mine still leaves me feeling guilty to this day. He was powerful as a witch, almost at the same level as Kol and Finn.

"Over the past year, you've done more for those heretics than anyone has ever done for them, Astrid, never forget that. No matter what you will be their leader and the one they go to for advice if they need it. I am sure that they are giving you space because you're about to give birth. They will come to you after. Believe me, we all will." Elijah's words did comfort me. A little bit. "It also may be that your mates guard you like wild hounds."

"They... guard me?"

"Yes, sister, they guard you. Many times I have come to your door only to find your mates chatting in front of the room. Once they get the hint that I wish to enter they glare daggers into me until I leave." Odd, I haven't noticed that at all. "It doesn't matter much, they know what is best for you during this time. Extra stress would not bode well for my nieces."

No, no it would not.

. . .