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❛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴀʀᴛʏ ᴍᴄғʟʏ ᴇғғᴇᴄᴛ​​​​​​​​​​. ❜ ° . ༄
- ͙۪۪˚   ▎❛ 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐔𝐃𝐄 𝐈𝐈𝐈 ❜   ▎˚ ͙۪۪̥◌
»»————- ꒰ ᴡʜᴇɴ ᴀʟᴇxᴀ sᴀᴡ ғɪᴠᴇ ꒱　


❝ BLACKBIRD SINGING IN
THE DEAD OF NIGHT TAKE
THESE BROKEN WINGS &
LEARN TO FLY ❞

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2006

The day was snowy, cold and miserable— perfect for a funeral. Silently, the remaining six children filed out of the house in a line with their father, mother and Pogo trailing behind them as all members of the party held large, black umbrellas. Alexa refused to even shiver as the cold hit her face. Ben will never get the chance to feel cold again, she thought, the place in her chest where her heart was supposed to be aching terribly. It was all her fault.

They surrounded Ben's casket with three of them on each side, all staring at the snow-covered wood that bore the last view of Ben's face surrounded by meticulously created metal tentacles. Alexa gripped the handle of her umbrella tightly as if that were the last tether available to keep her from slipping away. Their father, mother and Pogo closed the circle at the head of Ben's coffin.

"Your father is ready to give the eulogy, children," Pogo announced softly.

A flicker of resentment burned in Alexa. Their father knew nothing about Ben, what right did he have to speak final thoughts on their brother? She didn't have any rights, either, she knew— Klaus should have been the one to send him off.

"The world is full of injustice." Her father's familiar cadence sounded irritating in her ears. "Good people die along with the bad. This cosmic equation will never change unless evil itself is wiped from existence. Thankfully, there are powerful forces pushing back against the wicked and iniquitous, individuals who have the strength to pull together against insurmountable odds to face adversity with unblinking courage and not to hesitate to sacrifice themselves for another. Unfortunately, none of you are such people. Despite years of training and weeks of preparation, you allowed Number Six to die on this mission—"

Alexa hunched her shoulders as guilt washed over her, the first of many times she would shrink at the mention of her brother's death.

"It wasn't our fault!" Allison protested in a gasping breath.

"Excuses?" their father barked. "I will not hear them. The Umbrella Academy has failed one of their own, the consequences of which are dire. Hold on to this feeling, children. Let it fester in your hearts so there is never a next time. Training will be canceled today out of respect for your brother. We resume tomorrow at six a.m.." With that, he turned and stalked away without sparing a backward glance or comforting word to his six remaining children.

There was silence as their mother and Pogo left as well, broken only by quiet sniffles and muted crying. At least, until Vanya spoke, her voice breaking: "it wasn't anybody's fault—"

"How would you know, Vanya? You weren't even on the mission. Besides, we all know who's fault it really is," Diego sneered. His eyes landed on the blonde standing next to her sister. "You were supposed to protect him, Eight." He wasn't even going to give her the decency of using her given name.

The brunette gave a teary sniff and raced away as Luther glared at him. "Nice going, asshole."

"What? We all know the truth. Eight is supposed to protect us and she's the one who let Ben down."

"Oh? So you're thinking now, Diego? That's a first," Allison said angrily.

"Screw you!" the boy shouted back.

"Hey!" Luther said, always the first to jump to Allison's defense. "Dad was right, we should've done more— this didn't have to happen."

Alexa's irritation grew. "Will you shut up about Dad? You might be Number One but you're allowed to have your own thoughts, you know?" she snapped.

Luther rounded on her then. "Maybe I should let you take the fall for this. After all, this isn't the only Academy member you've let down. Remember Number Five?" The blonde's eyes widened in hurt as Luther continued: "you know, come to think of it, maybe you're the problem. You were close with both of them before they disappeared—"

"Yeah," Allison chimed, sneering. "Maybe they thought your personality was crappy and your powers were useless so they decided to rid themselves of your presence in whatever way they could!"

She fell mute, feeling the double loss anew as her siblings continued their argument inside. Alexa remained by Ben's casket and put her hand on the wood. Finding her voice again, she whispered, "I'm sorry, Ben. It's my fault. All mine."

"It's not your fault, you know."

She whirled and her eyes widened at the sight of a very familiar boy. "Five?" she breathed out. "You're back!"

Alexa made a move to rush towards him with her arms outstretched for a hug, but when she closed the distance between them she kept running. Stumbling to a stop, she turned, confused. "W-what?"

He smiled sadly at her. "I'm not actually here, you know. I'm only making sure you don't do anything stupid."

The blonde blinked feeling tears prickle in her eyes. Moving more slowly towards the boy, she stopped until they were practically nose-to-nose and studied him. He certainly looked like Five, with the dark hair that fell into the same flop over his forehead, piercing green eyes softened by sympathy and every detail of his face was the same as she remembered. He was even wearing the Umbrella Academy uniform like she was.

"Stupid?" she asked, slightly hurt. "I don't do stupid things. You took all the stupid with you when you left."

A smirk flickered across his face and he inclined his head to the spot against Ben's casket. "Do you want to sit? We can talk about what happened."

Swallowing the sudden lump in her throat, she nodded and side-by-side, they sat down in the snow. With stops and starts, Alexa was able to get the whole story of what happened on the mission out, the boy a perfect audience as he listened without interrupting. Her voice gave way to sobs towards the end. "It's all my fault," she gasped. "Diego's right. I was supposed to protect him and I didn't, so I killed him. I-I'm a—"

"You're nothing," the boy said firmly, then he winced. "Sorry, that didn't come out right. I meant you couldn't have helped what happened so you're not the monster you think you are. You're not the only guilty part here. I mean, Luther shouldn't have pushed him so much, right?"

Alexa gave a tiny nod feeling a prickle of guilt as she agreed, "I still didn't stop him from pushing Ben, though."

Five shifted next to her so he was almost facing her and gently placed a hand on top of hers, causing her to look up at him. Alexa couldn't feel the warmth that had usually come with the gesture but it was easy enough to imagine. "Hey," he said softly. "It's not your fault and I'm going to stick around until you believe it. You know I've never been great at this comforting thing but the least I can do is make it a bit easier for you."

She gave a soft sniffle and tried for a watery smile. "I've missed you so much, Fi."

His expression softened, turning almost regretful. "I know, I'm sorry. I didn't intend to be gone for this long, you know that, right? I was going to bring you with me when I came back."

Her smile became more genuine. "I know."

☂☂☂

Not long after, Alexa isolated herself in her room. While she'd done that for hours on end when Five first disappeared she did it again now for different reasons. None of her siblings except Vanya would speak with her. Even in training all she would receive were glares and grunts of acceptance or disagreement so with nothing to talk about, she holed herself away, often spending time talking to the boy only she could see.

Right now, she had her easel and canvas set up, paints in hand as the boy watched from her bed. "What are you doing?"

"Painting," she answered cheekily, turning around to wink at him.

He huffed. "I know that, goof. I meant what are you painting?"

Most of the canvas was covered with dark paint and the outline of a person was taking shape. Black, dark red, a bit of white and navy blue were the main colors on her palate, the only bright spot being a small dollop of forest green.

"You just have to wait and see," she said cheerfully, pleased when he let out an irritated snort.

They continued to banter back and forth, unaware that her door was opening as they spoke. Her mother stood with Pogo and both had sad expressions on their faces. "It's only getting worse," the chimpanzee remarked quietly as they watched the one-way exchange.

Grace frowned slightly. "Who do you think she sees?" There was obvious concern in her voice for her daughter.

Pogo sighed. "Who is to say? Number Six? Number Five? A person of her own making to help cope with the loss?"

"You know they think you're crazy, right?" Five asked from her bed.

Alexa rolled her eyes. "I don't care what they think. They can go screw themselves for all I care. Once I'm old enough, I'm out of here. Then I can keep looking for you."

"I'm already here, you goof," Five said with a grin.

"The real you, idiot. I know you're not real."

"Do you, now?" he asked cheekily.

She huffed. "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do. I may be crazy but I'm not insane."

Those words made the adults feel slightly better. "It seems as if she's coping with the loss as well as can be expected," Grace commented softly.

"We'll still keep an eye on her," Pogo decided. "If it takes a turn for the worse, we must inform Master Hargreeves."

☂☂☂

Almost six months after Ben's death found The Umbrella Academy returning to mostly normal although all members could feel the empty spot where Ben should have been. Deciding to brave her siblings, Alexa spent her studies for the day in the sitting room next to the fireplace. Above the mantle stood a new painting of a boy lost nearly three years ago, the dark colors almost representing a post-mortem painting— the only bright spot being a pair of forest green eyes.

The boy on the couch next to her had his eyes fixed on it. "I didn't know you were going to paint me."

"I thought I needed to fuel your ego," the blonde commented mildly, not looking up from the day's assigned schoolwork.

He leaned back against the cushions, crossing one leg over the other as he rested his hands on his head. "It's very good, you know. You've always been talented. There's only one problem."

"Oh? And what's that?"

"I'm not dead."

"Of course you're not!" she exclaimed, surprised. Then she lowered her voice: "I think I was just feeling the effects of— well, y'know," she finished lamely. "And I didn't want to see his face, I wanted to see yours."

Five lowered his arm and rested it gently on her weightlessly. "At least Dad won't forget about me."

She rolled her eyes. "Is it only Dad you're worried about?"

In the other room, another pair of living-and-not-present siblings were having a conversation. "You should go talk to her, you know," Ben's ghost said as Klaus rooted through the cabinets in the kitchen. "She'd be reassured that you still haven't seen Five's ghost."

Klaus snorted. "Oh yeah, that'll go over well. 'Hey, crazy sister. I know you think I blame you for Ben's death but he's right here and just fine— except for being dead, obviously. Also, I haven't seen the ghost of your favorite brother, either.' A perfectly normal conversation."

His brother frowned. "I don't blame her for my death. You should tell her that. She's only acting crazy because none of you will talk to her."

"No one else is talking to invisible people," the dark-haired boy pointed out as he climbed down from the counter with his stashed liquor flask.

"You are."

He rolled his eyes. "You're actually here, Benerino. Five's gone."

Ben crossed his arms and gave him a slightly irritated look. "Don't you remember how close we were? She needed us after Five disappeared. Maybe you can help each other now."

Klaus made his way out of the kitchen and took a swig from the bottle as Ben followed. He paused just outside of the sitting room where his blonde sister was working on her homework and speaking in a quiet murmur.

"See Ben, she's just fine!"

"It doesn't look like she's just fine to me," the boy commented as his eyes flicked up to the new painting.

Klaus gave a loud, dramatic groan. "I wish you would piss off sometimes. You know that, right?" He didn't really mean it, of course. With a sigh, he crossed the space and flopped down next to the girl. "What's up, Lexi?"

Alexa's head jerked up at her brother's interruption and her face flushed. She hoped he hadn't heard. "What do you want?" she snapped irritably, giving him a glare that would rival Five's.

Next to her, the boy rolled his eyes at their brother's interruption. Klaus held up his hands. "Hey, I can walk right out, you know. I'm just here for civil conversation."

Her grip on her pencil tightened. Civil these days went under a different definition. "You going to rail me for something?" she asked defensively.

Klaus nodded to her painting and decided to ignore her question. "You've got him down pat, you know. The only thing missing is that nasty glare." He tried to mimic it. "You know, the one that said I'm better than you, you're all idiots?"

"He didn't think that!" Alexa fired at him, feeling the need to defend the boy.

Next to her, Five gave her an amused look. "Yes I do." 

Klaus snorted in disbelief. "Yeah, sure. Look, I just wanted to tell you that I don't see him, alright?"

"See him?"

Five was now doing a very exaggerated show of mocking their brother by pretending to act stupid. Alexa hid her smile.

"Yeah, I've tried to find him by summoning, you know? He's still alive as far as I'm aware. I thought you'd want to know."

The tip of her pencil pressed sharply on her page and broke with a loud snap! "Of course he's still alive, idiot," she snarled. "Why on earth wouldn't he be? If you've got nothing better to say, leave me alone!"

Klaus shot her an annoyed look and stood. "No wonder you don't talk to any of us anymore with that attitude," he rolled his eyes. "Fine, I'll leave. Just don't say I never tried to help."

With that, he walked out of the room, taking another drink from his flask once he was out of her sight. "See Ben, I told you she didn't want to talk."

His brother sighed. "You could've been more gentle about it."

"She wasn't exactly welcoming in the first place."

"Do you blame her? The only reason you guys have words is to remind her of her failure."

After her brother left, Alexa sighed, feeling the annoying prickle of guilt for being so harsh towards him. "That's exactly how I would've reacted, you know," Five commented.

"I know," she said irritably. "Shut up."