{CHAPTER THIRTY: WHEN RED TURNED TO BLACK}

Ivy's POV

It was such a gloomy day. I looked outside the window and it was raining very hard. The clouds lost its beautiful blue color. This day will turn out so bad, I guess so. 

Its already been five days since the incident happened, since that traumatic birthday party happened. Since Alexander died. It guess what, today is the last day of his funeral. Hours later, we'll take him to his last destination. Limang araw na ang nakakaraan but my process of moving on was too slow. Nandito pa rin ang sakit pero alam kong nabawasan na iyon, at mababawasan pa after days.

Tumayo ako sa kama at lumabas ng terrace. The rain didn't stop falling. Kagabi pa itong ulan na ito. There were no people in the streets and the vehicles were to few. Kakaunti lang ang lumalabas sa kani-kanilang bahay ngayon. I suppressed that people are too tired to go out of their houses in this kind of day.

Sandali akong namahinga sa terrace at dinama ang lamig ng panahon nung nagvibrate ang aking cellphone. I received a message from Tita Francine.

From: Tita Francine

Nandito na ang mommy mo, sweetheart. Hindi ka pa ba pupunta dito? You might wanna see the people visiting Alexander. 

Pinili ko na lang na pindutin ang power off button ng cellphone at sinubukang hindi patuluin ang mga luhang nagbabadyang kumawala sa mga mata ko. Today is his last day, I needed to be there by his side. I need to bid a formal goodbye formal he leave my side, before I leave his side.

Nagsimula na akong mag-ayos ng aking sarili kaya naligo na ako bago nagpalit sa isang itim na bestida. I paired it with high white heels and white shoulder bag. Umupo ako sa harapan ng salamin at mahinhing sinuklay ang aking buhol-buhol na buhok. My face looked so very pale and white. Wala ng kabuhay-buhay ang itsura ko. I snatched my make-up kit from the table at inayusan ang aking sarili. I need to paint my pale lips with pink lipstick. Mukha na rin akong bangkay sa itsura ko, good thing naimbento ang make-up.

When I got contented from my looks, tumayo na ako at sumakay sa aking kotse. Don't get me wrong, I still know how to drive properly. I wont waste my life anymore thus I need to say goodbyes and sappy farewells to my dear Alexander.

Thirty minutes drive from the house to the church is completely disgusting. Traffic plus the hard rain just completed the whole drive. Ipinark ko ang kotse ko sa covered parking lot at dumeretso sa lugar kung saan nakaburol si Alexander. Pagbukas na pagbukas ko ng pinto, sa akin napatingin lahat ng tao. In fairness, all people wore black. Ako lang ang nakaputi.

I took a deep sigh before walking inside. The room felt so suffocating. Hindi ako makahinga ng maayos. Agad akong nilapitan ni Ghil at niyakap ako. Ngayon lang ulit kami nagkita after the kidnapping scene. Kahapon lang sya sa nakalabas ng ospital at limang araw naman akong nagkulong sa bahay.

She cried at the moment she enclosed her arms around me. 

"I'm so...sorry." I couldn't find the words to answer her back. Niyakap ko na lang sya. I didnt cry though. I just smiled and caressed her back.

"It's going to be okay." saad ko para naman mabigyan sya ng konting comfort. It was not her fault. It was nobody's fault. No one wanted to happen this to Alexander. So was I.

I backed away from her hug at umupo sa unang bench malapit sa kabaong. I dont want to check Alexander's sleeping face by now. Ayoko pa. Hindi pa ako handa. This is the first time I'm going to see him inside the color brown coffin in front of me. Huling araw nya, huling pagkikita naming dalawa. Naramdaman kong tumabi sakin si Mama. (My real mother)

"Aren't you going to check Alexander?"

Umiling ako kahit hindi sya tinitignan. I didnt really made up my mind to check him. 

"I was so sorry for your loss anak. Alexander was such a very good boy and strong man. He should still be living by now. Kung hindi ko sana ginawa ang pagkakamali ko noon, hindi sana na-trigger si Martinez para gawin yung kabaliwan nya. I'm so sorry anak."

Seriously? Kailangan bang magsorry sakin lahat ng tao ngayon? In the first place, hindi lang ako ang nawalan. We all lost a very precious friend...and I damn lost a very loyal lover. Narinig ko na lang na humihikbi na si Mama sa tabi ko at nagsimula na namang maglilitanya ng kung ano ano. I felt sorry for my mom. This is not her fault. Alam kong minahal nya rin si Papa, they loved each other that's why in my five years of living with them, I felt the love. 

"...I should have known from the start. Sana hindi ko na lang sya niloko. I know na mahal na mahal nya ako at wala akong ginawa kundi gaguhin sya. I didnt want to do it. Hindi ko naman sinasad---" I cut her off by hugging. I hugged her tight at alam kong nagulat sya dun. It took her a while before hugging me back.

"Its nobody's fault. No one wanted to Alexander to die." 

"I-I was...s-still sorry."

I shushed her. Ayoko ng makarinig pa ng sorry or what so ever. Alam ko rin naman na hindi naman sinasadya ni Papa na gawin lahat ng kasamaan na toh. He was like me, he was too fed up na gusto nya ring makaganti sa lahat ng nakasakit sa kanya. Its just that, nadamay yung isang tao na inosente at walang kinalaman sa lahat ng toh. 

It was all Alexander who paid for all of our sins. His life is the payment for these.

"I guess it was time for you to check him in his sleep." 

Saad ni Mama sa gitna ng kanyang paghagulgol. Tumango ako bago tumayo at lumapit sa kulay brown na parihabang kahoy sa aking harapan. And there I saw Alexander, sleeping inside the box. Not moving, not breathing but sleeping. Staring at him lead me to crying. Kahit titigan lang sya, nakuha nito akong paiyakin. Dont get me wrong, pinupunasan ko naman ang luha ko. I dont like to violate the superstitions of the elders. Alam nyo naman ang pamahiin na masamang natutuluan ng luha ang kabaong ng patay.

I felt Tita Francine's hands in my shoulders at hinimas ang aking likuran. Little did I know that I was crying so hard at halos mapaluhod na ako sa gilid ng kabaong kung hindi lang ako nilapitan ni Kuya Chad. He and Tita keep supporting me from standing. My whole body is shaking, nanlalambot ang buong katawan ko. It feels like my bones stopped from supporting my body. Bumigay na for short.

Akala ko kasi, sa loob ng pananahimik ko sa kwarto ko ng limang araw, wala na lahat ng sakit but seeing Alexander inside this fucking coffin makes me crazy. Para tuloy gusto ko ulit tumalon sa rooftop ng hospital.

Lumapit sakin si Ghil at niyakap ako. Ayan tuloy, nabasa na yung damit nya dahil sa mga luha ko then she whispered something in my ear na nagpaiyak pa sakin ng todo. Hindi ko lubos maisip na masasabi nya sakin ang mga katagang iyon but it somehow comforted me.

"Keep crying sister. Matatapos rin yan, nandito kami sa tabi mo."