1st WINNER: Taming the hellbeast by TheAlixDavenport

CLARITY & DEVELOPMENT: 09/10

RELEVANCE: 10/10

PACING: 09/10

INTRIGUE & HOOK: 10/10

VOICE & STYLE: 10/10

GRAMMAR & VOCABULARY: 10/10

TOTAL: 58/60

•Strengths of the Prologue

➜Intrigue and Stakes: The prologue sets a high stake right from the beginning. The queen is running for her life with her newborn son, fearing a powerful and ruthless warmongering husband and king. The world is on the brink of war, and the child's immense power adds another layer of intrigue.

➜World Building: The prologue introduces a rich and complex world with different species, a portal between worlds, and a powerful guardian. It establishes the hierarchy and the magic system without overwhelming the reader. The details about the different worlds, the Eternal Mountain, and the portal create a unique and fantastical setting.

➜Emotional Connection: The reader feels the urgency and desperation of the queen as she tries to save her son. The sacrifice she makes to protect him adds emotional depth to the story.

➜Compelling Characters: Areida's strength and determination, Zendaya's burden and grief, and the baby's potential for both good and evil make them intriguing figures.

➜Cliffhanger: The prologue ends on a strong cliffhanger, leaving the reader wanting more. We don't know what world the baby is sent to, who the new Guardian is, or what the future holds.

•Weaknesses of the Prologue

➜Pacing: Some sections feel a bit slow, particularly when the queen is describing her thoughts and feelings. Tightening these sections could improve the overall pacing.

➜Exposition: There's a lot of information packed into the prologue, which might feel overwhelming to some readers. Consider weaving the exposition more naturally into the action.

➜Clarity: Some details, like the specific magic abilities of the queen and Zendaya, could be clarified slightly without bogging down the narrative. Some terminology might be confusing for readers unfamiliar with fantasy tropes (e.g., "pureblood" vs. "half-breed", "Lycan direct descendant").

➜Show, Don't Tell: In a few instances, the narrative tells us emotions rather than showing them through actions or descriptions (e.g., "She felt deadly exhausted").

•Suggestions for Improvement

➜Refine Terminology: Consider replacing terms like "Lycan direct descendant" with something clearer within the context of the real world (e.g., "werewolf bloodline").

➜Grammar Polish: A quick proofread can catch minor grammatical errors.

➜Show Emotions: Instead of stating emotions, use vivid descriptions of the characters' actions and expressions to convey their feelings.

➜Show, Don't Tell: Instead of stating Zendaya's fear, show it through her actions or internal monologue. Instead of listing Zendaya's abilities, showcase them as she interacts with the queen and the environment.

•Overall Impression

This is a strong and engaging prologue that sets the stage for an exciting story. It introduces a compelling conflict, interesting characters, and a unique world. With some minor tweaks to pacing and clarity, it can be even more effective.

2nd WINNER: Secret of the Snow Queen: Fire & Ice book #1 by GabriellaGwenGalaxia

CLARITY & DEVELOPMENT: 09/10

RELEVANCE: 10/10

PACING: 09/10

INTRIGUE & HOOK: 09/10

VOICE & STYLE: 10/10

GRAMMAR & VOCABULARY: 10/10

TOTAL: 57/60

•Strengths

➜Vivid Descriptions: The prologue paints a clear picture of the opulent palace, the contrasting attire of the twins, and the emotional tension between the parents.

➜Intrigue: The revelation of Aurora's backstory and the mysterious fire introduce elements of mystery and suspense.

➜Emotional Connection: The reader feels empathy for Aurora's loneliness and abandonment, especially when excluded from the boys' games and then left alone amidst the fire. The scene where Mary rejects Aurora's cookie is emotionally charged and highlights Aurora's loneliness.

➜World-Building: The prologue establishes the class structure (nobles vs servants), the political climate (treason accusations), and the societal expectations of gender roles.

➜Cliffhanger: The prologue ends on a thrilling note, leaving the reader wanting to know what happens next to Aurora and the mysterious woman.

•Weaknesses:

➜Head Hopping: The perspective shifts between Kelvin and Aurora several times, which might be confusing for some readers. Consider picking one perspective for this prologue.

➜Exposition Dump: The backstory of Aurora's mother's alleged treason feels clunky and could be woven more naturally into the story.

➜Pacing: The first half focuses heavily on the royal family drama, while the exciting fire scene unfolds very quickly at the end.

•Areas for Improvement:

➜Focus on Aurora: While Kelvin plays a role, consider establishing Aurora as the central protagonist from the beginning.

➜Show, Don't Tell: Instead of stating that Aurora is heartbroken, describe her physical reactions and internal monologue. Instead of stating Aurora is ostracized, depict how others treat her differently.

➜Refine Exposition: Instead of a large information dump, weave Aurora's backstory into the narrative through flashbacks or conversations.

➜Dialogue: The dialogue between Kelvin and Aurora feels a bit forced at times. Consider making it flow more naturally.

➜Clarity: Refine some sentences for better grammar and flow (e.g., "despite our age difference. Mother would have her come over all the time").

•Overall Impression

This prologue has a strong foundation for a compelling story. With some attention to pacing, exposition, and adding more depth to the initial family scenes, it can be even more engaging. The ending leaves the reader wanting to know more about the fire and the mysterious woman, which is a great strength.

3rd WINNER :Cataract of Delusion by new_erasktaylor

CLARITY & DEVELOPMENT: 09/10

RELEVANCE: 09/10

PACING: 09/10

INTRIGUE & HOOK: 10/10

VOICE & STYLE: 08/10

GRAMMAR & VOCABULARY: 09/10

TOTAL: 54/60

•Strengths

➜Intrigue: The prologue sets up a captivating mystery. It introduces a wealthy family, a murder, a wounded man, and a shocking surrender by the wife.

➜Setting the Scene: The description of the dark sky, thunder, and sudden downpour creates a suspenseful atmosphere.

➜Engagement: The back-and-forth between reporters and Olivia, along with the crowd's whispers and Olivia's father's emotional outburst, keep the reader engaged.

➜Cliffhanger: The prologue ends with a powerful line, "Because He Deserved It," leaving the reader with a sense of mystery and a desire to learn the truth.

•Weaknesses

➜Clarity: Some sentences are grammatically awkward and could be rephrased for better clarity (e.g., "Besides that, another man was found in a deeply wounded condition, inside the villa at the same time").

➜Pacing: The prologue focuses heavily on the news reporters' questions and the crowd's commentary, which can slow down the pace at times.

➜Voice & Style: The writing style leans towards telling rather than showing. The voice lacks a distinct personality and can feel impersonal at times.

➜Grammar: There are some grammatical errors throughout the text, such as sentence fragments and subject-verb agreement issues.

•Engagement & Voice & Style

The prologue adopts a third-person omniscient point of view, which allows the reader to witness the events through the eyes of multiple characters.

The writing style is descriptive, but it could be more evocative with a stronger word choice.

The dialogue between the reporters and Olivia, and Olivia's father and the reporters, adds some dramatic tension to the scene.

•Overall Impression

This prologue has the potential to be quite engaging, but it needs some polishing. By addressing the weaknesses mentioned above, the author can create a more suspenseful and immersive introduction to the story.

CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU ALL!

OTHER REVIEWS:

Cinnamon Bay by Pinksands1996

CLARITY & DEVELOPMENT: 09/10

RELEVANCE: 09/10

PACING: 08/10

INTRIGUE & HOOK: 09/10

VOICE & STYLE: 08/10

GRAMMAR & VOCABULARY: 08/10

TOTAL: 51/60

•Strengths

➜Vivid imagery: The prologue paints a clear picture of Isa's emotional state and the state of her home through details like the raindrops hitting the roof, the unopened mail scattered on the floor, and the messy bedroom.

➜Emotional honesty: The prologue doesn't shy away from portraying Isa's conflicting emotions - grief, anger, exhaustion, and a flicker of hope rekindled by Ben's arrival.

➜Intrigue: The arrival of the library letter and Ben's unexpected visit with his seemingly genuine apology introduce elements of mystery and raise questions about the future.

➜Cliffhanger ending: The prologue leaves the reader wanting more, wondering how Isa will react to Ben's actions and what the trip to St. John represents for her.

➜Shifting Pacing: The prologue uses a good mix of fast-paced action (the encounter with Ben) and slower, introspective moments (reflecting on the past and intimacy).

•Weaknesses

➜Repetitiveness: Certain phrases like "numb" and "exhausted" are used repeatedly, which can be toned down.

➜Expositional dumps: Some backstory details about the house and the upcoming divorce can be woven into the narrative instead of being directly stated. There's a lot of backstory about the protagonist's marriage crammed into a short space.

➜Specificity in emotional response: While the protagonist's emotions are clear, there could be more specific details about how she feels physically in certain moments (e.g., heart pounding, stomach clenching) for deeper impact.

➜Show, don't tell: Instead of directly stating Isa is numb, describe her actions and reactions that reflect that state.

➜Refine the Pacing: Tighten the section after the library letter reveal to keep the reader engaged.

➜Consider Ending on a Cliffhanger: Instead of stating the marriage is over, end on a more intriguing note related to Ben's visit or the trip.

•Overall

This prologue is a strong start that effectively sets the scene and introduces the characters' central conflict. With some minor tweaks to pacing and clarity, it can be even more engaging.

•Here are some suggestions:

➜Consider starting the story with Ben's arrival. This throws the reader right into the action and creates a sense of mystry about the library letter.

➜Find ways to weave the backstory about the marriage into the narrative flow, rather than through exposition dumps.
➜Instead of simply saying the protagonist is "numb," describe the physical sensations associated with numbness.

Arsonist of the heart by strawberry1d

CLARITY & DEVELOPMENT: 07/10

RELEVANCE: 08/10

PACING: 08/10

INTRIGUE & HOOK: 09/10

VOICE & STYLE: 09/10

GRAMMAR & VOCABULARY: 09/10

TOTAL: 50/60

•Strengths

➜Clear Premise: The prologue establishes a clear conflict – a young woman accuses a K-pop idol of fathering her child and is met with harsh denial.

➜Emotional Impact: The use of vivid descriptions and strong verbs effectively conveys the protagonist's emotional state (heartbreak, despair, anger).

➜Intrigue: The prologue leaves the reader wanting more – what will the girl do next? Does Jaemin have any recollection of her?

➜Hook :The prologue hooks the reader with the emotional turmoil of the character and the shocking accusation against the K-pop idol.

➜Raising Stakes: The stakes are raised when the protagonist confronts Jaemin and is met with public humiliation.

•Weaknesses

➜Excessive Description: There's a lot of description focusing on the girl's tears and emotional state, which can become repetitive.

➜Clarity: Some parts are overly descriptive, like "tear-streaked cheeks" repeated twice in close proximity. The overall story is clear, but the constant shifting between past and present ("Few hours ago...") can be confusing at times. Also there remains a confusion whether the character depicted in the prologue is the protagonist or a side main character.

➜Show, Don't Tell: Lines like "never to be restored" could be strengthened by showing the emotional impact.

➜Pacing: The initial description of the girl's emotional state is lengthy before the actual scene unfolds.

➜Setting the Scene: The prologue sets the scene initially through the description of the abandoned playground, but then focuses heavily on the protagonist's emotional state.

➜Voice & Style: The voice is emotional and reflects the protagonist's vulnerability. The style is descriptive, but at times leans towards melodrama.

•Overall

This prologue has a strong core concept and effectively conveys the protagonist's pain. However, it could be improved by tightening the pacing, reducing unnecessary descriptions, and toning down the melodrama. Consider showing the protagonist's emotional state through actions and dialogue instead of relying solely on internal monologue.

•Here are some suggestions:

➜Weave the details about the abandoned playground into the flashback scene, creating a more cohesive setting.

➜Instead of stating the girl's innocence, show it through her actions and dialogue during the confrontation.

➜Let the reader infer Jaemin's frustration with fans through his actions and dialogue during their interaction, rather than explicitly stating it.

Sexologist by Namjoonaahhh

CLARITY & DEVELOPMENT: 07/10

RELEVANCE: 08/10

PACING: 08/10

INTRIGUE & HOOK: 06/10

VOICE & STYLE: 08/10

GRAMMAR & VOCABULARY: 08/10

TOTAL: 45/60

•Strengths:

➜Voice: The narration uses a strong first-person voice, revealing the character's thoughts and desires.

➜Emotional Connection: The reader gets a sense of the protagonist's dissatisfaction with her marriage and her yearning for passion.

•Weaknesses:

➜Clarity: There are some grammatical errors ("getting into the drawer from nightstand").

➜Clichés: Phrases like "lost my virginity" and "see stars" are clichés.

➜Exposition Infodump: The backstory about the arranged marriage feels like an information dump that could be woven into the story gradually.

➜Focus on Physicality: The focus is heavily on the physical aspects of the encounter, without much development of the characters or their relationship.

•Overall Impression

This prologue has the potential to be a story about love, desire, and the consequences of choices. Focusing on building a strong emotional connection with the protagonist, refining the prose, and establishing a central conflict will create a more engaging introduction.

•Areas for Improvement:

➜Focus on Conflict: While the marital dissatisfaction is clear, consider establishing a central conflict that drives the plot.

➜Show, Don't Tell: Instead of stating the protagonist is unsatisfied, describe her emotional state through actions and internal monologue.

➜Pacing: While the explicit details are omitted here, the overall description of the encounter is lengthy. Tighten the pacing to keep the reader engaged.

➜Raise Stakes: What are the potential consequences of the affair? How will this encounter impact the protagonist's life?

Age of Love by Namjoonaahhh

CLARITY & DEVELOPMENT: 07/10

RELEVANCE: 07/10

PACING: 07/10

INTRIGUE & HOOK: 05/10

VOICE & STYLE: 07/10

GRAMMAR & VOCABULARY: 07/10

TOTAL: 40/60

•Strengths:

➜Sensory Details: The description of the tangled sheets, chirping birds, and sunlight peeking in creates a peaceful atmosphere. The description of the woman and the man in bed creates a clear picture of their intimacy.

➜Character Introduction: The introduction of Cha Y/N, her family situation, and her best friend Yun establishes the basic characters and setting.

➜World Building: The introduction establishes the family dynamic (divorced parents, elder sister) and the daily routine.

•Weaknesses:

➜Clarity: There are several grammatical errors ("present their," "baby who is just a baby only").

➜Intrigue: This upper section is unclear about its connection to the rest of the story and doesn't leave the reader wanting more.

➜Voice: The voice is impersonal and doesn't give a strong sense of character or story.

➜Pacing: The section feels a bit slow, especially with detailed descriptions of breakfast and goodbyes.

➜Clichés: Phrases like "warm pair of eyes" and "blood of that man" are clichés and could be rephrased for a more unique voice.

➜Exposition Infodump: The backstory about the parent's divorce could be revealed more gradually throughout the story.

➜Engagement: The scene lacks emotional depth and leaves the reader with unanswered questions.

•Areas for Improvement:

➜Focus: Consider if the first scene is necessary for the overall story. If so, tighten it up and clarify its purpose.

➜Show, Don't Tell: Instead of stating the man is in love, describe his actions and emotions.

➜Consider Removal: If this scene doesn't play a significant role later, it might be best to remove it and start the story with "Yours POV."

➜Focus on Conflict: While the broken family is mentioned, there's no clear conflict yet. Consider introducing a problem or challenge for Y/N.

➜Action: Show Y/N's actions and thoughts instead of just telling what she does.

➜Voice: Y/N's voice could be more distinct and reflect her personality.

➜Condense and Refine: Tighten the pacing by focusing on key details and eliminating unnecessary information.

•Overall Impression

The "Yours POV" section has more potential to be a captivating story. By focusing on conflict, refining the prose, and tightening the pacing, you can create a stronger opening. Consider revising the first section or omitting it entirely if it doesn't contribute to the main plot.

Orb of Night by inkofmoonchild

CLARITY & DEVELOPMENT: 06/10

RELEVANCE: 05/10

PACING: 02/10

INTRIGUE & HOOK: 05/10

VOICE & STYLE: 04/10

GRAMMAR & VOCABULARY: 09/10

TOTAL: 31/60

•Strengths

➜Intrigue: The cryptic message about a wounded heart and a volcanic eruption of emotions raises questions about the protagonist and the potential dangers ahead.

➜Hook: The opening line piques curiosity with its unconventional view of strength.

➜Emotional Connection: The protagonist's struggle to understand his emotions tugs at the reader's empathy.

•Weaknesses

➜Clarity: The sentence "present their, leaving them trembling in fear and concern" has a typo ("present their" should be "present there") and could be rephrased for better clarity.

➜Voice: The voice is neutral and doesn't give a strong sense of the character or setting.

➜Pacing: The prologue starts with a philosophical quote, which might feel slow to some readers.

➜Show, Don't Tell: Instead of stating the protagonist felt "foreign emotions," describe his physical reactions (racing heart, sweating, etc.).

•Areas for Improvement

➜Show the Past: Instead of just mentioning the cryptic message, consider giving a glimpse into the event that wounded the protagonist's heart.

➜Raise Stakes: What are the potential consequences of the protagonist's emotional turmoil?

➜Sensory Details: Describe the sounds and sights of the castle after the scream to create a more immersive scene.

➜Suspense: End the prologue with a stronger image or question to leave the reader wanting more.

➜Character Development: Give the reader a hint about the wolf's identity and history.

➜Action: Consider starting with the scream and the characters' reactions, then flashback to the quote for a more dramatic effect.

•Overall Impression

This prologue has a strong foundation for a suspenseful story. By clarifying the grammar, adding details about the world and characters, and building tension after the scream, you can create a more captivating introduction.

The Periodic Table of Love by Cool-cat2023

CLARITY & DEVELOPMENT: 03/10

RELEVANCE: 05/10

PACING: 00/10

INTRIGUE & HOOK: 00/10

VOICE & STYLE: 03/10

GRAMMAR & VOCABULARY: 02/10

TOTAL: 13/60

•Strengths

➜Hook: The opening line piques the reader's curiosity about Eleana's life at high school.

➜Voice: The use of first-person narration and informal language ("marcy pookie!") gives the reader a sense of Eleana's personality.

•Weaknesses

➜Clarity: The grammar needs some work ("bunch of delusions," "girt"). "Hopefully relate with me on a deeper level" sounds clunky and is erroneous.

➜Engagement: The overall tone is flat and lacks details to truly engage the reader. The current approach might feel a bit juvenile to some readers.

➜Clichés: Similes like "like Nicki Minaj throwing a concert" are overused and don't paint a vivid picture. References to pop culture celebrities and stereotypical portrayals of high school life could be toned down.

➜Intrigue: The "secret" Eleana needs to tell Debby isn't presented in a way that builds suspense.

➜World Building: The prologue doesn't establish much about the setting or supporting characters beyond stereotypes.

•Areas for Improvement

➜Show, Don't Tell: Instead of stating Eleana has delusions, depict some of her fantasies to show this aspect of her personality.

➜Build Suspense: Instead of revealing the secret and goal right away, create a sense of mystery around them.

➜Focus on the Setting: Describe a specific detail from Gregory High or a basketball game to make the reader feel immersed in the scene.

➜Refine Grammar: Proofread the prologue to correct grammatical errors.

•Overall Impression

This prologue has the potential to be a relatable and humorous story about a high school crush. By focusing on showing rather than telling, adding sensory details, and building intrigue, you can create a more engaging introduction.