talk of the ton
bridgerton one-shots
what could have been , colin bridgerton

14. "I hate you."   "No, you don't."
( requested by @ssssimpppp )

        "IF I MAY HAVE YOUR attention?"

If the light clinking of cutlery on glass hadn't drawn Y/N's attention to the head of the table, she knew — even without the delicate noise — that the sound of the voice of the third eldest Bridgerton brother would seize it without question.

Colin had risen from his seat with a bashful smile as both members of his own family and that of Y/N gave him their attentions as requested, from their seats at the dining table in the Bridgerton home.

"Well— as lovely as it is to have everyone here, you see— it is not without reason." The man smiled, as he gestured aimlessly — Y/N had to suppress a chuckle, he'd never been the most eloquent and she could see Anthony wincing as his brother fumbled over his words.

Colin's gaze scanned over each face seated at the table, however Y/N could have sworn that when his gaze landed on her, his smile faltered ever so slightly. She knew his smile well, for it had never failed to fill her stomach with butterflies — yet this smile didn't quite reach his eyes, it didn't give her butterflies but chills of apprehension down her spine.

"I'm happy to announce my engagement to Florence L/N." Colin announced, plastering a smile back on his face as he raised a glass in the direction of Y/N's older sister.

Florence's gaze shot to floor bashfully from where she sat beside Colin as a wave of congratulations crashed upon them, every dinner guest conversing in excited chat.

However, Y/N remained silent. Her heart dropped the second her sister's name was mentioned, her eyes flicking between both her and Colin in a confused frenzy.

"Isn't it wonderful?" She heard her mother gush from beside her and instantly plastered a smile back on her features, as she hastily nodded in response, trying to discreetly hide the tears brimming in her eyes.

"Why, Colin, what a lovely surprise." Violet Bridgerton smiled adoringly upon her son, raising her glass in the direction of them both — a gesture which was soon followed by the other dinner guests.

When the congratulations failed to subside, Y/N forced herself to inhale a deep breath in attempt to calm herself, before turning to her father with an apologetic smile.

"If I may be excused?" She asked softly, however the man beside her was far too jovial at the news of his other daughter's betrothal to question why his second should be leaving the dinner party so hastily.

Gathering her skirt in her hands, Y/N slipped out of the room and let out a ragged breath as she shut the door to the dining room behind her. She forced herself to straighten up as she proceeded down the hallway, giving polite nods to the servants that she passed, hoping to evade any curious looks.

Another breath left her as she stepped out into the cool night, condensing in the air before her as the chill nipped at her exposed skin.

They'd been at dinner so long, she had failed to notice just how late it was — the moon hung bright in the sky, hanging upon a canvas of black that extended far beyond her view past the other houses of Grosvenor Square.

She seated herself on one of the swings that hung from a nearby tree. A wry smile stretched across her face at the sight of the worn wooden seats. Mr Bridgerton himself had built them when the eldest of his children was first born and they'd not budged since — now, being frequented by the likes of Gregory and Hyacinth when they played.

Y/N remembered a time when she would run around with Colin in these very gardens and challenged each other to see who could swing the highest. She'd always won until it began too unladylike for engage in such competitions. Oh, what she'd give for them to be children again — for life to be so simple.

"I saw you'd left."

The sound of his voice caught her off guard, and Y/N whipped around instantly, her brow furrowing upon seeing Colin standing not too far from her with an amused smile on his face.

"I thought you might be out here." He chuckled although she knew it was masking a much more solemn tone.

"I just needed a breath of fresh air." She told him, averting her gaze from him as he sat down on the swing beside her.

"As did I." He replied with a light sigh, his gaze fixing on her and softening ever so slightly.

Y/N stubbornly stared off into the distance, looking at the moon, the sky — anything but him. After his announcement, she wasn't sure she could look at him the same.

"Please say something, Y/N." He pleaded, suddenly, his voice holding a vulnerability that was new to her.

"What is there to say?" She said quietly, sniffing as she turned in his direction. "Must I offer you congratulations?"

"No, please, that's the last thing I want." He assured her with a brisk shake of his head, as his eyes bored into hers.

She couldn't bring herself to look away from him, not when he looked so upset.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Y/N asked, her eyebrows furrowing in confusion as she tried to make sense of events that she was slowly accepting as reality.

"It all happened very suddenly." Colin attempted to explain, his tone made it seem as though he was just as confused as she was about the whole situation.

"Didn't you fight?"

The question hung in the air for a moment, unanswered.

"What—?"

"You're a Bridgerton, for crying out loud!" Y/N told him, incredulously, suddenly allowing her emotion to overcome her. "You have the power to oppose things such as this!"

"I couldn't!" He responded, helplessly, letting out a shaky breath. "Anthony was breathing down my neck, it is my duty to do this for my family."

"You sound just like him."

"No, I don't."

"Yes, you do."

Y/N almost wanted to laugh, their exchange sounded so childish, so ridiculous. She let out a short breath, feeling her eyes beginning to brim with tears once more.

"What of me?" She said, her voice no more than a whisper. "Do I really mean so little to you that you would so blatantly cast me aside without any consideration?"

"Y/N, please—"

"I never thought you could be so cruel." She told him, her sadness quickly morphing into anger as she looked on him with a clenched jaw. "I hate you."

If he'd looked upset before, it was nothing compared the way he looked now as he refused to look away from her. But it wasn't due to her words, but due to their falsity and what a tragedy that was.

"No, you don't." Colin replied, his gaze soft as he reached out for her hand, taking it in his own.

"No, I really don't." Y/N agreed with a derisive chuckle as she sniffed, letting a stray tear to roll down her cheek at the feeling of his hand in hers. "But if I did, everything would be a great deal easier."

"I know." He whispered, his gaze shooting to the floor as he gently stroked the back of her hand. "I don't know what to say to you, Y/N."

"Perhaps, it's for the best you don't say anything." She whispered in response, withdrawing her hand from his and suddenly feeling the cold wash over her once more.

She cleared her throat and straightened up, wiping away any remains of her upset.

"Congratulations on your engagement, Mr Bridgerton." Y/N rose to her feet, plastering a smile on her face.

Even if heart was breaking, it couldn't afford to be shown. It was best not to dwell on what could have been.