a/n: i just thought it'd be funny to do a to all the boys au but gender-bend for jily. this is not based off to all the boys, i just stole the letter writing idea lol and the rest of the JOG's going to hate but i'm definitely going to make you feel so bad for this OC because that's a thing i do

also we're going to pretend tatbilb existed in the 70's okay?

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╰┈➤✧.* IN WHICH

James Potter writes letters to all the girls he's loved before but they're all adressed to one

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Bailey Princeton knew about her boyfriend's past, even though she didn't play a big part in it. She knew how much he liked Lily Evans before her transfer in fifth year. She knew how much Evans claimed to hate him. She saw the glances Evans shot her and James.

She knew it all, yet when it smacked her in the face she let it hurt.

She knew when she dared the courage to ask him out that he loved Lily Evans at one point. She knew when she kissed him for the first time that a love like that always held a corner of someone's heart. She knew when he hesitated before talking to Lily, when he watched her unknowingly that he stilled loved her if only a little.

But she hoped. She hoped he could forget her, she hoped he could learn to love Bailey a little more.

She was wrong.

She was wrong because James didn't love her as much as he loved Lily, she was wrong because hers was the face he saw when his subconscious was stripped to its barest.

In his dreams the hair he saw was red not golden with green eyes not amber, He saw thin pressed and shy smiles not wide ones, he heard quiet laughter like windchimes not like Bailey's loud one, he saw sneaky glints instead of mischievous faces. He saw pale hands interlocked with his instead of dark ones, he saw an expanse of nearly invisible freckles instead of clear skin.

He saw her. He saw Lily Evans when he was with Bailey Princeton and he saw Lily Evans when he wasn't.

She knew and she ignored it.

She ignored it until it crept it's way up to her eye level and jumped at her.

Her hands rummaged through the clothes smelling of him, soft fabric  wrinkling against her touch.

"Where did he saw it was again?" she muttered under her breath, her soft words getting lost in the expanse of his cupboard. 

Her fingers brushed against something that wasn't cloth, something that felt like.. cardboard. Without thinking, she grabbed at it, revealing a thing box, out of which fell multiple pages of paper.

She slowly picked one up at random. It looked the oldest. Her eyes traced the letters.

Evans,

What am I even doing? I feel really stupid. I remember the muggle movie Moony showed me during his "com-rom" phase where the girl did something like this, where she wrote a letter for each of the boys she had loved before to get some closure.

I love you, Lily, and thats the plain truth. I know you don't feel the same way because you were just yelling at me for stealing your books. I didn't mean to hurt you.

I don't know exactly when I started to love you, whether it was when I saw you stick up for Snape in the train compartment when we first met, when you slapped sirius or when you smiled at me for the first time.

I dont know when I started loving you, I just know that I do, and I haven't stopped.

This letter really isn't doing what it's supposed to, Lana Jane you liar.

Lily you make me feel like I'm floating. When you smile at me I feel like I'm living in a dream (maybe its because you rarely smile at me). When you-

Bailey pushed the letter out of her sight. James had never told her he loved her. She picked up another.

Evans

I AM SO SORRY i dont know what came over me why i did that i really didn't mean to i know snape calling you that wasn't my fault but i still feel so guilty i dont know what to do remus says i shoudl probably apologise but-

A large smudge covered a sizable fraction of the paper.

-ease talk to me lily i cant lose you i cant i'd rather have you scream at me from right here than sit so far away with your eyes puffed up and your throat bobbing. please lily come back. please.

lots and lots of apologies from james

Bailey swallowed. Picking up another, she pushed her stray thoughts aside.

Lily,

Today was amazing, you actually agreed to be friends with me. But of course you'd know that, but since I've maintained a steady stream of these letters all the way from 3rd year (two and a half years now) I know you're never seeing these.

Speaking of these letters, Alana Jennie was a liar. Didn't writing these give her closure or like make her stop loving the boys or something? These just make me love you more.

I can't believe you actually forgave me. I knew you would. I'm kind of at a loss for words right now, so I'm going to talk about the most random shit because you're really easy to talk to, on paper or not.

Did you see the color of the lake today? It was such a cool shade today. Not nearly as gorgeous as your eyes, in fact it absolutely turns to sludge in front of them. Sirius said it looks like Alicia Stokes eyes. Remus glared at him.

Also WHATS WITH MINNIE ASSIGNING US SO MUCH SHIT LIKE WE HAVE LIVES MINERVA- wait I might actually tell you this in person, because i know you'd laugh.

You have a pretty laugh, it's like drops of caramel falling down windchimes if you get what I'm saying? It's quiet if you don't coax it out properly but when you're really laughing its like the personification of sunshine.

Call me cheesy Evans, but thats just what you make me. I'm calling myself desperate right now.

Anyway, have you seen the new girl? She transferred from Ilvermorny I think but you'd probably know better as you guys share a dorm (i think? is she in our year?) I think her name's Bailey .... something i guess.

Sirius said-

Bailey closed her eyes. A part of her wanted to read on, but another was scared of what she'd see.

Evanna Topperton said she was pretty. I guess she is cute enough, but I find myself physically incapable to find someone good looking without comparing them to you and well, you're incomparable.

Tough life, but then again I have y-

Bailey tossed the letter aside, getting ready to place them back into the box and pretend this never happened, when a peculiar sheet caught her eye.

It was newer than the rest, and she recognized it as the kind Charity Burbage had distributed to the Muggle Studies class. much to the teacher's delight, in "show and tell". 

Last month.

Five months after he started going out with Bailey.

Eagerness built in Bailey's chest as she unfolded the sheet expecting to see her name in his handwriting placed at the top of the page, but instead was greeted with crippling disappointment.

'Lily,' it said in his clear script as an overwhelming urge to rip the sheet came across her. She held back as her eyes roved the page.

Lily,

Why am I writing this all of a sudden? 6 months and not a letter and suddenly I find myself pulling out Burbage's pages and this weird clicky pen, spelling your name across the top.

Was it Emily Vane telling me a rumour that you hooked up with Connor McGregor? Perhaps it was.

I think you'd have told me if you actually had, but then again you had no obligation to. When though? With head duties and all of that you'd have thought I'd know. I spent a good amount of time trying to figure out whether it was a lie or not before I realised two things.

1. It's none of my business, which affected me a little more than i'd thought it would.

2. I have no right to ask without being a hypocrite.

Bailey's awesome, she really is. I really like her, I do, but i love you. And not for the first time I hate it. 

I hate how I feel around you, how my eyes catch yours even in a room filled with thousands of people, how one look will tell me everything about how you feel. I hate the fluttering i get when I make you laugh, I hate the way your smiles affect me and I absolutely hate you for making me fall in love.

Bailey deserves better. I like her, I really do but she deserves better.

She deserves someone who will give her the world, not someone who's given his to someone else. She deserves someone who makes her the center of their universe, not someone who's hopelessly revolving around someone else. She deserves someone who loves her as much as I love you, Lily.

I can't be that for her, I can't give her the world because I gave it to you. I can't make her my everything because that's you Lily, its always been you. 

You never fail to make my day brighter, when i'm with you i forget what being "upset" feels like.

How would I even tell her? I hate leading her on like that Lils, but you're my everything and i don't know what to do. Where's that damned Gryffindor courage?

Anyway must go, you're calling me for patrols.

Love from James

Bailey wiped away tears that had slipped onto her cheeks with her palm. With trembling hands, she gingerly placed it back into the box and tucked it into the cupboard. Leaving what she had come for, she stepped out of his room, his words ringing in her ears.

As she was leaving, she came face to face with a sight she wasn't ready to see. Lily Evans was curled up in an armchair, clutching a chess piece across from James and a checkered board.

Bailey assumed they were playing the muggle kind.

Their soft conversation and occasional laughter was the only thing that pierced the silence of the room.

It took a full minute for them to notice her.

James carefully watched Lily, adoration building up on his face as she worried her bottom lip, red with the friction. His eyes followed the movement a smile tugging at his lips. "Your move, Evans." he said.

"You aren't ready for this Potter," she chuckled, placing the piece on the board.

"Why'd you do that?" he asked. "That makes literally no sense Lils,"

"You, are dumber than rocks James use that brain of yours."

They were so immersed in each other that Bailey doubted they'd notice if she started singing in that moment.

Accidentally, Bailey sniffed too loud and Lily whirled around. 

"Bailey!" she said, her lips parting in a wide smile.

"Lilyy.." Bailey responded, forcing out a grin. Why did this girl have to be so nice.

"Hey you okay Bailey?" James asked, probably thanks to her puffy eyes.

"I'm fine thanks" Bailey muttered, not ready for his concern.

my eyes catch yours even in a room filled with thousands of people

"You sure?"

Bailey deserves better. I like her, I really do but she deserves better.

"Yeah. "

She deserves someone who will give her the world, not someone who's given his to someone else.

Bailey hesitated. "Actually, James,"

She deserves someone who loves her as much as I love you, Lily.

"Yeah?"

I can't make her my everything because that's you Lily, its always been you. 

"Can we talk?"

With a small sound of surprise, Lily hurried in toward her bedroom. James awkwardly smiled.

Love from James

"I want you to be honest with me. Do you love her?"

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Bailey Princeton knew about her ex-boyfriend's past, even though she didn't play a big part in it. She knew how much he loved Lily Evans before, and after, her transfer in fifth year. She knew how much Evans had claimed to hate him. She saw the glances Evans shot her and James.

She knew about his past, and she knew about his future.

She knew when she saw him and his girlfriend laugh in the hallways that he'd given up his heart to her. She knew when his fingers were tangled in her hair she'd given hers too. She knew when their fan-club collectively had breakdowns they'd make it past Hogwarts. 

She knew when they sweetly kissed in the corridors they'd get married. She knew when they sat by the lake, just the two of them that they'd have lots of children together. She knew from the way they whispered to each other they'd grow old together.

She knew from seeing those two that their love would always last.

Their love would last because he loved her more than life itself, because he spent his years with her. Their love would last because she loved him just as much, if not more, because she stole looks at him even when they spent days together.

Their love would always last and Bailey would always compare any of her relationships to James and Lily's, even well after their death.

 And all of that just because she found letters in closet addressed to all the girls he had loved before, except they were all for her.

a/n: omg i love this sm like i loved writing it i love how its turned out and it is my favourite one yet

also do you like the new aesthetic of this book? the new cover? i really do im so proud of myself. i thought of adding those gif things at the start of chapters but then i changed my mind bc it was so much work but i might just do it anyway

hope you guys enjoyed it, 

love from ana <3