╰┈➤✧.* IN WHICH
Remus Lupin faces a full moon alone for the first time in almost a decade

꒱࿐♡ ˚.*ೃ

warning: Angst

꒱࿐♡ ˚.*ೃ

[november 1981, full moon]

This is the first full moon since everything happened. Remus's transformation was more painful today than ever.

He scratched himself and it hurt. And for the first time, man and wolf felt the same. He felt more human like than ever now, but more wolfish too. He looked around the cellar and imagined himself back in the shrieking shack.

Padfoot bounded up to him and attempted to lick him. he swatted him away. Prongs played with him. he scratched at him. And wormtail.. he just squeaked. 

His nails tore his own skin, but for the first time, Remus encouraged it. Today Moony and Remus Lupin would be one.

today there was no James, no Sirius, no Peter, no teacher, no Healer, no help, no excuse of a rabbit.

today he was a wolf.

was this what Greyback felt each transformation because Remus relished the pain that distracted him from his sorrow.

part of him was happy he was locked in a cellar with nowhere to go.

the rest of him wanted out.

x-x

He woke up the next morning, and heard his friends around his bedside.

'Get him a glass of water and chocolate padfoot!"

"Yes I know, prongs. You say that moon!"

"You also eat the chocolate everyday"

"Shut up wormy!"

"you're not going to get anywhere till you do something"

"listen to her! Lily knows all"

"shut up James, and also go find Harry, i don't trust the baby room"

"ooh prongs, do the low work"

"shut up padfoot, my son isnt low work"

"my godson too"

"well then why dont you go"

"maybe i will"

He told himself these voices were not in his head. And that they would be watching him. 

He opened his eyes, expecting to see his best mates but saw only the white ceiling and unknown people rushing around. he felt the bandages covering his body in places where he'd hurt himself.

at least he hadn't hurt his friends.

none of them could experience hurt anymore. Sirius was in Azkaban and James, Lily and Peter were all dead.

He felt tears escape his eyes.

and for the first time since Halloween, he let them.

for the first time since Halloween, he let himself cry.

And it hurt.

It hurt so bad.