TW - SENSITIVE TOPICS

i have always been rather disconnected
from the world
from you
i either don't feel
or feel too much

i don't know which is better.

i feel strange breathing
i feel ethereal
i feel like a shooting star
bright, but not for long.
and so, so far away

i feel distant from you
from myself
i have difficulty pumping blood in my veins
my heart pains every time it beats
it hurts.

i can't feel it anymore.
my lungs are full of debris
it pains to breathe
i might just stop.

but it doesn't hurt as much as it used to,
is it because of you?
i like to think so.
and i know you like to think so too.

you think i am disconnected now
I have always been
i have just stopped pretending now.

.