Guilt is like a seed. Once sowed, it slowly grows into something much more than what it originally was.

I wake up, feeling guilty. I don't really understand what felt wrong but something surely did.

Was it the procrastination, or was it the feeling of tiredness? Or was it me stressing upon someone else which I wasn't supposed to.

They say there's always multiple sides of a story and in my perspective, I try my best to stay neutral. But at times, I feel things too. As I'm a human as well. At times I can't act as if everything's always and I can't put up to people's behavior towards me. And I don't like lashing out. But I don't like being oppressed by others as well. So I'm in the middle of nowhere.

I try to shrug this feeling off me as I freshen up and get ready for the day.

It's raining so I wear my raincoat and I get dropped to uni and start my day.

I greet Yoona and Chanmi as I sit on the bench in front of them and the lectures for the day begin.

I tell myself to stay as usual, the same and not let anything of the previous days surface. Treating people kindly is better, not everyone does that. And maybe it's my problem as well to waver my mind based on what others say at times.

At times, life seems like a decision between feeling offended and either letting it go or taking things personally. But towards some people, I wish to have a bond for a longer period of time, so the latter case isn't an acceptable one for me.

I stay attentive and make notes on whatever is being taught in the lecture, staying in the focus zone and trying to not let my focus waver and mentally fly off to somewhere else. I just look at the professor than anything else, until the lecture is over and my eyes land at a particular person for some seconds as I look away before I get caught for randomly staring at someone unrelated to whatever's up at the moment.

I've got more things to deal with than even have a slight interaction with someone who'd mess things up.

I get up and put my pen in the pouch, as I pack my bag and exit the class, walking with Chanmi and Yoona to find a place to eat lunch.

I still feel guilty but my heart doesn't want to give it up, although it might be foolish of me. I feel stubborn and stuck. And I refuse to believe that she's the only issue.

We eat our lunch while I realize that I've been overthinking, and that they're both probably chill. We talk normally, as usual and I'm glad that no one has the ability to read minds. It'd be so bad then. We're good friends, after all.

But maybe good friends have times of conflicts as well. Mine's resolving, so I'll give it some more time rather than feeling guilty or blaming myself or anyone else.

We finish our lunch, talking about random stuff and random people, as we've got to go for the lab.

I rush ahead to reserve spots for us to sit, as they come in a while and the lab goes on for two whole hours. It's us vs the air conditioning and cold climate, and we survive somehow rather than being morphed into popsicles.

We try our best to code on our own, C Programming shouldn't be as hard as they make it sound, but in the end, we end up finding ourselves typing prompts in the ai chat boxes, as we make some changes in the code which fit to what we want it to be and present it to the professor for evaluation. I'm glad we understood the code rather than just copying and pasting it, so that we explained whatever questions were asked regarding the code, hence getting the grade for today's experiment.

I help others whoever called me for an explanation of how the algorithm works, while for the rest of the time, I scroll on social media apps, waiting for the lab to be over.

Until we get another problem statement to be solved and coded, so using the same procedure as mentioned above, we conclude that as well, while sharing files of code with others who asked us to mail them.

The day goes alright after that and I forget that some days ago I had a beef with someone, although it was still in the corner of my head somewhere.

Giving some things time and slowly forgiving what hurts us is the only way we can maintain our social relationships with others. And sometimes, unspoken words are better than being spoken. Some part of me wanted to say everything I felt but I'm glad I kept quiet about it. Maybe someday later I'd exclaim. But I'll let the current situation be as it is.

At times, the ironic opinions within me get me, my head gets messed up. At times, I don't know whom to believe in and what to follow. As if I'm a ship, soaring endlessly in an ocean, and no sight of shore within range.

And I do understand that we've just got to deal with this and let these situations be as they are because not all questions have just one correct answer.

I'll just need to focus on myself so that even if such a situation is bound to occur again, I'd not dwell upon it.

Being stubborn is indeed tiring but letting myself accept any disrespect isn't. So I'll just learn to not take people's statements seriously and make it a win-win situation.

"What had actually happened though and how do I resolve it?" I question myself.