Shut up.. Mine's 69 inches you uncivilized chimpanzee.

Warnings: You, ur mom, mortifying yn giggles, yn being a simp, sussy assistant sama, MISSION🙏 :SALUTE::SALUTE:, Fyofyo bbg also being a simp, shocking ik, misunderstanding awh🥺 (it's not emotional ☠️🙏), romantic- eugh- development😱, Sigma babyboy develops feelings aww, yn is too insane, Sigma getting the worst jumpscare of his life, big ahhcheeks chapter, '"No Longer Human but literally' ahh yn☠️, Dhar mann ref, I WANTED TO PUT MORE WARNINGS.

Note: i updated the last part. Yall can check it.

Uh hey gays post this chap in a hurry so uh not much here ig (IT'S FUCKING 2:30 IN THE MORNIN)

LET'S START THE CHAP.

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"My time with you has been fruitful. So, I reckon you take the offer?"

You offered the businessman a close-eyed smile in response. "Certainly, Sir Mattise." You swore you knew that last name as one of the well-known french artists, Henri Mattise, shared it.

But whatever, not your business.

You both gave a curtsy bow and then you again went to mind your business as you had done several times this ball, before being interrupted by another wealthy person with connections time and time again.

"Man... I'm kinda tired of this- deal n' offer bullshit." You sighed tiredly. "My social energy is fucking depleted." You mumbled.

You really needed to catch a break before somebody AGAIN interrupts and goes 'hey I want to make a deal' and you have a fucking mental breakdown.

Searching desperately for a possible comfort zone, your eyes stopped on a balcony.

Perfect.

With gRaCeFuL movement, you moved there with an air of elegance, so much so, that nobody realized that you were actually sneaking to the balcony.

'Hehehehhehehehehehhe-' Nightmare fuel ahh laugh wtf💀.

As you exited the hall, entering the balcony, you saw a figure all too familiar, presumably also here to take a fresh breath of air, away from the eye-straining dazzling lights of the chandeliers and the overall fancy and pretentious as fuck ball(😏) theme.

A mischievous idea sparked into your mind. You almost went snickering but stopped yourself as you sneaked up on the bisexual hair color male who dazedly standing on the edge f the balcony, leaning on the railing.

"QUIZ TIME-"

"NIKOLAI WHAT THE FUCK- Oh, it's you."

"Ehe."

Sigma didn't look particularly amused at the prank. Scratch that, he looked like he just had a heart attack. He crossed his arms like the babygirl he is, now facing you as he leaned against the railing.

"Sooooooo, what're ya doing babygirly?" Yoi askde sesdisctuvely.

He looked closed to going on about a rant when he exhaled slowly, looking as if he tried to stop it before continuing, not bothering to correct the wrong usage of the mundane (how dare you?) word, "Nothing. Just taking a stroll-"

"Ohohohohoho~! The grrrreatt Manager, Sigma skibidi toilet-" "what toilet what-" "issss taking a strrrrroll? Because he can't bear the party?! How amusing!" You twirled around and skipped to him, poking his nose teasingly.

"💢.." He tried to contain his irritation before he exhaled quite loudly, as if your mere presence has been the greatest burden since humanity's beginnings.

Seeing how there was no further reaction, you dropped the topic.

Along with the smile. Why? Because you have something that requires much more attention at the moment.

You tilt his head down as your own neck was starting to hurt while looking upwards for too long. "Oi, Sigma."

He was startled at the sudden contrast in your current behaviour to the one seconds ago. Nonetheless, his suprise vanished the next moment, choosing to listen to what you were saying.

"So... You seeeeeeee..." You dragged the wording, not knowing how to continue after that as you searched for the right words.

Sigma patiently waited.

'A good listener.' You smiled. 'Quite my preference in colleagues or... friends.'

You cleared your throat. "Ahem ahem. So yeah tell me about the blonde waitress that was murdered-" By me, You added internally. "-a few days ago, near the breakfast or... I don't know? Where you grab food n' stuff ig..." You trailed off at the end.

Sigma gulped. He had long tried to forget the incident, trying to convince himself that "No! Y/N wouldn't do that!", that one who comforted him that day wouldn't be just like the rest of the terrorists.

That you weren't always with Nikolai out of your own will.

You had to be forced! Afterall, a sweet and funny person like you, they wouldn't be with a psychopath like the clown! Or Dostoevsky! For that matter.

Oh, how wrong he was.

"Oh... Yes, Michie Gunnhildr, she was a talented worker-" Thus, Sigma yapped.

You concluded the info. 'Hm. Oh. Talented. 31 year old- mommy? AHEM. Last of the Gunnhildr clan-' Wait, what?

"Michie Gunnhildr?... Michie Gunnhildr?" Your voice shook. "Are you... Absolutely sure of the name?"

"Yes, is... It something you find troubling?" Sigma looked concerned. "I... I might be able to help-"

Really, seeing Y/n, the first person who cared for him at a personal level, without any strings attached like Dostoevsky or even Nikolai with his 'You're fun to tease, Sigma!', he couldn't help but feel as if he too shared any sorrow you had.

He felt that way for the first time in his short life- about which Y/n still occasionally teases him- He didn't dislike it. On the contrary, he felt greet joy to know that there was someone who cared, someone who didn't take any advantage of him, someone like- you.

And he would be more than willing to reciprocate care and affection.

"Sigma, tell me, were the Gunnhildrs... Of German descent...?" You figured that they would be related to germany in thud world, and 'It could all very well be just a coincidence.'

At least that sounded like the most optimistic conclusion.

"I... Might need to look further than that-" He hung his head slightly low. "Sorry, I should have also memorised their ancestrial bloodlines too, not just info about them and the little spy cameras-"

"Sigma, you what."

"Pardon. Though there certainly aren't any in your room- not anymore, atleast- rest assured, Y/n!"...

"... Am I supposed to feel safe?"

And so they talked and laughed late into the night, staying back even when most of the ball was already empty.

...

Sometimes, you wondered why you suddenly had a good aim as of recently.

"HAIIIIIIYAAAAAAH-" And the stone hit the apple on the tree. You picked it up and sat against the tree in the woods. You were feeling more closer to tge nature than normal, wonder why. Part of you also wondered why apples were your favourites now, instead of pomegranates.

Pomegranate supremacy!💅 Anygays,

As for the good aim, maybe your brain thought you needed an aim worthy of being a Venti-lookalike? Absurd, but your mind works wonders.

Maybe, those shooter games you played had helped, you had an awfully good aim if you remembered. Possible, but aim on a phone is different than irl skill. You didn't have an amazing physique.

Or! Actually, Nikolai finally began rubbing off on you. 'Not that way, you dirty mind of mine.' You thought with a deadpan.

You thought back to after the ball, when you were going to ask Assistant-sama about the thing with Sigma.

"Assistant sama! Oh, why won't you just fucking show up..." You deflated.

Apparently, Assistant-sama had sum IMPORTANT business attending, sumthing apparently more important than YOU. Dammit. You missed them.

'Oh, stop making a show, you!' You internally snapped to yourself. 'It's not like YOU are the most important thing in their life, stop nosing into other people's life, will you?'

But then, was Assistant-sama even a real person? It- ("It's 'they!'" Screamed Y/n, "NOT an 'It'!!") -might just even be a lifeless advanced program. Something in it- ("It's 'THEY'-!") -seemed to be screaming 'alive', though. You weren't sure what that was anyvagina.

"Y/N!!!>U<" The Clown. "Dos-kun's called for you!!" He waved over to you happily.

"Has he?!" Letting go of your previous thoughts, you skipped over to his side excitedly. "Lead the way, Pookie Pie!!^0^" The happiness was perhaps what the only thing that made you call him that.

Or, perhaps- you found Nikolai the slightest bit endearing, but you wouldn't admit that.

The Phone, laying unnoticed in your deep pocket turned on. The screen glitched,

It turned off again.

...

You stood up and sighed. "Well, enough thoughts of conspiracy theories, lazy ahhcheeks, time for work!!!" you clapped your hands, "Chop Chop, Y/n!"

It's time to begin the mission you were assigned in the meeting.

...

The previous day,

Sky Casino,

Meeting room,

You were feeling extremely giddy as of now.

Dostoevsky- No, your bbg had called you, on his OWN. 'That's an achievement.'

You were beaming with joy, and had Nikolai known better, he could've asked for a kiss ("On the cheek, of course.") and he certainly would not be disappointed with the reply, but enough of that.

You never, ever, would go to Fyofyo bbg of your own wishes. You would never think of bothering him, No. Thus, when yoy hadn't met him again, you were starting to think that he would never invite you on his own, 'lord' or not.

You were just 'The reincarnation of Lord Barbatos', or, as Nikolai said.

Maybe, you weren't even important to him, and Fyofyo bbg might just be only using you, or sumthing you have.

Well, you didn't give a jackshit abt that. Fyofyo bbg gets to do anything.

World Domination? Alright. Ability Extermination? No problem. 'Sinner' Extermination? You could help. Sorry Hazbin fans.

So the conclusion to the previous yapping session? Fyodor Dostoevsky gets to do anything amd everything, be it killing, destruction, mentally breaking anyone or everyone, even Y/n, just bcuz what, Y/n is a fucking simp who has a serious and unhealthy obsession to him.

Looking good for our protagonist, it is!

Nikolai hunga hand around you, pulling you closer. "Y'know, dove, Dos-kun was getting all shy about inviting you!^v^" He snickered.

Huh, that image forming in your head was oddly comical.

"Kyaaaaa...!! I'm so nervous><!! What if- What if my lord doesn't agree to come...?"

An image of Fyofyo bbg swaying side to side like a damsel in distress wearing a typical anime schoolgirl uniform formed inside your head.

"Kyaaaaa...!!"

Your cheeks puffed from trying to hold your laugh. "Pft... PFT-... W-was he...?" You were still shaking from laughter.

"Nikolai." OOF. AMEN, NIKOLAI, YOU MIGHT BE MISSED.

Nikolai straightened up. "Ahahahahaha..." He nervously laughed, "D-Dos-kun... My dear friend-!"

"You are banned from seeing Lord Y/n for 2 days after tomorrow." Fyofyo bbg said in a sickly sweet voice.

You muttered to yourself, "Damn broskie-"

"Lord Y/n,"

"HAI!!" You saluted. "Ready for duty, Sir!" 'God, I'm sorry, sorry sorry SORRY! I won't EVER gossip again!😭 Promise!'

...🐤🐤🐤

"My Lord...?" He seemed confused.

Then it clicked. "Huh? Is that... Is that not how you're supposed to act?" You straightened up awkwardly. "Well then, my apologies." You gave a curt bow.

Fyodor cleared his throat. "Ahem. My Lord, you need not act as if you are the one to be commanded." Damn, the change in tone compared to Nikolai was drastic asf. "Instead, it is I who should heed to your wishes."

"Oh. Is that so?" You processed the info with an expression on your face that clearly said you didn't understand sh.

"Though, My Lord, I have to ask," Fyodor looked hurt ("MY POOKIE BEAR NO"), Dunno if thas genuine or not, probably is. "Is it that you are upset with me is why you have not yet visited me? Not once, even when you have spent time with Sigma and Nikolai both?" He looked down, his bangs covering his eyes, though you were sure he looked like a kicked puppy ("WHO DARES TO").

"No, No! I-I really just didn't wanna bother- Y'know, the super important stuff you do!" You hurriedly tried to explain, waving your hands rapidly amd doing gestures.

"My Lord, you need not even think it troubling to visit me, for I, would have no qualms with that, rather, I would be delighted to have your company." Now you feel dumb. And sum other 69 synonyms of it.

"Really!?" You beamed at the realisation.

"Of course, My Lord-"

"Alrighty then!" You put your hands on your waist, pointing to him. "You, me, daily." You declared, puffing your chest in pride at having enough confidence to get that out.

Fyodor's eyes ("oh, his beautiful, mesmerizing, simply magnificent eyes!") widened for a moment, before reverting back. "Definitely, all according to your wishes, My Lord." He bowed.

...

Remembering smth else from the previous night, you giggled like a mental schoolgirl.

Man, you can't wait to finish the mission and ask for your reward.

Well then, you'd better hurry now, you've also gotta say goodbye to Fyofyo bbg and the others.

"Eheheheheheheheheheh..." You giggled, covering your mouth with your hand. "Eheheh..."

"EHEHEHEHEHEHEH-"

You probably traumatized the birds on the nearby trees with your continuous mortifying stomach-knotting (😏) gut-wrenching giggles.

After that show of mental degradation, you very silly-ly skipped over- wait, why tf would you walk when you can teleport?? Fucking stupid.

You then stopped your display of extreme idiocy and teleported to the sky casino to say your goodbyes.

...

Fun facts!

• anygays yall which kid r we adopting cuz like i really want the reader to lmao since evry villain just gotta adopt traumatized kiddos

Anygays, most favourable woupd be Q, maybe Aya, though comment ig and uh if yall want an oc as one, just comment how the oc is n' yada yada I'll decide which one lol.

• Anygays, pick up sum hints alr, I've literally given so many hints abt the plot and even foreshadowing dawg💀

• also, the hunting dogs arc (this fanon one, not the canon,) is starting neow peeps, yall can comment on who or how will someone meet so i actually have an idea.

• im thinking I'll have Jouno meet us first yknow, the kinky handcuffs n' stuff HAHAHAHAH-

• Fyofyo bbg not adding 'My Lord' in every fucking sentence challenge, go!

• Y/n doesn't mind wearing revealing clothes if they're fashionable, If it's fashionable, It's fashionable. They ain't insecure or shy, confidence is key. Period💅.

• Y/n now knows abt their immortality due to getting a minor wound in the woods but then it healed to which Assistant-sama explained their immortality and the Gnosis inside of dem.

• Y/n was flabbergasted.

• As always, keep theorising n' don't hesitate to comment your theories, pookies! I love readinv dem😘.

• Also give me ideas to draw💀.

Anygays, thas it for now folks! Stay tuned for more^^!!

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END!

BOOM.

hoe r yall.

there's not as much aesthetic blah blah sh but yeah i was running out of time 🙏

Also no fanart for now (sadly) as I'll update that maybe back in the morning. So yeah, wait.

(Update) fanart. Boom.

Yeah no i think yall can undrrstand any scenario hqppening there🙏

Fuck u wattpad can't post a straight pic😭

So yeah ya gotta rotate ur phone tp see it.

Anygays, first time im years using watercolor for the first time, not bad ig🙏🙏

And yes that is hpw i imagine yn, basically venti but with a darker skin tone and deep bpue eyes instead of turquiose or teal.

And uh a Wip here;

Currently paintin this gang🙏🙏

Also like, i have to say i improved by a landslide in water colours cuz damn i painted such a good image for sum1 having water colour-phobia and hasn't touched dem in years- yeah I'll update dat later.

I kinda have exams approaching so yeah there's thwt.

My screentime's also permanently decreased sadly, so slow updates probably.

God there r so many bad news-

AMYGAYS.

BYEYE11!1!😘😍🙏