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Shawn and I have been friends for years. We have been friends since kindergarten. We are like one person. We always do things together and if one of us gets into trouble the other one gets in the same trouble as well. We go through wet and dry together. Because none of us wants the other one to be in trouble alone. We always share our secrets and we know everything about each other. But there is one thing that Shawn doesn't know about.

I love him.

And it's not 'I love you as my best friend' it's 'I love you and I want to take our friendship to another step' but I don't dare to tell him. What if our friendship will get ruined because of that. What if he will never talk to me again. But at the same time, what if he says yes. What if he also loves me more than a friend. Then I would be the happiest girl on this planet. And I know that everyone says this "I would be the happiest girl if he says yes"

But I actually would be the happiest girl. I would have the sweetest, most humble, and warm-hearted boyfriend. And let's not forget the hottest boyfriend.

In two weeks it is valentine's day and my best friend wants me to take a shot and ask Shawn out. Because lately, he had been sending me signals that he sees me more than just a friend.

The night before I was going to tell him I couldn't sleep. I put up a few scenarios in my head on how I was going to tell him, what can happen and what he will say.
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The next morning I prepared everything, I repeated the sentence I was going to say to him in my head. I did my daily makeup, but a little bit more than usual, I changed into a cute outfit but at the same time an outfit that I am feeling comfortable in.

As I stood in front of my body mirror my phone on my bed behind me lit up. I turned around and a silly picture of Shawn popped up with the name 'Nugget' I smiled wide and was quick to answer "Hi Shawn!" "Hey Y/N! I have the greatest news that I just need to tell you" "Oh, really? I have news to tell you as well" my heart raised faster and I couldn't stop smiling. I heard him taking a deep breath before he started to speak up "Okay, so you know Hailey?"

"The cheerleader Hailey or the math Hailey?"
"The cheerleader Hailey" I could hear in his voice that he was smiling and my smile was long gone. "Yeah, what about her?" I swallowed and waited for his answer "Well, I asked her out for Valentine's day and she said yes"

Tears were now in my eyes and I was speechless. Since when did he get feeling for her? And why hasn't he told me earlier? "Hello? Are you still there?" "Yeah, sorry. But that's great for you" "I don't think you understand how happy I am" "I-I have to go" I interrupted and ended the call. One tear rolled down my cheek and my heart was in pieces.

-At school-

"I thought that he loved me" I whispered to myself as I took out my school supplies from my locker. I just had my best friend who also is my crush for a long time, telling me that he has a date. Of course, Hailey said yes, I mean who wouldn't. I mean, just look at him. He is the perfection.

Shawn has always been there for me. He is that person that knows when I'm not okay even if I say the opposite.

I wiped the tears away as my friend Callie rushes over to me and pulled me in for a big tight hug "I just saw your text and I am so sorry love. I actually thought that he loved you too" she confessed "But hey! It's going to be okay"

"No, it won't" I shook my head and pulled away from the hug "He probably doesn't like me that way... and he never will. I mean, who would want to be with a girl who has liver disease and spending most of the time in the hospital" more tears formed in my eyes and rolled down my cheeks. Leaving strip marks from my makeup.

"Hey! Don't you dare say that such things" she grabbed my shoulders and looked at me with a sad but still so serious gaze. "Okay, you are sick. But I mean look at you. You are so beautiful, courageous and you are the kindest person I know. And if Shawn doesn't see the girl I see, it is his loss. But promise me to never say such things about yourself ever again"

As Callie pulled me in for another hug Shawn approached us. He and I made eye contact and when he saw the tears in my eyes it was like a blanket fell over his face. From a big smile, like the one he always has, to a sad and worried look. I hide my face in the crook of Callie's neck and did everything to not look at the man that broke my heart with just a few words.

"Hey Y/N. W- what's wrong?" I didn't answer, I just let all my emotions coming out in silence. "She's not in the mood to talk to you Shawn" Callie responded, grabbed my hand, and walked away with me.

In the middle of class one of my classmates poked me on my arm. I turned around and he handed me a little piece of paper. I looked at the paper in my hand then up at him. He nudged his head to the side and I looked in that direction to find Shawn in the back corner. He has written a note, sent it to a few people and now it's in my hands.

"Thank you" I whispered to the guy and he gave me a little 'you're welcome' nod and went back to the class.

I folded up the little note and read the lines

𝙷𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝙸 𝚍𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚊𝚗𝚢𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐? 𝙸𝚏 𝚜𝚘 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚝𝚎𝚕𝚕 𝚖𝚎. 𝙸 𝚌𝚊𝚗'𝚝 𝚕𝚒𝚟𝚎 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝙸 𝚊𝚖 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚘𝚗 𝚠𝚑𝚢 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜. 𝚂𝚘 𝚙𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚎 𝚝𝚎𝚕𝚕 𝚖𝚎 𝚈/𝙽. 𝚈𝚘𝚞 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚖𝚎𝚊𝚗 𝚜𝚘 𝚖𝚞𝚌𝚑 𝚝𝚘 𝚖𝚎

I looked down at the note and was going to write him a note back. But I didn't have the energy. I didn't want to write him back. I just let the note laying there in front of me. Untouched.