— Chapter 98 —
You Who Changed Everything

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J A M E S

When Elliot hugged me I felt that I'd lost something.

A spark, perhaps.

Some little piece of me that I used to treasure, and that I was now saying goodbye to.

You'd think I would've become an expert at it by now. Saying goodbye. Losing things. Losing people. But as it turned out, the agony of loss never dulled. It was an unavoidable force of nature that never left anything standing in its wake.

I'd never been fond of goodbyes.

My slow heart bled out the last of its love in that final embrace. Elliot squeezed his arms around me, squeezed out the last of my longing, and he left me empty—an idle soul without connection or purpose. The slate was scrubbed clean. Our bond reached its conclusion and faded out for good. My entire life reset once more.

Why does it feel like I'm the only one who's losing something?

Hot moisture had begun to steam behind my eyes as I'd met the gaze of a wounded Stray Dog beyond the parted blinds of a clear window. Edge in all of his resurrected glory was staring out at us, peering at his beloved in my tender arms—and yet his eyes conveyed no contempt or animosity.

There was an understanding there, somewhere.

Just keep him safe, I'd pleaded. As if the pathetic fool could read my mind. Let him be happy.

Patiently enough, the biker soon nodded.

My eyes scrunched shut after that. Savoring the last of Elliot's warmth, I'd whispered my final farewell, letting a part of me splinter as I pulled away from his touch and his heart.

That hug was the last memory of us I wanted to have.

Goodbye, Elliot.

Without looking at him or meeting his eyes again, my resolved figure departed. I couldn't linger. It was better to terminate the moment before my fickle mind betrayed its promises to leave this city for good. I couldn't bear the idea of letting him see my bitter world losing its only remaining source of light.

It was better that he didn't see me break.

Because that's exactly what I did.

I broke.

Halfway out of the hospital, I'd pushed myself into a dimly lit stairwell, collapsing in a heap on the ground. And I sobbed. Gripping my inflamed chest, I hung my head and brought my shaking body closer to its desolate core. And I sobbed harder. My eyes exhausted their tears and my heart exhausted its misery. I sobbed until I couldn't see straight anymore.

Pathetic. Pathetic. Pathetic.

Stop crying.

All the closure in the world couldn't help this. I was on the verge of an implosion—fire was blistering against every nerve and I didn't know where to go with it. I couldn't put it out. I couldn't fight it. I couldn't act on it either, because the person who deserved it the most was dead. Mountains worth of rage and it was just sitting there. Incinerating me.

What am I meant to do now?

I knew the truth even if I wasn't ready to admit it: we'd reached the most fitting outcome. Elliot deserved better than me. He deserved joy, comfort, peace—and he'd found all of that in Edge. That biker, for better or worse, was infinitely better for him than anything I'd ever amounted to. That fact was abundantly clear.

I'd let Elliot go and now I had nothing.

I am nothing.

What purpose did I serve? What value did I have left? What was the point in having all of this freedom and no clue as to what to do with it?

Did I even deserve freedom anymore?

Without me, you have nothing, surfaced those harrowing words. No place to call home, no family to dote on you, no one who will stay by your side.

The face of my lifelong tormentor was a scar slashed into my brain. Gripping my hair, I stifled a cry as his voice seeped into my thoughts. You'll both spend the rest of your lives completely and utterly alone.

Without me, you have nothing.

I shook my head. No. Swallowing hard, I assured myself, Without that bastard, everyone is safe. Without him, I'm not disgusted by my own body. Without him, those memories can wither and rot.

And so could Midas himself.

Where did I go from here? Elliot wanted me to heal, but where the Hell was I supposed to start? What did that damn word even mean?

It was five years ago all over again.

Completely and utterly alone. As if five years of it wasn't purgatory enough. As if I'd been better prepared for it this time. As if it was any less of a punishment the second run around. What good was a fresh start with nobody to share it with?

I must've left half of me behind in that stairwell.

By the time I reached the hospital's parking garage, my cheeks were devoid of moisture and every limb was operating on autopilot. My brother's car was waiting for me around here somewhere, and the sooner we left, the sooner I could leave this all behind.

I needed to get out of this city before it swallowed me whole.

Quickly spotting a black-on-black Mercedes parked by the elevator, so lavish it could only belong to Jayden, I pulled myself together just as the back-seat window rolled itself down.

My brother's friendly face poked out of it.

"Took you long enough," he greeted in Japanese, gesturing me over. "How did it go? Did you give him the envelope? What did he say?"

My steely voice recited, "He didn't suspect a thing."

"So, he got it, then?"

Straightening my spine, I offered my brother an unconvinced glance. Idling by his door, short exhales escaped my stuck lips, and my weighted feet were rigid where they stood.

"Why are you here?" I asked in our mother tongue.

"Whatever do you mean?"

"Why insist on being my ride? Surely you must know that I've destroyed the family's reputation." My arms crossed. "It's hardly safe for you to be seen with me."

Jayden stretched back into his seat and smiled.

"You give yourself too much credit," he stated. "Our father destroyed this family's reputation, not you. Besides, I couldn't bring myself to miss your celebratory walk-out."

Rolling my eyes, I handed my bag to his chauffeur and soon took a seat in the darkened sedan.

"What," said Jayden, "you're not going to gloat? The head of our family is in handcuffs and being torn apart by national television. Mother is inconsolable, the phones won't stop ringing, and the rest of our siblings are completely up in arms." As I settled in, he pried, "Shouldn't you be over the moon?"

"Is my happy face not convincing enough?"

He scoffed at the sarcasm. "How ridiculous. You haven't smiled a day in your life."

The statement was a bitter sensation in my mouth. Anything I ever smiled for was taken from me, I thought.

The ride from the hospital to the airport was a short one. As the car set in motion, I crossed my arms and peered out through its tinted windows, disguising my reddened eyes and torn lips with an unmoving stare. Weakness was a curse I couldn't make room for. My brother was perceptive, and the last thing I needed was more of his imposing questions.

If I got lucky, my last few moments in Boston would be spent in an all-consuming silence, without scrutiny or judgment in any capacity.

Of course, I never got lucky.

"I heard Midas was killed."

Late entry on the list of worst conversation starters ever.

Every muscle in my body hardened. I cautioned him, "You should know better than to speak his name around me."

As if I hadn't heard it enough in the last several months. That name was an insult, an omen, an obscenity I was desperate to strike off the books. It was grime on my tongue and pestilence on the mind. A fucking nuisance that made me want to rip off my own skin. I never wanted to hear it again.

"I'm just... relieved you're free of him." Jayden sighed. "Perhaps you'll finally be able to rest."

I have his name scarred into my body and his torture hiding in every memory. There is no rest for me. Only aimlessness and infirmity.

"It's too late for your pity," I said coldly. "Besides, my life is the last thing you should be concerning yourself with. Especially considering our current circumstances."

"You're still my brother."

"Until you're forced to choose between me and the rest of them. There's a trial happening soon, remember?" My voice lowered, taunting him. "Careful, Jayden. I'd hate for the golden son to be cast aside with the filth."

His lips bowed in annoyance. "You're not filth, James."

"Then you must be ignorant. Perhaps delusional."

"Why are you so desperate to make yourself the villain?" Resting a hand in his hair, my brother asked, "Seriously, what is your obsession with believing you don't deserve compassion? I have never met someone so outright convinced of their own awfulness."

"I've done nothing to warrant anyone's sympathy," I said with bile in my throat. "We proved that today with that favor I was owed—the envelope."

"You don't think that envelope was a commendable gesture?"

"Commendable? Elliot didn't get into that college by his own merit, he got in because I abused this family's reputation and connections. There is nothing commendable about that."

And now I have the rest of my life to work it off my conscience.

"You did him a favor," Jayden insisted, polishing off his silver wristwatch.

"I made a mockery of him."

Curling my body against silky leather, my face fell defeatedly into my hands.

Twice now had I so blatantly disrespected him. Five years ago, Elliot and I had parted without so much as a goodbye—and this time, I'd left him with a lie. I'd gone against my better nature and did the exact thing I never wanted to do. Who was I fooling anymore?

I never changed. Never healed. I was still just as despicable as I was on the day we first met.

A liar.

"A truly awful person would have used that opportunity for something selfish," my brother argued. "You used it for a friend as a gesture of goodwill. Doesn't seem so heinous to me."

"That's not the point," I bit back.

"What is, then?"

Sucking in a breath, I pried my face upward and leveled against his stare.

"Since birth, this family has trained us to cheat, lie, and manipulate. All of us were raised to never grant mercy, to never apologize, to never show weakness to those who would stand against us. And to no end, every single one of us has done something shameful to get where we are." Speaking curtly, I stressed, "That is not who I want to be."

Jayden, silent, took in my confession with a bewildered look in his oak-coloured eyes.

I continued, "I have spent my entire life trying to stand against the principles they taught us. Since the very beginning, my dirty blood has made me an outsider, and I've been committed to making my differences a strength. I never wanted to become a self-serving tyrant, interested in nothing but power and control. I never wanted to become one of you. And that's exactly what happened."

My palms found my temples between a frustrated sigh. "I cheated. I lied. I manipulated. Today I proved that I am no better than the rest of you—and that hypocrisy is my greatest regret."

A lingering pause followed my words.

Troubled by a pensive expression, Jayden let my statements permeate the air, adjusting the cuffs of his suit with an audible exhale.

If I'd offended him, he didn't let it show.

"You were born into a family with influence," he muttered. "A family that's done nothing but torment and forsake you just for existing. It's not unreasonable for you to take some of that power back for personal use. You're owed recompense for all you've suffered."

"Talking like that will get you punished for mutiny," I warned. "I'm still the enemy, remember?"

"Our father's enemy. Not mine." Crossing his ankles, Jayden stated, "My loyalty will always belong to my blood. And you are my blood, James. Regardless of what you think of me, every decision I have ever made has been in the best interest of preserving this family's future." After a moment's hesitation, he confessed, "Yet my father is still my father. I will acquiesce to his demands if it means keeping everyone safe, but do not think for a second that he has any control over me beyond what I allow."

What a perfectly naive way of thinking.

Everyone in the Kato family's inner circle, conscious of it or not, was always being controlled. As long as the family head could reach you—as long as that bastard still had breath in his lungs—all of my siblings were at risk. Whatever he wanted, it was his without question, and nothing and no-one could ever stand in his way.

We weren't his children. We were puppets. Guard dogs. Surveillance. Cannon fodder for his throne.

The only way to overcome him was to kill him.

Of course, most of my siblings would rather pretend I didn't exist. So what was the good in helping them? They didn't care about me—and if they didn't care about destroying our father, then neither did I. My only suitable course of action was to get away from them all and have no further part in it.

They made their beds, I decided, and I want nothing else to do with any of this anymore.

"In any case," my brother spoke, "you are not a bad person." His hand rested smoothly on my shoulder, and I tried not to flinch at the sensation. "You just think you're evil because you've never truly understood what it means to be good."

"And you do?"

He shrugged. "No two people have the same moral compass. I found my path in protecting my family, but your path may be turn out to be different. I can't tell you what goodness is. But, think of it this way—you now have all the time in the world to figure it out." With his cheeks glowing under the sunlight passing through our windows, he offered, "Who knows. Maybe California will give you the guidance you're searching for."

My arms folded. Avoidant, I looked elsewhere.

"Wouldn't that be a miracle?" my frayed lips murmured. I'd learned a long time ago to stop praying for miracles. They never came.

The only miracle this family gave me was the ability to scream without ever being heard.

What a nuisance.

Los Angeles was a last-ditch effort. A cop-out. It was the only place I could go where none of this would matter, and there, I could be a different person. Not James Kato, the son of a familial despot—but James, the plain-old music producer devoted to his work. Los Angeles was the only place where I could put myself towards something that didn't make me miserable.

In Los Angeles, I was absolved from the many sins of this god-forsaken family.

Jayden withdrew his hand, looking upon me earnestly. He said, "I will always be there when you need me, James. Your exile from the family changes nothing. Regardless of our grievances, and regardless of whatever's in your blood, know that you will always be my brother. I'm proud of you no matter what."

As reassuring as his sentiments were, I couldn't bring myself to speak. 

My mind wandered back to two nights ago. In the midst of my petty frustrations, I'd gone for a walk to ruminate, and in my pondering I'd found myself standing in a memory. A gloomy alley, hidden away from the light of the world, where a flagrant block of spray paint marred one side of a weathered, beaten building.

Happiness.

Or, at least, that was what it used to say. Now it was just an empty square. A meticulous streak of jet-black, smeared over a once treasured image.

Gone were the big, cursive letters, and the signatures tagged beneath them. Gone was the memory.

Gone was my happiness.

So what good was my brother's pride, or Elliot's hope in my recovery, when I myself couldn't even protect the person who made me happiest? And me—what was I worth, without a family, without a home, without love from the person who once mattered to me most? With all my horrible decisions, how could I redeem what was utterly irredeemable?

What was I worth, when even Elliot had so clearly denied my idea of happiness?

The meaning behind that black spray paint was clear. There was no happiness for me. Happiness was a blessing I had no right to claim—not as long as my father was alive, and certainly not as I currently was. Too much anger was in control of me. The only thing I had left to offer the world was an everlasting resentment and my own bitter, toxic mind.

But... sure.

Sure, if redemption was the only thing I could set my mind to, then so be it. If becoming a decent person was the only endeavor left worth taking, then there was no point in committing myself to anything different. Even if the plight itself was hopeless and doomed to fail.

"What's next on the agenda?" my brother inquired, reeling me back into reality. "Once you leave this city, are there any plans for your newfound freedom?"

"None that come to mind," was my composed reply.

"And your friend?"

I straightened my spine. Swallowed my guilt. Spoke with a newly-assured resolve.

"Elliot will never see me again."

And I will spend the rest of my life alone.

Jayden relaxed in his seat and turned a humored smile to our fleeting surroundings. "You never know, brother. The human life is a long one. Plenty can happen in just a few years."

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E L L I O T

It took a minute for me to pull myself together after James left me standing in that hallway.

That was it. Another chapter of my life, closed for good. And it didn't hurt as much as I thought it would. No... this was okay. For the first time in my life, I'd gotten to end something on my own terms. As bittersweet as the moment was, it was also... empowering.

I'm okay with this.

The envelope was a different matter.

Gripping it close to my chest, I couldn't even bring myself to think about it. Anything could've been written on the inside. Getting my hopes up over it was a sure-fire way of having my heart broken.

There was no universe in which Elliot Maslow Taylor could get that lucky twice in one day. Noah being alive was generous enough of a blessing, so the possibility of getting an acceptance letter on top of that was completely out of the question.

It's nothing, I silently affirmed. You know it's nothing.

Ignore it.

Huffing stray hairs out of my eyes, I took a calming breath before returning to Noah's room.

It was a tender sight. Noah and his mother were engrossed in a conversation that had them both smiling, whilst Jasper tossed pens at his sister from where he was splayed out over a nearby chair. Emma, meanwhile, had squeezed herself into a space on Noah's bed. Giggling to herself, she was busy coloring in the tattoos on Noah's surrendered arm. His skin was a collage of bright pinks and greens and pretty blues.

"Why are you doing?" he joked with her. "You made the moon orange and the lighter purple and the flowers green. And the damn dog is blue. When was the last time you saw a blue dog?"

Emma grinned wide. "Nero has a blue sweater! Papa makes us put it on her when she gets cold!"

"Oh, yeah? Where's my dog now, anyway?"

"We had to leave her at home." Scribbling with a pink marker, she explained, "Mama said the hospital wouldn't like it if we brought her inside with us. They don't like animals."

"And yet you're here," gasped Jasper, cupping his mouth. "Isn't that crazy?"

Noah smacked his brother's knee, scolding him. Jasper snickered to himself and signed something back.

Maria didn't look pleased.

Alerted to my presence, Noah's head lifted, and he welcomed me back into the room with a delicate glance.

"You okay?" he wondered openly.

I knew he was referring to James, and on that front, there was nothing left to say. Still, my instinctive response was to hide the envelope behind my back.

"Yeah." With an assuring smile, I said, "He was just saying goodbye." Noticing that the room was missing a guest, I turned to Maria. "Where did Adrian go?"

"Just taking a work call." Humored, she added, "He likes to wander around as he talks. It helps him think."

Emma pointed at me.

"What's that?" she asked.

"Huh—oh." Suddenly aware of every set of eyes gawking my way, I fiddled with the paper in my hands and murmured, "Nothing. It can wait."

"Big envelope for a whole lot of nothing," Jasper remarked.

Noah's sculpted face turned skeptical.

"Let's see it," he spoke.

Emma crawled out of the bed with curious intentions, and I stepped back slightly, starting to stammer. "It's really not a big deal, I..."

Scuttling over, Emma maneuvered behind me and swiftly plucked the envelope from my grasp. Despite my poor attempt to keep it away from her prying eyes, the more rational side of me knew it was no use.

Handing the envelope to Noah like a dutiful knight, the youngest sibling mustered up an apologetic wink.

Noah picked up the envelope and squinted.

"Hold on," he said, "this letter is from NYU."

That's all it is. Just a letter.

It's nothing.

When I couldn't give him an explanation, Noah set down the envelope and looked me in the eyes. "You haven't opened it?"

"It's probably nothing," I mumbled as I shook my head. "They rejected me already, remember?"

He leaned over and pressed the paper into my hands.

"Elliot, open it."

I didn't move. Didn't even blink. My throat was tight and my hands were clammy and Oh god, what if this really is just another reje—

"Oh, for God's sake—" Jasper lurched himself up off his seat and snatched the paper from me. "I'll do it. Give it here."

Shredding the letter open in one go, Jasper quickly organized its contents and unfurled the topmost page.

"What does it say?" Noah inquired.

A wingbeat of pure silence followed.

Then, "Holy shit."

Covering Emma's ears, Maria shot her son an exasperated look. The youngest chuckled.

Regarding his brother's vulgarity with little patience, Noah pressed, "Spit it out, Jasper."

Pull out the rug. Rip off the Band-Aid.

"Dear Elliot Taylor," Jasper began, emphatically relaying the words. "We are writing to notify you of a recent update regarding your application, yada-yada-yada... after further review of your application materials and, yada-yada-yada..." Skimming through, he finally announced, "We are delighted to extend an offer of admission to you as a recipient of the Entrepreneurial Excellence Scholarship from—"

"What?"

A short question that blurted from my mouth like a curse. What. Either the room was spinning, or my knees had lost their bones, or my brain had just short-circuited. What.

Maria's hands flew to her mouth. "Did you just say scholarship?"

What?

"Give me that," Noah demanded.

Taking back the letter, my wounded Stray Dog adjusted his bandaged arm and scrunched his eyelids as he read. I realized that he didn't have his glasses—he'd give himself a headache without them.

Clearing his throat, he corrected his tongue-piercing and read to us, "The Scholarship is a prestigious award designed to support students who display strong entrepreneurial qualities and an exceptional commitment to innovation in the field of business. As a scholarship recipient, you will receive full tuition coverage over the course of your degree, and—"

The planet could stop now. I wanted to get off.

"You're kidding," Maria trilled. "Full tuition? Are you serious?"

"Are you sure?" I spluttered out.

Jasper's face contorted into a puzzled look of disbelief. "There's no freaking way," he exclaimed. "These kinds of deals are impossible to get! The competition is ridiculous, and the chances are freaking abysmal. How the hell di—"

"There has to be a mistake." My lip quivered; my hands instinctively curled. "I never even applied for this."

Full tuition? For business?

At NYU?

Two months ago, those statements would've had me shouting from the rooftops in glee like a madman. Now, I couldn't decide if I wanted to laugh or cry.

"Goodness." Maria told me, "Does it even matter? This is delightful news! Angels are smiling down on you, Elliot!" She grasped my shoulder and asked excitedly, "You're going to accept it, right?"

"I think you'd be a complete idiot not to," said Jasper.

I stammered. "I-I don't know, I—"

Everything was moving too fast. I could barely wrap my head around being accepted, much less getting a scholarship. How was this even possible? Oh, I was going to be sick. Five and a half years of praying for this exact moment, and now I didn't even know what to do with it. Slow down. Slow down. Slow down.

I couldn't think.

Noah's warm voice ripped holes through my worries. "What's wrong? Why aren't you celebrating?" His golden eyes softened. "I thought you'd be much more thrilled about this."

It's too much.

"It's great, yes, but—" Stifled, I breathed out, "I don't—I'm not—it's all just very sudden."

He sat up. "Talk to me."

New York. New York was four hours away. Two-hundred-and-something miles. So far removed from where I grew up, so far removed from Malcom, so far removed from Joe's Bar and Jesse's convenience store and the Stray Dogs Motorcycle Club and my mom's grave and—

"This is all the way in New York," I somehow managed to say.

"So?"

Jasper butted in, "Yeah, what's wrong with New York?" Nobody answered him though, letting the kid hear his own question. "No, hold on—yeah, that was a stupid thing to ask. Never-mind."

My attention returned to golden-yellow eyes. "It's just that... Sugar, you're here."

Upon those words, the room went silent.

Did I... really just say that?

Noah paused.

"That's what this is about?" Stupefied, his expression carefully began to light up. "You're worried about leaving me behind?"

Beaten, I nodded my head.

College isn't more important than you are.

Noah and college were the two perfect halves that made up my future. And I didn't want a future where I had to pick one without the other. I couldn't make that choice. I'd had enough of being forced to choose. I'd had enough of making sacrifices that killed me.

What am I meant to do?

Maria dusted her hands. "Well, gentlemen—I think there's a very simple solution to that problem."

"What do you mean?" I said swiftly.

"I mean, you and Noah. Both of you should come to New York, together." She pointed a look to her son and chuckled. "Of course, I've been asking him to move for years, but perhaps he'll finally listen if it's coming from you. After all, what more of an excuse do you need?"

"I couldn't ask him to do that." Shaking my head, my tone faltered. "His whole life is here; he can't sacrifice that all for me. I don't get to be selfish."

Noah's slow laughter filled the room.

Rich, resonant and deep, it instantly rendered me captivated. The sound was so profoundly alluring—I almost couldn't believe that I'd nearly lost him and it altogether.

As my heart skipped two beats, the biker said to me, "We've had this conversation before, Alley Cat, don't you remember?"

"I know. It's just—"

"It's you and me," he said. "You and me. Full stop."

"But we—"

"But nothing." Reaching to pull me closer, he vowed into the air, "When I said I'd be willing to drop everything and leave as soon as this whole mess blew over, I meant it. You are my home. And as long as I'm fulfilling that reality, nothing you have me do is a sacrifice."

My heart thawed beneath his butter-soft gaze.

"I want you to go to college," he continued, cupping the side of my face. "It's the only thing you've ever wished for. And with all the bullshit you've had to put up with, all the things that stood in your way, college is something you deserve. It would be wrong of me to make you give that up. Especially when I know how badly you want to leave this place. Your future should be something that makes you happy, Darling, and that's more important than anything."

"But what about you?" I countered. "Your happiness? Will you be happy in New York?"

"God." Flashing his pearly whites, Noah's head tilted back. "Angels fucking above, Elliot—I'm the happiest bastard on this earth just as long as you're alive and breathing next to me."

Seemingly repulsed by the bold gesture of PDA, Jasper made a gagging face to his sister. Emma tried to hide her giggles but failed hopelessly. Maria continued to cover her youngest's ears.

Their teasing didn't matter—a thousand pointy needles had already stabbed into my eyes.

Is this a dream?

"You're crying," spoke Noah through a gentle chuckle. Sweeping away the tears that were splashing down my cheeks, he asked, "What is it? What's the matter?"

"I'm going to college?"

He nodded fondly. "Mm-hm. Full-ride scholarship."

"And we're going to New York together?" I asked as his fingers brushed through my hair.

"As long as you'll have me, Darling."

Maria made a sound I'd never heard her make before: an overjoyed squeal.

"My hands are shaking—oh, this is just wonderful!" Swaying on her pumps, she announced to the room, "I need to call everybody! Where's Adrian? I can't wait to tell him; he's going to be so surprised! This is so exciting. I'm so happy, boys!"

Emma looked up. "What's happening, Mama?"

Maria took her hand. "Your big brother wants to move over to New York. He's going to be a lot closer to his family, Emma, isn't that great?"

"I can see him more often?"

"Of course you can, my love." Gesturing eagerly to the door, Maria said, "Let's go. We should find your father and tell him the good news."

Emma skipped along behind her as the two of them scurried out of the room. Jasper groaned, slinking out of his chair.

"Geez—" hurrying to catch up, he called loudly, "he went the other way!"

Noah laughed.

Once the door shut and we were the only ones left, my palm moved to rest on his cheek.

"Are you sure about this?" I whispered, sniffling. "You don't have to—I mean, it's a big change—is this really okay? Is this what you want?"

"Of course it is," he promised. "I know it is."

"But what about your job? And the apartment? And the Stray Dogs? You're their leader, you can't just—"

His forehead touched mine. "I'll handle it. Don't worry."

"But—"

"Darling, look at me."

Exhaling shakily, our eyes connected, and I was struck by the sincerity I found.

"My entire life," Noah softly described, "I haven't belonged anywhere. Boston is all I've ever known, but I never felt safe or even understood here. Until you. You changed everything." He gripped my hand. "There isn't a place you could go where I wouldn't want to follow. So yes, I'm coming with you. I think I'm desperate to be everywhere you are."

"You're absolutely sure?" I pressed. "You really want to live with me? In New York?"

His lips quirked. "Now, technically I've already died for you, so living might be a nice change of pace. Besides—you're a decent enough roommate, all things considered."

A breathless laugh puffed from my throat.

Smearing away my tears, I threw myself into him, and we kissed with as much delight as I had love in my body. Securing his arm around my waist, Noah held me against him like he needed my warmth just to function. It was the greatest thing I'd ever felt.

I'm going to college, I thought over and over, shaking throughout my body. I'm going to college and Noah is coming with me. Each word was memorised now, and the more it settled into me, the happier my overworked heart became. We're alive and we're moving to New York together. A thousand weights had been lifted off my shoulders. All the hurt in my bones was gone. All of my worries were a million years away, and every year that I'd spent alone finally seemed worth it.

Have I made you proud, Mom?

Perhaps I'd never get an answer, but the fact that I could even ask the question now was enough of an achievement on its own.

I'm going to college.

Noah disconnected from my lips and patted my cheeks dry. With an indomitable grin, he confessed, "There's only one problem."

"What's that?" I beamed.

"Ah, nothing serious." His pupils twinkled. "Just that Chains will never let us leave this state alive."

=||A/N||=

this shit is why I'm single