ＵＮＣＬＥ ＲＥＭＵＳ

𝔣𝔯𝔞𝔫𝔨 𝔷𝔞𝔭𝔭𝔞

♜

My hands clutch Fez's as I sit on his lap, preventing him from trying anything.

"Guys, can we do something besides cruise?" Hyde drawls. "It's the third time tonight we've driven by that house."

"Yeah," I agree. "I'm just about ready to let Fez touch my boobs to spice things up some more."

The boy looks up at me with hopeful eyes. "Really?"

I kiss his forehead and smile sweetly. "No."

"You know what we could do?" Kelso grins. "Go skinny-dipping... Naked! That's the way God intended."

"Seeing their boobs would be the next best thing," Fez nods seriously.

"No way," Jackie adds.

"Why not? It'll be fun!" Kelso pleads.

Donna scoffs and looks at us through the rearview mirror. "Well, sure, it's fun for you guys, because you get to look at us, and that's a treat. But we just get to look at you, and that's nasty."

"So you don't want to do it?" Eric pouts.

"I don't care. I'll do it," she chuckles.

"Okay, I'm in."

"What about you, beautiful?" Fez beams at me.

"Oh, what the hell. I'm in too," I sigh.

"Naked is dirty. Dirty, dirty, dirty!" he sings.

We join in with the chants of "dirty", laughing until we get to the reservoir.

I shimmy off of the foreign boy's lap and watch as Kelso immediately takes his shirt off. "Let's get naked!" he screams.

Jackie hits his arm as all of us strip down. The guys' eyes rake our bodies as we try to avoid looking at their dicks.

Staring at the glimmer of the moonlight on the shining water, the corners of my lips tug up slightly. I approach the lake and poke a toe in, shivering at the temperature of it. All of a sudden, my arms flail outwards as I'm pushed in and immersed by the cold water. I resurface and brush the hair out of my face, a smirking Hyde standing above me.

As my friends begin to giggle at my predicament, I grab his wrist and jerk him towards me, dodging him so that he lands face-first.

"Alright!" Kelso yells. He tosses Jackie in and the rest of them join us.

"Stop!" I cough out gleefully as Eric splashes water at me. 

Hyde pulls me away and to him by my waist, and I tense up slightly, making sure to keep myself above his legs.

"Oh, come on, it's nothing I haven't seen before," he mumbles into my ear.

My face reddens as I force myself out of his strangely comfortable grip and swim away. I'm unpleasantly lifted out of the water by Kelso, who holds me above his head for all to see.

"Michael! Put me down!" I screech. God, I sound like Jackie.

I'm launched into the air and I land in the water with a crash. I gain a rush of adrenaline and end up laughing, despite the unpreferred experience. I open my eyes under the water to find Kelso staring at me. It's not unlike him, but it unnerves me that he doesn't have the usual giddy expression on his face.

He swallows and draws me closer by my hips. I raise an eyebrow but don't move, as I'm intrigued by his intentions. If he simply thinks I'm hot, he'd likely touch my ass or something like that, but that expectation is never met. His face inches closer to me and he glances at my lips.

Idiot. He's lucky I'm not a side-chick kind of girl. Actually, he's lucky Jackie doesn't see us.

I try to smack him as a warning, but the water slows my actions and I end up kicking myself away from him. My head meets the night air as I gasp for breath, not realizing how long I was really down there.

I give him a weirded-out look, but my puzzlement breaks when I catch the sound of shouting. A group of kids, maybe fourteen years old, dashes off into the woods with our clothing.

"Shit!" Hyde hisses.

"I think that's our cue to go," Donna groans.

We climb out, freezing our bare asses off and pile into the car, with the girls and I in the front and the boys in the back.

"Oh, this was such a great idea, Michael. It was so much fun," Jackie scolds. "Oh wait, except for the part where our clothes got stolen, you idiot!"

"By the way, Fez, nice tattoo, man," Hyde compliments.

"Thank you. It is the blessed virgin of Yorba Linda. Do you want to see her dance?"

"No!" we chorus.

"Look, we need a plan," Eric frets. "I'm about to drive up to the house with a car full of naked people. They hate you guys enough when you're dressed."

"We can go to my house," the curly-haired boy shrugs.

"Yeah," Kelso giggles, "because your mom is used to having naked guys around!"

"She's not even home, you moron!"

I shift uncomfortably in the seat as we pull up to his home.

When he opens the door, a nasty clang comes from behind it, presumably originating from something being knocked over. I step over the piles of stuff to get to the other side of the room.

"Uh, you can look for something of my mom's. I'll get stuff for the guys," he nods to Donna, Jackie, and me.

In the drawers of Edna's cabinet, I don't find anything of interest. Donna chooses an outfit and Jackie opts for the covers, but I wander down the hall into Steven's messy room. I try my best not to topple the various stacks of Playboys that lay on the floor and raid his closet, deciding on a pair of his boxers and a Pink Floyd shirt that drops down to my mid-thigh.

I stroll back into the living room and snatch one of the beers, combing my hair to the side. I sit on the armrest of the sofa that Donna lounges on.

Hyde furrows his eyebrows. "Is that my shirt?"

"Yeah," I reply nonchalantly.

"And my boxers?"

I lift the top slightly and peer down at the mentioned article of clothing. "Mhm."

"That's hot," Fez mumbles.

I chuckle. "You just saw me naked."

"I can't decide what's better. Oh, to have a girl wear my underwear."

"Shut up, man!" Hyde snaps, avoiding eye contact with everyone around him. Donna and I share a knowing look and struggle to keep the smiles off of our faces.

"It's not a big deal. They're like shorts. Speaking of short, where's Jackie? And Kelso?"

"They left already," Eric pipes up. "I should probably get home before Red kills me. Are you guys coming?"

"Sure," we nod.

"Actually, Donna, you probably shouldn't come."

"Why?" she scoffs.

"If my dad sees you wearing that, he'll hurt me."

♜

I lounge on the couch between Forman and Fez as Steven rambles on about the water-powered car that he claims the government owns.

"Eric, I thought I told you to wash up for dinner," Red barks as he trudges down the stairs. "I know it's difficult to hear with your head up your ass. Get a move on."

"Oh, Red," Fez exhales, patting the man on his shoulder. "You need to relax. Anger is bad for the soul."

"It's Fez, right?"

"Yes."

"Get out."

"Okay."

I watch as he hastily exits the room.

"What the hell are you wearing, Anastasia?" Red gawps at me.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Red. See, my washing machine is getting fixed and I don't have any clean bottoms to wear. I just don't have the time to hand-wash everything," I cover smoothly.

"You can borrow ours if you'd like."

I shake my head. "Thank you, but it should be fixed soon."

"Okay," he turns to his son. "Come on, wash up."

"Hey, Dad," the boy says. "Can I talk to you for a second?"

They move to the corner and Eric lowers his voice. "Do you think that Hyde could stay for dinner?"

"Again? I can't afford to feed your friends. I can't even afford to feed you, but the law requires me to."

"Look, his mom's out of town."

"Alright. But you have to fill up on bread! And the two of you are splitting a pork chop! Now, let's go, dumbass."

Hyde thanks his best friend before they disappear up the stairs. I observe him as he watches M*A*S*H with an unmoving face.

I smirk to myself and lean back onto the couch. "You know, I'm not going to gouge your eyes out if you look at me," I muse.

"Whatever," he grunts, not changing his focus from the screen.

"Oh, Steven! You're flustered!" I tease.

His eyes flit to me and back to the screen. "Am not."

"Are too!"

"Whatever," he repeats.

I chuckle under my breath before biting my lip, recalling the state that his house had been in when we got there. 

"Hyde," I mutter softly. "If you ever need a place to stay, I have a few guest rooms you can choose from."

He rips his gaze away from the television and I detect a flare of his nostrils. "I'm fine."

I understand that I've pissed him off, but I want him to be able to trust me, so I press on. "I'm serious. I know that it's hard with your mom and everything and if you need a roommate-"

"I don't need your help, okay?" he fumes. "I'm perfectly fine. I can handle myself. I'm going to eat dinner. Goodnight."

I sigh heavily as he storms up the stairs.

♜

Eric and I return to the steps of Hyde's house, cautiously staring through the screen door as he speaks to his mother on the phone.

"Mom. Mom. Mom! Yeah, I couldn't help but notice that you're not home yet... Oh, is that right?" He stands from the sofa. "Okay, great, yeah... No, no, no! Y'know? Whatever makes you happy."

I flinch as he hurls the phone at the wall. He takes notice of us and waves. "Hey, Forman. Princess," he pants.

"Hi," Eric chimes anxiously.

"Come on in, make yourself at home. I'm out of beer, but if you want you can break something."

We step in. "Actually, I had my eye on the phone, so..." the boy beside me stops, wrinkling at his nose at the footrest. "What's that?"

"It's crackers with ketchup on top for, uh... You know, zest."

"I guess Edna isn't coming back?" I remark.

"No, man!" he deflects. "She's just been delayed a bit."

I raise an eyebrow. "Didn't there used to be a TV here?"

"Yeah. I pawned it."

"You pawned your mom's TV?" Eric speculates. "Hyde, she's not coming back."

"Fine. She's not coming back."

"So what are you going to do?"

"Sell the house."

"You rent."

"I guess I'm in more trouble than I thought."

I rest my hands on my hips. "Steven, my offer still stands if you need to-"

"No. I'll be fine."

"We're serious, Hyde!" Eric snaps. "You need help."

"No. You would need help. I'll be fine."

"Cool, then. We brought you this sandwich."

He hastily snatches the bag. "Fine. I'll take your sandwich. After this, no more help."

We bid him goodbye and back away as he chows down on the food.

Only a few hours later, though, Eric and I smirk our asses off as Steven rants about the downsides of moving into the Formans' abode.

"You know, Red really yelled at me, guys!" he carps.

"Yeah, get used to that," Eric chuckles.

"This blows, man. When I was living at home, I didn't have to answer to anybody. I made my own rules. You screwed me, Forman! I told you this was none of your business."

I tilt my head innocently. "Well, if you had taken up my offer more quickly, this could have been avoided."

"You shut up!"

I laugh under my breath as Kitty slowly steps down the stairs with a tray in her hands. "Steven, Eric, Anastasia, here's your cocoa."

"Thank you," I smile.

"Thanks, Mrs. Forman!" Hyde echoes sweetly.

"Thanks, Mom."

She kisses each of us on the tops of our heads.

"You're lucky I don't kick either of your asses," he growls as soon as she leaves.

"Are you going to eat your cookies?" I question.

He holds his plate closer to himself. "Yes!"

"Damn, it's really terrible over here, isn't it?" I tease.

He shrugs minimally. "I guess it isn't that bad."

♜

Idk if I like how I ended this but either way

I got a new laptop and I love typing on it lmao

As always, feedback, comments, and votes are appreciated!

Have yourselves a super day,

Lissy

P.S.: Uncle Remus by Frank Zappa is such a fuckin bop dude lol