●・○・●・○・●
CHAPTER SIXTY-THREE
rain keeps falling

—

༇ HE'S inches away from her.

At first, she doesn't understand what she's looking at. Her brain refuses to process it.

But then the blood comes into focus. The scorch mark burned straight through his forehead. The way his body lies too still. His hoodie, soaked dark red beneath him. His pale fingers, lifeless at his sides.

A sound claws its way up her throat.

A sob. A scream. Both at once. She drags herself toward him, the ground scraping against her knees, the world tilting and spinning. She falls across his body, her fingers clutching desperately.

His skin is still faintly warm. It breaks her even more. She presses her hands frantically over his heart in an attempt to feel something.

"Chishiya," she gasps. She shakes him, weakly at first, then harder. His head moves uselessly under her touch. Blood oozes slowly from the wound in his forehead, soaking into her clothes, into her hair. She screams again, louder this time.

Her body convulses with sobs. She buries her face against his chest, clutching him so tightly it feels like she might tear herself apart.

Movement stirs behind her. A low groan followed by a body shifting.

Kuina blinks groggily, pushing herself up onto shaking elbows. Her vision clears—and she freezes. The blood drains from her face.

For a moment, she's paralyzed.

Then a broken sound escapes her. Her hand flies to her mouth. Tears spring instantly to her eyes, falling before she can stop them. She scrambles toward Baya and Chishiya.

Baya clings harder to his body.  Her nails scrape against the bloody fabric of his clothes. Her forehead presses desperately to his heart, willing it to beat again.

The others are waking up now. Aguni, Usagi, Ann, Arisu, Heiya.

The silence that falls over them is heavy enough to crush.

Kuina's sobbing openly now, rocking back and forth on her knees. Tears pour down her face.

"Why him," she whispers, over and over.

Baya doesn't hear her. She's screaming again, her cries so sharp they don't even sound like they belong to a human being anymore. Someone tries to step forward but Baya lashes out without even looking, swinging her arms wildly.

Blood drips from her hands onto the floor, mixing with the pool already spreading from Chishiya's head.

"Wake up." She lifts his head in her hands, smoothing the bloody hair away from his forehead. "Please. I'll be good, I'll be better— just come back, just open your eyes, just look at me—"

But he doesn't move.

He never will again.

Baya curls up on top of Chishiya's chest, clutching his body like a child, and screams and screams and screams until her voice gives out.

They try to pull her away.

First Usagi, gently, whispering her name. Then Aguni, firm but careful, trying to pry her off the corpse she won't let go of.

She sticks to Chishiya's dead body.

"I'll stay," she rasps. "I have to stay."

Aguni tries again, hands firm around her shoulders. She screams at him. Kuina sobs harder, covering her mouth with both hands now. Ann and Heiya look away. Usagi clutches Arisu's sleeve. 

"I'll stay," Baya decides. "I'll stay, I'll stay, I'll stay."

Hours pass. The others move back, giving her distance. The blood grows cold around them. Night falls.

She strokes his hair with trembling fingers. Traces the shape of his jaw with what little strength she has left.

"You're warm," she whispers, lying to herself. Her fingers drift down to the hole in his forehead. "You're warm, you're just sleeping, it's okay. I'll wait."

She kisses the corner of his mouth. "I'll wait forever. Just like you did."

Some of the others retreat back home, mostly to go look for Kota. Aguni keeps first watch. Kuina doesn't sleep. She just cries silently into her knees, stealing glances at Baya every few minutes.

Who stays.  Stays locked in the last place he existed. Stays with her arms wrapped around him.

As the hours stretch, her mind shatters.

She starts murmuring to him. Soft little whispers, nonsense things, promises that don't make sense.

"I'll be good," she says, over and over. "I'll do better next time. I won't let go."

Her fingers comb through his hair again and again, untangling blood-matted strands with care. Every once in a while, her hand drifts down, brushing edge of the laser wound in his forehead, but other than that, she skips over it. Pretends it isn't there.

"You're just sleeping," she whispers, almost scolding him now. "You're being stupid, Chishiya. You're... you're just making me wait."

Her thumb strokes the corner of his mouth like she's trying to force a smile back onto it.

"You do this all the time," she mumbles. "You always pretend you're cold and dead, right?" She clings to the pathetic words like a lifeline. "You're not dead," she insists. "You're not dead. You're too smart for that. You always get out. You always have a plan."

She shakes him a little. He doesn't move. Still, she forces the lie.

"Lazy," she whispers with a laugh, her fingers trembling violently as she adjusts his head back into place. "You're just being lazy. You'll wake up when you're ready. You'll laugh at me and call me an idiot for crying so much. You'll fix everything like you always do."

The silence answers her. Baya keeps talking.

"You're just asleep. You're just asleep."

She says it until her throat goes raw. Says it until the sun comes up. Says it until her mind suffers.

"You're warm," she lies again. "You're warm. You're here. You're just tired."

The smell of death is growing stronger. Blood and rot and something sickly-sweet in the air. Still, she doesn't let go.

"Sleep," she croons, rocking them both faster now. "Sleep. I'll stay with you. I'll stay."

Kuina wraps her arms around herself and bites her lip so hard she tastes blood. Usagi hides her face in Arisu's shoulder when they return the next morning. Aguni mutters something under his breath.

And Baya stays. Making up fantasies. Creating lies to hold herself up a little longer.

Until the others realize they have to do the unthinkable eventually: they have to tear her away from him.

"Baya," Kuina whispers. "We have to go."

Baya doesn't even flinch. She curls tighter around him, her fingers locked into the fabric of his shirt, her forehead pressed to his chest. She just keeps rocking, keeps whispering under her breath: "He's sleeping, just sleeping, just sleeping..."

Kuina hesitates, biting down hard on a sob. She crouches low, reaching out to pry Baya's hands away, who lets out a raw, sound and yanks her body away violently. Her arms tighten around Chishiya's torso. "Don't touch him! Don't touch him!"

"Baya—!" Kuina gasps, but Baya protests when she tries again.

"He's not gone!" Baya screams. "He's not! He's just... he's just... he's fine! He's fine!"

Aguni also steps forward. "Yuzuki," he says, "You have to come with us."

She doesn't hear him. Or if she does, she doesn't care.

She buries her face in Chishiya's chest again, sobbing so hard her body trembles.

Kuina's tears spill over as she wrestles Baya, trying not to hurt her, but Baya is fighting like her life depends on it.

Aguni moves to help. When they finally manage to drag her a few feet away, Baya lets out a scream so bloodcurdling that even Aguni flinches. She kicks, claws, thrashes, but Kuina wraps her arms around her from behind, pinning her against her chest, sobbing into her hair.

Baya struggles until her strength gives out. "Please," she whimpers. "Please don't leave him alone. Please don't leave him."

"We won't," Kuina promises. "We'll take him with us, okay? You can take your time choosing a nice spot for him to rest. You know him well. We'll bury him—"

At the mention of that, Baya starts struggling again, screaming and crying.

Ann walks in. She's holding a small plastic box. A few objects are inside of it.

"Let me make sure it's not another sick joke," she says, crouching down beside Chishiya's body. Baya nervously watches.

Ann presses a finger behind his ear. To his throat. To his wrists. Listens to his chest. Looks inside his mouth. Touches his blood. With a scalpel, she cuts his cheek. More blood drips.

Once she looks up, she looks disturbed, and shakes her head.

Baya straightens. "Not real?"

Ann visibly swallows. "He's... very much real," she announces. "It's him." 

Straight after that, they work to carry Baya away. She's still reaching for him, fingers clawing at the air, her cries echoing.

But they get her home somehow. She doesn't remember how.

She lies on the couch, unmoving, eyes wide and blank, still murmuring to herself. Kuina paces like a trapped animal. Aguni stands guard near the door. Usagi sits in the kitchen with her head in her hands, her shoulders shaking silently.

No one knows what to say.

Eventually, Ann kneels down by the couch, voice steady but soft, and says, "We should bury him, Baya. We can give him peace."

She turns her head slowly and stares at Ann with eyes so hollow it's like someone took her soul away.

"Bury him?" she repeats. Her lips tremble violently. "Bury him?"

"He deserves—" Ann starts, but she doesn't get the chance to finish.

Baya explodes. "No!" she howls, scrambling up so fast she almost knocks herself off the couch. "No! No, you can't—"

"Baya!" Kuina tries to grab her, but Baya tears away, stumbling backward.

"If you bury him, he's gone!" she shrieks. "He's gone! What if he wakes up?! What if he needs us—"

She collapses against the wall, sliding down it, sobbing so hard she can barely breathe.

Usagi turns away, covering her mouth to muffle the sound of her own crying. Kuina just crumples onto the floor and sobs too, her hands trembling violently.

Ann tries again. Her voice is even softer now. "Baya, if you don't say goodbye, you'll never heal."

"Good!" Baya wails.

No one says anything else. No one tries to move her again.

They just sit there, while Baya sobs herself hoarse on the floor, crying for a man with blonde hair and a bullet through his head, crying over a future ripped out of her hands, crying because he pressed that stupid button. 

●・○・●・○・●

Baya disappears when the others start to put the sand back on top of the old coffin they found.

Heiya and Usagi also left to continue searching for Kota. Their top theory is that he ran away when the game was cleared. That he thought everyone was dead and fled. 

Baya also flees.

Chishiya's house sits half-forgotten in the suburbs, right in front of her.

It's cold inside when she pushes the door open. Dust hangs in the air. Everything is just as it was. The way it was that day. When he showed her the cards. The camera. Before they got sent into that white room.

His smell is faint but still there, antiseptic, soap, lemon, and something sharper she can't name but knows is him. She runs her fingers over the back of the couch, the arm of the chair. Everything feels wrong without him.

In the kitchen, a mug still stands by the sink. She presses her fingers to it. For one stupid second she imagines it's still warm.

She wanders, aimless, until she finds herself standing in front of the fourth door.  Her hand trembles as she pushes it open.

The single, made bed. Neat drawers. The remainders of a possible childhood.

On his desk, tucked between notebooks and folders of maps, there's a sketch. Just a rough pencil outline. It's her, curled up under a blanket on the couch. The drawing is unfinished.

Tears blur her vision. She stumbles backward. Rain pounds against the roof as Baya moves through the house, clutching the crumpled note in her hand.

She doesn't know what she's looking for.

She searches drawers. Neat, organized, typical Chishiya. Medical supplies, syringes, books.

Behind a thick journal, she finds it a small notebook. The pages are filled with his handwriting. Plans. Maps. Diagrams of different games. The cards.

And side notes. How she might escape. How to find her if they got separated.

Suggestions for psychology courses, along with prices. Chishiya's economical plans; how he seemed to have been willing to pay for her course.

Baya presses the notebook to her chest and forces herself onward. A small container filled with little scraps. A button from her jacket. A torn piece of a note she once scribbled and tossed away. A scrap of cloth from the shirt she must've torn once.

He kept it. All of it.

By the time she finds her sweatshirt, the one that was long lost, hidden neatly in his drawer, washed and carefully folded, she's barely breathing.

She sobs into it so hard it feels like her ribs might shatter. Thunder cracks outside, rattling the windows. She crawls onto his bed, clutching the sweatshirt, the drawing, and the notebook, and curls up into the smallest shape her body will allow.

●・○・●・○・●

After hours of lying curled in his bed, Baya drags herself up again.

Some desperate part of her needs more. More proof that she meant something, that it wasn't just her imagination, that he really, truly, painfully loved her.

She opens another drawer.

A pair of gloves, perfect for her hands that always went cold too fast. Still with the price tag dangling on it. Her hand shakes so badly she almost drops them.

On the closet shelf, there's a shoebox. It's filled with band-aids printed with stupid little cartoon animals, a soft hoodie, and tiny hair ties, dozens of them, because hers always snapped and disappeared and she always complained.

He must've gotten these for her. He thought about her. He planned for her. Maybe during the first Borderlands, maybe after, maybe during the Jokers—she doesn't know.

When the others finally find her and convince her to leave the house, Baya doesn't take much.

She could have taken everything. Every piece of him. Instead, she folds the hoodie against her chest. Her favorite color, though she doesn't remember ever telling him that.

And the hair ties. All of them. She scoops them into a pocket, her fingers trembling. As if by carrying these small, stupid little circles of elastic, she could carry pieces of him with her.

She doesn't speak as she leaves. Just holds the hoodie to her heart.

●・○・●・○・●

(⚠︎︎ — there are described suicide attempts in the following half of this chapter. You'll notice when the attempts start, so please skip that part if it triggers you. The same goes for people with emetophobia.
Take care, everyone!! My messages are always open if you need someone <3)

The days after the burial pass shapeless and colorless.

At first, Baya doesn't move from the spot in the corner of the house, curled up small, staring at nothing, silent for hours and hours. Not sleeping. Not eating. Barely breathing.

The others try, at first. Kuina brings her water. Usagi offers a plate of food with trembling hands. Ann and Arisu sit beside her in silence.

Arisu tries to awaken funny memories, like the shower thing, but it only leads to Baya crying. Then he starts talking to her about the ones he lost instead, and how he's trying to deal with it. It's like talking to a stone wall, but at least she doesn't scream.

She just rocks slightly, her arms wrapped tight around herself. Her body starts to wither first, though: her face grows hollow, her skin pale. Her hair, hangs greasy against her cheeks.

The nights are the worst. Quiet sobs into her knees. Then louder gasps for air. Then silent screams, ripping their way out of her throat. Some nights she claws at her own arms until Ann has to wrap them up.

Most nights she just collapses from exhaustion, her body finally betraying her into dreamless sleep on the floor.

The others start tiptoeing around her. Moving more quietly. Not daring to mention his name.

Baya doesn't join them for meals. Doesn't shower. Doesn't change her clothes. Days bleed into nights, and nights bleed into days. She can't tell them apart anymore. Sometimes she'll blink and realize whole hours are gone. Sometimes she'll sit and stare at the wall, convinced if she waits long enough, he'll walk through the door.

Nothing feels worth it without him. Weeks slip by.

It becomes clear she's not getting better.

If anything, she's getting worse. They tell themselves it's normal. Grief takes time. Everyone has to mourn in their own way.

But soon, there's no more pretending.

Baya stops speaking altogether. Even the occasional 'no' or 'leave me alone' vanishes. She won't look at them. Won't acknowledge them. She sits in the same spot for hours.

When Kuina or Ann try to feed her, Baya clamps her mouth shut. When Usagi places a glass of water near her, it remains untouched until it gathers dust.

Sometimes Baya will just... stop. Freeze mid-breath, mid-movement, mid-sob, whatever. Her eyes will go wide and glassy, staring right through whoever's in front of her. No blinking. No reacting. Gone.

The first time it happens, Kuina shakes her hard enough to bruise her shoulders. It takes almost five minutes before Baya even blinks, looking around like she doesn't know where she is.

After that, Aguni orders them not to leave her alone. Not even for a second.

Kuina is meant to be watching her that evening. Sitting on the couch, head nodding against the wall, fighting off sleep. Aguni is pacing in the kitchen.

Baya waits. She waits until Kuina's head dips low, just a little second too long.

Then she moves. Silent and swift. The door creaks. Not enough to stir Kuina immediately. Baya slips upstairs. She makes it to the bathroom.

Locks the door. Stares at herself in the mirror for one long moment. She looks like a ghost.

Like Chishiya.

And in a minute, she'll be a ghost.

Her hands move almost without thought, reaching for the cabinet under the sink.
Rummaging through it until her fingers close around a plastic bottle. The harsh smell burning her nose immediately.

Toilet cleaner. She unscrews the cap. Tips it back. And drinks.

The taste is instant: acid and chemicals tearing down her throat. She gags. Chokes. But forces herself to keep swallowing, tears streaming down her face, hands trembling so violently she drops the bottle halfway through.

It crashes to the floor. Blue liquid splashes across the tiles.

Baya drops with it, collapsing onto her knees, clutching her stomach as the pain hits.

She gasps. Her body seizes. Her fingers scrape helplessly at the floor, scrabbling for something to hold onto.
She sobs as she waits.

From the hallway, Kuina stirs. Frowns. Hears the faint crash. The second her instincts catch up, she's on her feet, pounding on the door.

"Baya?! Baya, open the door!"

No answer.

Only the faint gasping from inside.

Kuina throws her whole body against the door, once, twice. It bursts open on the third try. She stumbles into the bathroom just in time to see Baya crumpled on the floor, her mouth stained blue, her whole body convulsing.

"No!" Kuina peeps. "Aguni! Usagi!"

Chaos explodes. Aguni takes one look and swears, grabbing Baya's limp body in his arms like she weighs nothing. Usagi is already shouting for supplies.

Baya's eyes flutter weakly open. She looks around. Sees their faces. Sees the horror.

A single tear slides down her cheek. She mouths a word no one hears. Maybe 'sorry.' Maybe 'Chishiya.' Maybe nothing at all.

Ann is forces her way into the space. "Get her up."

Aguni hauls Baya's limp body into a sitting position, propping her against his chest, his arm locked tight around her ribcage to keep her from slipping. "Kuina, water. Usagi, fingers!"

Kuina scrambles to the sink, fumbling desperately with the faucet until cold water pours out. She yanks a cup from the counter and sloshes it full, some of it spilling onto the floor.

Usagi drops to her knees in front of Baya.  She forces her mouth open, ignoring the way Baya whimpers weakly and tries to turn her head.

"I'm sorry," Usagi breathes, and then thrusts her fingers deep into Baya's throat.

Baya gags. Her whole body spasms, a horrible wet retching noise filling the bathroom.

Nothing comes up yet. Again. Again. Kuina shoves the glass of water into Ann's hand, who splashes it down Baya's throat between heaves.

More gagging. More choking.

Finally, a blue, bitter-smelling liquid and bile pours out of Baya's mouth, splattering onto the tiles.

"Good, keep going,"Ann urges, helping Usagi force another small handful of water into her mouth, pushing and pushing until Baya vomits again.

Baya sobs hoarsely through it all, her body shaking so hard she almost slips from Aguni's grip. They don't stop until the retching becomes dry.

"She's not safe yet," Ann says. "We have to get it out of her system, all of it."

They lay Baya out on a mattress. She makes a soft sound but doesn't fight them.

Ann's hands are steady as she shoves a packet of crushed charcoal into a cup, mixing it into water until it becomes a black mixture. It'll absorb every chemical inside of Baya.

She kneels over her, hand on her chin, forcing her mouth open again.

"Baya, I'm sorry." She tips the cup to her lips.

The black liquid spills in. Baya gags weakly, instinctively trying to turn her head, but Aguni's there, steadying her jaw, forcing her to swallow. Some of it spills out, staining her lips and chin. Kuina cleans it up with a towel.

Ann pours more. Minutes drag by. They don't stop until the cup is empty.

When it's done, Aguni leans back, cradling Baya against him. "She'll live," Ann tells them.

●・○・●・○・●

It's been a few days since the first attempt. Everyone is on edge. No one trusts a single second of silence.

So when Baya finally speaks, it sends a wave of tension through the room.

"I want to shower."

Kuina looks up immediately from where she's sitting on the floor. "I'll come with you," she says without thinking.

"No." It's the most force she's put into a word in days.

Kuina keeps her voice soft. "You can leave the curtain closed. I'll sit outside. I won't even look."

"I said no," Baya snaps, loud enough for Heiya and Usagi to look up from across the room.

"Baya," Kuina says, taking a cautious step closer. "We just want to keep you safe."

"I don't need you babysitting me while I'm naked!" Baya's cheeks flush with a flicker of humiliation. "I'll be quick. You can stand outside the door if you want. Just... just don't come in."

Kuina hesitates.

Ann speaks up quietly from behind:, "We'll remove the lock. We'll guard the door. She can't hurt herself if we remove every object."

Kuina nods.

They move fast. Aguni rips the lock off the bathroom door in under a minute. Ann and Usagi sweep the room, taking away razors, bottles, scissors, anything that could be weaponized.

It almost feels cruel. Baya stands stiffly the whole time, jaw clenched, refusing to look at anyone.

When they're done, Kuina plants herself right outside the door. "I'm right here," she says. "If you need anything—"

"I don't," Baya cuts her off. Then she steps inside and slams the door.

Inside the bathroom, Baya turns the water on full blast, letting it cover the sound of her movements.

Her hands shake uncontrollably as she stares at herself in the mirror.

She disappears again. Time blurs. Eventually, she emerges in a soft white sundress, her hair messier now, the flush on her face no longer from embarrassment, but excitement. She sways a little in front of the mirror.

"You actually..." He pauses. "Never mind."

She gasps. "What?"

"Nothing."

"No, say it."

"I just meant... you look—"

"If you say 'presentable,' I'm kicking you. Or efficient. Acceptable. Durable. Functional? Don't say tolerable."

"You look... good."

Baya narrows her eyes. "Good?"

He shrugs, already turning away. "Acceptable."

"Acceptable? I look like a goddess."

"You look like someone who spent thirty-two minutes trying on eight versions of the same dress."

"This one has eyelets."

"They all had eyelets."

She steps closer, swaying in front of the mirror again. "You stared."

"I was blinking."

"You stared while blinking, then."

"Impossible."

"I saw it. Your eyes paused. That's basically ogling for you."

"You look fine."

"Just fine?"

"You want me to lie?"

"No, I want you to speak from your cold little heart."

"You look..."

Baya waits, eyes wide.

"Nice."

"Oh my God, you are physically incapable of saying 'beautiful', aren't you? Say it! Even if you don't mean it. I need a boost."

Chishiya, knowing she won't give up, exhales through his nose. "Fine. You look beautiful."

"Say that again."

"I won't."

"You just said I'm beautiful."

"Don't get used to it."

"Oh my God," she breathes. "This is like... the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me."

Without thinking, she slams her fist straight into the glass.

The mirror shatters instantly. Chunks rain down into the sink, shards bouncing onto the floor.

Kuina doesn't even think before rushing inside.

Baya, on the floor, curled against the wall blood streaming from her hand where it smashed the mirror. One long shard of glass is clutched tightly in her fist, already pressed against her chest.

"Stop it!" Kuina sobs as she starts wrestling to take the shard out of Baya's hands. Footsteps thunder down the hall.
Ann, Usagi, Aguni, all of them piling into the bathroom.

Ann dives straight for the shard, prying Baya's fingers open. The shard clatters to the floor, streaked with blood.

Baya thrashes wildly. "Let me go! Let me go! Let me go!"

Kuina pins her tighter. "You're not dying!" she cries. "You hear me?! You're not dying!"

Baya doesn't stop protesting. Doesn't stop reaching for the glass. Doesn't stop trying to escape.

Kuina snaps. "You're pathetic! You're just a damn coward. Look at you! You can't even be bothered to try. You won't eat, you won't sleep, you won't do anything! I've tried everything. I've stayed here. I've watched you wither away, and I've done everything I could, and you still won't fucking care."

With a sudden, uncontrollable burst of rage, Kuina slaps Baya's face. It echoes through the room. Baya's head jerks to the side. "You want to die?" she screams. She grabs Baya's shoulders and shakes her. "Sure! But don't you dare think that your death will fix anyone! It's selfish. You're being selfish, and I won't stand by and let you do this."

Tears are streaming down Kuina's face now, but her hands don't stop. They shake as she slaps Baya again, even harder this time, her palm stinging.

"I don't care what happened to you, Baya. I don't care how bad it hurts. You're not the only one who's lost someone!"

It takes both Arisu and Ann to drag Kuina off Baya, telling her to calm down. Usagi tears a towel to wrap Baya's hand with.

She keeps fighting until there's nothing left.

Afterwards, they lie her down in her bed. Their bed.

Usagi stays by her side, her hand gently brushing through Baya's tangled hair. Baya's mind is elsewhere, far from the room.

It's with him. Always with him. The ache in her chest intensifies every second. She can almost feel his presence around her, hear his voice in the back of her mind, the way it always felt when he would lean in close, when his hand would brush the side of her face, when his breath would blow on her neck.

"I want him back," Baya whispers. "I can't live without him, Usagi. I can't..."

She leans down closer, brushing her fingertips over Baya's cheek. "You're not alone," Usagi assures. "We're here. We're all here. We won't leave you. You—"

"I need him back! I can't— I can't keep going like this. My life is nothing without him!"

"I know you're hurting, but you can't give up. Not like this. You've got people who care about you. You can still come back. You have to."

But Baya just shakes her head.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I don't know how to help you, but I won't let you go. It'll be okay, Baya. One day, you'll feel better about it. We'll find Kota and we'll forever remember Chishiya. Don't make his sacrifice unworthy. He—"

"Don't say 'he wouldn't have wanted this'," Baya snarls. "I don't care. It's not like he listens to what other people want. He shouldn't have... he shouldn't have pressed that stupid button!" Tears slip down her cheeks. "What did he even expect me to do? Live without him?!"

Usagi grips Baya's hand so tight it must hurt, but Baya doesn't even flinch.

"You live!" Usagi bites out, voice breaking, louder than she means to be. "You live, Baya! That's what he expects. That's what he died for."

Baya flinches, stunned by the force of Usagi's words.

"You think he left you because he wanted to? He loved you so much it destroyed him! He would have pressed that button over and over just to give you one more minute to breathe!"

Baya shakes her head weakly. Usagi squeezes her hand tighter.

"You don't have to want it. You don't have to smile, or laugh, or be okay. You just have to stay. Stay angry. Stay broken. Stay miserable if you have to. But stay alive. Because he gave everything so you could."

Baya's chest heaves up and down with a sob. Usagi pulls her close, wrapping both arms around her, refusing to let her go.

"You owe it to him," Usagi whispers against her hair. "And you owe it to yourself."