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CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO
pick a card

—

༇ "OW, slow down!"

"I am going slow. You're the one squirming."

"It hurts!"

"Then stop moving."

Her breath hitches. "Okay, okay, right there. Almost."

He doesn't respond.

"Right there, I said! Chishiya, don't press harder!" She jerks under his hands, hissing. "Agh, okay, wait, wait—I need a break! It's too big."

"You're being dramatic."

"I'm in pain!" She sucks in a breath, gripping the pillow under her chest, teeth digging into it. "Just... just get it out already—!"

A moment of silence. Then a sharp yank.

She collapses face-first into a pillow, legs kicking behind her like a dying insect. "You are a psychopath!"

Chishiya leans back on his heels, calmly inspecting the tiny shard of glass between his tweezers.

"You said it was a splinter."

"It was!"

"You made it sound like an emergency. I thought you lost a limb."

"You stabbed metal tweezers into my thigh!"

"You said right there."

"You aimed like a sniper!"

"I hit the right spot, didn't I?" He drops the tweezers in the first-aid kit. "I'll get you a cookie."

"Two cookies."

"One."

"Two or I'll cry so hard you'll have to take another day off work."

He has taken a day off because apparently it takes a lot of time to show her what she so desperately wants: the things he remembers and how to make her remember.

But before he could even start, Baya complained about pain in her thigh. He took a look and asked what the hell she had done to make a splinter end up there. She said she slipped at the pharmacy this morning—because Chishiya was running out of medicine and she was obliged to get it—and the pain started since then.

Then he wondered why she slipped and how she managed to get a splinter in her thigh.

So she said she tried to save herself by doing a split and that's how the splinter ended up there.

"Now that it's out, can you finally start explaining the whole Borderland story?" Baya requests.

Chishiya nods. "Yes. I will. Stay here. I'll be back in a minute."

After watching him vanish upstairs, she leans back into the couch. The curtains are closed. The lights of Chishiya's house are set in a warmer, rather yellowish shade, because she said she'd enter his office if he didn't change the creepy white, cold lighting.

When Chishiya returns, it's with a stack of playing cards in his hands, the same kind as the magician was carrying. He sits down across from here.

"Before the voodoo part starts, can you give me some context?" Baya pleads.

"Everyone who got hit by the meteorite shared a coma. Or rather, death. Those who died because of the meteorite in real life, also died in the Borderlands. People like you and I survived both: the Borderlands and the meteorite. In the Borderlands, we'd play games. Suit cards first, then face cards."

"Games?" She repeats. "Like that Four of Spades thing I saw?"

"Yes. Each symbol means something. Hearts is trust and betrayal, club is teamwork, spades requires physical strength, and diamond cards have to do with intelligence. The difficulty level was ranked by the number. One of Diamonds is supposedly easy, and Nine of Diamonds is the most difficult. Jack, King, and Queen of Diamonds were even harder. You following?"

Baya nods, slowly.

"Each player had a visa. You'd die if it were to run out. Same thing goes for losing a game: you die."

"That's a lot of... death," she murmurs. "And I survived?"

"Fortunately." Chishiya props one leg below him, sitting straighter. "I could—"

"Wait. Do you remember everything?"

"No. I'm still missing a few details, but I'm getting somewhere. Anyway, I could tell you everything I remember, but it's better if you see for yourself."

"Right..." She nods another time. "So every player just has to find a random stack of cards, and they'll remember?"

"No."

"Oh. Eh, what then?"

"These," Chishiya holds the playing cards up, "are the original playing cards from the Borderlands."

She frowns.

"I collected them overtime. I found the King of Diamonds card after I woke up in the hospital. It was in my pocket. I remembered the entire game straight after I touched it. I saw the location as well. From then on, I went looking for every single card out there. I visited places—jails, bars, piers... it took me months, but I collected all the cards. I made sure to pick them up with gloves first. At home, I'd touch them with my skin. I didn't want to risk anything out in the open."

"Why don't you remember everything? If you have all the cards..."

"One of them went missing. I found it at a slaughterhouse. I touched it with my gloves, put it in my pocket, went home. Then it was gone. It was Four of Spades."

Baya's mouth drops open. "So the magician—"

"So the magician carried fake cards except for that one card. He somehow made sure you'd pick that one. He made you remember. I'm guessing he's in the game system. Something like that." Chishiya sighs lightly.

"Can I touch them now? The cards?"

"Yes. I'll give you a few options first, so it doesn't get too confusing." He picks a few cards and spreads them on the empty spot between them.

King of Hearts.

Jack of Hearts.

Five of Hearts.

Ten of Hearts.

Nine of Clubs.

King of Spades.

Seven of Spades.

Baya stares at them for a long time. "Why these specific ones?"

"These are the games you survived."

"I died in the others?"

"No." He looks like he's about to palm his face. "You only played these games. You weren't forced to join all of them. You could join whatever, whenever. Or you could commit suicide by making your visa run out."

"Ohh, okay." She nods heavily, though she's still confused. "Hmm. Which one do you suggest I pick?"

"I gave you options for a reason. You're the one who picks."

"But I would prefer not to be absolutely mind-blown and traumatized immediately. Which one is the least traumatic?"

He just watches her.

Baya throws her head back. "Are you kidding me? Can't you be less mysterious?"

Another soft sigh escapes Chishiya. "Look, no matter what you pick, it will hit hard. A lot happened in the Borderlands. Some moments might've been nice, but it doesn't cover up the terrible things that are left."

"I almost don't want to remember now. Can't you explain everything and leave the bad parts out?"

He shakes his head. "Pick one."

"I'll go with..." She squints her eyes. "Five of Hearts."

Chishiya looks visibly pained.

"Hey! You told me to choose! Why are you pulling that face?"

"I've... done things," he starts, rubbing his forehead. "Things I want you to remember. It's fair if you remember and I won't hide my faults from you. But like I said, you might not trust me anymore after seeing these things. At least, not until you remember everything. From start to end."

"Ah. What about... Ten of Hearts? Did you do bad things there? I don't want to start with remembering something bad about you."

"I did worse."

"What about Nine of Clubs?"

"Not too bad."

"But still bad?"

"Yes."

"King of Hearts?"

"That one's awful. Wouldn't recommend."

"Erm... King of Spades?"

"Acceptable, but maybe too much to begin with."

"Why?"

"A lot happened."

"Like what? Did you do bad things again?"

"Not exactly, but too much happened. From you performing surgery on me to me performing CPR on you, and—"

"What?"

He mutters, "Shouldn't have said that," before raising his voice again, "Maybe save the King of Spades for later."

"Jack of Hearts?"

"Too much as well."

"Seven of Spades, then?"

He tilts his head to the side, considering. "Possibly."

"Did you do bad things?"

"No. I wasn't involved with that one. But you have to understand that each card usually comes with the entire day. If you touch the Jack Of Hearts card, you won't just remember the game itself, but also what happened before it and the aftermath. And you might not want to know the aftermath of Seven of Spades."

"I think I have no choice," Baya sighs out, looking up at him with wide eyes. "So I should just touch it now?"

He nods. "Brace yourself."

●・○・●・○・●

She remembers flashes. Fragments of what happened. Maybe not even in the right order. But they're there. Memories.

She remembers agony spreading through her entire leg. The burn sinks into her muscles, melting into her throbbing skin. When she begs back up, every step sends a flash of blinding pain up her spine. 

But she doesn't stop moving. Another geyser erupts, splashes of it hitting her arms. It blazes straight through her clothes. It dissolves into more burns.

"GAME CLEARED."

She stumbles to her knees, gasping for air. Behind her, the stadium groans. Then, with a deafening crack, the entire field collapses inward, geysers swallowing everything in their path.

A rush of something indescribable floods her chest, tightening around her ribs. Every nerve tingles. Despite her burning leg and wounded arms, she stands up. She should be shaking in horror. She should be breaking down. Maybe that will come later. But right now, she feels like she has already beaten every card game out there.

Flashes of that. Then flashes of an unfamiliar face in front of her. The same hotel room she remembers. Flares of a conversation.

"Who doesn't like gossip? And Chishiya thought Niragi got hurt by that man in the past. Kaito confirms it. I guess he got bothered by them. He recognized you at the Beach, because you were near the bully situation now and then. Now he wants revenge."

And then the same voice, "Chishiya? He's not exactly the type to get involved in other people's problems unless it benefits him. But..." He hesitates. "Maybe you're right. If anyone knows how to deal with Niragi, it's Chishiya. He's got his own methods of handling situations like this."

And, "I'll get Chishiya and Kuina. I saw them enter the room right across from this one, so you'll be left alone for a second only." He walks over to the door.

The scene shifts: Niragi moves his weight, forcing Baya's arms above her head. His breath is hot against her cheek as he leans in closer.

Tatta takes his chance, lunging at Niragi, trying to wrestle him away. Niragi grips his gun again, and slams it on the side of Tatta's head.

The thud of his limp body falling to the floor sounds like the intro of a horror movie for Baya. 

He connects the gun with her temple, so hard that she loses all power of her body, as well as consciousness.

The rest speaks for itself. She remembers his tongue. She remembers passing out again. Waking up. Taking a shower. Consuming a morning-after-pill. Coming across Chishiya. Him telling her it's just a matter of time.

●・○・●・○・●

She remembers every single detail of what happened, as if it was yesterday.

And then she's back in Chishiya's living room, sitting across from him like nothing ever happened. Like she didn't just relive the worst moments.

"You said it wouldn't be too bad."

"I did not say that," Chishiya responds. "I said it was a possible first option and I said that I wasn't involved."

"You were," she says, upset. "I remember every detail! I don't know how I met this guy named Tatta but he felt like a friend in my memory, and he said you and someone else, Kuina, were in the room across from me and Niragi. I screamed my lungs out! No way you didn't hear that. Did you just... let it happen?"

Chishiya doesn't respond right away. He sits still, shoulders tensed, jaw tight. He doesn't look at her. "I didn't hear anything."

"You were right there!" Baya's voice cracks. "Tatta said it! You were right across the hall! You had to hear something—"

"I didn't," Chishiya interrupts again, more firmly this time. "That room was soundproof. It was on purpose."

Baya freezes.

"That hotel had several levels," he continues. "Some were standard. Others were used for certain games—some of them were modified for isolation and interrogation. It was a coincidence you ended up in one of those rooms. You could scream all night in there and no one would hear a thing."

Her breath stutters. She lifts her hands to her face and presses them against her eyes like they can push the memory out. Her shoulders shake slightly. When she lowers her hands, her eyes are wet.

He stares at her. Then, without a word, he reaches for the table, grabs the small tin she knows he keeps cookies in, and silently holds it out to her.

She blinks at it, a tear slipping down her cheek.

"Seriously?" she mumbles. "You think a cookie is gonna fix that?"

"I didn't say it would," he mutters. "It's just what I have."

She sniffles. Her gaze flicks from his blank face to the cookies. Then she shoves the tin away and lunges forward instead, arms flinging around him.

He makes a startled noise, stiffens immediately.

"Don't pull away," she whispers.

He doesn't. He stays perfectly still, letting her cling to him, her forehead pressed into his shoulder, her tears soaking into his shirt. After a second, his hands hover awkwardly in the air—before finally lowering to wrap loosely around her.

"I'm sorry," he says.

"For what? If you didn't hear anything, it's not your fault you didn't do anything about it."

"That's... well, yes, but..." he stammers, an unusual habit for Chishiya. "You'll remember more. And some of it's worse. But some of it's not. Some of it is... good. Still, I'm sorry. Really sorry."

"For?" She asks again.

"Like I said, you deserve to know everything what happened, but are you sure you want to know it all in one night? Everything? This was already a lot to handle and—"

"I want to remember at least the suit cards," she says. "At least the entirety of that."

"If you promise not to give up on me. You'll hate me for what happened during the suit cards. The face cards will make me seem tolerable again. As long as we skip the heart games, at least."

"I want to remember, Chishiya. All of it."

"Don't fall back into—"

"—the old cycle?" She thinks about the days at Hamada's again. How she lay in bed all day, doing nothing. How she ruined her psychology course. How she lost her jobs babysitting kids. "I won't. This is what I've been wanting the entire time. Something was missing. And here it is. I can't let it slide, no matter how bad it is."

●・○・●・○・●

She almost takes those words back when she remembers everything from beginning to end. From how she hid in the toilets to meeting Arisu, Usagi, Kuina, and Chishiya in a subway station. From meeting Tatta to Chishiya burning Niragi. From the betrayal to shooting people on the roof.

"It's worse than I thought," she says quietly. "You left me with him. You knew who he was. You knew what he wanted."

"I did," he admits. "I've replayed that night more times than I can count. I remember deciding it was the smartest route. I knew Niragi had tendencies." He looks up at her. There's no mask on his face. No smirk. "I told him to just kill you because that somehow seemed more human than what he actually did, but all of us in that room knew he would never do that. It was my useless attempt to make things right, even though that's impossible." He pauses for a moment. "I am sorry, Baya. I can't undo what I did, but I would if I could."

She looks up at him, eyes brimming with tears. "You can't."

"I know."

"I don't forgive you."

"I know that too."

Her heart feels like it's crumbling in her chest, piece by piece. "And what about after?" she asks. "You acted like nothing happened. You never said sorry."

"I know. That's why I need you to just trust me. I apologized during the King of Spades' first attack. It was a poor apology, but still. Things got better after that. So please, stay with me until you remember everything. I can't take away your pain. I won't ask you to forgive me. Just remember."

They sit there like two ghosts. Between them, silence reigns. Pain. Rage. Truth. It all hums below the quiet.

Baya's body trembles, but she doesn't leave. Because for better or worse, she indeed wants to remember it all.

"Do you want the next one?" He asks.

Baya wipes her eyes. Her voice is hoarse. "Tomorrow. I need sleep. Need to think about this. It's just... Niragi said he didn't remember me when we met. And still, he had the intention to take advantage of me. That's when he remembered. He said deep connections like that—physically deep connections—makes us remember. So all this time, I've been surrounded by you two. You both knew what you had done to me and yet you still..." She cuts herself off with a silent wince.

"Did you already know me when you called my name for the appointment in the hospital?"

"Yes. I'm a cardiovascular surgeon, Baya. Not a cardiologist. I normally don't perform checkups. Just surgeries. But I recognized your name and mingled my way into becoming your doctor."

Her stomach flutters. "That's... determination but creepy."

"I didn't know Niragi was your housemate but hearing about the tea rung a bell, especially after you explained how you met him."

"You showed zero response when we realized what he'd been doing to the tea and me," she points out. "So I don't know what growth between us you're talking about, but it seems like you still don't care that much."

"I didn't remember everything back then. I still don't, but I remember more now. I remember significant moments that changed my point of view."

"Like what?"

"I'm not telling you about those. You need to find out for yourself," he mutters. "Also, I have something for you."

She waits in silence as he once again walks upstairs. Her hands work to wipe her tears away, then press against her chest to steady it. The memories were worse than she imagined them do be, and somehow it hits harder to remember them again, than actually living in the moment.

When Chishiya returns, he's holding a camera.

She stares, so shocked that even her jaw is incapable of dropping.

"This was my first hint towards you after my coma. In the Borderlands, we recorded something on this camera. Since it was a coma, the actual footage never made it. But once, the camera started filming, and we mumbled in our comas. The same things we said in the Borderlands. I recognized our names and a few other words. And when I found the King of Diamonds card, I was determined to keep figuring things out."

"And then you somehow managed to get my phone number and stalked my Instagram like a creep. And the messages also terrified me. Why didn't you just talk to me in real life? You were already my doctor when you started messaging me about the camera."

"I have no clear reason for that," he answers. "I think I wanted to be careful. Wanted to gauge your reaction. Had to make sure we got to know each other before I told you I'm the one who texted you."

"Alright," Baya sniffles, eyes glassy but sharp. "I somehow still feel safe around you. Why do I still feel like you're the only person I can trust, even after all this? After everything you did?"

"Because your body subconsciously knows about the face cards. About what happened there."

With a final sigh, she stands up. "I'm going to sleep," she says. Her legs feel like concrete.

He watches her silently as she moves toward the stairs, her footsteps dragging. "If I have a nightmare," she mumbles, "will you come upstairs? Because I feel like this will haunt me."

"Okay."

She nods, and continues her climb.

●・○・●・○・●

Baya doesn't sleep. Not really. Her body shuts down, but her brain doesn't. Images flash behind her closed eyes in a loop. The geysers. The gun. The blood on Tatta's face. The numbness that spread through her when she realized she couldn't move her own limbs. Niragi's mouth. Niragi's hands. The hotel room. The soundproof walls.

She wakes up hours later, unsure of whether she ever truly slipped into sleep. Her eyes sting. Her chest feels heavy. And her bed feels cold.

Despite everything, despite the betrayal and the bitterness, her body reaches out instinctively for comfort, for someone to hold. For arms that won't come. So she slips out of bed.

Hair tangled, eyes dull, oversized shirt hanging off one shoulder. That's how she stands in front of Chishiya's bedroom door.

"Can't sleep?"

"No. I just keep thinking." Her voice cracks slightly. "Can you cone with me?"

He hesitates only a second before stepping towards her bedroom. She sits on the edge of the bed, curling her knees into her chest. "I know it's weird," she says, not looking at him. "I remember a lot now and I still want to be near you. It doesn't make sense."

"It's not weird," he says, closing the door. "It's just... complicated."

She lets out a shaky breath. "I hate that I trust you."

He sits down beside her, leaving space between them. "You miss what we became during the face cards," he says. "Not what I was before that. Your body doesn't know how to process the contradiction."

She leans against him then. Not a full cling, but a lean. A test.

He lets her. "I admire you. Even though Niragi did horrible things to you, you're still guiding people to make physical contact with you. It's... I don't know, powerful, in some ways."

She lets out a humorless laugh. "It doesn't feel powerful. It feels pathetic. Like I'm still begging people to hold me so I don't fall apart."

"You're remembering. That alone is massive. Most people would numb it out. Or run from it. You didn't."

"I tried," she admits. "When I lived with Hamada, I tried so hard to ignore it. Slept through days. Didn't eat. Didn't shower. Didn't even leave my room unless she forced me to."

"You were forgetting everything—connection, joy, instinct."

She closes her eyes. "Do you think if we hadn't remembered anything, it would've been easier?"

"Probably," he says. "But we also wouldn't have found each other again. I wouldn't have volunteered to be your doctor."

"I don't know if that's a good thing."

He doesn't argue. He doesn't try to fix it. He just sits beside her in the dark, her figure leaning gently against his.

"I'm sorry for what I said earlier," she whispers after a while. "I meant it. I don't forgive you. Not yet. But I also didn't mean to say it like that. I know you've changed. I think I just needed to say it out loud."

"You had every right to say it however you wanted," he answers. "There's nothing you could say that would hurt me more than the truth already does."

There's a long silence again. Then softly, barely audible, "Can you lie down with me? Just for a little."

Chishiya hesitates, but only to scan her face, to see how much she needs it.

Then, silently, he nods. He shifts onto the bed, lying on top of the blanket beside her. She curls in slowly, cautiously, pressing her forehead to his shoulder. Her fingers ghost along the fabric of his shirt like she's afraid he'll vanish if she doesn't hold on somehow.

"I don't think I'll sleep," she mumbles.

"You don't have to," he says.

She exhales a little deeper. "Thank you."

●・○・●・○・●

🂱 — A/N: Sometimes I read fanfics and, no matter the love interest, I get so confused when there are no deep/psychological conversations between the two characters. It's fine if those aren't included but to me, it feels like the most realistic and meaningful relationships form out of those conversations

Just wanted to share that

Also, I keep forgetting chapter 24 exists. Like, first of all, Chishiya accepted his fate and was awake for five hours while Baya slept on top of him. Then, when she woke up, they had a long conversation while she was STILL on top of him. Not even mentioning the fact she was caressing his collar bone, resting on his chest, kept their legs intertwined, blah blah blah. Baya barely noticed how touchy she was being because idk, she's sort of used to that, but obviously Chishiya felt it and he did not push her off 🙌

And sorry if this was fast-paced!! It's just that I changed my mind. First, I planned for the alternate version to include no joker, but I've changed my mind about that and got some amazing ideas

My only hint is "150"