PARIS CHECKED HIS PHONE, DEXTER READING OVER HIS SHOULDER as a new group message popped up. They had been mid-way through a mind-boggling Christopher Nolan movie that Paris didn't quite get, and in all honestly was grateful for the break. Typically, Dexter and Paris had sleepovers on Thursday night, then woke up and did a movie marathon all of Friday, but their lazy day was being interrupted by Paris' jingling phone. 

"It's from Theo..." Paris glanced at his boyfriend. "Do you want me to put it down?"  

"Go ahead," Dexter smiled, reaching over and pausing the TV. "Tenet can wait." 

Thank God. Paris opened the message. 

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NEW GROUP CHAT
Sassy Pants, Hurricane, Tiny Dancer

Sassy Pants: guys, something happened with Naoki. 

Hurricane: huh? why isn't she on the chat? 

Sassy Pants: she had a nightmare. But it was super fckn trippy? she doesn't remember anything. 

Hurricane: the fuck

Sassy Pants: it's got to be Illias. 

Hurricane: that son of a fucking whore ass bitch. I'll kill him. 

what happened to her exactly?

you're freaking me out, dude

Sassy Pants: she woke up this morning screaming. idrk what happened 
but clearly she's not having a good time. she didn't remember anything. 
it was like meeting naoki from a year ago or something. she doesn't 
remember her dad. she barely remembered me. 

Hurricane: can we come over? is she good?

Sassy Pants: can't tell. i don't wanna tell the parents because you remember
what happened last time. 

Hurricane: u right. keep it on the dl. we'll meet at the park? 

Sassy Pants: yeah. paris, dex, you guys don't have to come, we can fill you in. 

we're coming, dick. let me get my shoes on

Sassy Pants: k. see u in ten. 
thanks guys

Hurricane: duh. she's our friend too

Sassy Pants liked a message. 

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"Well," Dexter said, eyes wide. "That's not good." 

"Yeah," Paris rubbed the back of his neck. "I'm sorry, Dex. Looks like no movie morning." 

Dexter gave him a soft, crooked smile. "We have plenty more. Let's get moving." 

Paris kissed his cheek, then offered a hand to help him stand. "We got a psychopath to beat the shit out of." 

XANDRA KNEW IT WAS CLICHE, BUT SHE COULDN'T HELP IT. She had always seen it in movies, and it looked satisfying as hell. As soon as Naoki had broken up with him, and he'd taken it badly, Xandra had tacked a dartboard with Illias Cross' face taped to it. 

Now she stormed to the kitchen, yanked a steak knife from the drawer, and hurled it. The hilt of the knife wobbled dangerously, sprouting from Illias's smug school photo blown up to fit the dartboard. 

Normally, her mother would've lost her shit, seeing the way the apartment was. Wrappers scattered everywhere, chip bags floating around the carpet, knives riddled in the walls with various different peoples' faces chopped up behind it. (Listen: you should try knife throwing sometime. It's addicting.) 

But this was Xandra's place, not her mom's. She'd bought it, all on her own. The first trip she'd taken to Mirage was jarring, a shock of fantasy that woke her up to reality. She had realized just how much of her life she was wasting. After that, a job was lined up quickly. Xandra was highly qualified for a lot of things, once she put her mind to it, and it turned out she was an excellent DJ. Fast reflexes, speedy track switches, and an intelligence for music made Xandra one of the best DJ's most people had seen. She was even getting semi-famous on TikTok and other platforms, and was considering writing her own music. She'd even been hired by King's High for proms and homecomings, which had been fun as an alumni. 

Her little jobs piled up into big jobs, and soon she was working for radio stations and running a Pandora radio of her own. Her hard work began to pay off, and at the age of 18, she was living alone, completely independent of her mom, though still occasionally in touch. 

But Xandra would've sold all this freedom if it meant Naoki could escape whatever hell she was back in. 

It had been such a shock that it was Illias Cross, of all people, to go psycho on them. Especially on Naoki. But Xandra and Naoki had always been the closest, even when Naoki and Theo began to spend a little more time alone than usual, and Xandra was privy to more secrets than the rest. In retrospect, it really wasn't all that crazy at all. 

The first thing she did after reading Theo's texts was to call Naoki, shoving her shoes on as the ringer went. 

"Naoki." 

"Xandra, hey," Naoki said, her voice wary and distant. "Everything good?" 

"Naoki, how old are you right now?" Xandra asked, fumbling for her keys as she locked the door behind her. 

"Um. I'm seventeen why--" 

"No, you're not. Jesus Christ, Naoki, you're not seventeen. Have you looked in a mirror since you woke up?" 

"N-no-- Xandra what the hell do you mean, I'm not seventeen? Are you high at ten in the morning?" Naoki's voice was high and thin, brittle, as if it were about to snap at any moment. 

Xandra ran down the stairs, two at a time. "Naoki, I'm eighteen. You're nineteen. It's twenty-twenty-four." 

There was a breathless silence on the other end of the phone. "That's not possible." 

"You're coming to the park, with Theo, right?" Xandra said calmly. She felt bad for dropping something like this on Naoki, but she had to confirm it herself. "I'll explain everything there. Trust me. You're gonna be okay." 

Naoki took a shaky breath. "Y-yeah. Yes. See you there." 

Xandra hung up the phone, dread sinking in her stomach. Fuck. As soon as she read Theo's texts, she'd had her suspicions, but this was worse than what she thought. 

Xandra burst through the door of her lobby, into the morning sun, blinking rapidly. She sprinted off for Central Park, weaving between tourists, and desperately hoping for some chance that everything she thought was wrong. 

"WE BROKE UP," Naoki announced, standing in Xandra's doorway, looking worn and exhausted. "Finally." 

She staggered into the living room, collapsing on the couch. Xandra put an arm around her, squeezing her close, resting her chin in Naoki's blue hair. 

"About fucking time," she said. "What happened?" 

"I went over to his place, like he asked. God," Naoki covered her eyes, her shoulders tight and tense, her hands shaking. "Xandra, he was going to propose. I know it. He had a fancy dinner all set up, he told me to dress nice... He was going to propose. Isn't that crazy?" 

"You're nineteen, what the hell?" Xandra spat, jolting up. "He wanted to propose to you? What in the--" 

"I told you, he's been acting off. Everything is so weird. And I told him I needed space. I wasn't going to dump him, not right away. But Xands-- he flipped out. He went feral. Shaking, screaming. And I--" her voice broke. "I did it to him. And I have no clue how to fix it." 

"You didn't do anything wrong, Naoki," Xandra comforted. "That's not your fault how he reacted." 

"No," she sat up, pushing Xandra away. "No, it really is my fault. I'm not being... emotional. I made him like this." 

Xandra froze. She knew Naoki too well. Self-pity wasn't her thing, and neither was over exaggeration. She was telling the truth. "What?" 

Naoki looked exhausted, the dark circles under her eyes deepening in the dim light of Xandra's flat. "The first time I met him, I had the biggest crush. He was so sweet, so kind. And so happy. I wanted him to love me, because if he loved me, he could show me how to be just as happy." 

"You're happy," Xandra said, but she meant it as a question. "Weren't you happy, Naoki?" 

"Not particularly. I was frustrated with the fact that I wasn't as happy as I felt I should've been. Teenagers are always so dissatisfied, but I was dissatisfied with my own dissatisfaction. Isn't that funny," Naoki looked anything but funny in this moment, Xandra's green strobe light making her look sickly and gray. 

"But when I saw Illias, he was everything. Perfect, I thought, and if I could have him, that meant I was perfect too. So I followed him, in Mirage." 

"You didn't," Xandra knew where this was going. "That's why you and Theo--" 

Naoki nodded. "I always knew how to do it. I always knew that I could... change people. I just didn't think it was real. I convinced myself that I was just showing them a better option. And maybe that's how it works. But this is..." 

She shook herself. "Right. Well, I followed him. And in his dream, I... convinced him. To love me. It was just a seed, just a mention of a thought. Something in passing. I pretended I was dropping off his homework, and told him he was beautiful. The next day, he couldn't stop staring at me. It worked." 

"And then..." Xandra prompted carefully. 

"And then it kept working. And it got out of control. Senior year, that was the bad year. He wouldn't let me go anywhere without him, not even Mirage. All his training with Dad was just to suck up to him. He wanted to ensure that I would never be able to leave, because my parents loved him so much. He always knew where I was, he always followed me into places he thought was dangerous, which was basically everywhere. So I tried to unconvince him." 

"Naoki," Xandra covered her mouth with a hand. "Why didn't you tell anyone?" 

"Xandra, I possessed Illias. I forced him into loving me for four years," Naoki had tears dripping down her cheeks. They glowed green in the light. "That's fucking sick. I couldn't face the guilt of you knowing while I was--" 

She broke off, choking. 

Xandra hugged her fiercely, squeezing her tightly in her arms. "You made a mistake. It was a scary, kinda girl boss mistake, but you didn't mean it." 

Naoki sniffled. "Sometimes I did." 

"Well, sometimes I make the mistake of being nice to Theo, but we all can't be perfect," Xandra conceded. 

Naoki laughed, hiccuping. 

"Now tell the rest of the story, get your cries out, and then we can go file a restraining order," Xandra smiled, smoothing down Naoki's blue hair. 

Naoki squeezed her hand. "Well. I tried to go into his dream, and plant the seed of just... seeing me differently. I'm not the same Naoki as I was before. I even dyed my hair to show him so. But I... I didn't realise how strong the idea of loving me had become. It was a monster, taking place in his head, a huge black thing made out of shadows. It was horrible." 

"So what did you do?" 

"I tried to kill it. But Illias came in, and he fought me. Kicked me out of his dream, and I nearly fell into a pit." 

Xandra bit her lip. "That would've been..." 

"I know." Naoki took a deep, shuddering breath. "So I apologised, I told him I just got scared of being so close with him. There was nothing else I could do. But you and Theo and Paris and Dex... you all convinced me to break up with him. And here we are." 

"Did he go psycho? Totally crazy?" Xandra asked, concerned. 

"He nearly foamed at the mouth," Naoki admitted, laughing a little. "In hindsight, it's kinda funny. But it was so... not Illias. Like the black thing I put in him had taken over. He was furious. I ran as fast as I could." 

Xandra sucked in a breath. "This is bad. You should definitely stay here for a while. If you're not at your parents' place, I think he'll leave them alone." 

Naoki nodded. "I hope so. Thanks, Xandra." 

"No problem. You can borrow some of my pyjamas," she winked. "I know you've been eyeing my Spider-Man ones." 

"I can't resist. I never knew I needed a Spider-Man onesie until you wore it to our girl's night," Naoki laughed, laying her head on Xandra's shoulder. "You're the best." 

"I know. So what are we going to do about He Who Must Not Be Named?" Xandra rested her cheek on Naoki's head. 

"I don't know," Naoki sighed. "But for tonight let's just pretend he doesn't exist, and we can all live in peace for a while." 

"All right, fine," Xandra smirked. "So, Miss Newly Single. What's up with you and Sun-Laurent?" 

Xandra could feel the heat of Naoki's blush on her shoulder, through her sleeve. "Xandra Cho!" 

"Just asking!" 

NAOKI'S HEAD HURT. Everything felt inverted, like the world was doing the opposite of what it was supposed to be, just to fuck with her. 

She gripped Theo's hand as he led her down the streets, disoriented and dizzy from the blinding light reflecting off buildings and glass. 

"It's gonna be okay," Theo murmured. "We'll figure it out together." 

Naoki nodded blindly. Maybe she could have handled all this, just in her tiny apartment, crowded with people who she knew loved her, and people who she knew she loved. 

But Xandra's call had shaken her. The last conversation Naoki remembered with Xandra was tense words and strange animosity. But when Naoki had picked up the phone, Xandra's voice was warm, concerned, and full of love. 

Just how much did Naoki really know? Her head was spinning. 

"There they are," Theo said, pulling her between the two stone walls that blocked off the park's entrance. 

Paris, Dexter, and Xandra stood in a huddle, clearly worried, and waved anxiously at the two. 

Naoki couldn't stop staring. 

Paris had shot up even taller than before, now towering over all of them. Dexter's face looked rounder, healthier, and much more happy. He stood with a dancer's grace, and the confidence of a lion. Paris looked more open, shoulders back, ready to take on the world with a happy smile instead of a witty retort. Their hands were intertwined, and Paris was sporting a little neatly trimmed beard. They looked so grown. 

Xandra looked the most changed, though. Her skin was luminescent, but not with the disco light kind of glow she used to have. This was full of afternoon sun and long laughs. She had smile lines around her eyes, and her brown skin was shimmery. She no longer looked like that haunted, eerily pretty doll who danced all night to hide her pain. She looked like sheet music, like every thing she did was a song waiting to happen. 

Naoki couldn't understand it. They looked like adults. A year gone and they had grown up so much. 

Naoki pulled out her phone, ignoring the notifications. She didn't want to know who might be contacting her. Instead she swiped into the camera app. 

Blue hair. Black roots growing through. Sunken eyes, smile lines that matched Xandra's. Sharper cheekbones, sallow cheeks. She looked middle-aged around the eyes, even though her lips still carried the youth of a young adult. Despite that, she looked worn down, soft around the edges, limp. Growing up had been so good for the others, but Naoki had been grown for a long time. 

Naoki looked at them from afar. She glanced back at Theo. Slight moustache, soft eyes, kind hands. Even he had changed from the wise-cracking, ever-flinching little boy he had been. 

She swallowed. 

"C'mon," Theo said softly. "We can do this." 

Naoki hoped that they could. 

author's note

look, i'm sorry, okay?

ily, you guys <3