𝟏𝟏𝟗.               𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐮𝐧

A/N
The time has come . . .
Proceed with caution as tears were shed in the making of this chapter!

☀︎ 𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐥𝐲𝐧'𝐬 𝐩𝐨𝐯

𝖨 𝖪𝖭𝖤𝖶 𝖢𝖤𝖫𝖤𝖡𝖱𝖠𝖳𝖨𝖭𝖦 𝖮𝖴𝖱 𝖶𝖨𝖭 𝖳𝖮𝖮 𝖤𝖠𝖱𝖫𝖸 𝖶𝖮𝖴𝖫𝖣 𝖢𝖮𝖬𝖤 𝖡𝖠𝖢𝖪 𝖠𝖭𝖣 𝖡𝖨𝖳𝖤 𝖴𝖲 𝖨𝖭 𝖳𝖧𝖤 𝖠𝖲𝖲．I just didn't know it would come back and bite in the form of Chandler fucking Groff who, as far as I was concerned, was trapped in the bottom of a fucking well with no way of escaping. I thought we'd left him for dead and now he's holding me at knifepoint.

If I struggle too much, the knife will end up doing more harm than good. Though, if I don't fight, I'll hate myself for not trying. "Get off me!" I scream, squirming against the grip he has on me, wanting this bastard so far away from me, it's crazy. "JJ!"

Please hear me. Please fucking hear me.

"Brooke!" I release a shaky breath, relieved to hear his voice but afraid of what he's going to face when he walks in here. "Brooke!" I watch him run in to where Groff and I stand, instantly going to close the door as he only thinks it's only us and that by closing the door, we'll be protected.

"JJ!" He spins around at the shriek in my tone, eyes catching onto the scene before him, and I watch as the dread coats him, as he realises that we aren't protected like he had hoped.

"JJ!" Groff taunts, keeping the knife securely at my throat. I've tried elbowing, kicking, punching but I can't escape, the obvious manic state he's in aiding him in keeping me secure.

JJ moves towards us immediately. "Let her go," he demands, tone laced with fury as we did not come this far to be knocked down by fucking Chandler Groff.

"Ah, ah, ah." Tilting the knife up into my jaw, JJ comes to a slow, staying back as he knows Groff won't hesitate to drag the knife across my throat this time around. "Stop it right there. Don't move. You know what I want." Groff holds out his other hand, and my eyes flicker to the crown that JJ holds, realising our single moment of joy is about to be crushed. "Give it to me."

JJ's eyes flicker from the crown to me, and I cry out, feeling the knife nick my jaw in the same place it had weeks before when I was in the exact same position. "Let her go," JJ reiterates.

"You could've stuck with me, JJ. Think what you could've had." He chuckles, the sound too close to my ear for my liking, but I can't get away, so I instead keep my eyes focused JJ, needing to sketch out every part of him in my mind just in case this is the end. I don't want to forget that face, not in the afterlife. "Now, y-you're going to get nothing. Nothing."

JJ looks away, eyes latching onto the crown that is supposed to save us, that's supposed to save our house and our future. It's supposed to be our ticket to freedom, to a life we've always craved, to us exploring the world and loving each other in the process. It was supposed to save us.

Now we're losing, staring at a crown that should solve our prayers and wishes, but we've instead been dealt another horrifying blow. Except, this one hits a little too hard as we thought all this life-or-death business would be over once that crown was in our hands.

Oh, how naive we were to think such a thing.

He sniffles, head bobbing in a way that confirms he's made a decision. "No." He brings his eyes off the crown, blue greeting brown like it always, always does. "I already have everything. I have everything I've ever wanted. Things that you'll never have." A beat of silence passes between father and son, but JJ's eyes continue to hold mine. "You want the crown? Sure, take it. Take it. I don't want it. Just let her go."

"Hold it out," Groff instructs, beginning to move forward with me in his grasp, going to reach the crown in JJ's hand. "Hold it out. Come on."

Holding the crown out towards his father, Groff grabs it harshly whilst shoving me away and straight into JJ's arms where I'm spun away from Groff instantaneously. "I got you," he utters, holding me in a tight, much-needed embrace. I let myself cry for a moment as I hold on with all the strength I have, afraid of letting go as I thought I'd lose this. I thought I wouldn't get to hold him again. "I got you, baby."

"I-I love you," I breathe out, pushing my hands into his hair while his hands find their usual spot against my back. "I love you. Thank you."

"JJ." JJ tenses in my arms at the sound of his name coming from his father who has, for some reason, inched closer to us. Carefully and reluctantly, JJ pulls back and away from our embrace before turning to face the man responsible for all this shit we've been dealt.

I move to his side, preferring to take his hand rather than stand behind him like a coward when I'm not afraid of Groff, not in the slightest. He can threaten me all he wants, but he cannot scare me. I won't let myself be fearful of him, not when he's nothing but an inconsiderate, little shell of a man.

We both look to Groff, and while JJ holds the eyes that supposedly resemble his, my eyes flicker down, taking in the crown that he's holding onto with one hand. I tilt my head, questioning where his other hand is, finding that, instead of it holding the crown, it's clenched at his side towards his back.

My eyes lift again, and a thought crosses my mind as he looks towards his son, something sinister and... envious in his expression as he utters his final words, "It's a shame. You and me."

It happens quickly.

Death sometimes does.

Turns out it happens even faster when you don't hesitate and you just accept it.

That's what I do.

I accept it.

Aware of what Groff is going to do, I cast a final glance at JJ, one thing becoming perfectly clear. I need to protect him, so with as much strength as I can muster, I squeeze his hand for the last time before I shove him as hard as I can. I watch him stumble over his own feet before he regains his footing, only to find me slotting into the place he was supposed to be in, being dealt the blow that he was supposed to be dealt.

But I couldn't let it happen.

I couldn't let him get hurt.

The knife that was previously at my throat, that was supposedly tucked away out of sight, out of mind, lifts and pierces my skin rather than the skin of the boy Groff set out to kill. My mouth gapes, the sensation unlike anything I've ever felt in my life, and I stare forward at Groff through hooded eyes, and if I'm not mistaken, I think I shock him, so much so that the knife is only imbedded in my lower stomach for a second.

Though, let's face it, it's a second too long.

"No!" JJ screams, charging forward just as Groff steps back with a bloodied knife in hand, looking like he's just been smacked in the face, and I take great pride in being the one to surprise him, in knowing that he thought he would get the chance to kill the entire Genrette bloodline but I, Brooklyn Routledge, stopped him.

JJ doesn't chase Groff as he begins to move away, not that I expected him to. Instead, and before I hit the ground, he goes to grab me, lowering me down gently and back against a wooden post. "Fuck," I whine, squeezing my eyes shut as a searing string ignites low in my stomach. "Being stabbed actually does hurt."

"No, no, no," JJ cries, looking like the literal definition of a broken boy, and I let myself feel guilty for causing him to feel this way, for bringing pain to those eyes that I've sketched into my memory. "You're okay, Sunny. Y-You're okay. Just keep looking at me, baby, alright?"

As if I'd look anywhere but at him.

But he can't be looking at me, not right now. I won't allow it. I refuse to let him watch me die.

"J-JJ," I push out, feeling a thickness in my throat, tasting something metallic on my tongue that I recall tasting after Groff hurt me the first time. "Y-You gotta look... look away."

He knows why I'm insisting that he looks away, but admitting that truth is something that JJ will not do, not in this lifetime.

His eyes hold mine, tears clouding the blue. "No, no, no! You are not dying. You're gonna be okay."

"W-We took a vow. You──"

"Fuck the vow," he snaps. "You are not dying on me." His hand goes to hold my neck softly, fingertips pressing to my pulse, and I fear he's going to feel the exact moment that beat stops, and that thought scares me more than dying. I need him to look away, but I know he's just going to keep refusing the vow we took over two years ago, swearing to the other that we wouldn't die, not in front of each other. "It's okay, Sunny. It's okay, I promise. Just l-let me see it, baby."

"L-Like I have a choice," I utter lightly, letting my hands fall away from the gash on my lower stomach that bleeds through my clothes. JJ's hands shake as he lowers them to the wound, pressing down ever so slightly. I cry out, body jerking as the pain throbs, seeming to worsen with the pressure. "Shit."

"I-I'm sorry," he sobs, bringing his hands back slowly, but I can see that he wants to press down again as an attempt to stop the bleeding, but the pain is unbearable, so unbearable that I'm starting to feel lightheaded and sick, the pressure too much for me to handle. "I-I need to stop the bleeding. I-I can..."

"JJ," I stutter, squeezing my eyes shut again as if to try and relieve some of the pain but nothing can fix this ache. Seeing nothing but darkness behind closed lids, another cry lurches out of me as this is all I'll be seeing very soon.

"You're okay, Sunny. You're okay," he repeats, dragging his thumb against the pulse point in my neck, checking for the beat that will only grow fainter and fainter while my body begins to give out on me.

Brown meets blue in the most heartbreaking of ways as I find my words, knowing I should keep talking despite how exhausting it seems. "I-I'm scared of dying."

He knows that. Everybody knows that. I recall a memory of JJ and I discussing our fears, of us both deciding that dying is scary, that being alone for the rest of your life is scary. Now, facing death, I can say that I really am just as scared as I imagined myself being because I'm unaware of what's to come next. The unknown is frightening.

Dying means being alone.

Dying means making my biggest fear come true.

Dying means leaving him── the boy I've loved for eleven years, the love of my life, my future husband, my muse. Dying means leaving the boy who offered me his heart to treasure in the same way he's treasured mine. Dying means no more sketches of him will ever be drawn, not with these hands. Dying means never waking up to his tired face, means never falling asleep beside him after a long day, and means never holding his eyes in all aspects of life.

Dying means he will only have memories of me. He will never have the chance to hold, touch or kiss me again. Dying means I am the selfish one, leaving behind a boy who has always been afraid of being alone, but I couldn't stomach watching him die, not when he is the most deserving of life.

I hope everybody can understand it. I hope everybody can understand why I shoved him away, why I chose to have that knife embedded in my skin rather than his. I hope everybody can understand that, while it's scary, I will accept my death because I have to as I made my choice.

I hope, after however long, everybody can understand this.

I'm terrified to die, I really am.

Dying means leaving my brother who has been right there beside me since... birth. Dying means he will one day sit at a birthday cake full of candles that only he will blow out. Dying means never calling him out and making fun of him for the smallest of things. Dying means never receiving the warmest, safest hugs I've ever been offered. Dying means he will be without his twin, without the person he came into this world with, without his other half, without his best friend.

He'll be mad at me, I know that, and he'll probably have a thousand questions, but he'll grow to understand that I would've shoved him out of the way too had he been faced with a knife.

I'd give my life for any of them, that much is true.

For Sarah, for my sister-in-law, I'd do anything and everything to keep her safe, to keep my future niece or nephew safe even though I won't get to meet them, not anymore, but I know that kid will be loved in more ways than one. I know they'll talk about me in a few years to that kid, and many tears will be shed, but they'll understand.

Everybody will understand.

Kiara, while mad in the beginning and hellbent on revenge, will come to terms with my death, instead choosing to remember all those parts of me that she loved because, once upon a time, I loved Kiara in such a fierce way, in a way that could be mistaken for more than friends, but the truth is... Kiara was always my best friend, my ride-or-die, my girl. That's what she'll remember once she understands why I'm here, why I'm in such a state.

Pope will accept it. Again, he'll initially be mad, just like everybody else, but he'll mourn in a way that nobody else will. I can't explain it, but I sense that when push comes to shove, Pope will learn to accept and grow, instead trying to be there for everybody else rather than focusing on his feelings, and I admire that. He'll focus on something that will make me proud like going back to school, doing everything possible to make a name for himself because he's my boy genius.

While we haven't always been as close as the others, Cleo will be just as hellbent on avenging me as the rest, insisting on coming to my recuse like I'm not going to be six feet under. She'll do everything in her power to make sure my death was not for nothing, not that nobody else will, I just think she'll show how much we respected and cared for one another in a different kind of way.

For Emory, my future sister-in-law, I'd go as far as saying that she became a best friend. At first, yes, we were hostile towards one another, unaware of the truth we'd have to face in the months to come, but when the time came, she confided in me out of everybody else, and that night she revealed she had the harshest of scars and I listened to her cry, I loved her and wanted nothing more than to protect her. Dying means leaving behind a girl who has made me laugh so unbelievably hard, who's made me cry out of frustration, upset, and joy.

Again, she'll understand that to protect her, I needed to protect JJ as they're going to need each other when my eyes never open again. I know JJ is going to need somebody to cling onto no matter how much he resists, and he will resist, but I know Emory's got my back, she always has, so she'll push against his restraints as hard as she can until he accepts help.

Like I said, everybody will learn to understand. It'll take some time, especially when they return home to a girl that I promised I'd come home too, and I will, just not in the form she had hoped. I'll be watching over her, she knows that, and while I'll have broken her heart before she turns seven, she won't be alone as I know everybody will take care of that kid for me.

Dying is scary. Really, really scary.

Dying means leaving forever.

"You're not dying," JJ insists, seeming to rival against my dazed mind as he begins to rip at his clothing. "You're not dying, baby. N-Not today, not ever, okay?" His head shakes vigorously, refusing to accept that there is quite literally no coming back from this. "You're not dying. I'm not letting you leave me. I-I'm not── Fuck, Sunny, there's no me without you, baby." A pained sob rips out of him, and I hate that I've caused him this pain, but he'd be worse off had I not shoved him away. I had to push him away from that knife. "You're okay, Sunny. I've got you, alright? I've always got you."

I cough, the metallic taste on my tongue starting to irritate my throat. "I've got you," he cries, hand shaking as I watch him fold the fabric of his shirt into a square. "This i-is gonna hurt, okay, b-but only... only for a second, I-I promise, Sunny." Before I have the chance to make any kind of objection, he presses the clothing against my wound, bringing an anguished scream out of me.

"JJ." I suck in a sharp breath but that only makes me feel worse, and with the press of his hand against the wound, I'm close to fainting. "JJ, i-it hurts. S-Stop, I──"

"I'm sorry," he whispers, his tone so featherlight that I barely hear it. "I-I'm sorry, baby. I'm sorry. I'm..." He exhales a heavy breath, pressing down a little harder against the gash, attempting to stop the bleeding, and another whine rips out of me. "Fuck. I'm sorry, Sunny. I-It shouldn't be you. It shouldn't be you," he mumbles, tears falling rapidly. "It shouldn't be you, baby. Why? W-Why is it you?"

Lifting my hand, my knuckles graze his hand that is pressing against the wound, and his glossed eyes meet mine, blue meeting a colour that is beginning to fade away. "I-I couldn't let you die," I tell him, voice cracking.

His head drops, his own noise of heartbreak falling past the lips that I swore to kiss at the alter one day. "N-No, don't..." He continues to shake his head, praying for all this to be a sick nightmare. "You're gonna be okay, Sunny. You aren't dying, I promise."

I let my eyes flicker away from him, peering down at the wound he's attempting to fix with his bare hands. I think about how, even in the worst case scenario, JJ Maybank always wants to try and fix everything, and I admire that about him, I do, but I don't think this can be salvaged.

He doesn't understand that I can't be saved, that there isn't a realm of possibility where this can be fixed by a single person, but JJ won't stop. He's going to try and save me because that's what he does best. He's been trying to save me for years. He's trying to save me not just for himself, but for our friends, for our family.

"John B!" He screams, a plead in his tone, and I think about what it's going to be like for my brother to see me like this, for the person who I entered this world with to walk in and find me like this, bleeding out in the same way our father did. Thinking about it now, I'll be seeing my dad very, very soon, and I don't even want to know what he's going to think.

What can I say, Dad? It was my time to go.

"Keep your eyes open, baby." JJ's voice is in my ears, though it's beginning to sound quieter than it did before. "Keep them open for me."

"I-I don't..." My head tilts to one side, feeling so unbelievably heavy, my ears starting to squeeze painfully while my eyelids droop from the sting. I'm slowly losing my senses, no longer feeling the roughness of JJ's hand against my fingertips. "I-I don't feel anything."

"It's okay, it's okay," he assures, continuing to press down on the wound as hard as he can. "John B! Pope!" JJ calls out, hoping he's loud enough for somebody to hear but God knows if our friends are anywhere near us. "Kiara!"

I know it's inevitable, but I don't want them to see me like this. I don't want anyone to see me like this── bleeding out, in pain, utterly broken, but JJ won't stop screaming out for them, won't stop crying out for somebody to come running, and won't stop begging for a bastard miracle.

"They're coming, Sunny." His other hand grasps my face in a harsh attempt to keep my eyes focused on him rather than on the darkness behind my eyelids that lead to a tunnel that I'm sure is awaiting my arrival. "You're gonna be okay, baby. They're coming, so you... so you keep your eyes on me, Sunshine. Don't you dare take those eyes off me, baby."

I fell in love with his eyes first, that's what I told Matilda, and now they're going to be the last thing my eyes ever see, though that's not so bad as I've always admired the colour of his eyes since I was eight years old.

A sharp pain ignites low in my stomach, bringing another cry out of me as I thought I was going numb. "Fuck," JJ curses, head shaking, and my vision blurs as I attempt to seek comfort in his eyes, but he's only focused on the wound, needing it to stop bleeding. "John B! Pope! Kiara!"

"J-JJ," I choke out. "JJ, can you..."

"Baby, it's okay," he interrupts, keeping one hand on my stomach and another on my face. "I've got you, beautiful. I've got you. You're okay. They're coming, I promise. We'll get you to a hospital. You're gonna be okay."

"JJ──" I swallow harshly, dying to get my words out because I need to say something. I can't have my final words be just a whisper of his name, not when I have a thousand and one things to say but not enough time to say it all. "M-My wish," I force out, and his teary eyes narrow on me, confusion sketched on his features.

"Sunny, just keep breathing, alright? It's──"

"My wish," I cry out, the pain beginning to subside, the numbness starting to bite at my legs. "M-My wish is... is f-for everyone t-to b-be okay. T-To save... To save our home, t-to have every... everyone be... everyone be okay."

"Brooke, what──"

"M-Make it come true," I push out, refusing to succumb to my injuries until I've gotten what I need to say out of my mouth.

"Baby, we will make it come true. You and me." My head tilts to one side but he lifts it back up, straightening me. "Emory! Sarah! Cleo!" JJ screams, voice breaking in the same way my heart currently is. "Fucking somebody, please!"

"P-Please take care of the others," I say, letting my eyes come to a close as the numbing makes its way up my thighs, moving to my stomach where I can no longer feel JJ pressing down. "Please take care of... of Matilda."

"No, Brooke. You're──"

"Tell everybody to look to the sun, JJ. That's where I'll be," I say, a hint of a smile on my lips as I recall what death is supposedly like, how it's like going to the sun. Well, that's at least how Matilda always saw it, and she'll understand it in that way when she finds that I am not coming home as me.

Besides, I suppose I've always belonged in the sun, right?

"Brooke, stop. You're gonna be fine. Y-You have to be fine. I-I won't──"

"T-Tell me your wish," I ask, voice barely a whisper. "P-Please." It'll settle my mind for a moment as I succumb to my injuries, so I need him to tell me.

"N-No. No, I'll tell you... I'll tell you later. I'll tell you when we're at the hospital, baby, alright?"

I groan, throat constricting as I swallow. "JJ, I-I won't..."

"You will. You will make it, Sunny. Don't you dare give up, not you." I think he presses down on the wound again, but I truly don't feel it this time around, and he can see that I don't feel it but that doesn't stop him from trying to fix me. "My girl doesn't give up. She's never given up. She fights. You are gonna fight, baby, do you hear me?"

I have never loved anyone as much as I love him.

"J──" I hum, attempting to lift my hand that is numbing, needing so badly to hold his face in my hand one final time. My eyes catch onto the two rings on my finger that press to JJ's tear-stained cheek, wishing so badly that I could call him my husband as I'm saying goodbye, but it's too late.

Instead, I choose to hold those eyes I've been in love with for most of my life, seeing him cry as he instinctively leans into my touch just as my final words fall past my lips.

"JJ, I don't think I'm gonna make the wedding."

A guttural noise is heard in my ears, the sound so foreign to me that I almost think I misheard it but it did, in fact, come from him. "You're gonna make the wedding," he utters, sniffling harshly, letting my hand fall from his face as he shifts closer, his arm coming around my back where I'm pulled away from the wooden pillar. "You're making the wedding, Sunny. You're not leaving me, I won't let you."

Whatever you say, Maybank.

"I love you, JJ."

The last thing I see are his eyes.

The last thing I hear is the shouts and cries of my friends, of my brother.

The last thing I smell is him.

The last thing I taste is blood.

And the last thing I feel is JJ's beating heart against my fingertips as I'm brought into his chest.

──────────────────────────