𝟎𝟔𝟔.                                              𝐜𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐥

just the two of us ──── grover washington, jr.

( if you've watched gilmore girls . . .
this chapter gives "i demand to go first" )

☀︎ 𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐥𝐲𝐧'𝐬 𝐩𝐨𝐯

𝖫𝖨𝖵𝖨𝖣 𝖠𝖳 𝖬𝖸 𝖡𝖱𝖮𝖳𝖧𝖤𝖱 𝖠𝖭𝖣 𝖥𝖠𝖳𝖧𝖤𝖱，𝖨 𝖥𝖮𝖱𝖬𝖴𝖫𝖠𝖳𝖤 𝖠 𝖢𝖱𝖠𝖹𝖸－𝖨𝖲𝖧 𝖯𝖫𝖠𝖭 𝖶𝖨𝖳𝖧 𝖳𝖧𝖤 𝖦𝖠𝖭𝖦．

Sarah informed us that she saw Rafe at Tannyhill which, of course, was just music to my ears... not. He was supposedly on the phone with Ward, continuously saying, "This is my thing", and Sarah assumed he was talking about cross. Rafe then went on to say that he's coming into Wilmington tonight at eight o'clock as the cross is being shipped by train to Raleigh from here.

Therefore, this is our only chance to get our cross back.

The only road bump we hit in our Wilmington plan was that our only mode of transportation── the Twinkie── was taken by my father and brother. Just another reason to be mad at them, I guess. Anyway, Pope attempted to convince Heyward to let us borrow his truck but he obviously didn't go for it. Can't blame him on that front, especially with how we've handled that truck in the past.

As of right now, all we have is a cargo number for the container which the cross will be in and JJ's motorcycle which we definitely can't use to transport that cross.

We're currently on a ferry travelling to Wilmington, sitting around the smallest table while we attempt to plan our "heist" that seems a little too good to be true. I'm squished in between Kiara and JJ, suddenly wishing I was anywhere but here.

Honestly, I really wanna be in bed.

"Honestly, the hardest part is gonna be security," JJ speaks, bringing me out of my head. I've been staring at this father and daughter for the past five minutes, watching as he brushes the hair from the little girl's face so she can eat her ice cream in peace without being disturbed by the wind. My heart squeezes, my stomach recoiling at the sweetness of it all. "Most of the guys are gonna be at the rail yard," JJ continues.

"We'll need to find some place and guard it," Pope explains. "Maybe a little further down the line, like a whistle-stop."

"You guys are getting ahead of yourselves per usual," Cleo says, and I huff out a laugh. You can always count on her being brutally honest. "We don't have a way to transport the cross. What you think? On JJ's motorcycle?"

I pull my eyes off the father and daughter, instead choosing to look around the deck to ease the twinge in my heart. I lean back in my seat, glancing over at the bar where a familiar face stands out to me. My mouth gapes, eyes widening as I lean forward. "Oh, shit," I mutter, and everybody looks to me. "Is that who I think it is?"

I point to the bar where the frosted-tip bastard stands. "Why is he everywhere?"

"I swear he's stalking us." More specifically, I swear he's stalking Sarah.

"Perfect," Pope utters.

I scoff, disturbed. "How is that perfect?"

"I bet Topper has a way to transport the cross."

JJ grins. "Pope's right." He glances to Topper who is drinking all alone at the bar. How sad. "He does have a rig."

Sarah shakes her head. "No."

"Yes," JJ argues.

"No." Sarah keeps shaking her head, refusing to accept what they're asking. "Absolutely not."

"Yes. Come on. Sarah, you already got him whipped." JJ's right in saying that. "So why don't you just take one for the team?"

"What would John B say?"

I smile politely, crossing my arms over my chest. "Oh, who cares?" I'm mad at my brother, more than I'd like to admit, so let's not think about what he would say. Also, this is about the treasure and everybody loves that, don't they? "We'll handle John B, Sarah."

"Just talk to him," Kiara pleads, but Sarah doesn't look the least bit enthusiastic about this plan.

I can't believe Topper is our only hope.

How low have we stooped?

Sarah sighs loudly, rolling her eyes. "Fine."

While I'd hate to have Topper on our side, I know that he's our only hope. I feel sick even thinking that, but we've gotta get our cross back── we gotta get our win.

A large part of me wants that cross so I can say that we found something, not Dad and John B. Oh, how petty am I?

Topper hates us, that point has been made clear several times over the years, but I know how he feels for Sarah. He loves her regardless of the fact that she's in a relationship or that she's happy in said relationship. No, he doesn't care about that. He just wants the girl all to himself.

That bastard. I hate him.

I wish we didn't need his help. I wish we could find a different solution instead of being stuck with him.

The moment we watch Sarah hug Topper, we know she's executed the next phase of our plan. We cheer silently, offering her thumbs up and grateful smiles.

Great. Topper is involved.

──────────────────────────

𝖶𝖨𝖫𝖬𝖨𝖭𝖦𝖳𝖮𝖭，𝖭𝖮𝖱𝖳𝖧 𝖢𝖠𝖱𝖮𝖫𝖨𝖭𝖠．Never been, never thought I'd have to, but here I am, staring at the ridiculous amount of trains and carriages this one location holds. The carriage we need is labelled 𝟕𝟓𝟎𝐗, and it's on track to Raleigh, but we haven't got a clue where to look.

You know what else we realise whilst standing here?

"We're not getting out of here with a giant cross."

"We won't have to. We can nab it somewhere further in the country," Pope explains but that seems like a lot of work for something that may not even work. "Just gotta figure out how to stop the train."

Easier said than done, ain't it?

"Leave that to me." JJ says that, and while I usually can understand how he would fix our small issue, I have no idea what he has planned to stop that train.

"How you gonna do that?" Cleo asks.

"I got an uncle up in New Bern, right? When he got tipsy, he'd just throw an old chain across the tracks, just for shits and giggles. And that old chain would stop all the train traffic in coastal Carolina." JJ moves his hands, gesturing to what his idiot of an uncle would do.

He's got odd people in his family, I realise.

"A chain?" Kiara questions.

"He's actually right." Well, it's not like I ever doubted my boyfriend. He's smarter than he looks, thank you. However, it is nice to have his idea confirmed by our boy genius. You know, just for safety measures. "There's a low-voltage current that runs across all rail tracks. Throw a chain on it, you close that circuit. It would read as another train. Crossing lights come down. Science is actually pretty sound."

"Science." JJ clicks his fingers over at me, a smug smile on his face. "I knew my science."

I grin, shaking my head. "Your science, huh?"

His voice drops, lips brushing over my ear as he whispers, "Biology, especially."

Heh, don't I know it...

I press my lips together, smiling because I really, really like him, more than he knows, but I'm also trying really hard to stop my ridiculous face from burning a shade of red. Thank God it's dark, that's all I can say to that.

I'm brought back to our reality when I hear Pope speak up. "We don't have a chain."

"No, but I bet Topper's dad has jumper cables in the truck," Sarah speaks. "Would that work?"

Ah, Topper, the looming, unwanted presence behind us who is growing agitated by the minute. Never mind that he agreed to help Sarah, he now has to deal with us. "What's going on?" We each turn our heads towards him. "Are we doing this or what?"

"I hate him," I mutter, moving myself away from the others as my legs are cramping up.

"Alright, you all wait here," Cleo instructs, turning to us. "Me and Pope will go look for it and send a signal once we find it."

"Do we actually have a plan right now?"

"Think we do." I laugh, clasping my hand over Sarah's, proud of us. "Look at us, guys, aren't we good?"

"Let's not jinx it, Brooke." Pope nudges Cleo as he steps past me. "Come on."

Pope leaves with Cleo, on their way to check out where this carriage is. Staying upon the train we've been perched on whilst thinking of our plan, we wait patiently for their signal, hoping our plan doesn't blow up in our faces right here.

I hope I didn't jinx it.

It doesn't take long because Pope, as you know, is a genius and if anyone can find anything, it's him. He climbs one of the other carriages, flashing his torch in our direction so we know that we can leave. "That's it. We're green."

Suddenly, a train horn blares nearby, alerting us. "What's happening?"

"Train's moving," I realise. "Train's moving."

Well, maybe I did jinx it. Can I take it back?

With our plan under our belts, we move quickly, rejoining Topper. He's standing by his father's truck, obviously regretting his decision to help us out. His loss. I don't care.

Topper is whining and bitching, but I'm hardly paying him any mind as I take the jumper cables from Sarah. "Hey, I just wanna make sure everyone here is okay with ending up in federal prison," Topper says, watching as JJ moves to get onto his bike.

"Uh, if it gets to that, yeah, I'll do it for Pope," JJ replies, shrugging without a care in the world.

I raise my hand that holds the cables. "Preach!"

I'll go to prison for Pope. Hell, I'd die for Pope.

I pull myself onto the back of JJ's bike, and I wave a salute to Sarah and Kiara as they are the ones who have to be stuck with Topper. I get to ride in style, thank you very much.

With a small kick, JJ starts up the bike and I wrap my arms around his middle as we jerk forward, speeding off in the direction of the train. We need to get ahead of that train so we can kickstart our operation to steal the cross.

I press my cheek against JJ's back, loving the idea of us just driving off into the sunset. It's dark though, and we have to help our friends, so there will be no driving off into the sunset. I've gotta say, it's very comfortable on the back of his bike, holding onto him as my life depends on it.

I could get used to this.

We so need to drive off into the sunset when we don't have a pile of shit to deal with.

"Hey!" I yell, hoping JJ can hear me.

"Hey, Sunshine!" He cheers, bringing a laugh out of me.

When we're a safe distance away from the train, JJ pulls the bike over onto the grass. "Okay, this should be far enough." I get off the bike first, handing the jumper cables to him.

He runs ahead, slipping and falling on his face right before me. I exhale a laugh, watching as he rushes to pull himself back up. With a little hand from me, I yank him up and push him forward. "You good?" I ask, slight amusement in my tone because, come on, he'd laugh at me too.

He throws the jumper cables down onto the track. "I can hear you laughing."

"I am not laughing." I just find it funny that he always seems to stumble and trip in serious situations.

With JJ instructing me, I follow him in tying down the jumper cables to the tracks. He clips one end to the signalling box while I pull the cable along to place it across the track. "All you have to do is change the current," he tells, moving to join me as he picks up the cables.

I watch the cables spark to life. "Don't get electrocuted, please."

"Yeah, no promises with that, Sunny." He crouches down, clipping the cables side-by-side to the rail in front of us.

"Moment of truth." We peer up at the signal that should turn from green to red if we've done this properly.

So far, it's only flickering green.

Well, I ain't to blame for this.

"Okay. That's what he would do. That's literally what my──" He stands, dragging his hands across his face. "So then it would change red── Oh, my God. Think. Think. Think." He's panicking, a little more than I would like, so maybe I can do something.

I'm smart. I can figure this shit out.

Science was never my go-to. In fact, school wasn't much of my go-to, but I can figure out how to clip these bastard things onto a track. Just gotta think, think, think as JJ said.

"Maybe I could blockade the track?" JJ suggests.

"What, and die?"

I can't believe he seriously suggested that.

I crouch down, looking at the cables, trying to figure out where we── JJ went wrong. "Okay, what about putting a tree?"

With a hand on one cable, I look up at my boyfriend. Did I call him smart earlier? If so, I think I take it back. "I'm sorry, when did you grow the ability to spawn trees out of your ass?"

"I'm just thinking here, babe, and I-I didn't say out of my ass. I──"

"Hey, genius." I pull at the cable, realising his flaw. I turn, pulling one cable away. "The train touches both sides of the track, babe." I clip the other cable on the opposite rail across from the other.

I then come back to a stand, looking up at the signal that better flash red as I don't want to look like a complete idiot, not after I just had a Pope moment. "Come on. Come on."

We don't have a plan B so we need this to work.

I watch the green fade into red.

"Yes!" I turn to JJ, smacking my hands over his. Oh, I am a genius after all. "The sidekick becomes the genius." JJ squeezes my hands, visibly proud of me based off the smile on his face. "See, it's all about science," I comment, grinning widely.

"I was gonna do that," he utters, shrugging off my victory like I didn't just save the day.

"Oh, yeah?" I scoff, pulling us away from the tracks. "I thought you wanted to spawn a tree?"

"Not out of my ass," he grumbles, pulling us behind the tree where his motorcycle is parked.

We crouch behind a bush, watching ahead as we hear the train in the distance. "I think it's slowing down," I whisper despite nobody being close enough to actually hear us. I'm just afraid somebody will just appear before me and ruin everything.

The train comes into view and we notice that it is slowing down. "It's stopping." I breathe out a sigh of pure relief, knowing we're one step closer to getting back what's rightfully ours.

"She has brakes, Sunny." JJ claps his hand over mine and we do the famous Pogue handshake, proud of ourselves for what we just did.

With the train coming to a halt, we except the rest of our plan to be just as smooth and without problems. However, things never go the way we want them to go as what would be the fun in that?

A cop car pulls up, revealing two officers who definitely don't slot into our plan. I guess the driver called them but why?

"Shit," I curse. "That's not part of the plan."

I just hope Pope and Cleo can get that cross out of the carriage in record time because they are so about to be caught. We continue to remain behind the bush, watching as the cops take a look at our little science project.

Our old science teacher would absolutely be proud of us, I think.

The cops unhook the cables, and the moment they do, the lights flash back to green. I drop my head onto JJ's shoulder, praying to God that Pope and Cleo have that cross. "They've had enough time, right?"

"The train's starting," JJ says, his tone laced in frustration as we may have just lost the cross all over again.

No, there's no way. They had to have found it. It's been plenty of time.

"We gotta go help them."

JJ pulls himself up, dragging me with him in the process. We rush to his motorcycle, knowing we need to catch up with our friends now that the cops are gone and the train is starting back up. I just hope they had enough time to grab it because I could do with a win. We could do with a win.

Wrapping my arms around JJ's middle, I pull myself onto his bike just as Topper drives past us with the cops pursuing him and the others. Well, I'm guessing things didn't go exactly according to plan, but we don't have a second to waste.

I think they've got the cross based off the large crate in the trunk, but we can't get our hopes up just yet. We have to lose the cops.

We begin to follow after Topper, speeding up to catch him before the cops reach us. We scrape past corners, zip down tight roads, and cut across the grass, bringing ourselves out onto the street in front of the cops.

The cops are hot on our tail, but we keep on driving forward. "J!" I call out, the blue lights flashing behind me. I don't see us losing them anytime soon, not when they're right behind us.

"I know!" He picks up the speed, pulling himself into the other lane to come up next to the truck.

I cling onto tighter, silently wishing the cops away as I bury my head into his back as JJ begins to ride alongside the truck. I have no idea what he's doing, but I can't argue with him, I just hold on tighter. "Top, keep going straight!" JJ yells, ignoring the concerning calls from our friends.

JJ looks behind him, knowing the cops are right there. "Hey, Sunshine." I lift my head from his back, hearing the gentle tone in his voice. "Get ready to jump."

I feel my heart plummet to the floor. "What?" I hope I heard him wrong because there's no way he just told me to get ready to jump. "Have you lost your mind?"

He's crazy if he thinks I'm going to jump and leave him behind. There ain't no fucking way. He's cracked.

"Probably!" he yells. "Get ready to jump!"

"No freaking way!" If he's speeding off without us, I'm speeding right off the edge with him. I can't let go, not when I fear what his plan will be once I'm off this bike. I can't let go of him.

"Brooke, baby." He exhales, pulling us even closer to the side of the Topper's truck, so close that I feel my leg scrape it. "Get off the bike."

I shake my head, feeling sick at the idea of letting him go. "I-I can't. I──"

"Get. Off. The. Bike."

"But──"

"Come on, Brooke!" I snap my head over to Pope, seeing that he's holding his arm out to me, ready to pull me onto the truck but I can't just leave JJ. He wouldn't leave me. "I've got you."

"Get off the bike, Brooke!"

I place my hand's on JJ's shoulders, lifting myself up slightly. Instead of moving to Pope, I lean forward and press my lips against his cheek. "No dying, alright?" I say into his ear, feeling my throat tighten at the thought of letting go.

I'm overreacting, right? Somebody tell me I'm overreacting.

He nods frantically. "No dying, Sunny."

I want to say "I love you" just in case I never get the chance to, but I bite my tongue, knowing I'll get the chance to say those words in the future because I'm simply just overreacting to the fact that I have to let go of him. I'll get to tell him that I love him at the right time, not when we're racing for our lives.

He's crazy. Truly crazy. But I'm the idiot who loves him despite it.

Reluctantly, I reach out and grasp Pope's arm, feeling Cleo grab my other. I'm yanked forward, off the bike and onto the safety of the truck, but I'm quick to look back at JJ who stops suddenly but I had expected him to do so.

I know him. I know what he's going to do.

I squeeze my eyes shut, holding onto the truck as I don't want to fall off and I don't want to watch as my boyfriend races into a situation that could end very, very badly.

He's insane, but he'd do anything for his friends, even pull the cops off us just to protect us.

When I open my eyes, I find that JJ has caught the attention of the cops and they have instead chosen to follow him. I don't know how he did it, but he did it, and I'm damn proud of him, I hope he knows that.

I should feel better knowing that the cops aren't chasing us but the racing in my heart isn't stopping and the tightness in my chest isn't unravelling. No, I feel as if I'm going to throw up out of fear because I don't know how this is going to go after all.

I won't feel better until he's standing before me, breathing.

I suck in a sharp breath. "We need to turn around." I need to get back to him now. I need to have him beside me right the hell now. My head falls into my hands, my breathing staggered. I feel as if I'm going to have a panic attack.

Topper takes a hard left, knocking me into Pope who has his arm around my shoulders, out of comfort or safety, I don't know but I appreciate it. I can feel my skin pricking again. I'm fine. It's fine. We're all fine. When we take a sharp right turn, I'm nearly sliding right off the truck.

"He's up on the overpass," Pope says, more to me than to anyone else.

As we're pulling up to the overpass from down below, I stare up to find the motorcycle with JJ upon it. He's there, the police are tailing him, but he's right──

The bike steers to the left, swerving off the side of the road. He's lost control of the bike. I watch with wide eyes, watching as the bike falls off the bridge and hits the concrete down below, clashing with a rock and breaking apart right before our eyes.

I think I'm getting out of the truck before Topper even stops it, but I don't know, I just move towards the crash. "No, no, no." The swelling in my throat worsens, the sting behind my eyes becomes overbearing, and the tightness in the pit of my stomach squeezes tighter. "No, no, no."

I suck in a sharper breath, just about ready to hurl as I stare at the crashed bike. It's in pieces, right in front of my eyes, but I don't see JJ there. "No, JJ. No."

Please. No. No. Not like this. Not ever.

I hear my friends call out for him, but I can't think straight. Hell, I can't even breathe. I'm just burying my face into my hands, doing my best not to die myself. A sob wrenches out of me, catching me off guard.

"Where are you?" I cry, hoping that I really am overreacting. "JJ, please."

I feel a hand on my back. "He's fine, Brooke. He's just..." Kiara doesn't finish her sentence as she obviously doesn't know if he's fine. I just cry into my hands, never having felt anything like this.

I lost for father for eleven months. I lost my brother for two whole weeks. While those experiences pained me to the point of no return, this feels like somebody has clawed my heart out of my chest and spat it out in front of me. I've never felt anything like this.

I've lost too much already. I cannot lose him too.

"No, JJ. Please." The tears continue to fall, the crying begins to escalate, growing louder and louder as each second passes. "No."

Have I just lost the love of my life? I didn't even get to tell him I love him. He doesn't know. He has to know. He needs to be okay. I can't──

"I wish I could say I did that on purpose, but that was the gnarliest powerslide I've ever done."

I snap my head up, looking in the direction of that voice. With teary eyes, I watch Pope crash into his arms, embracing him in a bone-crushing hug. He laughs it off, acting like he didn't just fall from a bridge and hit the ground at such a force.

Sarah punches JJ in the arm before she wraps her arms around him tightly. Kiara then steps up, also hitting him where it hurts before hugging him. I, on the other hand, stay frozen to the ground, watching JJ shake off the pain his body is probably in.

Our friends move back to the truck, knowing we need to get going. I step towards JJ, staring at him with tears still trickling. I open my mouth, knowing I need to say something, but I can't get a word out. I don't know what to say. I don't know how to phantom a single response.

JJ steps forward. "Brooke──"

We hear the cops shout above us, and then our friends call us back to the truck. I step away from JJ, swiping my hands across my face to get rid of the tears.

I pull myself into the backseat next to Pope and JJ gets in beside me. With it being a particularly tight space in the back, we're practically pressed together, but I don't speak to him nor do I even look in his direction, not for the entire journey.

Not when the crate falls out of the truck, revealing no cross.

Not when we realise that we've been played by the bastard that is Rafe Cameron.

Not on the ferry back to the island.

Not on the slow walk back to his house.

I don't speak. I can't speak. I nearly lost him── my best friend, the love of my life (not that he knows it), so how can I just be okay after that?

──────────────────────────

✩ 𝐣𝐣'𝐬 𝐩𝐨𝐯

𝖡𝖱𝖮𝖮𝖪𝖤 𝖨𝖲𝖭'𝖳 𝖲𝖯𝖤𝖠𝖪𝖨𝖭𝖦 𝖳𝖮 𝖬𝖤．I guess I can't expect her to, not when I gave her the shock of her life. I scared her, so much so that she was crying loudly and visibly shaking. She hasn't spoken to me since I forced her to get off the bike so I could protect her.

I had to protect her. I had to get her off my bike and onto the safety of the truck. If I had dragged her along with me, one of us could've ended up hurt or dead, and I'd never forgive myself if I got her hurt. No, I'm glad I got her off the bike, and I would do it again and again.

Honestly, I'm surprised I'm alive. I mean, I fell, hit the concrete alongside my bike and then I just stood up and walked it off, acting like nothing happened. I just shrugged the pain off. I then saw her face── her tear-stained, beautiful face. She stared at me with those eyes I love, unable to say a word.

I broke her. I upset her. I devastated her.

The moment we arrived back at the house after not speaking, she came straight into my bedroom, pulled her clothes off and crawled into the bed. I joined her, but she's been turned on her side with her back to me for nearly an hour. I, the lovesick fool that I am, have been staring at her back, unsure on what to do.

A large part of me wants to reach out, pull her flush against me and bury my face into her neck. I like having her close to me. I like having her in my arms. I like her. Another part of me wants to apologise profusely until she accepts that I really am sorry for scaring her like that. I want her, I really do, but I'm not sure if she wants me.

I can't have ruined this. I can't have ruined us.

I just got the girl, and I want to keep the girl. I want to keep the girl for as long as she'll let me, but what if I've just ruined it? What if I've ruined all that we've built?

I pull myself closer, knowing I need to fix this. "Brooke." I'm close to her, so close that my head hits the pillow her head is lying upon, and my front grazes her back. "Baby, hey." I lift my hand, my fingers ghosting over her hip. "Brooke."

She isn't saying anything but I know she's awake. I know she's been awake for the past hour, staring ahead at the wall. I need her to talk to me, to confide in me. Hell, she can yell at me if she wants, I'll let her. I just need to hear her voice.

My hand lowers, flattening over the dip in her hip. She tenses, and it pains me to see her pulling away from me when, not even twenty four hours ago, I had her underneath me. I had her in my arms. I had her lips on every inch of available skin. I had her in a way nobody has had her.

I got the girl, so I won't be letting her go.

I drag my hand forward, lowering it down to lay over her stomach. Her body relaxes ever so slightly but she's still... tense, wanting to pull away from me, but I drag her just an inch closer. I hear her small intake of breath as her back meets my front entirely. She fits me perfectly, but I've always thought that. Her body moulds to mine like she was made to be beside me.

I rest my chin on her shoulder. "Hey, Sunny." Brooke's hand lifts, pushing on the hand that rests over her stomach. I hold on tighter, needing to keep ahold of her as I cannot let go of this. I can't let her fall asleep when she's feeling like this. "Come on, Brooke. Don't push me away."

"JJ──" I hear it, the break in her voice. I feel my chest tighten as I hear that she's crying. I'm making her cry all over again. I'm hurting her. She stops fighting me, instead accepting that I am not letting go of her, not anytime soon. She cries quietly, her body beginning to shake again.

"I'm sorry," I speak softly, lips grazing her ear as I talk. "I'm really, really sorry, baby." I drag my thumb in hard circles against the skin of her stomach. "Please, Brooke."

"I-I've never..." A sob stutters out of her, and I feel like hitting myself for making her ever feel like this, but I think she forgets that I have felt this exact way before when she was unconscious after falling off a ship. We've both hurt each other whilst trying to protect the other, and now we're here, letting all the upset build up.

"I've lost my dad, my brother, but nothing..." I find her leaning back into me as she cries outwardly. "Nothing could ever compare to not knowing if you were okay── if you were alive."

She didn't know I was alive. For those short minutes, Brooke had no idea if I was going to get back up and walk to her. Then again, when she fell unconscious after being knocked off the ship, I had no idea if she was going to open her eyes. She's hurt me in the past, but now I'm the one who is hurting her. I've been hurting her.

"JJ, I..." My arm tighten around her. "I thought I'd lost you."

"I'm right here," I tell her. "I'm right here, Brooke." She can feel me. She knows I'm right here. My body is pressed against hers. She can hear my heartbeat. She can feel it if she leans further into me. I'm breathing, loudly might I add. I'm a little scuffed up, but I'm completely fine nonetheless. I'm right here, holding her.

"But you..." She chokes back tears, and the harder she cries about potentially losing me has tears springing to my own eyes. "I can't lose you." Her hand falls, covering mine that splays across her stomach. "I-I like to think that one day y-you and me, we'll be..."

I kiss her neck again. "We'll be what, angel?"

"We're gonna be old, sitting in our treehouse, laughing about the time you were in a motorcycle crash." She exhales a broken laugh, her body shaking against mine. "We're gonna be old," she clarifies, telling me that she can see the two of us being old together. It's subtle. It's sweet. I smile against her shoulder, content in her arms. "We have to be old, JJ. I can't... I can't lose you."

I'll build her that treehouse. When? I don't know, but it will be built by my bare hands. We'll get our ginger cat and dog. We'll have all we need. We'll be content and happy together. What I like is that Brooke can see us being together way in the future when we're old. I find that comforting, especially since I don't plan on letting her go anytime in the future.

"And I couldn't lose you," I utter, lips grazing her ear as I talk softly. "I like keeping you safe. I like protecting you."

I'd protect her with my life. I'd jump in front of a train, in front of a bullet, in front of a grenade to protect the girl in my arms. I think she knows that, and I think a large part of her would do the same for me, not that I'd ever give her the chance. Her life means more to me than my own does. I love protecting her, and I hope I always get the chance to.

"But if it means nearly dying, I-I don't want you to protect me," she cries, all previous amusement in her voice gone. "I just want you safe."

"Sunny, if you had stayed on the bike, something bad could've happened to you," I tell her, but she already knows that. She knows that we could've been worse off had she been on the back of that bike with me. "I like you safe, Brooke. I like protecting you, so I don't regret getting you off that bike, but I am sorry for scaring you."

"You take me with you next time," she insists.

I sigh, continuing to move my thumb in soothing circles. "Brooke, I-I can't do that."

"JJ, if you're going to drive off a cliff, I'm driving off a cliff with you." 

"And if you're falling off the side of a ship, you're pulling me down with you," I counter, reminding her that she terrified me just a month ago when she fell off that ship and remained unconscious in the water.

She settles back into me, pulling at my arm and insisting I hold her closer. I do as told, remaining silent. My hand slides up her shirt slightly, resting against her ribs. My other arm slides under the pillow we're both lying on, allowing her to slide her fingers against mine.

I press my lips to the side of her neck. "I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry I fell off the ship," she replies, the same tone in her voice. "I'll pull you down next time."

My lips tug in a smile. "Okay."

"You have to take me with you too."

She needs to know that I won't be taking her down with me. If I fall off a cliff, I'm pushing her away so she can't follow me down. If a train is coming at me, I'm shoving her to one side so it hits me instead. If somebody points a gun in her direction, I'm jumping in front of the shot. If somebody holds a knife at her, I'm making some kind of deal to save her life. I'll walk through fire, gunshots and spikes to save her life, she has to know that.

I will never, under any circumstances, stop saving her life.

But because I want to remain in her arms, I lie to her. "Whatever you say, Sunshine."

I'm never going to pull her down with me. She's mine to protect, mine to save. I don't care if she doesn't need the protection, she always going to get it from me.

"Can you turn around and face me now?"

She sniffles, nodding slowly. Moving my hands from her, I watch her turn around so she can face me. Her face is still stained with tears, her eyes are still red, and she looks just about ready to crack again, but at least she's facing me.

She's beautiful nonetheless. "There she is."

I lift one hand, placing it against her face. "Hey, pretty boy," she breathes out, beaming.

"We're gonna grow old together?"

Her leg falls over mine, her arm draping over my shoulder. "Yeah we are," she whispers, hand toying with the tuffs of hair at the back of my neck. "In our treehouse."

"In our treehouse," I repeat, nodding. "Okay."

"And I'm dying before you," she insists, and I scoff, knowing we cant predict that.

"Sunny──"

"I am going before you. I need to." Her eyes glisten once again, and I hate that I'm hurting her all over again. "I-I can't do my life without you in it, JJ. I── Tonight made me realise that I don't do too well on my own, without you. I-I can't..." She gnaws at her bottom lip, anxious.

"And you think I can do life without you? You heard me when you fell off that ship." I was a wreck, completely broken at the idea of losing her. "I..." I swallow my words. "I'm afraid of losing you, you know? You keep me alive, you have done for years."

"How about we just go on the same day?"

I huff out a laugh. "How do we do that?"

"Romeo and Juliet style," she jokes, a laugh replacing those cries. "I'm just kidding."

"How about we just don't talk about who goes first? We have a long time till we get there anyway, right?" She nods, dragging her thumb across my cheekbone. "We've gotta get old."

"Really old," she clarifies. "So old that we can't hear each other and we're practically blind."

I drop my head, pressing my forehead to his. "That sounds good."

I cup the back of her neck, pulling her into me. Her mouth slots against mine for a moment, and I take away all those tears with me as I kiss her gently, silently promising her that I'm right here── that I'm all hers. I'm not going anywhere. I'll never be going anywhere, not for a very, very long time.

She and I have to get to very old after all.

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❀ soph speaks

i like writing jj's pov bcos he's just so infatuated by brooke :')

it's been three months since we lost jj and i'm not over it. i don't think i ever will get over it.

writing chapters about death and alluding to his potential death make me feel sad, i'm sorry lol

thankyou for reading!!