𝟎𝟒𝟔.            𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐧, 𝐬𝐮𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐞

bonfire heart ──── james blunt

( much longer chapter . . . enjoy!
also we get another pov in this chapter )

warning: mention of anxiety & disassociation

☀︎ 𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐥𝐲𝐧'𝐬 𝐩𝐨𝐯

𝖥𝖮𝖱 𝖠 𝖬𝖮𝖬𝖤𝖭𝖳，𝖫𝖤𝖳 𝖴𝖲 𝖯𝖱𝖤𝖳𝖤𝖭𝖣 𝖳𝖧𝖠𝖳 𝖳𝖧𝖨𝖲 𝖲𝖳𝖮𝖱𝖸 𝖨𝖲𝖭'𝖳 𝖠𝖡𝖮𝖴𝖳 𝖬𝖤 𝖠𝖲 𝖬𝖸 𝖡𝖱𝖮𝖳𝖧𝖤𝖱 𝖬𝖮𝖭𝖮𝖫𝖮𝖦𝖴𝖤𝖲．

I know, totally lame, I'm sorry, but it's been a while since he's had the spotlight.

Onwards and upwards!

John B is talking now, everyone listen.

The bonfire is an Outer Banks tradition.

It was on the same weekend every year. Everyone went. And I mean everyone. After finding a fortune and losing it and sort of being a fugitive, it felt good to be back.

Hi, I'm now back── B. Routledge. I hope you missed me even if I was only gone for a couple of seconds.

Anyway, as my brother said, we're at the bonfire. We've been coming to this bonfire for years, and it usually, if not always, ends in disaster. Kooks and Pogues merge into one place, causing chaos without realising it. Kooks and Pogues sharing a single space never ends well, but the bonfire is a tradition on the island── a tradition nobody can pass up.

The second we step out of the Twinkie, all eyes fall upon us because, of course, news has broke out that the John B. Routledge is not a criminal, not that any Pogue actually believed that in the first place. He's out, and he's better than ever.

Also, news may have spread that he and Sarah have broke up. How that news came to spread about, I'll never know, but based on the way several girls stare at him like he's their next meal confirms that people know of the breakup. Or maybe people simply don't care and still want to pursue my brother. I feel disgusted at the thought because I'm a firm believer that he and Sarah are meant to be, no offence to these girls.

I need to find Sarah. It feels weird to not see her every day so I need to try and find her. I don't know if she'll be here, but I kind of hope that she is. She and my brother may have broke up, and yes, I love my brother, but Sarah is still my friend so I'm going to check in on her if I see her.

Pope and Kiara walk ahead, talking to one another which is good to see after all that's gone down between them. Pope was truly hurt to learn that he and Kiara wouldn't progress into anything, but I believe he'll find his somebody one day. I also believe Kiara will find her somebody.

There's somebody for everybody, that's what I've always thought.

John B can bitch and moan all he wants, but he knows Sarah is the one for him, and I think Sarah knows that too. I think she just needed space after everything, and when the time is right, they'll come back together and be even stronger.

I walk alongside my brother and JJ, listening to John B bitch and moan. He has both his arms slung over our shoulders, dragging us through the crowd of already-drunk teenagers. He reaches for a red solo cup that a complete stranger hands off to him, not even questioning what's in it as he takes a sip.

"She's like, 'That's it.'"

"I know. I know." JJ pats a hand on his chest. I hope he can say something, anything to shut him up. He's so lovesick, it's making me feel psychically sick. "But, dude, her father blew up right in front of her. Just give her a minute, alright?"

"I agree," I offer, looking around to see if I can spot the girl my brother won't stop talking about.

An empty beer can comes flying in our direction, surprising me as I look up, eyes landing on that fucking girl── that fucking girl who said she'd be there for me after John B "died". Yvonne, I think her name is. I don't know, but I don't like her. "Hey, derelicts," she yells.

"Whoa!" JJ peers over at her whilst pushing a beer can into my hands. "That's you." He slaps a hand on John B's shoulder. "We are out of here."

"Whoa. Whoa." I scoff, looking from JJ to my brother who totally doesn't want me, his sister, to crash on whatever he's going to do or say to this girl that I don't like. I guess he doesn't know me all that well because I can't just leave. "Why do we have to go?"

John B huffs out a laugh, hand squeezing my shoulder. "Get out of here, kid." He pushes me gently, forcing me backwards.

"Kid?" My mouth gapes, completely offended. The only person who ever called me that was Dad, and I always hated hearing it from him. "Excuse me?" A hand slips into mine, beginning to pull me away as John B steps back towards Yvonne, leaving me in the hands of our best friend. "Hey!"

I continue to stare over my shoulder as JJ pulls me away. John B now leans forward, talking to a girl who absolutely wants to dig her claws into a vulnerable, recently-broken-up-with boy. As his sister, I should be stopping this, not only for his sake but for Sarah's too. If she is here, I don't want her to have to see this.

I'm yanked forward, my back grazing against a wall I didn't realise I was near, and when my head turns away from my brother to JJ, he's leaning in to push his lips against mine. I'm so caught off guard by the action that the beer can I was holding slips out of my hand, crashing to the ground and exploding.

I pry myself back, looking down at the can that's fizzing on the ground, liquid pouring out. "Well, I'll get you a new one, Sunny." He leans back in, and for some insane reason, I lift my hand to stop him, my palm pressing over his mouth.

"JJ, John B might see." While I'm not ashamed to be doing... whatever it is that I'm doing with JJ, I'm not ready to divulge the subject of us to my brother just yet. I don't even want to think about how he'd react.

With a hand on my hip, JJ pushes me and himself to one side, my back sliding against the wall. There's a few people dotted nearby, but they're either too drunk or don't care enough to notice us, but I still, for some reason, feel as if I'm on display for the whole damn world to see── for my brother to see.

JJ flashes me that grin has gotten us in a lot of trouble in the past. It's a grin I can't ignore even if I try. "He can't see a thing, Sunshine. He's a little, uh, preoccupied."

I scrunch my face up, hating the use of that word right now. He's turned me away from John B so I can't see what he's doing or saying to that girl, but every part of me wants to storm over there and drag him away because, regardless of him and Sarah breaking up, he needs to stay away from other girls. He needs to remain loyal, because I can promise you, he and Sarah will be back together by the end of the week.

"Sunny." I hum, teeth digging into my tongue anxiously.

There are times where I love a gathering like this, but there are other times where I feel this intense worry from being crowded in an area with a lot of people I don't know. I've never said that out loud before as my anxiety often gnaws at me from the inside so nobody can visibly see the fear and disgust in my eyes as I observe the scene.

"Hey." JJ's hand presses against my cheek, bringing all my attention back to him. Often, whenever I feel this raging agitation, JJ is always the one that unfailingly soothes it without even realising. "Get out of your head, Sunshine."

I lean into his touch, as I always do, and I lift myself up onto my tiptoes, my lips finding his in a fleeting moment. He kisses back, slowly, tentatively like he's almost afraid now that part of me has become slightly disassociated. It has, but I still find myself wanting to kiss him regardless of how my head currently feels.

But then, when I press a firmer kiss to his mouth, he kisses back a little harder, more feverish. His hands span the width of my waist, holding me back against the stone wall as his head cranes, mouth gliding and moving gently against mine.

I like having him as my distraction.

In a way, I think I've always had him as my distraction, I just didn't realise it until right now when he brought me out of my head just now.

I feel his teeth catch my bottom lip in a faint bite. Goosebumps travel up my skin, and my heels hit the ground as I struggle to keep myself upright. My mouth is slowly plied open, allowing JJ and I to join as one.

My eyes squeeze shut as I allow myself to feel── to feel him holding and touching me, to feel his hair at my fingertips as he kisses me easily, like he knows my body better than anybody else does. Maybe he even knows my body better than me.

Never, in my life, did I think I'd be kissing somebody like this in public where any of our friends could stumble upon us in this compromising position. People around me know my name even if I don't know theirs, and everybody on this island knows of JJ, and as we're not exactly being careful right now, word could get out about us kissing at the bonfire, and it could lead right to my brother.

But right now, for the first time in a long time, I really don't care.

I smile, never growing tired of the feeling of having him this close to me, of having his hands on me, his lips on mine.

Only I get to have him like this.

You're not the only one.

Quickly and silently, my thoughts have thawed their way into my head, crushing every ounce of self-confidence I thought I had.

I don't know if it's because we're in public, but my head seems to not be getting the memo that we're having a moment with the guy we're in love with. Being in public is not only new for me, but since learning that there, of course, have been other girls before me, I can't help but wonder who they are, and now I can't help but wonder if they're at this damn bonfire.

If they live on the island, they will absolutely be at this bonfire.

Shut up, head.

It's your head, Brooke. You can just shut it up.

I force myself back, our lips detaching. The moment I bring myself away from him, I look around but, of course, I find nobody to looking in our direction. Why would they be? They don't care.

I clear my throat, anxiety clawing at the base of my throat, threatening to unleash in a flurry of mixed words. Never, in all my life, has my anxiety ever been this bad. In fact, I've never said, even in my head, that I have anxiety because I've never, you know, been diagnosed or anything. I just get nervous sometimes, and there's times where I need to separate myself from the stress, but I've never needed a formal diagnosis.

I've always been like that, even as a kid.

"She's just a nervous child", is what was often said about me from teachers at school.

It's why I draw, I think.

I'm able to bring myself out of my head through the simple act of drawing. It calms me in a way nobody else understands, and it eases that tightening in my chest, crushing all those depressing thoughts.

I really want to draw right now.

JJ takes a step back, sensing that there's something wrong. I huff out a laugh, my head falling forward into my hands. Why am I even thinking about those other girls? He has already said that when he's with me, he's only with me. I shouldn't even be questioning it, especially when I'm the one who then kissed Kiara not twenty-four hours after that talk where he said he never compares me to anybody else.

Although, sadly, he's not my boyfriend, and I'm not his girlfriend.

There's obviously been people before me, and there may even be people after me.

No. Now I feel sick at the idea of him being with people after me because I can safely say that I do not want anybody else. I mean, Kiara was always a possibility, but now she and I have since discussed it and the idea of us has been squashed.

God, I wish I could shut myself up.

"Hey." He reaches a hand out, fingers touching my arm. I jolt, yanking my arm back a little harsher than I wanted to. "You okay?"

I nod, teeth gnawing at my lip. "Yeah. I-I'm just gonna go and see if I can, uh..." My eyes look away, peering at those who stand nearby. They feel closer than before. I might be imagining that. I'm not sure. "I'm gonna go and see if I can find Sarah," I say a little clearer.

JJ nods, moving to stand in front of me so I'm no longer looking around me but right at him instead. "Brooke, what's wrong?"

"Nothing." I inhale a sharp breath. "I-I just want to go and see Sarah, okay?"

I move away, not wishing to talk about the sudden drop in my energy and attitude as I step away in the hopes of finding Sarah or Kiara. In times like these, my girls are the ones I want to rely on. It's not that I can't rely on the boys, I can, but there's just something about being in the presence of Kiara and Sarah that will ease whatever is going on with me right now.

Yes, JJ has always been able to ease that anxiety bubbling within me, but when the troublesome thoughts are associated with him, I can't discuss what's going on with me, not when I don't even know the extent of my troubles right now.

Why, all of a sudden, am I feeling like this?

Instead of searching for Sarah or Kiara, I move to the Twinkie, deciding to sit in the van by myself, away from the chaos just so I can collect my head and sort out my thoughts silently.

My anxiety is an unspoken subject, and I suspect it's intensified due to everything that's happened lately.

First, my brother dies but then it's discovered that he's alive, throwing me off course. Then when I get him back, he's chucked into prison with a death sentence looming over his head. I'm slapped with a ten thousand dollar fine for breaking a cop's nose── still proud of myself for that one, by the way.

I then crash into Rafe, spilling secrets I've never uttered to anybody before. I still feel sick when I think about it as the bruises on my wrists are still very much prominent, but are easily covered by long-sleeved shirts.

Furthermore, things with JJ are gradually picking up, intensifying and scaring me more and more in the best and worst possible way. I nearly ruined us by kissing Kiara, but we worked through that. I may have just ruined us── whatever us is── by running away from him without much of an explanation, but I'll explain myself later.

Now, Sarah and John B have broken up which sucks in general. And, to top it all off, we've been thrown into a new adventure where we must find a giant golden cross.

It just never seems to end.

It's just one thing after another.

It's hard. It's annoying. It's time-consuming.

We're just kids. We're supposed to have fun. We're supposed to go to school, get part time jobs, drink our way through high school, and live a very boring, regular teenage life. That's what we're supposed to do, but we haven't been doing that.

Instead, we're thrusted into life-or-death situations, and if we keep going down this treacherous path, one of us is going to end up killed, and I'm terrified of that happening. I can't afford to lose anyone, not now, not ever.

I shouldn't want a regular life, but part of me craves to have that boring teenage life. Maybe, in another lifetime, I could be crazy smart and go to college like Pope. Hell, I think I'd just settle for graduating high school.

In this lifetime, however, I do dream of being an artist, but that dream requires money that we are desperate to catch.

We just keep running into bastard dead ends.

"Hey." I reenter the reality that I'm unfortunately apart of. Pope is getting into the Twinkie, sitting alongside me in the passenger seat. I should've suspected that he would be the one to find me as he doesn't care too much for these parties. "You okay?"

I offer him a convincing smile. "Yeah."

"Just hiding out?"

"I just don't feel like..." I shrug my shoulders, not finishing my sentence but I know he, out of anyone, can fill in the blank.

"Yeah."

I clear my throat, wanting to talk about anything but why I'm sitting in here. "Uh, how did the geometry test go?" I missed the test on account of being dead asleep in my bedroom. Nobody dared to wake me up, and I'm glad nobody did as I had the best night sleep of my life.

"Great," he answers.

"Well, you are the smart one, Pope." I peer out the window, eyes finding Sarah now, but I'm already comfortable inside the van. I shake my head, looking back to Pope. "So, about Denmark's diary, what are you thinking?"

Just a disclaimer before I continue on...

Mr. Sunn── our history teacher── offered Pope Denmark Tanny's diary as he received it from the archives for donating such and such to the museum. We spent part of the afternoon looking over the contents, finding that the Royal Merchant ship did not go down in Bermuda like we suspected. The truth is, Captain Limbrey wanted to steal the cargo on the ship. The cargo was that of the gold and the Cross of Santo Domingo which is what we're now searching for.

Apparently, according to Denmark Tanny, the cross is buried at the foot of the angel which, again, is another dead end. We don't know what this "foot of the angel" is, but we're determined to find out. Also, in the diary, it stated that "the path to the tomb begins in the island room", and we have no idea what that is either, but once again, we're determined to figure it out.

"I don't know. I was hoping to work on it but..." He holds his hands up, sighing. "We're here."

"We'll figure it out, Pope." I sigh, head falling back against the seat. "If anyone can figure this shit out, it's you."

"Thanks, Brooke." He clears his throat, glancing over at me. "Are you sure y──"

"Oh, shit." I push open the door, lifting myself out of the van when my eyes land on a fight breaking out amongst the crowd, starting because of my damn brother and Topper.

It's like freaking deja vu with them two.

Pope is following behind me, rushing to the fight that's breaking out. I have no idea how it spiralled, and I don't want to know, I just need to get in there and stop it.

I find my brother pinned to the ground by Topper, and without even thinking, I rush through the swarm of people to reach John B as, despite my anxiety, I need to help him. He's my brother, I can't let anything happen to him, not at the hands of Topper.

I push past a few strangers, knocking somebody to the ground as I stumble forward, hands grasping at Topper's shoulders. I tug hard, needing him to get the hell off John B. "Get off!" My nails claw into his shoulders, desperate to hurt him in any kind of way.

It's like trying to move a boulder, it's impossible to get him off, but I keep digging my nails into his shoulders, hoping to do some kind of damage.

I do no damage, of course, and I instead get pulled off Topper by Kelce who pushes me to the ground, insisting I stay away as he moves back to help his boy out. I mentally curse him out, about to pick myself up when JJ appears before me like a beacon of light.

He's shoved Kelce out of the way for me, and instead of paying attention to Kelce who looks just about ready to attack him, he holds his hand out, wanting to take mine. Luckily, Pope intercepts, pushing Kelce away before he reaches JJ, and I safely slip my hand into JJ's.

He lifts me up and off the ground. "You okay?"

"Never better, J."

I peer past JJ, looking to see Sarah being shoved down onto the ground by the girl John B was talking with. "Bitch." I push past JJ who calls out my name, but not even he can stop me as I rush forward, now going to help my friend.

Kiara meets me in the middle, helping me out as we reach Sarah. Kiara shoves the girl back, getting her to back off Sarah. "Don't touch her!" I reach out for Sarah's hand, lifting her up which doesn't go over well with this bitch.

"Hey, what the hell? Whose side are you on?"

"She's my friend," Kiara yells, turning away from her to face us. "You okay?" Sarah nods, quietly leaning into me as we look over at Topper who is still sending ruthless punches to my brother's face. This asshole.

I really hate my life right now.

I separate from the girls, ignoring them as they call after me. I helped Sarah, now I've got to help my brother again, but this time I'm not alone. Pope is shoving Kelce back, JJ is rushing in to pull Topper up and off John B, and I'm reaching out for my brother.

"Come on!" Kiara yells, stepping away on her own this time. I guess Sarah won't be coming with us. I didn't think she would though.

"We gotta get out of here." I drag my brother off the ground, pulling him along. We follow after Kiara who is moving to the van with Pope following behind. "Come on!"

JJ rushes to match my pace, walking up beside me. "You okay?"

"I'm good," I say, lying through my teeth.

I'm not good, not in any kind of way, but I really don't want to talk about it.

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𝖬𝖸 𝖤𝖸𝖤𝖲 𝖲𝖳𝖨𝖭𝖦，𝖤𝖨𝖳𝖧𝖤𝖱 𝖣𝖤𝖲𝖯𝖤𝖱𝖠𝖳𝖤 𝖥𝖮𝖱 𝖲𝖫𝖤𝖤𝖯 𝖮𝖱 𝖳𝖤𝖠𝖱𝖲，𝖡𝖴𝖳 𝖨 𝖳𝖱𝖸 𝖬𝖸 𝖡𝖤𝖲𝖳 𝖳𝖮 𝖨𝖦𝖭𝖮𝖱𝖤 𝖳𝖧𝖤 𝖲𝖳𝖨𝖭𝖦．I'm standing in front of my brother as he sits in the passenger seat of the Twinkie. I hold a a cold beer can to the bruise forming around his eye. He's being awfully fidgety which is just annoying me, and he knows he's pissing me off, but as a concerned sister, I stay put.

"That was a little unexpected." JJ comes to stand next to me, checking the wound I'm trying to nurse away.

"Was it?"

I sigh, staring at my brother who has the same eyes as me. He looks defeated, like he needs some kind of pick me up, but I'm not exactly in the right space of mind to offer him any kind of cheer. "Maybe she'll come around," is what I choose to say, finding that to be the safest option.

"It's like everything that happened to us didn't matter." I've never heard him speak in such a dejected tone, it's sad.

"It'll all be okay," I speak, voice barely above a whisper as I really feel like hiding myself in my bedroom and not coming out until my anxiety subsides.

"I've had more black eyes in the last month than I've ever had." I look to Pope who is also holding a beer can to his eye. I had no idea what happened after I grabbed John B, but it seems he got himself caught in the fight.

"Hey, did you two really stick up for Sarah?" John B asks, looking from me to Kiara as I lower the beer can from his eye.

"Of course I did," Kiara speaks up. "She's not a real Kook."

"Yeah, tell that to Topper."

"I will," I utter, feeling ill every time I hear that frosted-tip bastard's name.

I'm about to place the beer can back against John B's eye when he snatches my wrist gently, stopping me. I wince, the bruises Rafe left a few days ago still burned into my skin. He, however, doesn't know anything about that.

He releases my wrist, looking at me strangely, but before he can say anything, we hear something behind us, like the snap of a twig.

We each look in the direction of the noise. "Somebody's here."

"You don't think Topper would..."

"I wouldn't put it past him."

"Do you have your gun?" Kiara asks JJ, keeping her voice low in case this... whoever can hear us.

"Oh, now she wants the gun."

"Oh, now you don't have the gun? Isn't that your "secret" weapon?" Kiara bites back.

"Goddamn, now she wants the gun."

"Hey, who's out there?" John B yells out to the trees, cutting off their bickering. I don't know what the chances are of him receiving an answer from the wilderness, but it's worth a shot.

"You Kooks better not try anything!"

"Who's there?"

A familiar, unwelcoming face steps into our view, surprising us as we didn't expect to see him, but I guess we should've known. "How y'all doing?" Limbrey's "employee" or whatever he is to her is standing before us.

"It's this piece of shit."

Great. One thing after another.

He probably knows about the fake key. Honestly, we excepted them to figure out we'd given them a fake key way before this, so go us regardless.

"Look, I, uh... I don't hold a grudge with any of y'all, alright?" He holds his hands up in the air but because of our lack of weapons, we can't exactly attack him. Besides, he probably has another method to attack us if we try anything. "But this can go hard, or this could go easy. You know what I'm here for."

He pauses, looking at each of us, but we don't move nor make any attempt to give him the real key that Pope has held onto for days. He clears his throat, looking over his shoulders. "You see that swing? I got the best bow hunters in the Army Rangers with me."

An arrow, as suspected, flies straight past me, piercing into the tree behind us. I didn't think he was lying about the bow hunters, but I appreciate the stupid demonstration that could've gotten us killed.

"Now, they're out there." I look around, teeth digging into my cheek. I'd do anything for him to fuck off so I can sleep. Seriously, anything at this point. "They'll stick you just as soon as I say so."

I scrunch my face up. "Stick you?"

My mouth likes to speak before my head catches up with what I'm saying.

Another arrow races through the air, falling right in front of my foot. Gee, sorry for speaking. I feel JJ's hand tug on my elbow, bringing me back ever so slightly. "Uh, uh, uh." He looks directly at me. "We clear?"

I barely uttered a word but sure.

I stay behind JJ, watching as this employee, whose name I still don't know, turns to Pope. "Now, I'm not gonna give you a countdown or any bullshit like that. I'm just gonna whistle."

Pope sighs, knowing this guy would let his firing squad shoot us. He reaches into his pocket, revealing the key── the real key. "No." His voice is soft, so quiet that I can barely hear him as he speaks, "This key belongs to my family."

"I'm losing my patience with you, Pope." He's about to whistle, but Pope doesn't want to see anyone hurt, so he reluctantly passes off the key to this dick. He takes the key, nodding his head. "Did the right thing, kid."

It doesn't feel like the right thing, it just feels like another loss.

I'm so desperate for a win, it's crazy.

"Knowing when you don't have a choice is an under-appreciated talent." He waves the key in front of Pope, obviously taunting him. "You be safe." He begins to step away, the key in his grasp. "Y'all have a good night."

Once he's away and out of sight, we each turn to Pope, catching the dejected look on his face. For him, I want us to win, but we've once again lost. "I'm so sick of this shit." He turns away, needing to get away from us which I understand.

Pope deserves a win.

We deserve a win.

Kiara leaves to check on him, and I consider going with her, but I choose against it, instead deciding to retreat back into the Chateau, needing time to myself because the burning behind my eyes has since intensified.

John B and JJ don't question nor follow after me, they just let me be. I have a feeling somebody will follow after me soon, but as long as I can have at least a minute to myself, I don't care who follows me or when they decide to follow me.

The moment I close my bedroom door, I fall. On purpose, not accidentally. I sit at the foot of my bed, waiting for the tears to come, but that stinging behind my eyes doesn't bring about any tears like I suspected. Instead, I just stare forward, eyes falling upon the cracked mirror that reflects a broken image of me.

My eyes narrow in on each crack in the mirror. My ears silence the noise around me, silencing me and keeping me trapped in a bubble that nobody, not even myself, can pop. I want to pop it, I do, but my entire body numbs as I continue to stare at the cracks, beginning to question if the cracks are from the mirror or from me.

Somebody tall steps into my line of vision, but I continue to stare forward as if the presence isn't there. I'm in this bubble where nobody, not even he, can reach me. I can't see the cracks because he stands before me, but my mind has mesmerised the line and drag of each cut of the mirror, and now I truly believe I am the one with the indents and marks rather than the mirror.

"Brooke?" His voice sounds distorted, like he's far away from me despite him standing right there, body grazing the surface of the bubble, but not popping it. "Hey, Brooke." I don't look in his direction, I just keep staring ahead at the cracks I can no longer see as he stands before me, blocking my view.

His hand reaches out, sinking below the surface of the bubble, but it doesn't pop like I had hoped. I stay seated, continuing to stare with intense focus. I had hoped my hearing would return but it doesn't, not even when JJ steps forward, doing his best to enter the bubble.

My body remains numb, mindless to the feeling of his hand as it grazes my jaw. Two of his fingers press against the pulse beating slowly against my neck, like he's checking to see if I truly am alive. He can't seriously think I'm dead. Do I look dead? I feel a little dead, if I'm being honest. Numb and motionless── that's what death feels like.

"Brooke." Both his hands hold my face now, shaking me in the hopes of snapping me out of this trance I've fallen into. "Brooke, come on."

His voice doesn't sound so distorted anymore. In fact, it sounds clearer in my ears, but he still feels faraway from me despite his hands holding onto my face. My body rocks as he shakes me once, twice, and then thrice, but I can't seem to bring myself out of my head.

I'm so trapped, so lost, and so fucking tired and desperate to cry.

JJ's thumb swipes under my eye, bringing some ounce of feeling to my skin. "Sunny." His fingertips graze under my jaw. He holds me so delicately, so softly like he's afraid he'll break me and reveal more of my cracks. In his hands, I feel like a porcelain doll that's about to be dropped, and there will be no way to mend me.

"Sunny." My hair is pulled from its ponytail, releasing some unnoticed tension and bringing back more pricks of feeling to my skin. The hairband is pushed onto his wrist as his fingers push into my hair. "Come on, Sunny. Come back to me."

I blink, swallowing down a small lump in my throat. My eyes burn as I turn my head, now facing him. I find my favourite colour in the boy before me who hasn't taken his eyes off me since entering my room.

"JJ?" His name comes out breathy, my voice not sounding like my own.

He sighs, visibly relieved. "Where'd you go just now?" His fingers brush the hair behind my ear, hand now cupping my jaw.

"I just..." Even as I stare at him, I have no idea what I'm seeing. "I just got stuck," I answer, searching his eyes, but all I see is colour and nothing else.

Blue. My favourite colour.

He's crouched before me, his other hand on my knee. "Stuck where, Sunny?"

I shake my head slowly, but he keeps his hand against my face, holding onto me like he's afraid I'll sink under the weight of the pressure building at the base of my spine. "I-I don't know," I utter, the words heavy in my ears. "I don't know, JJ."

"It's okay." He sits up slightly, hand sliding around to rest on the back of my neck. "It's okay, Sunny. I'm here. I'm, uh..." He clears his throat, peering behind him and then back to me. "How about you sit back for me?"

I do as told without realising I'm moving as my body is still trying to wake itself back up. I move to rest against the headboard of my bed, legs crossed while JJ stands up, moving to collect something from within my bedroom. I don't know what he's going to grab, and I don't question him, I just look elsewhere.

There's a dip in the bed, indicating to me that he's back, and now he's next to me.

His hand grazes my shoulder. "Hey. Come here." His voice is barely above a whisper, but I still do as told because, like I've said before, I am weak. With his guidance, I move slowly, lifting myself to sit in between his legs as he leans back against the headboard with a... hairbrush in hand.

I open my mouth, wanting to question him, but all words die on my tongue when he drags the bristles through my hair. I let my eyes close, finding him brushing my hair to be far more relaxing than when I do it. I don't want to stop him, not even when he pulls the brush through the knots.

He brushed my hair one other time, and when he did that, I think I fell for him all over again. I believe I'm falling once again, but instead of plummeting to the ground, I'm landing in the safety of him. He's got a hold on me that cannot be described in words nor in art. The hold he keeps me locked in is a hold that only exists in our world, in our eyes and minds, away from everybody else.

I know that with him, I am safe even if I did walk away from him earlier without much of an explanation. I just felt so overwhelmed, I needed to get away, that's it. I didn't want to tell him that then, but perhaps I could confide in him now because I trust him with my deepest secrets and insecurities. I know he'll protect them, and in turn, he'll protect me.

"Hey, JJ." My voice has come back, but the tingly sensation in my body still remains, waiting to be woken up.

He hums in response, continuing to move the brush through my hair carefully, tugging harder at the knots until they break free. I hear him mutter a few quiet apologies as he shreds out larger pieces of tangled hair, and I smile at how gentle he's being.

"I'm sorry about walking away earlier."

His movements pause as he hears me, but seconds later, he continues to pull the brush down the length of my hair. "What's going on, Brooke?" His voice is soft, like he doesn't want to speak in a harsher tone in case I let myself get lost in my head once again.

I don't think I'll retreat, he doesn't have to worry.

I don't answer his question. I should, but I don't. Instead, I offer him a game of something we have always played whenever we need to talk. I turn my head, peering at him over his shoulder. "Truths?" I ask, hopefulness in my voice.

He huffs out a laugh, pulling his fingers through my hair that has been smoothed down by the brush. "Sure. You first?"

I nod, turning my head back to stare forward as I say my question. "Do you ever wish we could not be doing this── the gold thing?"

I know my answer, but I'm genuinely curious if he shares a similar view to me. In fact, I wonder what the others think to that question. Are they just as tired as I am?

JJ stays silent for a beat, and part of me thinks he won't answer, but then he answers me, alternating between brushing my hair with the brush and his fingers. "Yeah, sometimes." His shoulder lifts in a shrug. "But then I think, what else would be doing if we didn't have this?"

He has a point. I can't even remember what we were doing before this gold business crashed on us. I can't even remember what having a regular summer was like now that we've been swept into such an adventure. That sounds kind of sad when I think about it.

I'm missing something I don't even remember.

"I'm just so... tired." I sniffle. "It's just one thing after another and it's exhausting. I want a win so badly. I want us to win, but we just keep losing to the bad guys. It isn't fair."

"I know." JJ places the brush down, gathering my hair in his hand and pushing it to lay over one shoulder. I so want to cut my hair off, let it be shorter than it is now, but the last time I cut my hair, it looked wonky for weeks, it pissed me off. "We're gonna get a win, Sunny."

"Yeah, and what will the cost be?"

He leans forward, chin coming to rest on my shoulder. His arms drop, coming to circle my middle where he pulls me even closer to him. I don't fight him, I just let him pull me into the safety of him. My back meets his chest as his knees lift, shielding me in. I place my hands over his hands that rest on my ribcage.

This action makes me feel like we're a couple. In some ways, we are, but we don't have the explicit label that I long to hear.

I shouldn't want a label, not to feel like his as I already feel like that, but I've been dying to be somebody's girlfriend── specifically his── since I was a little girl as all I've ever wanted is love as pathetic as it may sound.

"Where'd you go earlier?" I'm guessing that's his truth question.

I lean into him, taking a long breath before I speak. "To the Twinkie. I──"

"No," he interrupts, lifting one hand and pressing his index finger against my temple. "Where'd you go up here?" Now that's a whole different question, one that I'm unsure on how to answer, but as it's a game of truths, I have to answer as truthfully as I can.

"Lately I've been living in my head," I say, finding that to be the best way to explain where I went earlier. "With everything that's happened── with John B and Sarah, with the stupid fine, with the explosion and bumping into Rafe, I just..." I sigh, breathing wobbly. "I just got a little lost in my head, and it happened when we were kissing."

Both his hands splay across my rib cage, holding me against him tightly. "Why?"

"Because things between us have been really... great, and for some stupid reason, my head didn't get that memo." I drag my finger across his knuckles, really enjoying having his hands on me like this in the safety of my bedroom. "I started to think about you with other girls, wondering who you'd kissed and slept with, and if any of them could see... us doing what we were doing."

"Brooke..."

"I know it's dumb, but how many girls have had you in the way that I have you?"

"None."

With how fast he responds, I can barely stutter out anything coherent. "JJ──"

"Nobody has had me in the way that you have got me, Brooke." His voice is no longer soft, instead taking a harsher, sterner tone so I can really listen to what he's saying. "You have got every single part of me, Brooke. I think you always have, and I think you always will. I don't know what this feeling is, but I know that, for as long as you'll have me, I'm all yours."

I feel this overwhelming sensation crawl up my throat, threatening to unleash in a burst of ugly tears and sobs. Hearing him speak like that── so clearly and concise── has me feeling almost guilty for ever questioning how he truly feels about me.

I'm all yours, that's what he just said, and instead of acknowledging that like a normal person, I find myself asking something I need to do to distract myself before I bury myself back into my head.

"Can I draw on you?"

His head falls forward, forehead pressing to the back of my head. I hear him breathe out a laugh, his hands squeezing my sides. "You can do anything you want to me, Sunshine."

I snatch a pen from my bedside table before settling back against his chest. I lift one of his hands from my body, leaving the other to rest on my stomach because I really, really like his hand there. I like the position we're in, and I can draw plenty on his hand.

He watches with his chin on my shoulder, his breathing skimming my ear as I lift his hand, moving the pen over the skin under his thumb in a quick circle. I feel his arm tighten around me, his laughter in my ear as he realises what I'm drawing.

I pinch his hand. "Don't laugh."

"You staking your claim on me, Sunny?"

I roll my eyes, moving the pen over his skin lightly. "I'm just drawing..." The sun. I'm drawing the sun because of the nickname he gives me so I guess, in a way, I am staking some kind of claim on him but very few people know what he calls me. "You don't like it?"

"I love everything you draw, Sunshine."

In the centre of the sun I've drawn, I do something a little bold. I scribble down a single letter── the letter B.

"Huh." His lips graze my ear, sending a shiver up my arm. "The letter B. Wonder what that stands for."

I shrug, making the letter stand out by pressing down harder with the ink of the pen. "You said you wanted me to give you a tattoo. Here you go." I lift his hand, showing it to him with a satisfied smile on my lips.

"Well, it's only fair if I give you one."

"You can give me one," I say, realising how that sounds. I feel him grin against the skin of my neck as his fingertips dig into my hip. "Where'd you draw it?"

"Right over your heart, Sunshine."

"That's where you wanted yours," I say, recalling a conversation we first had about him wanting me to be the one to tattoo him.

He nods, fingertips moving in soothing circles against my stomach. "That's right, but I can get your initial right here if you want." He tilts his hand, revealing the tiny drawing I've sketched on his hand where my initial lays.

I scoff. "You don't need to get my initial, JJ."

"How would everyone know that I'm yours?"

I settle into him, pressing my lips together in a firm smile as I picture our lives being like this── with me laying upon him while I draw or talk like an idiot. He'd simply watch me in awe, listening and talking back in a soft tone. There'd be no gold or money issues hanging over our heads, we'd just be in each other's embrace, existing as one.

That's what I want. That's how I see my future.

I don't know why I ever doubted his ability to clear my head of all those horrid thoughts when he is the only one who can actually squash them.

"Hey, JJ."

"Hey, Sunshine."

I intertwine our fingers, lifting his hand to rest his knuckles under my lips. "I'm all yours too."

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𓅪 𝐣𝐨𝐡𝐧 𝐛'𝐬 𝐩𝐨𝐯

𝖲𝖮𝖬𝖤𝖳𝖧𝖨𝖭𝖦 𝖨𝖲 𝖶𝖱𝖮𝖭𝖦 𝖶𝖨𝖳𝖧 𝖬𝖸 𝖲𝖨𝖲𝖳𝖤𝖱，𝖳𝖧𝖠𝖳 𝖬𝖴𝖢𝖧 𝖨 𝖪𝖭𝖮𝖶．I think, with all that's happened lately, she's not be doing too well, and while I've tried to be there for her, it's been hard. She's distanced herself from me, instead choosing to hide in her head like she used to do when she was a little kid. She'd draw and hide in her bedroom instead of hanging out with me and Dad.

I love my sister, I do. She's been my best friend since birth.

And because I've known her my entire life and know her better than anyone else, I know when she's obviously in love or whatever you want to call it. Honestly, the idea of my little sister being in love makes me want to murder the guy who's stolen her heart and all her attention, but I can't murder him.

No. You know why I can't kill him?

He's my best friend.

I always suspected something between them. For years, when things were great, they hid their feelings from me and themselves, but now they seem to be more comfortable broadcasting whatever they are.

Earlier, at the bonfire, while I was talking to that girl to distract myself from the lack of love in my life after Sarah broke up with me, I overheard a conversation nearby that had me silently plotting the death of my best friend since the third grade.

Somebody nearby uttered the words, "JJ is macking on John B's sister". Part of me wasn't shocked while another part of me truly couldn't believe that JJ (or Brooke) had made a damn move after this many years.

From meeting JJ to now, I've always warned him that my sister is off limits, but to JJ, that only excites him more. Our first interaction at eight- years-old where he called my sister "pretty" should've been the first sign that he'd make Brooke fall in love with him.

Now I think my little sister is in love.

She's two minutes younger than me but I've always seen her as my little sister. I've taken care of her like I'm years older even though we're the same age. Dad gave me strict instructions to always watch over her, and I seem to have done a god awful job because she's gone and fallen in love with my best friend.

My sister and my best friend.

I was tempted to punch him, I was, and I was even tempted to confront him, but after my sister walked off earlier, he looked like a lovesick puppy staring after her, so I backed off. JJ likes her, that much I can see, and while the idea of my best friend and my sister being together is... odd, I can see that they suit one another.

They think I don't know, but I know everything about both of them.

Neither of them have told me, and I've decided not to pry until one of them tells me the truth. I know Brooke will tell me in her own time, so I'm choosing to steer clear of the awkward conversation about her and JJ as I'm not quite ready to hear her say the words, "John B, I love him".

They are words that no brother wants to hear.

I think part of the reason Brooke hasn't mentioned it to me is because she thinks I'll take the news of her and JJ bad, and maybe when she blurts it out, I will act bad, but deep down, I really don't care about the relationship. I'd never say this out loud, but part of me is actually happy for both of them as I only want good things for them as they're my sister and best friend.

In an odd way, they work. In an odd way, they're meant to be. In an odd way, they're like me and Sarah── well, before we broke up.

I've always looked at JJ as a brother which then, in turn, should make Brooke see JJ as a brother too, but now that would be fucking weird. She absolutely does not see JJ in that way, but I will continue to look at JJ as a brother regardless of the relationship he has with my sister.

My best friend and my sister.

I wonder how long it's been going on.

I suspect something sparked between them after I left with Sarah because when I returned, there was definitely something different about her and the way they looked at one another.

They must think I'm blind, but I notice more than I let out.

My sister is in love with my best friend.

He's in her bedroom right now. I know that because he told me he wanted to check in on her before I had the chance and I know that he hasn't left as I've been sitting on the sofa, waiting for him to leave.

I should go in there and drag him out, and while I'm definitely tempted, I can't when I find them both to be fast asleep on her bed. He's laying back against the headboard, one arm tucked around my little sister while her head rests on his chest. They're both dressed── thank God because he'd absolutely be a dead man if not.

I know she struggles to sleep, usually staying up with her sketchbook, but right now, she looks so unbelievably relaxed that, despite wanting to drag JJ out of there and away from her, I can't pull my sister out of her sleep.

She seems comfortable with him.

I shut the door quietly, finding myself to be smiling.

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❀ soph speaks

lil cutesy moment between jj & brooke ofc <3

writing john b's pov was fun