𝟎𝟑𝟒.                  𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐚 𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐤, 𝐬𝐮𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐞

risk               ────               gracie abrams

( i once again loved writing this chapter )
warning: light mature content

☀︎ 𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐥𝐲𝐧'𝐬 𝐩𝐨𝐯

𝖨 𝖣𝖨𝖣𝖭'𝖳 𝖲𝖫𝖤𝖤𝖯 𝖫𝖠𝖲𝖳 𝖭𝖨𝖦𝖧𝖳 𝖠𝖲 𝖨 𝖶𝖠𝖲 𝖣𝖱𝖠𝖶𝖨𝖭𝖦．My fingers now feel numb, but I really don't care, I've never felt more awake than I am right now, and being awake is definitely going to a perk as I stare forward at the tight, dingy drain opening that I will be crawling through in the hopes of retrieving the gun that killed Peterkin.

Life is never boring as a Pogue, let me tell you.

Last night after the realisation that Shoupe would, of course, not listen to us, we knew we needed to get hard proof, and what's better proof than the gun that literally killed Peterkin. We watched the gun get flushed away, so we knew one of us would have to crawl into the drain tunnel as we couldn't find the gun in the junk that washed up outside the storm drain.

That somebody who will be crawling through the drain is me. Why? Oh, because I'm the oldest.

My birthday is the day after tomorrow.

John B and I are the first ones in our crew to turn seventeen, and we've never spent a birthday apart, but sadly, we will likely be spending this one apart on account of him being a murderer── what an idiot, am I right? We always have a cake, and we always blow out the candles together, but we won't get to do that. Maybe we can do it when he gets back. I'd like to, anyway.

So, anyway, because I'm the oldest, I will be crawling through this drain.

Not only am I the oldest, but alphabetically, my name comes first. Damn my name and my age. Either way, I will be the crawler.

I stare at the drain tunnel, my skin literally rattling and I haven't even moved to crawl through yet. I'm already building myself up into a panic, aren't I good?

My panic doesn't settle when I hear Pope say, "In the sewer, there's this worm that you can get when you're down there. It gets into your blood, and then it has to come out your pecker." I look away from the drain, looking to Pope with a scrunched up expression because of course he had to say that.

"Dude," JJ utters, head shaking.

"Whatever, it's not like I have a pecker, right?" These worms could crawl up other parts of me, but let's just pray nothing goes up anything while I'm crawling through.

I crouch down, inching just a little closer to the tunnel that stares forward at me, daring me to crawl in.

It's a damn good thing I'm not claustrophobic.

"Brooke, you don't have to do this," Kiara says, concern in her voice which I appreciate but I need to do this because I can't stand to let Rafe and Ward Cameron get away with their crimes for any longer than they already have.

I peer over my shoulder at Kiara. "It's fine. I'll be... fine." I look back to the drain, that fine feeling disintegrating as the seconds tick by.

"Okay, just, you know, be careful."

"I'll be so careful." I nod firmly, pushing myself another inch closer to the opening of the tunnel. "I'll be so, so, so careful," I say more to myself than my friends as my knees come into contact with the concrete. I now suddenly wish I'd chosen to wear jeans as I'm going to have red marks on my kneecaps.

Oh, get your mind out of the gutter.

Literally.

I inhale a sharp breath and I fall forward, now on my hands and knees as I push myself into the opening of the drain. I quickly find that I don't like this position. I want to crawl out, and I've barely moved an inch because my knees are already digging into the concrete and hurting. There's water at my hands and legs, and it's the most dirty, uncomfortable feeling in the world.

"Just, uh, holler if you need anything, okay?" I huff out a laugh, knowing damn well that I won't be hollering, but okay. "We'll, uh... we'll holler back."

"Very helpful," I call back. "Thank you."

I can picture him smiling to himself upon my thanks, and that forces me forward a little bit more, and deeper into the tunnel. I find that it's not as dark in this drain as I suspected it would be, but I do see brighter light up ahead which likely means there's a larger space where the drain opens up to the road above my head.

No need to panic, I'll be out of here in no time. I just need to find this gun and I can crawl right back out of here.

I move my hands, circling them in the hopes of touching something, anything that resembles a gun. All I feel at my hands are branches and twigs which, annoyingly, don't help me whatsoever. A leaf sticks to the palm of my hand, bugging me in a way that has me cursing out loud because it feels awfully like something slimy touching me.

"Brooke, did you find anything yet?"

My knees burn as I drag myself forward once again. If I could go back and do anything different this morning, I'd change into bastard jeans.

"Do you see the gun?"

"Nothing," I yell back, hoping they heard me, but I'm no longer close to the drain opening, so there's, like, a fifty-fifty chance they heard me.

"It's probably at the bottom of the catch basin." The catch basin sits below the drain that opens up onto the road above my head, and it's something I already know I don't want to sit in, but I need to find this gun because I want my brother to come home and be free.

It's our birthday in two days, dammit.

I continue to drag myself through the tunnel, knees scraping along the concrete in a way that has me wincing in pain. I've said it before, so I'll say it again, I will never get on my knees for anyone because this pain is unreal.

I crawl the last inch, and then my body falls forward into a deeper part of the tunnel── a part that is thankfully big enough for me to sit up ever so slightly. I find that I'm in the catch basin, a drain above my head that opens to the road.

Since going on this gold hunt, I've been subjected to a whole load of crap. I've been shot at more times than I can count. I've been sliced by a giant hook, and I now have a scar on my hip to prove it. I've been thrown about, punched at, and hurt in every kind of way, but nothing compares to this current feeling right now.

I'm knee-deep in sewage water.

My shorts cling to my skin as the water rides up, just skimming my waistband. I yank my hands out of the water, peeling another leaf off that sticks to my skin. I have never felt so dirty in all my life, and when I was a kid, I didn't shower for two weeks── don't ask.

No, this is the dirtiest I've ever been.

There's probably worms in this water, ready to crawl up me. Ew!

My entire body shivers at the idea of a worm eating at me, and now I know that I really, really need to get out of here. I need to find the bastard gun before I get eaten. Oh, why did Pope have to mention those stupid worms.

My hands drop, moving through the mucky water to find this gun. I don't feel anything at my knees or legs or even my hands. I look around, seeing if I can see anything floating above the surface, but all I can see are cans and plastic and rubbish.

Kiara would absolutely hate it down here.

I feel like something is crawling up my skin, mud and dirt sticking to every patch of visible skin. I shake my hands before pushing them back under the muddy water, moving my hands in a circular motion until I feel something at my hands.

Oh, please be the gun. Please be the gun.

"Guys, I think I found something!"

"Wait, you got it?"

My hands wrap around the object, and I pull it up and out of the water, but whatever I'm holding is absolutely not a gun. My eyes widen, I shriek, and I drop the thing── whatever the thing is. "Oh my God! You guys, there's something dead in here!"

I push myself back against the concrete wall next to the ladders that climb up to the drain, my chest tightening and my breathing rapid as I stare at the floating dead thing that guides past me.

"Like a person?"

"Oh my God!" I yell, finding that if I scream, I'll feel a whole lot better.

"Brooke, don't touch it!" Pope calls out, but it's a little too late for that. I already touched the damn thing. "That's how you get worms!"

"Did you find the gun?" No. I still need to find this stupid gun. "Is it Gavin?" I hadn't even considered it being Gavin, but it could be. Ward could've chopped him up and dumped him in the drain. Oh, what an awful thing to do to someone. I feel sick to my stomach, and I still need to find the gun, so I can't just leave.

"Don't touch it!" Too fucking late.

"Is it a gun? Do you see the gun, Brooke?"

"Shut up!" I yell back, taking a deep breath.

Come on, B. You got this.

I'm doing this for my brother. I'm doing this so I can bring him back home. I'm doing this so he doesn't go to prison for a crime he didn't commit. I'm doing this for him.

I can do this.

I suck in another breath, push myself forward, and I let my hands skim the murky water of the drain. I ignore the dead thing floating near me as best I can as I drag my hands through the water, ignoring the fact that my shoes and shorts and legs and hands are covered in muck.

I've never felt so disgusting in my entire life.

I feel something skim my fingers under the water. Now this better be the gun or I will personally kill someone. I'm just kidding, we don't need two Routledge's on the run for murder.

My fingers clasp around something, and I tug it out of the water. "Oh, my God." I breathe out a sigh of relief, a smile warming my face as I stare at the gun. This is the gun that killed Peterkin, that killed Gavin. This gun took my brother from me and my friends, and it's going to bring him back, I will make sure of that.

"You guys owe me for life!" I laugh, pushing the gun into my back pocket. I am so, so ready to get out of this hellhole and turn in this evidence.

I look back down the length of the tunnel that leads back to my friends, and then I look up at the drain above my head. The smartest thing to do would be to climb up the ladders and lift myself out of the drain on the road. I just pray that nobody is walking on the street at the time because they'll have a thousand questions.

"Hey, guys. I'm──" I stop talking. I can hear something behind me coming from the other tunnel that leads to another drain. I listen carefully, finding that the noise sounds like water gurgling and rushing. I continue to stare at the tunnel, one hand on the ladder.

I then watch water barrel towards me at a speed that I can't match. "Guys?" I scream, lifting myself up. "Guys, the water!" I hear my friends yelling down the tunnel, but I can't make out what they're saying. Instead I'm just shrieking and yelling as the water rushes into the catch basin. "Guys!"

I pull myself up with the ladders, moving up towards the drain. The water is filling the catch basin as I scream and cry out for my friends who better be meeting me at this drain.

Drowning in a sewer, new fear unlocked.

No. No, thank you.

My fingers grasp the drain door, but it won't move an inch. I scream out for my friends, peering down as the basin begins to fill, the water grazing my thighs as it continues to crawl up. "Guys!" I don't wanna drown. I really don't want to drown and die in a freaking sewer.

"Brooke, we're coming!" I push my fingers through the holes in the drain, screaming for my friends.

"Guys! I'm over here!" I yell, hoping they can see my fingers peeking out. "The water's coming up!" The water crawls up my back now, irking me in a way that has me shivering.

"Brooke!" I see my friends drop to the ground above the drain, their fingers reaching out to grasp the drain lid.

"Pull! Pull it!" I beg, the water continuing to move up my back, now soaking my hair that I pulled up into a ponytail this morning. Ew. There's going to be gunk in my freaking hair. That shouldn't be the thing on my mind, but I can't help it.

I'm going to drown in this water if my friends don't manage to pull this lid off. I push up, they pull up, but it's not budging. The water is rushing up, covering my entire back as it makes its way to my neck, eating at my entire body. "Hurry! Hurry!" They pull and tug at the drain lid, wanting to free me, but I just keep yelling and begging and crying. "Please!"

God, this is truly terrifying.

The water passes my neck, now moving to rest against my jaw. Soon the water will cover my face, and I won't be able to breathe. "JJ!" I yell, pushing my fingers against the lid. "Pope! Kie!"

I suck in a sharp breath as the water climbs up, covering my face. My body is pushed up by the water and towards the drain lid. The drain lid falls away due to the pressure of the water, and I come rushing to the surface.

My body slumps over, head pressing against the concrete of the road as I cough and splutter and gasp. I try to get all the air back in my lungs as the burning bubbles in my chest, hurting me. I feel an arm around my back, and I'm pulled up and out of the drain entirely.

I fall into whoever has a hold on me while I continue to steady my breathing. "Hey, you're okay, Sunny." JJ feels so warm, so comforting. I lean into his touch, instantly feeling better. "You're okay, alright?" I nod, pressing my hand against my hammering heart.

Kiara falls in front of me, hand on my knee. "You okay?" I nod, lifting my thumb up to Pope and Kiara who has never looked so concerned.

I sit myself up slightly, reaching my hand around my back to pull the gun out of the back pocket of my shorts. I'm relieved it didn't get lost while I was nearly drowning. JJ's arm is still around my back, keeping me grounded as I reveal the gun to my friends. "This was what we were looking for, right?"

I breathe out a laugh, pushing the gun into JJ's hands as he wraps it around his bandana, laughing along with me. "We're gonna get this son of a bitch!" Yes, we are.

Pope reaches his hand out, and I take it so he can pull me up and onto my feet. "Good job."

I smile, squeezing his hand. "Thanks, Pope."

"Let's get this to Shoupe."

Kiara steps to me, placing a hand on my back as JJ has moved away, already rushing to get this gun to Shoupe. I lean into Kiara, my hand still in Pope's as we begin to walk along the road, heading in the general direction of the station.

"Oh, Kie, you would've hated it down there."

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𝖲𝖧𝖮𝖴𝖯𝖤 𝖧𝖠𝖳𝖤𝖲 𝖳𝖮 𝖲𝖤𝖤 𝖬𝖤 𝖢𝖮𝖬𝖨𝖭𝖦，𝖳𝖧𝖠𝖳 𝖬𝖴𝖢𝖧 𝖨 𝖪𝖭𝖮𝖶 𝖡𝖠𝖲𝖤𝖣 𝖮𝖭 𝖳𝖧𝖤 𝖥𝖠𝖢𝖳 𝖳𝖧𝖠𝖳 𝖧𝖤 𝖲𝖨𝖦𝖧𝖲 𝖴𝖯𝖮𝖭 𝖲𝖤𝖤𝖨𝖭𝖦 𝖬𝖤．I'm unsure on whether I should be offended or not, but I do my best to ignore him, instead doing what I came here to do. I walked into the station covered in filth and dirt, I ignored the strange glances and squints, and I strode into Shoupe's office to place the gun on his desk with my head held high.

My friends follow pursuit, shutting the door behind us as we enter Shoupe's office, the gun prominent on the desk. I first stated that this is the gun that killed Peterkin, and the gun that killed Gavin last night (not that he believes either story).

He wanted concrete evidence, this is the concrete evidence── hard proof that our story aligns.

"So y'all are telling me this is the firearm Rafe Cameron killed Peterkin with?"

"That's exactly what we're telling you," I say.

"And the exact same firearm that Ward used to kill Gavin," Pope adds on, wanting to clarify that Ward is not innocent.

"And where's the corpse again?"

"Didn't you look?"

"I checked the hospital," he begins, staring at us as we shake our heads. "I went by his house. He was out." He was not out, he's dead! Well, technically he's now out of planet earth on account of being murdered in cold blood by Ward Cameron── that wasn't my best analogy, I apologise.

"He was out?"

"No shit! 'Cause he's dead!" JJ yells, beyond frustrated because, once again, Shoupe is not hearing us out even though we have proof.

"Just because he's not in his damn home does not mean he was a victim of a homicide," Shoupe states, voice increasing in pitch as he tries to match JJ's tone.

"What are you talking about?"

"Are you at least gonna send it in for ballistics and shit, or are you just gonna sit on your ass?"

"He'll sit there and wax that damn moustache!" If I wasn't beyond pissed, I'd laugh, but I can't right now. Shoupe rises to his feet to defend himself, cursing JJ out who just shakes his head. "Oh, I'm sorry. Did I hurt his feelings?"

"Shut up, JJ!"

Shoupe begins to walk away from his desk, moving towards the door to yank it open. "Get out," he states. "I got work to do. Y'all are smelling up my office." Well, I'm now offended, and more pissed than before because he's just kicking us out for nothing. Bastard.

"Are you serious?"

"Did Ward bribe you?" Kiara asks, a slight edge in her voice. "This doesn't make any sense."

"You ain't gonna do shit," JJ utters, moving towards the door with Kiara, and they step out of the office first.

Pope stops in front of Shoupe with me behind him. "We brought you the murder weapon," he says, staring right at Shoupe. "There's no logical reason for not to send it in." Pope's right, there is no logical reason not to send it in, but he won't do a damn thing.

"Go with your friends." Pope's head drops and he moves out of the office. I take a step forward, but before I leave the office, Shoupe's arm comes out to stop me. I look to him, swallowing my anger. "Need to talk to you for a second, Brooklyn."

I look to my friends who have stopped to check on me. I nod, assuring them that I'll be fine, and I turn back to Shoupe as he closes the door. Shoupe moves to lean back against his desk while I stand close to the door, ready to bolt if needs be, or I could lock the door and attack him.

Yeah, because that would be a smart thing to do.

"We told you to stay away from Ward Cameron."

I shrug, taking a single step forward. "I did stay away from Ward. I am nowhere near Ward, am I?"

"Don't be smart with me, Brooklyn." I roll my eyes, growing frustrated by the second. "We told you to stay away from him and anything involving him."

"You didn't actually tell me that," I quip, crossing my arms over my shoulders. "You just told me to stay away from him── his person, that's it. I am not anywhere near Ward, alright?"

"And last night?"

"Well, I wasn't near Ward because, according to you, he didn't kill Gavin, so he must've been safely at home." I glare at him, earning a head shake from him. Ah, like I said before, Shoupe hates to see me coming, but he probably hates to hear me talking more.

"Brooklyn." His voice is stern. It's his cop voice, I'd like to think. "You need to stop."

"How do you expect me to stop, Shoupe? That man killed my father."

"Your father died at sea."

"Because of him!" I yell, and I swear a hear a few chairs scrape on the other side of the door. Any minute now, somebody's gonna come rushing in here to save Shoupe from crazy Brooklyn Routledge. "He killed my dad, he drove my brother off the island, and now he and his killer son are out and free when they should be locked behind bars, rotting!"

"Brooklyn, there's no case here."

"There absolutely is a case!" I point to the gun that sits on his desk. "That gun is a case, Shoupe. That's the exact gun that Rafe Cameron used to shoot Sheriff Peterkin. My brother did not kill her, and deep down, you freaking know that."

"I know you want to believe he's innocent, but..." I groan, head falling into my hands. "But he's not, Brooke. He killed Peterkin. Running away proved that," he says carefully.

"Bullshit!" My voice raises an octave, surprising Shoupe. "Rafe killed Peterkin, and Ward killed my father. I have no family because of those bastards!"

I move towards the door, far too mad to be standing here, yelling at a man who won't do a damn thing. "You need to stop this, Brooklyn."

With a hand on the door handle, I glance at him. "Then do your damn job."

"If you don't stop what you're doing, we'll have you arrested."

"Then I suggest you arrest me."

I yank open the door, storming out of the office before he actually does follow through with arresting me. He knows he can't anyway, not when he absolutely has no case against me. I find my friends standing outside the station, but I don't say a word, I just storm off, desperate to get home and shower with the very little warm water we currently have.

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𝖨 𝖲𝖳𝖠𝖭𝖣 𝖨𝖭 𝖳𝖧𝖤 𝖲𝖧𝖮𝖶𝖤𝖱，𝖲𝖳𝖠𝖱𝖨𝖭𝖦 𝖠𝖳 𝖳𝖧𝖤 𝖶𝖠𝖫𝖫 𝖠𝖲 𝖳𝖧𝖤 𝖶𝖠𝖳𝖤𝖱 𝖢𝖮𝖬𝖤𝖲 𝖡𝖠𝖱𝖱𝖤𝖫𝖨𝖭𝖦 𝖣𝖮𝖶𝖭．Kiara and Pope went back to their houses while JJ sits in the living room, waiting for me to get out of the shower, but I'm going to bask in the warm water for as long as I can. It's very rare that the water is actually warm, but tonight, it's just perfect.

I love to shower── more than I let on. I don't shower everyday because, usually, the water is stone cold, but when it's lukewarm like it is now, I can't help but feel overwhelmed with relaxation. I spent a lot of time showering in the days after John B and Sarah were declared dead, mainly because the shower was a place away from the chaos and upset.

I crave the time I have alone. I love spending day after day with my friends, but the time I spend alone truly is wonderful. However, it can be devastating to be on my own as it means being left alone with my own thoughts for far too long, and that's dangerous for everyone.

I just love to shower. I could never share this space with anyone. Being in the shower, trapped in my own bubble is something I love, so I don't think I could ever share my bubble with anyone unless I had a good reason to.

I feel as if I'm separate from my body as I press my head against the wall, letting the water drip from my hair and roll down my back. My feet are cold against the floor of the bathtub while the rest of my body is warmed from the inside out thanks to the pounding water.

I find that I've been in the shower for half an hour when I finally force myself to get out. I pull the nearest towel around me, sighing at the content feeling of the soft material on my bare skin. I move towards the mirror, reaching my hand up to wipe the condensation so I can look at myself.

I've cleaned the dirt and muck from my arms, my legs, even my hair, and now I'm just... staring. I stare at my lips, finding that they don't seem to lift like they used to. My smile has disappeared because I feel as if I'm not getting anywhere. My brother can't come home until his name is cleared, and while I'm trying to help in any way I can, nothing is happening.

His name has not been cleared, and I'm starting to lose my patience with every ticking second. I don't know what he's doing right now, and I don't even know if he and Sarah are safe. It's our birthday... tomorrow as it's midnight currently, and I fear we will not be spending it together.

He won't be coming home anytime soon, and I hate that.

The mirror starts to fog up again which is probably for the best as I can't really stand to look at my face anymore. I just look so unhappy when I have a thousand reasons to be happy at the moment. For starters, John B and Sarah are actually alive and he will be coming home one day. Secondly, we've handed in the gun which is good even if Shoupe won't hear us out. And, on a very happy note, JJ and I kissed once again yesterday, and it was, well, life-altering.

Had Pope not interrupted us, I don't know what would've happened. I mean, that wouldn't have happened, but something else could've── I won't explain what that means, you should just know. Anyway, I'm happy about JJ, I am, but I'm afraid kissing him doesn't solve all the other problems in my life such as getting Shoupe to hear us out and getting my brother home safe and sound.

I move out of the bathroom, towel wrapped around me. JJ is sitting on the sofa, phone in hand. His eyes lift to catch me as I close the bathroom door behind me. I don't make any further attempt to walk away, I just look at him with something of a smile on my lips── not a full one, but an appreciative one because he's here. His presence means a lot to me, he has no idea.

"You okay?" I nod, a lump in my throat that I try to swallow as I feel something warm behind my eyes. Not again. "Brooke?" I keep nodding my head, teeth now biting down on my tongue to suppress the burning sensation in my eyes as tears threaten to pour out.

"Yeah. I'm fine." Emotion swells in my throat, and I'm ninety-nine percent JJ can hear it as he's up and off the sofa, moving carefully towards me as I shift my eyes from him to the floor.

I'm wearing a towel. I need my clothes.

As JJ moves to me, I sidestep into my bedroom, needing to collect my clothes. "Sunny?" I hold the towel up with my arm as I walk to my dresser drawers, pulling out the first thing I see. It doesn't matter what I wear, I'm only going to bed. "Hey, Sunshine."

I spin around, coming face to face with JJ, my body crashing against his. "JJ──"

"Hey." His head ducks slightly, his hand reaching out to grasp my elbow. "Hey, Sunny, what's up?" I shake my head, wanting to move past him.

"I-I need to change. I'm not..." I sigh, chest tightening as I push my hand against JJ's chest, desperate to just move past him. "I'm not wearing. I-I need to change, JJ, just..." Tears boil over which isn't unusual. They trickle from my eyes and push down my cheeks, leaving behind an embarrassing warm trail.

"Hey, Sunshine." His hand slides up my arm, resting on my shoulder to urge me forward. I shake my head, sucking in a sharp breath as more tears trickle over. "Come on." I shuffle closer, and my head falls involuntarily, hitting his shoulder while his arm sweeps around my back, pulling me into him.

I suddenly forget that I'm only wearing a towel.

JJ presses one hand against the back of my head while his other hand rests on the small of my back, holding onto me tightly as my arms lift, circling around his middle as I push myself closer, chest pressing against his. His chin rests upon my head while his fingers move through my hair, untangling knots I didn't realise I had.

I squeeze my arms around him, tears overwhelming my eyes as my body wrecks with sobs── loud and cracking.

I've spent nearly every night crying. The tears are slow and gentle and my cries are never loud── not like this, but I believe I've just been holding them in until this. I don't know why I'm crying nor do I want to be crying. I feel like I'm always crying into JJ's arms over stupid, stupid things that don't mean anything.

"Let it all out, Sunshine."

I do.

I let every emotion out and into the arms of the boy that I love, and he takes every single wail, weep, and whimper from me. He doesn't judge me, not in the way I always suspect people to do, he just holds onto me and listens, taking away all those nasty thoughts and emotions buried deep inside my chest.

He doesn't let go until I let go first, and even then, he hovers close to me. He stands on the other side of the bathroom door when I go to change. He brushes his teeth right along with me because, yes, JJ has a toothbrush here. He sits on the edge of my bed as I drag my hairbrush through my hair. He watches me carefully, staying close to me, and like I said earlier, his presence is always appreciated.

He has a big presence, not just in my life, but in everybody's life. Without him, the world kind of seems dimmer, if that makes sense. Because JJ is just larger than life, I can't imagine him not being in my view, or being in my home, or being in my life.

JJ calls me Sunshine, but he quite literally is the definition of the sunshine. He's got such a large presence, that if gone for too long, it's noticed. He's always there, protecting me like the clouds protect the sun, so in the end, JJ is so many different things── the sun, the clouds, the stars, the moon. JJ is a little piece of all those beautiful things in the world.

"Whatcha been drawing?" I turn away from the cracked mirror in my bedroom, facing him as he holds my sketchbook in his hand.

Last night, I drew a birthday cake── pretty basic, but the concept was in my mind as my birthday is now tomorrow. I will be seventeen tomorrow, but I annoyingly feel as if I've not accomplished all those things a sixteen-year-old should have accomplished by now. I mean, I've done stuff like smoke weed and drink underage and go to parties, but I've not done anything truly meaningful with my sixteen years of life other than, you know, kiss JJ.

The proudest moment of my life, I think, is actually kissing him. Sure, he kissed me when we were thirteen, but it was a simple peck on the lips to show all those other girls in our class that I was worth a first kiss too.

No, the moment where I kissed him first was the proudest moment of my life. I put my heart and soul on the line just to feel his mouth against mine, and so far, I do not regret it for one second. Every moment following that has been truly incredible, and I could definitely get used to kissing him day and night.

"It's my birthday tomorrow," I say like he doesn't know it's my birthday tomorrow.

I met JJ nearly nine years ago, so he knows when mine and John B's birthday is. John B and I met JJ just a few days after our eighth birthday when school started up, so in a few days time, JJ and I would've known each other for nine years.

He closes the sketchbook, placing it down next to him. "Yeah, I know."

I turn away from the mirror, hairbrush in hand. "Hey." He peers over at me, eyes subtly moving down the length of my body. I wear a pair of shorts that, I swear, I've had since I was twelve, so they're short, short on me now. I paired it with the first shirt I could find, but I don't believe this shirt belongs to me, and I think JJ sees that too. Red crawls up my neck, warming my cheeks, but I ignore it as I continue to talk, "What's something I should do before I turn seventeen?"

His eyes lift, finding mine, and once again, my two favourite colours clash. "What?"

"What's something I should do before I turn seventeen?" I repeat, still feeling fuzzy inside from the fact that he didn't hear me because he was too busy ogling me. Bastard.

"Hmm..." He lifts himself up and off my bed, crossing the length of the room to reach me as I stand by the mirror, clutching my hairbrush. He's now standing before me, and he's reaching out to snatch the hairbrush from my hand. "Turn around."

I huff out a laugh, confused. "What?"

"Turn around." He spins his finger in a circular motion, urging me to spin around and reface the mirror. I do as told, turning to face the mirror, and because of the crack in the mirror, I can't see his face, but I know exactly what he's doing.

He reaches for my wrist, tugging off the hairband I always wear right under the bracelet he made for me nearly seven years ago. He brings the hairbrush to my hair, dragging the bristles of the brush through my unknotted hair in a careful motion. He drags the brush through my hair a few times, and I just try to watch through the mirror with a pounding heart.

No boy has ever brushed my hair, but there's something oddly intimate about it, I can't explain it. I certainly don't mind it.

I find it funny that, not even half an hour ago, I was crying in his arms, and now he's just brushing my hair, acting like nothing happened. I actually love that we've managed to shift from being so upset to being so... content. I like that he doesn't treat me like a fragile doll and he doesn't ask any questions, he just let me cry, and now we've moved on. I like that.

JJ's fingers now glide through my hair, the hairband now on his wrist as he pulls my hair into one hand, his other hand dragging the brush through my hair a few more times for good measure.

Once all my hair is pulled into his hand, he places the brush down and begins to pull the hairband off his wrist, pulling it taut around my hair. "How do you know how to do this?" I ask, watching as he pulls my hair through the band against once he's twisted it.

"Done this loads of times." It takes me a second── a long second to realise what he means by that, and when he's finished tying my hair up into an annoyingly impressive ponytail, I step away from him, disgusted.

"Ew!" I smack my hand against his arm.

He laughs, a whole body laugh, obviously finding all this to be amusing. "I'm kidding, Sunny. I've seen you tie your hair up everyday for eight years, it's not that hard." Well, that's not as funny. That's actually sweet. He's watched me tie my hair up into this very simple style for eight years, so he just knows how to do it. He's always watching me, just like I'm always watching him.

"What did you think I meant?"

I scoff, eyes narrowing on him as red continues to bite at my cheeks. "You know what I thought you meant."

He takes a daring step closer. "No, I don't. I might need you to explain it to me, Sunshine."

I press my hand against his chest, shaking my head. "No. You're a smart boy, figure it out yourself. Now..." I take a step back, moving to my bedroom door. "What's this thing I need to do before I turn seventeen? I'm sure it wasn't have you tie my hair up."

"No, it wasn't." He moves forward, pushing his hand into mine. "Come on."

I follow. I'll always follow him, wherever he goes. I'm weak like that.

Don't judge me either. You'd follow him too, or else you wouldn't be here, reading this. That's right, I got you guys all figured out.

Anyway, I follow him outside, and the cold air nips at my face, but I keep following him as he pulls us towards the dock outside the Chateau. We come to a stop in front of the ladders that follow down into the water. I don't particularly want to see ladders or water for the foreseeable future after nearly drowning a few hours prior, but I am intrigued to know why he brought me here.

Before I can ask why we're here, he whips his shirt off, disregarding it quickly, and because I'm only human, my eyes fall to his chest, his abs, his stomach── just him, in general. He knows I'm staring based off the small smirk that overtakes his lips as he pushes open the button of his shorts.

That catches my attention as he pushes them down to reveal his swimming shorts. He's had two pairs of shorts on this entire time? Why? I don't have time to question that because he doesn't just stop at the shorts like I suspected him to. No, he pushes his fingers into the waistband of his swim shorts, fully ready to push them down.

My hand reaches out, grasping his arm. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Skinny dipping," he answers casually, peering at my shocked face. He breathes out a laugh, fingers still tucked into the waistband of his swim shorts.

"I'm sorry?"

"I'm doing something fun before I turn seventeen," he adds, smiling like he didn't just drop some kind of bomb on me.

"You don't turn seventeen for another month."

"Yes, exactly." My eyebrows furrow, nails digging into his arm as his fingers move, still ready and willing to push his swim shorts down.

"But, I──" I shake my head, not able to form a real, coherent sentence. "I-I don't understand. Why is this what I have to do before I turn seventeen?"

"I'm not saying you have to do this before you turn seventeen. You can do whatever you want, Sunny. I'm just letting you know that this is what I'm going to do, alright?" I stare at him, baffled to my core. "You can join me if you want, but no pressure, Sunshine."

"JJ──"

"Take a risk with me, Sunshine."

On that note, he's pushing his swim shorts down, and I'm averting my eyes because, I don't know, I feel wrong just ogling him despite him literally stripping before me. I don't look back until I hear the splash of water nearby, but even then, I take a whole minute to actually look back at him as he floats in the water, moving his arms in a circular motion to try and stay warm.

I bet that water is fucking freezing.

I turn seventeen tomorrow, and while that's still very young to people, I could die tomorrow. If we really think about it, any of us could die tomorrow, or next year, or in the next five years, and we may have not really lived, so why shouldn't I just take the plunge── literally. Doing something like skinny dipping is fun and exciting and thrilling in an odd way, and every part of me desperately wants to do it.

I should just do it.

Take the risk. Take the plunge.

"Look away!" I yell over to him, and he doesn't even question me, he simply turns away from me. Well, at least he's a gentleman in that sense.

I take a deep breath, hook my fingers into the waistband of these ridiculous shorts and I push them down. Now I'm not wearing a bikini underneath as I didn't anticipate leaving the comfort of my house tonight, but look at what's happened. I step out of the shorts as I pull at the shirt I'm wearing, throwing it onto the pile of meaningless clothes.

I then push my fingers into my underwear, sliding it down dangerously slow and throwing it onto the pile before I move to lower myself into the water, and as I suspected, it's fucking ice cold── so cold that I'm a little afraid of catching hypothermia.

I kick my legs, doing anything and everything to keep myself warm. My arms cover my chest as I kick myself forward, moving to come up behind JJ, staying as far away as possible as I can.

"Hey," I whisper, telling him that it's safe for him to turn around now.

He spins around, now facing me with a shit-eating grin on his face. "Well, I'm impressed, Sunshine. Look at you." I feel instantly embarrassed, my cheeks warming as I stare down at my faint reflection in the water. "You know, I can't see anything, Brooke."

I lift my eyes, brown finding blue easily.

"I've never been, you know, naked in front of anyone," I say, my voice shaky from how cold the water is. "I-I know you can't really see anything, but I still feel... vulnerable, I guess."

"Nobody's ever seen you like this?"

I shake my head. "I-I don't trust anyone enough to let them see me like this," I breathe out, a hushed laugh falling from my lips. "You know, there's been people in the past that have liked me, but I've never, well, had sex so nobody has ever seen me... naked." I have no idea what I'm saying, I'm just rambling hopelessly.

JJ nods, understanding the rambling.

"I don't know what I'm saying."

"You trust me," he states, tone certain.

"Yeah, of course I do."

"Why?" I don't know why, but I wasn't expecting him to question my trust in him, but I already have a simple answer to that question.

"You know me better than anyone," I begin. "You've always been there for me. You look out for me, you keep me safe. I feel protected whenever I'm around you, and I just, trust you a lot. I trust my life in your hands. I trust my mind in your hands." I inhale a sharp breath, eyes boring into his. "I trust my... body in your hands."

He sucks in an unsteady breath, obviously a little surprised to hear that statement, but I swear he pushes himself just an inch closer to me. "Yeah?" I swallow the lump forming in my throat, nodding slowly as I push myself forward slightly so we meet somewhere in the middle.

I feel my foot kick against his leg, showing just how close we are to one another at this current moment. This time we're actually dangerously close to one another, because not only are we close, we're completely skin-to-skin. No clothes separate us, stopping us from doing something that I think I'd want if the opportunity presented itself like it is now.

Would he want it too? Can he feel it too?

My heart pounds, my skin crawls and itches with warmth, and my head turns fuzzy as I drag myself forward at the same time he does.

"Do you want to go back inside?" I shake my head, my entire body tingling with nerves. I stare at him, watching him carefully as his eyes flicker from my eyes to my mouth, hovering for a few seconds. "Words, Brooke."

"No, I don't want to go back inside." My voice is surprisingly confident to say that my heart is racing with the anticipation of what could happen right now.

"Are you sure?" I nod my head, swallowing thickly as my eyes peer down at his mouth, wishing he'd just step forward── sorry, swim forward── and kiss me. "Brooklyn, words."

He makes my head go fuzzy, so much so that I fail to speak, but I push the words out. "I-I'm taking a risk." I kick my feet forward, my body moving towards him. "I'm sure, JJ."

His hand presses against my cheek, fingers under my jaw as he leans in, his lips touching mine in a delicate and tentative passion. I relax against his mouth, a sigh falling from my lips as JJ's mouth glides over mine easily, our lips fitting together like puzzle pieces── puzzle pieces in the swirling colours of blue and yellow and brown.

We just fit, I think we always have, all this time.

His other hand falls, resting against my hip, right over the scar that was left by Ward Cameron. I hate to see that mark. I hate to be reminded of how I got it, but JJ covering it, even under the water, brings me this great sense of calm.

I'm pulled forward, chest pressing against his which elicits some kind of noise from me because I've never been this close to him── never skin-to-skin like this. It's a feeling that ignites warmth from my toes right up to my face which contrasts against the cold water we find ourselves in.

JJ bites on my bottom lip, pulling both pleasure and pain out of me as my body instinctively jerks forward, hands grasping his shoulders gently.

I then feel myself press into him below── parts of us touching that I've only ever dreamed about── and my entire body tenses. He notices the shift, and he immediately pulls his mouth off mine, and moves his hand away from my hip as his body gently pulls back.

"I-I'm sorry, I just..."

"No, I'm sorry," he rushes out. "I-I didn't bring you out here to do anything like that. I-I just..."

I breathe out a laugh, head shaking. "I know. I know you didn't do that. We both..."

"Yeah." I look to him, our eyes meeting again. "We should go back inside. This water's fucking cold." The moment is crushed, I know that, but there's still that lingering want in the air on both sides, I know that too.

"Yeah, it's cold."

"You get out first, alright?" I nod, humming as he turns away so I can get out and change without him looking at me. See, perfect gentleman.

A smile touches my lips, and instead of leaving entirely, I swim just a tiny bit closer so I can slide my hand against the back of his shoulder. I then duck my head down, pressing my lips against the back of his neck, my forehead pressed to the back of his head for a few seconds.

"Thank you," I whisper. "I took the risk, and I'm not upset that I did."

"You should take risks more often, Sunshine."

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❀ soph speaks

woah nearly 8000 words,, hope you enjoyed as much as i enjoyed writing hehe