𝟎𝟐𝟖.               𝐤𝐢𝐬𝐬 𝐦𝐞, 𝐬𝐮𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐞

kiss me    ────    sixpence none the richer

( it's a long one, readers, nearly 10,000 words
do enjoy, i know i enjoyed writing it )

☀︎ 𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐥𝐲𝐧'𝐬 𝐩𝐨𝐯

𝖭𝖨𝖦𝖧𝖳 𝖧𝖠𝖲 𝖲𝖤𝖳𝖳𝖫𝖤𝖣 𝖮𝖵𝖤𝖱 𝖳𝖧𝖤 𝖮𝖴𝖳𝖤𝖱 𝖡𝖠𝖭𝖪𝖲，and I'm thinking about where my brother might be. I hope he's safe, wherever he is. From what I can hear, the cops are still searching for him. I hate that he's alone out there, lost and confused. I want to be there for him, helping me get through this, but I was told to stay right here.

So I'm staying put. Well, I'm trying to stay put. I'm not exactly comfortable sitting in one place, not when my brother is out there, trying to run away from the cops for a crime he didn't commit. 

Every part of me wants to run home, bury myself in my covers and go back to the start of summer. I'd go back and do it right. I'd change the story, panning it out to make it so we never found that boat underwater, because from the moment we did, everything slowly fell apart. In fact, I think I'd go even further back and beg my father to stay home instead of going on his trip.

Basically, if I knew then what I know now, I'd go back and fix it. I'd change the story. I'd change the narrative.

But that's physically impossible.

Instead of changing the story to how I want it, I'm stuck, wishing for everything to be different.

I'd do absolutely anything to go back.

But then again, would I really if given the choice?

I cast a glance over my shoulder, finding JJ and Pope to be in conversation. We're at The Wreck, hiding out for the night. I'm sat outside after changing the bandage on my hip, staring up at the stars above my head. I haven't seen any cops nor heard them. If I had, I wouldn't be out here. 

Back to the question of, if given the choice to go back and fix everything, would I?

Well, there's one reason I wouldn't go back, and he's sitting right there, laughing easily despite all the shit that's spiralled in the past two days.

Nearly twenty-four hours ago I kissed him, and I swear I can still feel the press of his mouth against mine even if the act lasted all of five seconds. I could've kissed him again, over and over again until I became delirious, but I pulled away with the hope that he would want more.

I'm unsure if he does want more, but I'll keep on holding hope. I need to hold onto something nowadays. I need hope.

If I had the choice to go back, I wouldn't go back for the sole reason that I likely would've never had any kind of guts to kiss JJ. He's been here for me more than he's ever been before, pushing me and supporting me, and that ultimately led me to where I needed to be── in his arms, my mouth on his. That's where I've always wanted to be, I just was too afraid to get there.

Because of him, I wasn't so afraid.

The person I was when Dad was alive and all was perfect is not the same person I am right now. I would've never been strong enough to kiss the boy I've been in love with since I was eight-years-old. JJ doesn't even know the extent of my feelings. I didn't want to tell him. I guess, in some ways, I'm still a little afraid.

But it's safe to say that JJ has made me feel just a tiny bit stronger. I mean, I kissed him.

I'm still a little surprised that I finally did it.

I'm more surprised at myself that I pulled away without doing more. My restraint was very close to snapping but I kept it securely locked, knowing that if we ever do become... something, I want to savour those moments.

Past me would've never kissed JJ, so I wouldn't go back and erase that. I'm glad I kissed him, and all I know is that I definitely want to do it again. However, I won't be making the next move, not when I need him to.

My chin drops to my knees, and a smile touches my lips at the reminder of his mouth on mine. It was the shortest yet sweetest moment of my entire life, and if I were to die tomorrow, I know I'd die happy because I did the one thing I always dreamt of doing since JJ kissed me three-years-ago.

I kissed him. I kissed the boy.

"Hey." I lift my head, eyes moving past my shoulder to see Kiara stepping out The Wreck. She wipes a hand across her face. She looks tired. I can't say I blame her for feeling that way. She's had to deal with Pope who, I think, has since cooled down since his almost crash due to being high── thanks, JJ.

After we said goodbye to John B, letting him make a run for it, we payed a visit to Sarah once night fell over the town. Kiara snuck in, knocked a hand on her window, and the two spoke through the glass for a short moment before Kiara departed. Sarah's locked in her room from what Kiara could see, and once we figure out what to do with John B, we can figure out how to help Sarah. I want to help Sarah escape her family. I just need to figure out how to help my own family first.

Anyway, Pope has been a little loopy lately due to the weed in his system, but I think it's finally waring off.

"Hey." She moves to sit down next to me on the steps. "You okay?"

"Pope told me he loves me," she admits.

My lips part, surprise wiped across my face. I turn my head to Kiara, finding her to be staring forward, staring at anything but me.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"Pope told me he loves me," she repeats.

I knew Pope had feelings for Kiara, I just didn't expect him to ever actually tell her. I guess weed makes one accidentally tell their deepest secrets and desires. I'm going to need to remind myself not to get as high as a kite because I'll likely blurt something out to JJ and that's the last thing I need at this moment.

"Wow," I breathe out. "What did you say?"

"I-I freaked out," she tells me, breathing out a laugh. "I didn't know what to say. I mean, what do I say?"

"Do you like him?" She doesn't answer me, she just stares straight ahead at the water, obviously wishing to avoid this conversation, but she shouldn't have told me if she didn't want me to ask questions. "Kie, no bullshit," I offer, earning something of a smile.

"Yeah, because it ended well the last time we did the 'no bullshit' thing."

I smirk, pressing my cheek onto my hand as I glance at her. "I thought it did."

A laugh bubbles out of her, red crawling up her neck. "Shut up."

Last time we did the no bullshit thing, I ended up underneath Kiara with her mouth on mine. There have been a few occasions where I've thought about that night── where I've thought about what it may have become had we not been interrupted. I don't regret what happened that night with Kiara because I think she opened up a part of me I didn't know I had. I think she gave me that small boost of confidence that pushed me to, well, seek comfort in the boy I've loved my entire life.

In another life, maybe Kiara and I would stand a chance together romantically. Don't get me wrong, I do think we match one another, just not in a romantic way. No, I think we suit each other as friends── best friends.

"So, no bullshit, Kie." I nudge her shoulder softly. "Do you like Pope?"

She sighs, her elbows digging into her knees. "No," she says, her voice quiet. "No, I don't. Part of me wants to because he's great." He's really, really great. "But I-I don't like him, not in that way."

"Okay." I nod carefully. "That's okay."

"I want something different," she admits. "I want to go to Antarctica, and I wanna ride camels..." She looks down, staring at her feet. "I want that mind-blowing love we talked about that night." That night being the night of our life-altering moment, but before the kiss, we talked about the kind of love that we want. Deep down, we both want a love that lasts, not just a meaningless hookup. "I want something different, and I don't think I can have that with Pope."

"How do you know you can't have that with him?"

Her eyes lift and her head turns to face me. The second brown meets brown, I'm taken back to that night for half a second. I'm under her, her mouth is on mine, and her hand is sliding up the bare skin of my waist. I can't help but think about it. I mean, the kiss I shared with Kiara altered my being, I swear to God.

This doesn't mean I feel any less for JJ. I love him, I always have. With Kiara, there's something different there── a good different, but something different that isn't love. I don't see a future with her, not in the way I imagine with JJ, but there's no denying that we do have a lot of chemistry that, if explored further, would be astronomical.

I think Kiara and I will always have that powerful bond between us. It's difficult to forget what we did, especially when we nearly did something that neither of us would've been able to take back── not that I would've taken it back.

I care about Kiara. I care about her a lot. In another life, I could probably love her in the way that I love JJ, but my feelings for him have always been too strong. They will never disappear, not in this lifetime anyway.

"I can't have that with him." I stare at her, finding her eyes to be genuine. She really believes that she can't have that love with Pope, and only she can really know that. I can't possibly know, and even though I adore Pope, I don't see him and Kiara as a match, I guess.

I shuffle closer, deciding to press my chin on her shoulder. "Okay."

"Hey." Her voice is just above a whisper. "No bullshit..." I hum, acknowledging her. "Do you think I'll find it?"

"Yeah," I say without hesitating. "If anyone is going to find it, you will be that person, Kiara." I squeeze her arm reassuringly. "You deserve it, Kiara. You really deserve it."

"So do you," she whispers back.

I may have found it, I just don't know for sure.

"We'll find it, Kie. Everybody does, right?"

She nods, leaning her head against mine. "Right." Her voice sounds tense, but I don't question it. It's been a long day, and tomorrow is only going to last longer. We're all tired, and we're about to sleep on freaking tables for the night.

How exciting!

"Hey, Kie." I wrap my arm around hers. "What do you mean when you say you want something different?"

I feel her tense next to me, so I lift my head off her shoulder but keep my arm around hers. She's staring ahead, looking anywhere else but at me. She's done that a lot tonight. She doesn't look to me, she just looks elsewhere.

I squeeze her arm. "Kie?"

"I-I just want something different," she pushes out, voice unsure. "Something not with him." I don't think she knows what she's saying, but she keeps talking. "I don't know how to explain it, Brooke, I just know I want something else, and I can't have that with Pope. I could try but it wouldn't be the same as──" She pauses, shaking her head, retracting her words. "I-It just wouldn't be right," is what she chooses to say instead, but I can't ignore the comment about it not being the same── the same as what?

However, for her sake, I choose to ignore that slip up because it's obvious she doesn't want to discuss that.

"Something different," I repeat, nodding slowly. "Well, whatever that something different is, you will get it. I know you will."

She tilts her head, peering at me. "You know?"

I stare back at her, a smile on my lips. "Yes."

"I want it," she tells me, smiling fondly. "I just don't know if I'll get it."

I furrow my brows. "You'll get it, Kie, one way or another."

She inhales sharply. "I hope so."

──────────────────────────

𝖩𝖴𝖲𝖳 𝖫𝖨𝖪𝖤 𝖫𝖠𝖲𝖳 𝖭𝖨𝖦𝖧𝖳，𝖨 𝖢𝖠𝖭'𝖳 𝖲𝖫𝖤𝖤𝖯．

Everybody but me is sleeping because, once again, my mind is running wild, filling itself with all kinds of terrifying scenarios of my brother being arrested, of my brother being dead, and of my brother being stranded and hurt. I want to go out there and search for him, but I have to refrain myself. He wants me to stay here, so I need to just stay right here.

I just can't sleep until I know he's okay, and I won't know he's okay until later on. I won't know he's alive until we see him── if we see him.

No, I need to not think like that.

John B is strong. He's got good survival instincts. He's going to be perfectly fine. I need to not worry.

How can I not worry when he's the only family I've got left? I've lost Dad, I can't lose him too── not to Ward Cameron. I need him to be okay. I need him to be good. If anything has happened to him, I think I'll turn towards murder.

I honestly did try to sleep but the combination of a hardwood table and a stupid ticking clock pushed me to a stand, and now I'm sitting outside once again. I'm sitting on one of the tables outside on the deck, staring out to the water instead of sitting on the steps.

In times like these── in times of distress and worry── I'd turn to my sketchbook, but that's either still on the Cameron's boat or at the bottom of the water. I miss my sketchbook. Drawing is my safety net, and now I no longer have that net so I'm just free falling, drowning in the water, wishing I could escape with the simple act of drawing.

Now that I've kissed JJ, I want to finish the sketch. I want to draw his lips, but I can't── not anymore.

I want to draw so badly.

I could draw on myself, doodle on my knees or hands, but drawing on myself (or somebody else) isn't as thrilling as drawing in my sketchbook. It sounds silly, but when one likes to draw like myself, it's sad when you don't have something to actually draw in.

Fuck, another reason to hate Ward Cameron.

If I didn't take my sketchbook on that boat, it would still be here with me. Damn me.

I sense somebody behind me.

A hand lands on my shoulder, and the other hand tugs on my ponytail, forcing my head back before it hits the table. I stare up to find a very familiar face── a face I never get tired of seeing. The hand on my shoulder grips tightly, moving to touch the side of my neck. The moment his knuckles brush against the thumping pulse in my neck, blush creeps up my neck, highlighting my face. 

"Hey, Sunshine."

As always, that weight pushing down on my chest lifts the moment I hear those two words.

My lips turn up in a smile as he tugs just a tiny bit harder on my hair, keeping my head pulled back as he stares down at me with his bottom lip tucked between his teeth. His fingers unclench, fingertips pressing firmly against the side of my neck. He's beautiful like this, even upside down.

He's always beautiful to me── in the moonlight, in the sunshine. With a smile like that, and eyes like those, he's indescribably ethereal to me. He truly is a sight for sore eyes. I want to hold onto him forever, keep him close to me, and hope he lets me stare at him like this more often.

"You know, staring at me like that is gonna get you in trouble, Sunshine."

I like the sound of that.

I drag my tongue across my teeth, eyes fixated on his. "Oh, yeah? What kind of trouble?"

He leans down, both hands sliding across my face and resting along my jaw. My eyes come to a close in anticipation of his move, and I stay that way for a good five seconds as I feel his lips hover above mine. I wait, eyes closed with mouth slightly agape. I just wait, and nothing comes.

One hand slides further down, resting over my neck while the other stays under my jaw. I blink my eyes open, finding him to be staring right down at me, lips threatening to touch mine. He's doing this on purpose── toying with me until I cave again. Damn him.

I thought we were going to have that Spider-man kiss moment. I was wrong.

"You don't want to know what kind of trouble I'd get you in, Sunny." I swallow, and he feels it in my throat as he holds my neck. A grin takes over his moonlit face, and I can't fight back the smile on my own face as red crawls up my face.

"What if I do want to know?"

I've never been with anybody in this way before. Well, I've never really been with anybody. Sure, there was that single fleeting moment with Kiara, but that likely won't progress into anything else. Like I've said before, Kiara and JJ are different people. JJ makes me feel weak at my knees, so it's a good thing I'm sitting down. Kiara, on the other hand, made me feel grounded and stopped me from swimming away.

The moment I shared with Kiara was a single act of weakness. With JJ, I'm weak all the time, desperate for him, and I don't want this to just be a one time thing.

"You'll know one day," he assures, fingers squeezing at my throat for a quarter of a second before he pulls himself away entirely, letting my head drop forward.

I want his hand back.

He pulls up a chair, pulling it in front of me as I try to regain composure. It takes me a few seconds as I'm pretty sure JJ's fingertips are burnt into my neck and face. I can feel him everywhere. My entire body is tingling, starting from my toes and travelling up to my face. I feel hot and desperate for the damn boy in front of me who sits casually with his chin resting on his hand as he looks to me.

He hums, knee grazing across mine. "Your face is red," he comments, tilting his head to one side.

I inhale a shaky breath. "Shut up."

His smile is wide, and mine is hidden behind my hand. He always, unfailingly, leaves me like this── a complete and utter mess.

His hand falls, brushing across my kneecap. "You feeling okay?" I glare at him, and he scoffs. "Obviously, you're feeling hot... in places." My jaw scrapes the floor as his eyes skim over me. "But I mean, are you feeling okay up there?" He's referring to up there in my head.

I exhale a breath I didn't realise I was holding. "I-I'm fine," I force out, swallowing down the pressure in my throat. "I'm a little worried about John B, but I'm okay... I think."

"He's gonna be okay, Brooke."

I nod, letting my hands fall onto my knees. "Yeah." JJ's fingers graze mine, sending some sort of shiver up my arms. "He'll be fine."

I stretch my hands out, fingers dancing over his hands. I drag my nails across his knuckles, staring at my fingers as they glide across his skin. He watches too, oddly fascinated. I hear him swallow, so I peer up from our hands, eyes finding his once again.

"Can you take my mind off it?" His eyes widen, head jerking back in surprise because I realise how that sounds. "I-I don't mean like that..."

He smirks. "No?"

"I wouldn't be opposed to that," I utter daringly, earning a look from JJ I think I've seen before── a look that is hot and primal. I force myself to look away, afraid I'll lunge at him if I don't, so I avert my gaze down at our hands again so he doesn't catch the red on my face. "I-I just mean, can you take my mind off of John B by just... talking?"

"Dirty talking?"

I huff out a laugh. "Shut up."

He leans back in his chair, resting his elbows on the arms of the chair. "How about a friendly game of truths, Sunshine?"

It seems we always end up going back to what we know best── truths.

I quirk a brow. "A friendly game?"

He shakes his head, shrugging his shoulders. "Okay, a semi-friendly game of truths. One question each."

"Only one question?"

He nods firmly, holding up his index finger. "Only one, so choose wisely, Sunny."

I know we'll be asking more than one.

"I already have a question."

I've had this question bouncing around in my head since I kissed him last night. He seems awfully surprised that I've thought of a question so quickly, but I've been imagining the answer to this question since last night. I wonder if the answer will weigh up to my expectations.

"You already have a question?"

I nod, smile on my lips. "Yes, I already have a question."

"Well, shoot."

"I kissed you," I state.

"Yes, you did."

"And my question to you is..." I lean forward, resting my chin on my fist as I peer at him. "Are you glad I did?"

I felt him kiss back even if it was for the shortest second of my life. Still, he kissed back. I felt the press of his mouth against mine, and I'm pretty sure I can still feel it now. It's like he's imprinted himself on me, not just in my head but in every part of me.

But what if he didn't really want me to kiss him? No, he must've known I was going to because every moment before had been leading up to that. Also, he didn't seem opposed to me kissing him, did he?

Now I've dug myself into a hole.

He wanted me to kiss him, right?

Somebody reassure me, dammit.

"Of course I'm glad."

Well, that's definitely reassuring, thanks guys. Oh, never mind, you didn't say that, he did. Either way, I'm relieved to hear those words, so much so that I can't fight back the smile because, come on, it's nice to be reassured that kissing somebody wasn't a totally stupid thing to do. He's glad I kissed him. Now I can relax... kind of.

"Really?"

"That's two questions, Sunny." I roll my eyes, looking away, wishing he'd just── "Yeah, really." I snap my head back to him, relieved he answered. "I was waiting for you to do it."

"You do know that you could've kissed me."

He shakes his head. "No, you needed to do it."

"Why?"

He winces. "Oh, three questions, Sunshine."

"Well, answer me and then you can ask me three in return." I lean back in my chair, crossing my arms over my chest. We're not playing this game properly, not anymore, but it's our game so we'll play however we want, thank you.

"Oh, so you're negotiating with me."

"Do you want something else in return for me asking three questions?"

He pulls his bottom lip in between his teeth, smiling right at me. "Oh, I want a lot of things, Sunshine." Once again, that bastard red crawls up my neck, accentuating my already flushed face. He definitely sees the change in colour, but he doesn't say anything this time which is, well, odd for him.

"Answer my question, JJ."

"Let me ask one first and then I'll answer yours."

I sigh, desperate to hear his answer to my question, but I compromise. "Fine."

"Why did you stop?"

I rear my head back, a little caught off guard by the question because, if I'm being honest, I don't have the answer. JJ stares at me, taunting me with those ridiculous blue eyes of his. I try to stare back as intensely as he is, but I force my eyes off him, looking down at my hands as I compose some kind of answer.

"I-I wanted to leave you... wanting more," I say, finding that to be the most suitable answer even though I don't think it's my real answer.

"Well, you definitely did that, but that's not the real answer, is it?" He leans forward, further toying with me. How does he know me this well? How does he know that my answer wasn't entirely honest? Damn him.

"W-What?"

"Why did you stop?"

"I just told you. I──"

"That's not the real answer, Sunny, and we both know it."

"Then why don't you tell me what the answer is," I bite back, playing with him in the same way that he's toying with me. "You know, because you seem to know me so well."

"I do know you so well."

"And I know you so well," I comment, finding that I'm leaning forward, resting my elbows on my knees once again as I stare straight at him.

"Yes, you do."

"So what's my answer to your question then?"

"I think you stopped because you did want more, but you're afraid of taking more."

I wasn't expecting him to say that, but I guess I shouldn't be all that surprised, right? He knows me better than most. He seems to know exactly what I'm thinking at all times. How that is possible, I'm not sure. It's baffling to me.

He's not wrong, I did want more. I wanted a lot.

I wanted to pull him closer, move my mouth across his for longer than a couple of seconds, and climb into his comfort. I wanted him to push me back against the tree and kiss me until I became a breathless mess on the floor, but we didn't go any further than a simple press of our lips.

He's right, I wanted so much more.

I wanted his hands all over me── on my neck, on my hips, on my stomach, on my legs... on me. I didn't just want his hands all on me, I wanted his lips on every inch of skin. I wanted him to lay me down and literally claim me in the middle of the night while our friends slept in the car nearby.

I don't know why I'm saying it in the past tense. My need for JJ isn't past, it's still very present. I want more with him. I want his hands and lips all over me. I want him to do anything and everything with me. I want more.

I want him. I need him.

"You can take it, you know." Our eyes clash, blue on brown like always. "You can take whatever you want, Brooklyn, but I think you always knew you could." I know he's serious, not just because of his tone but because he said my name.

"I can take what?"

"Me," he replies, not a note of hesitation in his voice.

My mouth gapes. "What?"

"You can take me in whatever way you want, Brooke." I stare at him, utterly dumbfounded, my heart hammering in my chest. "I'm right here, yours for the taking."

"JJ," I breathe out, shaking my head because this is ridiculous, but deep down I really want to do what he's saying. I want to take him.

"I'm serious, Brooke."

I drop my head. "Y-Yeah, I know you are." His knee bashes against mine, and I reach my hand out to rest over his knee. I swallow, forcing myself to look back up because I need to meet his eyes as I say this. "JJ, what do you want?"

He tilts his head. "Fourth question, Sunshine."

I sigh, swallowing the feeling in my throat. "Just..."

"I want you to tell me what you want, Brooklyn." Something electric zings down my spine, igniting every part of me from the inside out. "I want to know why you stopped," he adds on, eyes boring into mine as his fingers brush against mine.

"I-I don't know why I stopped, I just..."

"Brooke──"

"I don't know why I stopped," I insist, but I'm lying through my teeth. I know why I stopped before things progressed into more, but I don't think I want him to know.

"You do know why, Brooklyn. Why did you stop?"

God, he's taunting me, this beautiful bastard.

"I hate this game," I utter, earning something of a laugh from him.

"The game is truths, Brooke. I ask a question, you be honest with me, that's how it works, doesn't it?"

"Yes," I push out, moving my fingers across his.

"Then tell me, Brooke." His hands move, reaching down to grasp the legs of my chair. He tugs the chair forward, consequently yanking me with it. I jerk forward, our knees clashing as he pushes my legs together with his own. His hands fall, resting on my legs, just above my knees.

"JJ──" My eyes fall, staring down at his fingers against the bare skin of my legs.

"Tell me the truth, Brooke. Why did you stop?"

God, I hate him.

No, I don't.

I love him.

"I wanted more," I blurt out, unable to snatch my words back now that they've stupidly left my mouth. "I wanted more, JJ. I wanted a lot more, but I needed to pull back. I needed to see if you wanted it too."

Every part of me wants to stand up and run away, but I know I won't get very far. JJ keeps me on the chair, and because I'm so completely weak for him, I can't just walk off. I can't move a single muscle. How pathetic am I?

"I did want it," he assures, but some sinking part of me knew that... I think.

"It's embarrassing," I whisper, face red for a whole new reason because admitting something as strong as that is scary. "I wanted more, JJ, I did, and I still do. I kissed you because I want more, but I am terrified of more. I mean, what the hell is more?"

"Well, do you want the relationship or do you want the casual thing?"

"The casual thing?"

"The no-strings attached stuff," he clarifies. "You know, the friends-with-benefits thing?"

"Oh." I nod slowly, gulping harshly. "I-I don't know what I want right now." That's the truth, I don't know what I want at this current moment in time. Yes, I want JJ, and yes, one day, I want that fleeting, heart-stopping relationship, but I don't need that now, do I? I'm still young, I can have fun. "I just know I want more," I add on.

"Good." He smiles, but I keep my eyes down, staring at his hands that rest on my legs. "If you want more, I can give you more."

"If I want more, you can give me more?"

"I can give you whatever you want, Brooke."

That offer sounds painfully tempting, and now there's about a thousand things I want from him, but once again, I'm a little afraid to tell him what I want. I hate that I'm afraid. I hate that I can't be bold enough with him. I want to be bold and unpredictable with him. I want to excite him. Can I do that if I'm too afraid to be honest with him about something like this?

"Can you answer my question?" is what I choose to say, finding it to be a safe thing to ask. "You said you would."

"Okay." He hands slide down, hooking under my knees. The push of his legs into mine and the feeling of his hands on my bare skin is almost too much to bear. However, I don't move. I'm just frozen, stuck in this current time, but it's not so bad because I'm stuck with him.

"I think you needed to kiss me to prove to yourself that you could do it," he tells me, answering my previous question that I had almost forgotten about. Funny how a single touch from him can make my head this fuzzy. I don't know how he does it. "And you did it."

"Now the ball is in your court," I say, eyes meeting his.

"Yeah, I guess it is."

My head drops, and anxiety picks at my skin as I think about us and what we mean to one another. I wish I could fight the thoughts in my head, tell them to leave me alone because all I've ever wanted is this, and my head knows that. However, it won't stop fighting with my heart, pulling me in every direction but in the direction of him.

JJ is my best friend. I mean, he knows me better than I now myself most days. He might even know me better than my brother, and that's saying a lot. He's seen every ugly side of me. He's watched every flaw in my presence. He's witnessed every bump in the road that's occurred due to me. He's been there for every moment of my life since the age of eight, and not all those moments have been shining.

He was there when I fell out of trees and bashed my knees. He was there when I fell in the water, and was unable to swim back to the boat. He was there when I got stomach aches from laughing so hard. He was there when every storm hit our town, and we sought comfort in the tree by the Chateau. He was there when I was pushed over in the playground, and he and my brother fought the bullies back. He was there when I screamed for my dad when I thought I had broke my arm── I hadn't, I was just being dramatic.

He was there when I hit my head because I had tripped over my feet due to being unbelievably clumsy. He was there when I would barrel into the water like somebody was chasing me── there was somebody chasing me, it was him. He was there when I couldn't zip up my jacket so he would do it for me. He was there when I was upset over not being kissed at a party so he kissed me despite every girl in our class liking him. He was there when I cried over being in love with a boy── that boy was him, I just never told him it was.

He was there when I wanted to draw, allowing me to press the tip of my pen into his skin while I cried. He was there when I needed help bandaging my wound, wrapping me up in comfort and warmth. He was there when I lost my dad, hugging me and keeping me protected. He was there when I found out Peterkin died and my brother was being blamed for her murder. He was there when I thought all was lost, and he let me kiss him to prove that I still had something worth fighting for. He was there when I needed somebody the most.

He's here right now, staring at me like I hung the moon, the stars, and the entire galaxy.

JJ has been in every aspect of my life since the age of eight, so it truly is terrifying to move on from being best friends to being... more just because I leaped forward and kissed him. I don't think I've ever really been this scared in my life, and I've nearly died this week and my brother is currently running from the cops for a murder he did not commit.

I'm terrified of more even if the more is something I've wanted for a long, long time.

"Hey." I come back, finding the feeling in my legs and arms as JJ squeezes my knees. "Where'd you go, Sunny?"

I shake my head, coming back to this world. "Nowhere," I say, but he knows that to be false. This time, he doesn't pry, he just waits for me to inevitably tell him where I just went.

And yes, I do tell him where my head went.

"You're my best friend," I say, forcing a smile to spread across my face. "You know me really, really well, and I'm scared that because you know me so well... this, whatever this is, would be wrong."

It's not like we're together, not in a romantic way, and we don't need to be together. We can forget about the kiss, maybe that would be easier.

How have I managed to freak myself out this much?

It's truly incredible what goes on in my head.

"Are you saying we can't be friends if I were to, I don't know, kiss you right now?" I open my mouth to answer, but unsurprisingly, no words seem to come out. I just stare forward at him, surprised by his quick response. "Yeah, that's what I thought."

"A-Are you going to?"

"Am I going to what?"

"Kiss me," I mutter, suddenly feeling very exposed right now.

"Do you want me to?"

Is he serious right now? Like, is he actually── I inhale softly, holding a smile. "No," I bite out, lying through my teeth because I do want him to kiss me, I just don't want to admit it and cave like he obviously expects me to do.

"Oh, really... hmm." His hands move, sliding atop my knees and pushing them. I stare down as my legs stutter open, allowing JJ to pull me closer. My legs fall open around his, now trapping him in which I think was his plan all along.

I push my legs together, thighs squeezing his, and his hands slide up, moving to a dangerous part of my body── my thighs. His hands are cold against the warm skin of my thighs, and when his fingers press down, his rings imprint on my skin. I jerk forward an inch, and my breathing turns shallow because this is so un-friend like of us, but I don't care. I want his hands everywhere.

"JJ──"

"You're right, Brooke." His eyes meet my gaze, and I inhale a sharper breath. "I do know you really well, so I know that you want this."

I exhale, swallowing. "T-That's a bold statement."

"It's the right statement," he corrects, fingers digging further into my skin. "So, I'll ask you again, Brooklyn..." Bastard. "Do you want me to kiss you?"

My breathing is heavy, and as I attempt to slow it down, my eyes fall to glance at his lips. I admire the small curve of his mouth, thinking about how I was lucky enough to push my mouth against his and feel that curve as he pushed back. I want his mouth on mine again. I think I want his mouth on mine all the time, acting as my oxygen to keep me alive.

My eyes lift, finding his eyes to have that familiar look── a look that is possessive and desperate. I decide to toy with him because he's spent days playing with me. "No," I push out, holding my breath in anticipation of how he's going to react.

"Okay." He pushes himself to a stand, taking his hands with him. "Goodnight, Sunshine."

My eyes shoot up, following his movements as he slides away from me. He passes by me, hand grazing my arm as he moves past me, leaving me with an undeniable ache low in my stomach. His footsteps start to retreat from me, leaving me to contemplate my choice.

Do I fall at his feet? Do I run away? Do I stay put and let him fall at my feet? Will he even fall at my feet if I stand my ground?

I hate that he's left me like this── needy and hot and aching. God, fuck him... and not literally.

I stare forward, eyes flicking to the water. I don't look over my shoulder. I know he's walked away, so why do I need to peer over my shoulder? I press my nails into the armrests, forcing myself to stand so I can march back into The Wreck and sleep just to prove to JJ that I don't need him, not in any way.

I don't need his touch or his eyes on me. I don't need──

I turn around and I find him standing right there, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest. Even from afar, his eyes are boring right into mine, that much I can see. I can see the blue in his eyes from over here── how is that possible?

We're separated by the walkway leading back up to The Wreck, but it feels like we're separated by an entire ocean. I find that I am willing to jump right into that water and swim to him. My breathing deepens once again, and it actually feels like I'm drowning in the water, waiting for him to pull me out and into the safety of his arms.

Damn him, I swear.

I take one step forward, he stays still.

I take another step forward, he remains still and against the wall.

I take the next step, but JJ remains still.

I continue to make the steps, right until I'm standing before him, staring at him. JJ, however, has remained still this entire time, just watching me like he knew I'd be the one to come crawling.

You know what, two can play this game.

I lean up on my tiptoes, lips brushing against his ear as I utter a soft, "Goodnight."

My heels fall back, and I step to one side, pushing myself to walk to the door so I can go inside and force myself into something of a sleep.

Although, I don't make a single step before fingers wrap around my wrist and tug as hard as possible, forcing me back and against the outside wall of the building. My arm is pinned back, placed against the wall next to my head, and my other arm instinctively reaches out to hold onto the one who's put me in this place.

Blue clashes with brown, and I find myself wondering what our two colours would create if thrown together.

Chaos── that's what they'd create.

"What are you doing?" I try to keep my voice as confident as possible, but deep inside I'm freaking the fuck out due to the close proximity of our bodies. All his heat is radiating into my body, warming me from my toes to my head. I feel hot.

JJ's arm rests next to my head while his other arm pins back mine. He's staring down at me, eyes flitting from my eyes to my mouth. "There's no way you just did that," he breathes out, sliding his fingers against mine, pressing our intertwined hands against the wall.

I choose to act oblivious. "Did what?"

"You know what, Sunny. You're messing with me."

"I'm just giving you a taste of your own medicine," I argue, keeping my chin pointed up as I look to him.

"Yeah, I can see that."

"So, if you'll just let me go, we can──"

"Do you want me to kiss you?"

I scoff, looking away which prompts him to press his forefinger and thumb against my chin, forcing me to look back to him. Bastard, can we all say in the most loving way possible.

"JJ, I..." His fingers pressed under my chin move, gliding across my jaw and holding my face in his hands. His fingers trace over the gentle pound of my pulse in my neck, showing him that I'm obviously in need of this. I hate my body for caving, she's delirious.

"Brooklyn, answer the question."

"Do you want to kiss me?" See, why does he get to ask? I should get to ask, so──

"Yes, I want to kiss you, is that not obvious?"

Well, I won't lie, I wasn't expecting him to be honest with me. Now I really don't know how to react. I just stand frozen, eyes staring into his to check for any signs of hesitation. He's not hesitating, I can see that. He actually does want to kiss me. Now this is scary to me on a whole new level. Can my head just stop backtracking on me?

"I just need to hear you say it, Sunny."

He needs me to say it. He doesn't just want to kiss me, he wants me to tell him that it's okay for him to kiss me. He's considerate.

Are we going to kiss like we did last night or will this be something entirely different── something more passionate and fleeting? I want the latter. I want that really, really bad, but...

But we're best friends. We're──

"Sunshine, get out of your head." His hand cups the side of my neck, pressing right over my pulse. "Whatever happens, happens, alright? We're still best friends, I promise. Just, please, tell me I can kiss you."

"I..." We'll still be friends, of course we will. We've been best friends for eight years, we can't just throw that away over a kiss, can we? Whatever happens, happens, so I should just...

Let it happen.

"Sunshine, can I kiss you?"

The questions changed, and so has my answer.

"Yes."

In less than a second, JJ drops his head and his mouth covers mine.

And in that short moment, I find that nothing about this kiss is sweet and pressing and soft. No, it's entirely the opposite── it's passionate and bruising and hard. It's intoxicating and dangerous, and if it were possible, I'd be knocked out from the force at which his lips crash with mine.

His fingers curl around the back of my neck, pulling me just that bit closer so his other hand can slot against the dip in my waist, fingers brushing carefully over the wound on my hip. My mouth gapes against his mouth as I attempt to catch my breath, and that gives him ample time to move his lips over mine and push his tongue along my bottom lip, eliciting a noise from me I hadn't expected to ever hear.

He's holding me captive, fingertips digging into my neck as he plunders my mouth with his. It's almost impossible to match his rhythm, but if I'm being honest, I'm just here for the ride. My hand that was against his waist slides up, falling around his back as I attempt to hold on with as tight a grip as he has on me.

I fist my hand into the back of his shirt, involuntarily jerking forward as his tongue pushes in, now exploring my mouth. I moan due to the unexpected but exciting feeling, and my hand that was previously against the wall seeks comfort in his hair, fingertips digging into his roots.

JJ's hand moves from the back of my neck, and I find myself immediately missing the contact but then his hand is falling back and grasping my ponytail. He sure loves grabbing my hair, and I'm really not opposed to it. I want him to hold it like it's his lifeline and tug as hard as possible which he does.

My hair twists in his hand, and I gasp in both pleasure and pain as he pulls. My hands retaliate by grasping his hair just as tightly, but it'll never match the pleasure he's just brought me. He grins against my mouth, igniting a throb deep in my stomach.

I kiss back, trying to match his pace with the same intensity and passion. I struggle to keep up, but I do manage to gain some control by tugging his bottom lip in between my teeth, earning something of a groan from him which brings a satisfied smile to my mouth as I kiss him.

Another fusion of pleasure and pain is brought to me as JJ's hand slides down, crossing over the gash on my hip which is thankfully covered. He pushes me back against the wall, his hand pressed into my lower hip, his fingers hooked into the band of my shorts as he feels the bare skin I usually have covered by clothing.

I bite back a moan by kissing him, letting myself lose all control and composure just from the electrifying taste of him. Last night, I simply pressed my mouth to his, and that's as far as the night went. Now, it seems I really missed out on having him do this to me last night because he really, really knows what he's doing.

I know he's been with other girls, that's not the problem. I know he's experienced and I'm... not, but I really don't care about that. As long as I'm the only one he's kissing at this given moment, I really couldn't care less.

His lips feel so much better than I thought, and as his tongue paints across my lips, moving past my lips and into my mouth, I press the tips of my fingers into his neck, bringing him closer to me. I want him close to me all the time, but now more than ever, I really want his body pushing into mine.

Just on the other side of this wall, just inside the restaurant, are Pope and Kiara. In seconds, we could be caught, but I don't think either of us care about that right now. I mean, I don't think anything could ever destroy this moment between us── not a single damn thing. I wouldn't let it anyway.

He pulls away for a quick second, pulling back to take me in. I'm breathing heavily, my lips are likely swollen, and my eyes are still closed. One hand rests on his back, the other stays on his neck, and his hands press on my hips, holding me back against the wall. He's breathing just as deeply, his chest lifting with every deep breath.

I want somebody to paint a still painting of this. If it wasn't totally inappropriate, I'd go and find something to draw on just so I can capture this.

"What are you thinking about?" he asks, voice hoarse.

"I want to draw this," I exhale, breathing out a laugh at how ridiculous that sounds. It may sound ridiculous, but that's just how my head works. I'm an artist, I can't help it.

He laughs with me, forehead pressing against mine. "We've gotta get you a sketchbook, Sunny."

On that note, our lips come crashing together once again in perfect harmony. Truly, the most perfect harmony I've ever seen. Two people have never fit better, I personally think, but I am a little bias in saying that.

Somehow, our kisses turn harder and more desperate than before, and our tongues fight against one another. JJ's fingers dig into my hips, thumbs now pushed into the belt loops of my shorts as he yanks me forward, pulling my hips into his. 

He continues to devour my mouth against his own, and I groan at the contact. I take handfuls of his hair, holding on for dear life as JJ's hands hold onto me tightly, likely leaving bruises with how hard he presses down.

I pull my lips back from his to snatch some air quickly before his lips find mine again, using me like I'm his only way of breathing. My hands travel with one hand now pressing against his chest, right over the spot I drew on days ago. I wonder if the tracing of the sun still sits on his chest. My other hand that was on his neck moves to grip his arm, fingertips digging into his biceps just so I can feel the muscle.

JJ drives forward, our hipbones meeting which results in a noise I have never heard before in my life. I whine which pushes him to do it again, a groan leaving his mouth at the beautiful contact. The lower parts of our bodies clash together in the most desirable way possible, and now I wish we didn't have clothes. I moan once again, much louder than before, and if we don't get caught, I will be fucking surprised.

Each time I make the tiniest of noises, JJ's lips turn up in a smile as his mouth slots against mine. He's enjoying this, that much is obvious from the subtlest of smiles he presents me with. I'm enjoying this too. I can't imagine not doing this. I only ever want to do this from now on.

Why did it take us so long when it feels this good?

We separate with our lower halves pushed together tightly and our foreheads touching gently. I suck in a sharp breath, moving one of my tingling hands to rest against his cheek. His face is warm, and that makes every inch of my body feel fuzzy── more fuzzy than it is now, that is.

The most delicate smile brightens his already bright face. "We are definitely doing that again."

I nod, a smile touching my lips. "Yeah." JJ's head dips, lips touching mine for a final time before he yanks back, breathing violently. "Thank you."

He laughs softly, hand reaching up to rest on my cheek. "Thank you, Sunshine."

We are absolutely doing that again.

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❀ soph speaks

i love my babies :') and i'm very excited to keep writing their improved story

i hope the writing/them kissing made sense... i literally had to stop and draw a diagram for how it would work lol

also, for context, she's about five seven and he's about six feet (i think)

act two is dangerously close ah finally and then onto act three and maybe four!!

listened to a lot of gracie while writing this chapter<3

thank you beautiful people for reading, hope you're having a great morning/afternoon/night x