𝟎𝟐𝟑.   𝐝𝐫𝐚𝐰 𝐚𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝 𝐦𝐲 𝐬𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐬, 𝐬𝐮𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐞

cardigan                ────                 taylor swift

( sad but beautiful chapter . . . )
warning: descriptions of abuse
& just a lot of sadness

☀︎ 𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐥𝐲𝐧'𝐬 𝐩𝐨𝐯

𝖨 𝖧𝖠𝖵𝖤 𝖳𝖧𝖠𝖳 𝖴𝖱𝖦𝖤 𝖳𝖮 𝖣𝖱𝖠𝖶．After the events of earlier, and not knowing where JJ is, I have this desperate urge to settle in my room for the evening with my sketchbook and pencil. Maybe I'll finish the JJ sketch. Maybe I'll draw something new. All I know is that I need to draw and now. I want to draw.

John B and Sarah headed back to the Cameron mansion, but I wanted to stay at the Chateau for the evening. I promised I'd meet him by the docks in the morning for the big fishing trip with Ward Cameron even though I so don't want to go. I won't bail on John B, I'm not cruel.

Anyway, I'm at the Chateau with Kiara and Pope. Pope has been thinking of a way to sell the gold once we retrieve it from the well. We don't want to be ripped off again because that just caused a whole spiral of problems, so now our boy genius is coming up with an efficient plan.

So far, the plan is to have John B and JJ in the well, removing the gold while Pope stays up top, passing it off to me, Sarah and Kiara who will be transporting it. I'm only half listening to his rambling as I'm so set on being in my bed, tucked away from every trouble with my sketchbook. That is my idea of a perfect night.

I'm walking down the side of the Chateau, ahead of Pope and Kiara who talk behind me. I'm so distracted that I almost miss the fluorescent lights turning on. I come to a stop, Kiara and Pope stop talking, and we just stare at the lit Chateau. All I see are vibrant, neon colours── pink, purple, blue, green. You name it, it's decorating the outside my home.

This is what I imagine the inside of my head to look like── colourful and out of control.

I find my feet again, and I move forward, following the pathway of obnoxious colours until I reach──

I come to another crashing stop because this scene before me is the last thing I would've expected to see tonight... or ever, for that matter. There's a hot tub in my garden. Yes, that's right, there's a fucking hot tub in my garden. Oh, and who's sat in it? Well, of course it's JJ. I thought the lights were too extravagant already, but this is unlike anything I've ever seen before.

I haven't got the words to even describe this moment. I don't even know what to say── how to say how I'm feeling.

I guess I'm just confused... I think that's what I'm feeling right now.

"What did you do, JJ?"

Yes, that's is a good question. I'm glad Pope asked because I haven't been able to pick my jaw off the ground. I'm going to swallow a fly if I'm not careful, but I don't care. There's a hot tub in my freaking garden, and JJ is lounging in it like he's the King of the goddamn world. I can't seem to take my eyes off the horror that has unfolded before me.

JJ knocks his shades because, of course, he's wearing sunglasses at night. Ain't he cool? Anyway, his shades rest on the tip of his nose, his eyes peering over at us. He has some sort of goofy smile on his face while he holds a large open bottle of champagne in his hand. He breathes out a laugh, sounding so carefree and relaxed.

"I got a jet going straight in my butt right now." I've heard him laugh constantly over the years, but this is a sound I'm not familiar with. Is it strange to say that he doesn't sound like him── like the JJ we know and love?

"Y'all should get in immediately, you hear me?" Perhaps he's laughing like this because he's drunk, that much is obvious from the way he handles the bottle of champagne, spilling some of the contents into the bubbly hot water as he attempts to pour himself a glass. "Salud!" He slams down the bottle on the edge, holds up his glass, and drinks.

"How much did this cost?" Again, Pope proposes a good question── one I would've thought of had I not been trying to figure out why this is what I've come home to.

"Uh..." He finishes his drink, burping quietly. "Well, with the generator, the petrol, and oh, hey, express delivery..." Gotta love express delivery. "...pretty much all of it, yeah."

My jaw is still very much on the floor.

He spent twenty-five thousand dollars in one day. Not even one day. No, he spent that much money in just a few hours. How on earth is that possible Myself, Pope and Kiara mimic one another── jaws slack, eyes wide, it's comical. "All of it?"

He nods, almost proud of the fact that he spent that much money. "Yeah, all of it."

"You spent all the money in one day?"

If we keep asking, maybe we'll wake up from whatever hellish nightmare we've stumbled into, and it'll all be forgotten. Please somebody pinch me, I beg. I would pinch myself but I can't move. Actually, just punch me instead. Knock me the fuck out, I beg.

"Yeah, burned a hole right through my pocket." Oh, I can only imagine what kind of hole has been burnt. "But, I mean, like, come on, guys, like, look at this!" He raises his arms, tone excited but sad at the same time. I don't know if anyone else heard that slight crack in his voice, but I certainly did.

I don't get the question his tone because he's talking a mile-a-minute, obviously trying to avoid something. I know him, and I know that he hates dealing with shit the regular way, so he does big things like this. Something's happened. I don't know what's happened, but in the past few hours, JJ has been dealing with something alone.

I need to get to the bottom of this.

"Finest in jet-based massage therapy, that's what they told me," he says, eyes scanning over us, staying on mine for longer than I would like at this current moment. I drop my head, needing to look elsewhere, and he sighs. "Come on, Sunny. Can't a man have a little luxury in life?"

He can have all the luxury he wants, I just wish it didn't have to be so expensive. If I could, I'd wish him all the luxury in the world for nothing, but that's not realistic. I want him to be happy, I do, I just don't think this will truly make him happy.

He pulls his shades off, letting them sit next to his bottle of champagne. "Come on, all this scrimpin' and scrapin'. I mean, like... guys, we── You only live once, right." He shakes his head, his eyes moving over each of us again. "Enough of this emotional shit. Get in the Cat's Ass. Come on."

Kiara chokes. "In the what?"

"In the Cat's Ass." JJ smirks, finding himself to be the most amusing person in the world. He is, I've always thought of him to be the funniest guy in the room, but right now, there's a hidden sadness about his laughter, about his happiness, and I can't figure it out. "That's what I named her," he clarifies, still grinning like a fool.

"Oh, hey, yo, I almost forgot." He flicks a switch beside his head, and a dozen twinkling disco lights ignite, followed by the quiet thump of pop music. "Huh? Yeah, that's right, I know. Disco mode. That's right, baby!"

He looks so happy, but at the same time, he doesn't.

I'll tell you one person who's definitely not pleased, and that's Pope. "Are you kidding me? You could have paid for restitution!" His voice raises, surprising me because it's very rare that Pope raises his voice, but I guess it's called for.

I assumed he'd want to spend the money on restitution because, well, that would solve that lingering problem.

"Or literally given it to any charity!" Kiara adds, just as upset with JJ as Pope is. I, on the other hand, don't know how to feel. Sure, it's reckless and stupid of JJ to spend all that money, but part of me understands it. I think I understand it, I just don't know why. I remain silent, just staring forward at him in the hopes of being able to read behind his eyes to figure out what's wrong.

He won't look in my direction. I think he knows I'll figure it out in a second.

"Or better yet, you could have helped us buy supplies to get the rest of the gold out of the well!"

"Okay, well, you know what? I didn't do that!"

JJ stands up, and I realise nothing could've prepared me for what I was going to discover. Never, in my eight years of knowing him, did I think I'd see this happen to the boy I love. Never, in my eight years of knowing him, did I think he'd breakdown in such a way that would result in him spending a shit ton of cash. I knew I understood, and now I'm seeing it in the stupid disco lights the reason why I understood, and I wish I could pinch myself and wake up from this nightmare.

I wish I could take away the pain he must be feeling.

Before me, painfully beautiful and broken, stands the boy that deserves only the best── that deserves to be accepted and loved and welcomed with open arms. I see purple, I see blue, I even see black, but they aren't coming from the flickering lights that surround my home. No, those nasty, harsh colours that I now hate cover the boy I care about more than myself. Deep-seated bruises dot his chest, his stomach, his hips, covering his upper body in a way I never thought possible.

My eyes trail up, catching onto any tiny mark because I can't take my eyes off him── off the pain that covers his body. Emotion swells in the base of my throat, clawing its way up, scratching at me in the worst possible way. I feel tears prick in my eyes, and when I feel the faintest slide of water rush down my cheek, I don't even try to wipe it away. If there were ever a time to cry, this would be that time.

Staring at him now, watching his face contort with emotion, reminds me of that first time I found out his dad was hurting him.

We were eleven, and JJ came into school with a sore arm. At lunch, I saw a bruise on his wrist, and when I asked about it, he yelled at me and stormed off. I found him later that afternoon, and we talked. At eleven-years-old, it was hard to fathom that my best friend in the entire world was being hurt by the person that was supposed to protect him. I swore I wouldn't tell a soul, but over the years, people started to figure it out, and, well, nobody ever did anything. Nobody blinked an eye to somebody like Luke beating his son── it's horrible.

If I had any power against Luke Maybank, I would've stopped him hurting JJ a long time ago.

I should've followed him home earlier. I should've never let him leave the group on his own. He needed somebody, and I left him. While he pushed me away, I should've fought harder to stay with him. I could've prevented this from happening. I could've prevented it all. We wouldn't be stood here, staring at his bruises and crying over the money he spent and the pain he's in because I would've made sure he didn't do this. He wouldn't have ben suffering alone.

That single tear turns into several and before I know it, I'm crying, but not loudly. No, I seem to be crying quietly── something I hadn't anticipated.

"I got a hot tub!" His voice carries volume, and I'm able to hear that crack in his voice more clearly because of the increase in tone. "For my friends," he adds. "I got a hot tub for my friends. You know what? No, you know what?" His voice cracks once again, sending a few more tears down my cheeks. "Screw friends. I got a hot tub for my family!" He's crying── that much I can hear.

"JJ, what the hell?"

"I got this for you." He waves his hands, emphasising what he's done. "Guys, look what I did for you! Alright? Look at this!"

"JJ," I breathe out, voice shaky.

"No, you stop being emotional." It's hard not to be emotional, especially when this is what we're looking at. "It's fine, okay?" It's not fine. Nothing about this is fine. The life in my legs returns, and I find my footing. Out of the three of us, I move forward first, needing to comfort him regardless of what he finds to be fine or not. "I mean, it's sweet, right? Everything──"

I step up, kicking my shoes off and lifting myself into the hot tub. I stand in the warm water, quietly grateful that I'm wearing shorts. "Hey." I slide my hands across JJ's shoulders, pressing them against the side of his neck as I bring him closer, offering him a hug. "Come here."

JJ shuffles closer, pressing his body against mine and dropping his head to rest on my shoulder. I slide one hand up, moving to cup the back of his head while my other hand rests around his back, keeping him as close as possible to me. When his arms lift, cuddling around my middle, I hold on just a little tighter as tears start to fall── from both parties.

"I just couldn't do it." I tangle my hands in his hair, pressing my chin against the top of his head as a sob racks his body. "I can't take him anymore!" Emotion hammers in my chest, clawing at my insides and burning at my throat. Tears glisten my cheeks and eyes. I hate seeing him like this, it's unfair.

"I know," I croak out, fingers squeezing affectionately at the back of his neck.

"I was gonna kill him." He cries, louder than I've heard him cry before, and I swear I feel a crack in my heart. I hold on tighter, pushing him to hold onto me like I'm his lifeline. He was going to kill his father, but he didn't because some part of him still loves him. I wish I could understand why. I hate Luke Maybank with every fibre of my being.

Seconds later, in the midst of holding one another, I feel two sets of arms wrap around us, offering JJ as much comfort as possible. JJ's head falls to one side, resting against mine and Kiara's shoulders. "I just wanna do the right thing," he sobs, arms squeezing at my torso.

"I know, baby." I press my lips against the top of his head. "I know."

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𝖠𝖭 𝖧𝖮𝖴𝖱 𝖫𝖠𝖳𝖤𝖱，𝖩𝖩 𝖨𝖲 𝖫𝖠𝖸𝖨𝖭𝖦 𝖮𝖭 𝖬𝖸 𝖡𝖤𝖣．We sat in the hot tub and tried to relax much to his insistence. Now, after an hour, I've dragged JJ back to my room to sleep. I don't want to leave him to sleep in the living room, not tonight. I want to watch over JJ tonight. I don't want him to be alone.

He's laying on his back, staring up at the ceiling while I lean back against the headboard, sketchbook in hand. Regardless of all that's just happened, I still have that urge to draw── to sketch the broken boy next to me. He remains without lips, likely because drawing lips seems too intimate for me to do. As his best friend, I shouldn't sketch them, right?

He hasn't said a word, not since he broke down in my arms, and I haven't pushed him to talk either. He'll speak when he wants to, I know that. Besides, sitting in comfortable silence like this isn't so bad── it's relaxing.

As I sit, pencil in hand, I glance at him. He's staring up, minding his own business, as I let my eyes wander over his skin── eyeing the black, blue and purple marks that bruise his chest. Once again, that tight feeling in my chest returns and emotion swells in my throat. I hate to see him── somebody who's larger than life── reduced to this small, quiet boy in a dark room. He deserves everything and more. He deserves to be loved and accepted, not hurt and abused.

I bite down on the inside of my cheek, needing to push away that emotion bubbling at the base of my throat. I don't want to cry again, not when we're supposed to be relaxing. I look away, peering at the sketchbook in hand. I've just been tapping at the book with my pencil, unsure on how to draw his lips.

From what I can see, they're cracked and dry. I wonder if I have any lip balm. If I do, I should go and get it for him, but I really can't be bothered to move. Still, every part of me, wants to reach out and touch those lips. I want to touch his face, press my fingers against his heart and hold onto him, not just for his sake but for mine.

I shuffle down, back sliding down the headboard as I move to lay down. I place my sketchbook down, deciding to forget about the drawing for the time being. JJ doesn't look to me, he just moves to one side, letting me slide down next to him, our heads pressed against the pillows.

I decide to shift again, moving to lay on my side so I'm now facing him as JJ stares up at the ceiling. I hold my breath while I tentatively reach my fingers out, deciding then and there to do the thing I've longed to do── touch his skin, lay my palm against him and hold on. I hear him inhale, obviously not expecting me to touch him, but he doesn't push me away. He just lets me hold on.

I let my fingertips dance down his arm, tickling at his wrist. I then move my fingers up to his shoulder where I press down gently. He inhales again, still surprised that I'm touching him, but he still doesn't push me away. I don't want him to push me away, I just want him to let me comfort him.

I lay my palm against the blade of his shoulder, fingertips digging into his skin softly. His eyes close, and his breathing comes to a dangerous slow. I peer at him, checking he's still breathing because, yes, I'm that kind of paranoid.

My fingers move on their own accord, dragging along his collarbone and shifting upwards, touching the base of his neck, just below the pulse point in his neck which stammers slowly. When I feel his pulse against the tips of my fingers, I feel myself breathe out in relief. I don't know why, but I'm terrified of his pulse just stopping── I don't know why because he's very much alive. He's here, he's breathing, and I can calm down.

He's okay, Brooke.

While I can reassure myself that he's very much fine now, that doesn't stop me from feeling this intense sickness of losing him to the hands of his father. I would, in all good conscience, kill Luke myself if he ever did that. In fact, I have this strong urge to kill him now for how's he treated his son. Does he not realise just how special his son is?

"What's on your mind, Sunny?"

His voice is just below a whisper── so quiet that I barely hear it. I'm relieved to hear his voice, to feel his throat move at my fingertips as he talks. I brush my knuckles against his throat, just under his jaw.

We're too close, aren't we? As friends, we shouldn't be locked away in my bedroom, sitting on my bed with my hands on him. Friends don't do that. Well, friends aren't supposed to do that, but I guess I can't help it.

I come back to his question, realising I've been quiet for a whole minute. He's not looking at me, his eyes still on his ceiling, but I'm just glad he's acknowledging my presence. I'm not going anywhere, I hope he knows that.

"I never asked you another question," I say, voice as soft as possible. "The other night," I clarify. "You know, you got to ask me a second question, but I never asked you one."

"That's because you were distracted." Yes, by his simple existence. I'm not ashamed to admit that I was heavily distracted by how close we were that night, much like we are now, but this time we have more clothes on── that wasn't supposed to sound dirty in any kind of way, by the way. "Well, what do you wanna ask?"

His head turns, and our eyes meet in the dark. The moment blue meets brown, all those feelings I had the other night── all those swelling, overwhelming emotions I've had towards him for the past eight years come rushing forward in the form of a single glance. His eyes look sad, and if I had any way of easing that hurt, I'd do it. All I can do is sit with him and ask my question.

"What are you most afraid of?"

He asked me that question the other night and I answered as honestly as I could. I told him that my biggest fear in this world is having somebody I love── my brother, my friends── die. I'm truly terrified of losing somebody I love, regardless of what way. I also told him I was afraid of dying myself, but I'd rather that be the cost than having to live without somebody I love for the rest of my life. I've already, maybe, lost my father── there's still hope I haven't, alright── so I don't want to lose somebody else that means a lot of me.

I never asked him what his biggest fear is because JJ doesn't seem like the type of person that would have fears. I mean, he's one of the most reckless people I know. He lives life on the edge. He's a risk taker, so I always assumed he wouldn't be afraid of anything.

But at the end of the day, everybody is scared of something whether they want to admit or not.

I half expect JJ not to answer me── to go on pretending that he isn't afraid of anything, but he surprises me by answering.

"I'm afraid of being alone."

He looks directly at me when he says that so I know he's serious. That wasn't what I was expecting him to say, I'll be honest, but I guess, in a way, it makes sense. I can understand that fear. It's similar to my fear in how I don't want to die alone. I don't want to disappear from this world without having somebody right there, holding me as I slip away. I don't want to be alone, and neither does JJ. Neither of us are alone as we say that though, are we? Right now, we have each other.

"You guys, you're all I've got." JJ moves his arm, letting his head rest on it. "I don't want to lose that── lose..." He sucks in a breath, eyes on me, silently telling me to fill in the gap which I do.

"I don't want to lose you," I say back, voice as soft as his. "W-We won't lose each other, JJ. You won't lose us." I repeat similar words he offered me the other night. "You've got us. We're your family, JJ. You're always going to have us."

He nods, eyes closing for a second. "Yeah."

I reach my hand out, resting it against the side of his face, my fingers stretched across his jaw. His eyes blink open, finding mine. "I don't want you to walk away again like you did earlier." I swallow the emotion eating at my throat, threatening to unload. "I don't want to be alone, JJ, and you don't want to either, I know that, so don't... don't push us away." His face starts to turn away, but I push his face back to look right at me. "Don't push me away, J."

"I-I'm scared, Brooke." From the looks of it, he hates being vulnerable, especially in front of me, but I won't let him push away. "When I went to my dad, I-I didn't know he'd do that. I shouldn't have gone, I know that but──"

"Hey," I utter, pressing my palm against his cheek. "It's okay."

"I didn't know he'd do that, Brooke. I-I thought it'd be fine. I..." Emotion is starting to eat his words so I try to comfort him by dragging my thumb across his cheekbone. "I was an idiot. I-I didn't think. I'm..."

"It's okay, JJ."

"It's not okay, Brooke. I-It's not. I just spent twenty-five thousand dollars."

"It doesn't matter, JJ. We will figure it out, all of us. We will find a way to get the money back, we'll pay off the restitution── it will be fine." I say that more to myself than to him because I need to reassure myself that we will find a silver lining in all of this.

"I thought I'd screwed it up."

My brows furrow. "Screwed what up?"

"This. Us." He leans into my touch, his hand reaching up to grasp my elbow. "I-I thought I'd screwed it up. I thought you wouldn't talk to me. I thought I'd be alone. I──"

"Hey." My other hand moves up, and now I'm holding his face in my hands. "Nothing you say or do could make me stop talking to you, JJ. You will never be alone, not when you've got me, alright? I am here. I have got you." For life, but I don't say that. "You're stuck with me, Maybank."

His hand slides up until he places it over my hand that holds one cheek. "That doesn't sound so bad, Sunshine." A smile forms on my mouth at the idea of he and I being best friends for the rest of our lives── at the idea of us being stuck with each other forever.

I drag the hand he isn't holding up the side of his face, pushing my fingers into his hair that's still a little damp from the hot tub. I've always loved his hair. I always loved how long it was, even when we were kids.

Growing up, Dad would always cut JJ and John B's hair. One time he let me use the scissors and razor. I must've been about ten. I accidentally shaved a large part of John B's hair which he really didn't like. He had a bald spot for weeks. He refused to talk to me until it grew back. Let's just say that any dreams I had of being a hairdresser were crushed that day.

JJ's hand reaches up, grabbing my wrist gently. I look to him, slowly dropping my hand from his hair. My other hand stays on his face, lifting ever so slightly as he's removed his hand from over the top. I let that hand move, trailing across his jaw, and sliding across the thump of his pulse which has since spiked, pattering a little quicker.

My hand moves down, brushing across his shoulder. My eyes follow my hand, oddly fascinated with the gentle movement of my fingers as they brush down his arm, trialing over muscle. JJ's eyes follow my hand, and it seems that he trusts me entirely to touch any part of him. That is a great honour. 

My fingers dance over his elbow, moving across to touch his chest. He's cold── much colder than he was earlier. I'd reach for a blanket, but I'm far too occupied with the press of my fingers to grab one. His eyes drop, continuing to follow my fingers as they move absentmindedly across his waist, grazing over a fresh, dark coloured bruise that, even in the dark of my room, is very much visible. He sucks in a sharp breath, and my eyes fly up to find his.

"Does it hurt?" I ask, angling my fingers slightly away from the bruise.

He swallows, reaching out to touch my hand. Silently, I let him guide my hand back down. I watch as he moves my hand, letting my fingertips cross over the bruise more freely than before. His grip loosens, giving me freedom to do as I please. I press my fingers against the bruise, feeling how warm the mark is compared to the rest of his body.

Hot, overwhelming pressure builds behind my eyes as I brush my knuckles against the darker skin. It's warm── too warm. I can't look away from the mark, and I can't look away from the mark my fingers leave behind when I press a little too hard. He doesn't flinch this time, he just sighs, and I force my eyes to close to try and stop myself from breaking down.

JJ notices, I know he does.

"I'm okay, Sunny." I bite down on my bottom lip, nodding frantically as my entire hand rests against the mark on his waist.

I keep my eyes closed just to let myself feel the weight of this mark in my hands── just to let myself feel the weight of his truly heartbreaking this is. He's sixteen. He's one of the sweetest guys in the world. He's so loveable, so perfect in every which way. He doesn't deserve this.

I feel his hand against my face, forcing me to open my eyes and look directly ahead at him. Tears glisten my eyes as I try to look anywhere but at him. I don't want him to see me like this, not when he's the one that's suffered today. "I'm okay," he repeats, thumb swiping across my cheek as a tear falls. "I'm okay, Sunshine."

My bottom lip quivers so I bite down on it, afraid I'll taste blood if I bite hard enough. JJ keeps his hand on my face, thumb continuing to move across my cheekbone, soothing me in the best possible way. "I'm okay, Brooke, you know why?"

My eyes find his, and it's so devastating. "Why?" I sniffle, voice cracking.

"Because of you." His hand moves, pushing into my hair to hold the side of my head. "Because you keep me alive, Sunny. You always have. You're right, I'm not alone. I've got you." If he's trying to stop me crying, he's doing a poor job at it. "I really am okay, alright? I'm always going to be okay."

"I-I don't want to..." I heave a heavy breath. "I don't want to lose you, JJ. Y-You don't deserve this── to be hurt like this."

"You aren't going to lose me, Brooke. I'm right here, aren't I?"

"But you're hurt," I cry, more tears falling that he can't catch with the pad of his thumb. "Y-You're hurt, JJ, and I-I could've stopped it." There it is, the thing I've been doing my best to hold in── the guilt I feel for not chasing after him earlier.

He holds my face harder, his grip stronger than mine ever has been. I keep my hand planted against the bruise on his waist which, in all honesty, probably isn't doing anything to ease the tension behind my eyes.

"I am really, really glad you didn't follow me. Believe me, you couldn't have stopped this, Sunshine, and I would never let you stop it." A sob escapes my throat, and JJ's hand presses against my temple. "I can't risk your life. I couldn't let you get hurt."

"And I can't let you get hurt."

"I'd rather risk my life to save yours, Sunny."

"And I'd rather risk my life to save yours," I argue, tone completely serious.

He breathes out a laugh. "I know you would."

"Your life is worth more than you realise, JJ." I swallow my emotion, needing him to hear me. "You mean so much to a lot of people── to me, to John B, to Pope and Kiara. You deserve this life, so if I want to fight to save you, let me."

"Brooke──"

"You aren't alone in this world, JJ. You don't need to fight your battles alone." I swallow, shoving that pressing lump down. "You've got us, alright? We've got your back, just like you've got ours. Let us help you even if it's risky."

He stares at me, his hand still pressed against the side of my face. "Okay," is all he says, and I feel relieved that he listened to me.

"I don't like seeing you like this── hurt and broken. You are the strongest person I know, JJ." I'm not lying, he really is the strongest person I know. He's been through so much. "You are so much stronger than your father."

He inhales, obviously not expecting this outburst of praise, but it needs to be said and heard.

He doesn't say anything, he just looks down at where my hand is touching him. I look down too, gently pressing my palm against the bruise. He sighs at the delicateness of the touch, and his hand drops from my face. Instead, his arm falls under my head, allowing me to lay on him.

I decide to move my hand, dragging it to a new location── to a new mark. He winces this time, and I immediately retreat my hand. "I-I'm──"

"I'm okay," he insists, breathing heavily. "I-I'm okay." He nods, eyes squeezed shut.

"I can stop. I-I──" I don't even know why I'm touching him. "I'm sorry, I just..."

His eyes open, finding mine easily. "Don't." He swallows. "Don't stop."

I nod slowly. "Okay."

I move my fingers, letting them drag over the bruise in the centre of his chest. My thumb moves over the outline of the mark, and I press just a little bit harder, hearing another sigh fall from his lips. I bite the inside of my cheek, trying to hold back the tears squeezing at the back of my eyes.

My knuckles brush over that mark a final time before moving down to a more dangerous place on his body── to a place I'm unsure I should be allowed to touch. I stare at my hand, watching as my fingers move down his stomach, trailing to one side and pressing against his hip, touching just above the waistband of his shorts. His body jerks slightly, and I stop my movements to look at him, checking he's okay.

He nods, remaining silent.

As I press down on that bruise just above his waistband, an idea springs to mind── not a dirty one, get your filthy minds out of the gutter. No, a sweet gesture springs to mind, I just don't know how he would feel about it.

"Can I draw on you?"

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"𝖢𝖠𝖭 𝖨 𝖣𝖱𝖠𝖶 𝖮𝖭 𝖸𝖮𝖴?"

It's an idea that I think will soothe any of that pain he's feeling. It sounds silly, I know, but if I can draw around the marks, scars and bruises that his father has left him, I think I can show him that he has somebody, that he isn't alone, and that these scars don't define who he is.

I hold a pen in my hand, sitting with my legs crossed as I stare down at the marks on his skin. He stares at me, eyes watching my face as I look at the bruises on his body.

"You want to draw on me?"

"If you'll let me," I say softly, pressing my hand against his hip just above the bruise there.

"What will you draw?"

I shrug my shoulders. "Whatever comes to mind."

His eyes flit to the pen in my hand and then back to my face. The corner of his lips upturn in something of a smile, and he nods carefully. "Okay, Sunshine. Go crazy."

"Oh, I will."

I pull open the lid of the pen with my teeth before throwing it to one side. I look to him, looking for silent confirmation that this is definitely okay. He nods at me, resting his arms under his head as he looks to me.

The tip of the pen presses against the warm bruise on his hip and his body jerks, a hiss leaving his lips. "Shit." I pull the pen back immediately, my eyes searching his. "I'm sorry."

He shakes his head, eyes squeezing shut. He exhales a breath, shifting his body to get a little more comfortable. "I-It's okay." He swallows, opening his eyes again. "It's okay, Sunny. I'm fine. Just, uh, surprised me, that's all."

"You know, if you want a tattoo, you're going to have to suck it up," I joke, trying to make light of this dark situation.

"I'm sucking it up." I roll my eyes, grinning at the smile on his face. He's smiling── good. "Do your worst, Sunshine."

"If I hurt you, just──"

"You could never hurt me."

That is all I needed to hear to continue. I look away from his face, shifting my eyes down to his body. I move my pen, gently pressing it down on the bruise that encircles his hip. He doesn't flinch this time, he just welcomes the touch with a soft smile on his face.

On this bruise, I think I'm going to draw stars── little ones, big ones, maybe even ones that can actually twinkle. I drag my pen across the centre of the purple bruise, dragging the pen up and into a single line before pulling it down to create the first corner. He stares down, watching as I attempt to glide the pen across his skin as gently as possible. I don't want to hurt him even if he's already said I could never hurt him.

I pull the pen into another line, dragging it back down to create the next corner. Once the star in the centre of the bruise forms, I shift the pen to the outer edge of the bruise, deciding to create tiny cluster of stars around it. If I can cover the mark, I can prove to him that there's nothing to see here but beauty.

"Stars, huh?"

I breathe out a laugh, moving the pen across the sensitive skin. "Stars are pretty."

"The sun's even prettier."

I lift my head, eyes catching onto his. A grin brightens across his face, warming me from the inside out. "So..." I quirk a brow. "You're a fan of the sun?"

"Well, it gives you that vitamin D."

I nod slowly. "Yes. Yes, it does."

"That's..." He swallows, watching as I move the pen over his skin once again, drawing another star next to the one I just created. "good, right?" I hum in agreement, my head continuing to nod as I follow the pattern of stars, dotting them up one painful edge.

"Hey, if the stars and the sun had a fight..." He inhales sharply so I lift the pen off his skin, afraid I'm hurting him. He nods his head, urging me to continue so I do. I press the pen back down, following on from the previous star as I speak, "If the stars and the sun had a fight, who do you think would win?"

My other hand flattens against his stomach, pressing down on the muscle there. With my hand on his stomach, I move the pen with my other hand, placing it against the centre of the bruise again, creating a few lines that spiral off the largest star on his skin.

"If the stars and the sun had a fight?" A laugh crawls out of his throat, warming me in a whole new way. "Well, the sun would obviously win."

"Why?"

"The sun is hot. It can burn the stars, Sunshine."  Well, that seems like the obvious answer, but I would totally love to witness the stars having a battle with the sun even if it's totally unrealistic. I don't know why I asked the question, it was just a silly thought I had. "Why you ask?"

"Don't know. Would be pretty funny, wouldn't it?"

"I think the sun can take anyone." I can hear the smile in his voice as he says that, and it brings a very similar smile to my face. "The sun is bright and powerful, you know, she can take anyone."

I grin. "She?"

"The sun is definitely a woman, Sunny." I nod, agreeing with him. "The stars are men, I think."

"Hmm, I don't know. There's too many stars for them to just be men." I drag the tip of the pen to another star, deciding then and there to connect each one so it creates a pattern── like connect-the-dots but with stars. "I'm sure there's female stars. They are probably the brighter ones in the sky."

JJ laughs softly. "Definitely."

This conversation is odd, but it probably isn't the strangest conversation we've ever had.

"Hey, Sunshine?" I hum quietly, answering him. "Draw the sun for me."

I lift my gaze, finding his eyes to be staring at me rather than the pen that moves across his skin. "What?"

"Draw the sun." He moves his arm from under him, and moves his hand to rest on the bruise in the centre of his chest. "Right here." My eyes shift to look at his chest, and I reach a tentative hand out to place upon his.

He's asking me to draw the sun right in the centre of his chest, right upon the darkest bruise on his body. I can't deny him, so I just nod, and shuffle up the bed, getting myself situated.

I place one hand on his chest, right over his heart. I find his heartbeat to be steady at my fingertips, thrumming carefully as I lay my hand flat. I keep it there for several beats, just listening to the steady rhythm, very happy to be hearing it so clearly. He watches me watch my hand, and he doesn't make any attempt to stop me. He doesn't push my hand away, he just welcomes the touch.

I lift my palm, fingertips dragging over the spot for a one final beat before I remove my hand and focus on the task at hand── sketching the sun in the centre of his chest.

Dancing at his hips are the stars, and right in the centre of his chest will be the sun── it's a beautiful contrast, isn't it?

"Draw, Sunshine."

I do as he says, gliding my pen across his skin easily. He doesn't shy away, he doesn't push me off, he doesn't even flinch. He just watches in awe as I drag the pen across his skin in delicate patterns, drawing the sun like a child would── with huge rays spurting out of the circle. I'm a little more skilled than a child is at drawing so, don't worry, it looks professional if drawing the sun on somebody's skin can be professional.

JJ smiles at me, his face relaxed. "Are you feeling okay?" I ask, pushing the pen into his skin.

"I'm feeling much better now, Sunshine."

"Good." I press my fingers against his chest, holding onto him as I move the pen over the centre of his chest, turning the bruise into something more bright── literally.

"I think I'll get it tattooed," he says, peering at the drawing in the middle of his chest.

"The sun or the stars?"

"The sun," he clarifies. "I'd get the sun tattooed."

I nod, moving the pen in a circle a few times. "Good choice," I whisper. "I like the sun."

"I like the sun." He bites down on his lip, his eyes finding mine as I look up from the drawing on his chest. "I like the sun a lot. She deserves to be tattooed, don't you think?"

"Are we still talking about the sun?"

"I don't know, Sunshine, are we?"

My throat bobs as I swallow down whatever feeling is climbing up my throat. My pen stops moving, coming to a stop right in the centre of the sun painted across his chest.

JJ is watching me carefully, like he's waiting for me to do something── like he's waiting for me to not be so afraid anymore. I slide my tongue across my bottom lip, my throat suddenly feeling dry as I try to stare as intensely as he is. I press my hand against his chest, fingertips pushing at the bruises that colour his skin.

I feel myself leaning forward, but not to kiss him. No, I'm not going to kiss him. I lean down, and I let my lips brush against the centre of his chest── right where the sun lays. I think part of him expects it based off the way he looks down at me, his face completely relaxed.

I rest my forehead against his chest, breathing softly as red creeps up my face. "You've got the sun," I say, referring to what I've just drawn.

"I've always had the sun."

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❀ soph speaks

this chapter made me a lil emotional

i love my couple<3