𝟎𝟐𝟎.          𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐛𝐞𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐢𝐟𝐮𝐥 𝐛𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐝

friends         ────         chase atlantic

( i love, love, LOVE this chapter . . .
a whole chapter of just brooke & jj )
warning: light mature content
& talks of death

☀︎ 𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐥𝐲𝐧'𝐬 𝐩𝐨𝐯

𝖨 𝖲𝖨𝖳 𝖮𝖴𝖳𝖲𝖨𝖣𝖤 𝖮𝖭 𝖳𝖧𝖤 𝖣𝖮𝖢𝖪，𝖲𝖪𝖤𝖳𝖢𝖧𝖡𝖮𝖮𝖪 𝖮𝖭 𝖫𝖠𝖯，𝖧𝖤𝖠𝖣 𝖮𝖭 𝖯𝖮𝖲𝖳，𝖯𝖤𝖭𝖢𝖨𝖫 𝖨𝖭 𝖧𝖠𝖭𝖣．I've been sitting here for the past two hours, watching the sun set while the boys have been doing whatever inside the Chateau. As I sit here, I've been thinking of Kiara and Sarah, wondering if they're getting along yet. I hope they resolve whatever caused them to fall out.

It's so quiet out tonight with the gentle rolling of the waves, the soft rustling of the trees nearby, and the howl of the wind. It's nice, it's peaceful. It's so quiet that I may just close my eyes and let myself fall asleep right now.

I'm sketching the landscape before me── the HMS Pogue resting on the grass, the Chateau lit up inside, and the trees decorating each corner. I focus heavily on the tree that JJ and I often find ourselves sitting upon whenever there's a storm. I even decide to draw a treehouse using the image I've concocted in my head because I have dreams of sitting in a treehouse one day. Alongside a museum full of my art, I want a treehouse.

It might sound silly, but it's a lifelong dream of mine to own a treehouse. The idea of sitting in a tree, tucked away in my own world so I can draw, it sounds... great. My future cat, Wotsit can sit with me. Oh, and the dog that JJ wants can sit on the other side of me, watching as I draw.

That's my dream, so I draw my dream on paper in the hopes of it one day coming true.

I bite down on my bottom lip── something I do whenever I'm concentrating── and I push my fingers across the page, smudging a few lines I've created in the water. I hit my pencil against my page a few times, trying to see if I like it as I press the eraser against the lines, contemplating.

I decide to erase it, finding that I don't like it now that I've been staring at it for too long. I then curve the lines, adding a new effect to the waves in the water which I prefer. I smile at my work, moving the pencil across the page again to add a few more wave lines.

I love that I have the artistic trait in the family. Art speaks to me in a way that people don't, if that makes any sense. I often wonder if my mother was artistic because I know that John B and Dad aren't.

I've never really had anyone to talk with about my art because nobody was ever really that interested. Sure, John B would praise me, and Dad would pin my drawings on the fridge and on his office wall, but neither of them truly understood what I was drawing or why I loved it so much. I wonder if Dad ever questioned why I had a passion for art when he wasn't creative in that sense. Maybe I reminded him of Mom.

The only person who has ever let me ramble on about my art is JJ── the boy heading straight for me with a beer in hand.

"Hey, Sunshine."

Two words── that's all I need from him. I never want him to stop calling me that. I love when he does even if I won't admit it out loud. I think I fell for him because of those two words, but again, I've never said that out loud... not to him anyway.

He moves to sit across from me, resting his back against the wooden beam. He dangles one leg off, letting it hang over the water while I keep my knees up so my sketchbook has a place to rest. "Hey," I say softly, scribbling my name down in the corner of the page in an attempt to make a stupid signature. Every artist has one, right?

JJ hums, and lets his eyes close for a second. I take a moment to glance at him, taking in the gentleness of his tired face. His hair is disheveled, a few pieces falling in front of his eyes, and I have this urge to push them away, but I stay where I am. His lips are slightly open, smooth and soft. Again, I have that ridiculous urge to drag my thumb across those lips, draw them with my fingers. His eyes blink open, blue ones finding my brown ones in seconds, even in the sunset.

He looks so... so, you know? I can't explain it, but he looks ethereal in the setting of the sun. I've come to realise that JJ always looks good, no matter what lighting he's in, but I've now got to say that in this luminous lighting of the sunset, he looks the most attractive.

"Can I draw you?"

The words are out of my mouth before I can snatch them back, and JJ looks surprised because I've never outwardly asked him that. I don't usually draw people, but I drew Kiara earlier today, and now I desperately want to draw JJ, especially before it gets dark. I've always dreamed of doing it, and now I feel like there's no time like the present.

He sits up, placing his bottle down. "Okay."

"Really?"

He nods, a slight smile on his lips. "Yeah."

I get comfortable by kicking one leg off the dock so I can ease the pins and needles sensation. I stretch my other leg out, resting it next to JJ's, and I rest my sketchbook on my knee, keeping it steady as I set my mind on him, and only him.

While he's sitting right in front of me, I still use the images in my head── the ones I have tucked away in a dark corner in my mind of him. I see him smiling, laughing at something one of us has said. I see his eyes wrinkle when that smile I know and love flashes across his face. I see him smoking a joint, keeping it balanced between his lips as he stares right at me, blue clashing with brown.

I now wish I had brought my watercolours so I could encapsulate the colour in his eyes.

From the amount of staring I've done over the eight years we've been friends, I've come to notice that JJ has small specks of grey in his eyes that are very difficult to see from afar. You need to be up close to really see the different shades of colour in his eyes. Not only does he have tiny specks of grey, he has the faintest tint of green in them depending on the light he's in. When the sun is shining brightly, I swear his eyes are green for a couple seconds. It's subtle, but I always notice.

If you notice somebody's eyes in that great of detail, it's pretty obvious that you're in love with them── so much so that you can imagine those exact eyes on your future children. I don't want his eyes to be on another woman's kids in the future which, yes, may sound ridiculous, but I really don't believe anyone will love JJ in the ways that I do.

Eyes are important, aren't they? They tell a person a lot of things, and I do believe that you fall in love with a person's eyes before anything else as I fell for JJ's eyes before anything else. The way he looks at me, so carefully and sweetly── it's enough to make me melt into a puddle on the floor.

My pencil seems to glide across the paper easily, but I had no worries that it wouldn't. My mind and heart control the pace at which my pencil goes, and it seems they're pushing me to sketch faster, so I do.

I draw the outline of his face, focusing heavily on his jaw because, I swear, this boy has a jaw that could cut glass. I let my mind wander once again. I can't control it, and I don't want to. I imagine dragging my fingers across his jaw, tickling my fingertips across the scruff of hair that he'll have one day if he ever decides to grow a beard── he shouldn't, by the way. I imagine he's lying above me, staring down at me as my fingers mindlessly move across his jaw, feeling the delicate skin that I've longed to touch.

My mind sure likes to spiral, doesn't it?

JJ's hand falls, resting upon my ankle that rests next to him. I glance at him, and he glances back, something of a smile on his lips as his fingers dig into my anklebone. I suppress a groan because that annoyingly feels good.

"Wanna play truths?" JJ asks, and I nod.

"Yes." I would never, ever turn down the opportunity to play truths. "You can go first." We only get one question each so he needs to think of something worthy to ask, as do I.

As he thinks of his question, I go back to my sketch. I draw the lines that act as a guide so I can draw his nose and not mess it up. I draw the curve of his nose, dragging my thumb across the page to smudge the lines. He has a nice nose── that's a strange thing to say, I know. While he's been in many fights over the years, JJ has never broken his nose which, personally, I think is good.

JJ is pondering, trying to figure out what to ask me, and while I draw, I consider what I can ask him. Last time we played truths, I asked him why he called me Sunshine, and I was very pleased with the answer. I've never loved the nickname more than I do now. If he ever stops calling me that, I think my heart will break.

"I have one." I hum, acknowledging him, but I keep my eyes trained on the drawing in my hands. "What are you most afraid of?"

I lift my head, eyes finding his. "You know that."

"You're still afraid of spiders?"

I scoff. "JJ, I can't just get over my fear of spiders. They're terrifying." I've always hated the freaky little, dangly creatures. Stupid long legs and small bodies── ew. "They're ugly and gross and every time I see one, I feel like they're on me."

"Sometimes they are..."

When I was ten, JJ and John B decided to prank me. Let me start by saying that this prank made me cry for six days straight and resulted in John B being grounded. John B and JJ found the scariest, most evil looking spider from outside. They then called me over, and once I stepped outside, they threw the spider on me. I screamed, cried, and Dad thought I was dying── I was in a sense.

I point a threatening finger at him. "I still haven't forgiven you for that prank."

"Oh, but you have." He reaches out to snatch my finger, pulling my hand down.

I pull my hand back, smiling. "Why'd you ask if you knew the answer?" My fear has always been spiders── he, better than anyone, knows that.

"I know you hate spiders, Sunny, but that isn't your biggest fear."

My brow raises. "Oh, yeah?"

"So, Sunshine, what are you most afraid of?"

I think about it── I really think about my answer. Yes, I hate spiders with every bone in my body, but he's right, it isn't my biggest fear. What I'm most fearful of is something that nobody knows.

But I can tell JJ. I can always tell JJ anything.

"I'm scared of dying," I admit, my words carrying more weight than any previous words I've spoken tonight. "I mean, I-I think everyone is, in a way, but I'm really, really scared of not knowing what comes after, you know?" I shift my eyes down, staring at the picture that's coming together under the touch of my pencil. "I'm afraid of not knowing how I'll die or where I'll die or who will be there when I die..." Will I die alone, that's the real question? I hope not.

"Afraid of dying," JJ repeats, his voice soft, and I nod.

"That, and I'm afraid of people I love dying." I stop moving my pencil across the page, choosing to look at him. Our eyes meet once again. "I think I might be more afraid of losing someone I love." Like John B, Kiara, Pope... JJ. "I've already... lost my dad, and that hurt a lot── it still does." Dad might not be dead, but it's been nine months and the chances of him being alive are very slim.

"You aren't gonna lose us."

I shrug one shoulder. "Nobody lives forever."

"Oh, I didn't know that," he deadpans, earning a glare from me.

"You're not funny."

"I'm hilarious."

I shake my head, amused as my head drops to look down at my drawing. My pencil has been moving over the page absentmindedly, drawing the shape of his eyes. My fingers are controlled by my head and my heart, so it's no surprise they've moved on their own accord, adding to the image I'm drawing.

"Thanks for telling me," he says, squeezing my ankle. That simple action sends a shiver up my leg, igniting my body in a way I don't expect. "You don't need to be afraid though. We're young. We aren't going to die anytime soon, alright?"

I swallow, nodding. "Yeah." I lift my head, eyes finding his. I want to say, "Don't ever die on me", but I swallow my words. I want him to know that I can't lose him, not under any circumstances. I open my mouth, ready for the words to fall out but he talks first.

"I'm afraid of you dying," he admits, surprising me. "I don't wanna lose you, Brooke. You're important to me, you know that, right?"

A smile plays on my lips. I know he's serious when he uses my name. "I don't wanna lose you── not ever. You're important to me too." He's more important to me than I let on. "How about we vow not to die?"

He huffs out a laugh. "A vow not to die?"

"Yes." I nod firmly, laughing at how ridiculous that must sound. "Not in front of each other anyway."

"Oh, of course."

"That would cause too much psychological trauma," I say, nudging my foot against his leg. "Don't die in front of me, Maybank, not ever."

He leans forward, holding his pinkie finger out to me. "I vow not to die."

I push off the wooden beam, leaning forward to wrap my own pinkie around his. We smile at one another, squeezing our fingers together. "I vow not to die," I chorus, pressing our thumbs together.

We don't pull back instantly, and we keep our fingers wrapped. While we should pull back, we stay close and stare at one another. Up close, I see those tiny specks of grey in his eyes that I love. They match the blue in his eyes quite well, I've always thought that.

"You need to ask me a question, Sunshine."

His breath smells like cigarettes and beer── a scent I've grown accustom to over the years. I still don't pull back, I just stay close. I like staying this close to him, wrapped up in his warmth. The corner of his mouth tugs up in a smile, and I can't stop my eyes from moving down, snagging onto that subtle upturn. I feel my cheeks warm, likely from being this close to him, and JJ notices── I know he notices.

I hear him swallow, his Adam's apple moving which catches my attention, just like his lips do. God, they look soft. I don't even know how to encapsulate his lips in my sketch. It'll be hard. Right now, he's without a mouth because drawing a mouth seems... intimate in a strange way, does that make sense?

"Ask me a question," he repeats, his voice gravelly which sends a whole new feeling down my spine.

"I-I──" Fuck, I don't have a question. "W-What do you..." His smile is wider now, and it's driving me insane, especially giving that he's already so close to me. "What do you want── Right now, what do you want?"

Our fingers untwine, and he leans back against his wooden beam. I fall back, resting against my own beam with my sketchbook in hand. His drags his hand across his jaw, exhaling loudly. I don't know why I asked that, and now I wish I hadn't because he doesn't seem──

"I want to kiss you."

Well, that's one way to shut me up.

"W-Wh── I'm sorry, what?" I feel as if I've been doused in gasoline and lit aflame. My entire body is on literal fire, and if he really, truly means that, why has he not kissed me? I'm right here, open and willing to do whatever── and I mean whatever he wants. Okay, now I just sound desperate. In some ways, I freaking am.

He breathes out a laugh. "I wanted to see that." He points to me, highlighting my crimson coloured face. "The red in your face── I wanted to see it again."

So he doesn't want to kiss me.

"You bastard." I drop my head, silently begging the colour in my cheeks to go down.

JJ laughs, and it's a sound I've heard a thousand times before, but this time it rubs me in a way I do not like── not after he just said he wanted to kiss me and see the stupid colour in my cheeks at that confession. I hate him.

Okay, I don't actually hate him. I love him.

"You want me to, don't you?" He's leaning forward, body slumped off the wooden post.

"N-No, I don't." Liar.

He hums, tilting his head to get a closer look at me, but this is the first time tonight that I refuse to lift my head and look into those eyes. I'm afraid that if I do, I'll literally lunge at him, and I'm not sure in what way.

While he's not close, close, he's still there, watching as my entire body has stilled. Hell, even my breathing has come to a crashing halt due to his annoying yet very wanted presence. I bite down on my bottom lip, squeezing the life out of my pencil as I attempt to hold it steady over my page. I still need to draw his lips── something I'd be able to do if he just backed away.

Actually, would I be able to map them out better if I knew what it was like to kiss him right now at this very moment. Yes, we kissed once when we were thirteen, but there was no passion (or tongue), and he told me his "technique" had improved. Damn him, but I want to know how.

I don't tell him any of this.

I simply just say, "Ask me another question" before he questions why I'm desperate to let him kiss me.

He rears his head back. Ha!

"I've already asked you a question."

"That's why I said ask me another," I reply, my heart pounding in my chest.

"Why?"

"Because I said so."

"Fine," he huffs, falling back against the wooden beam, his arms crossed. Because I'm only human, my stupid eyes snag onto the muscle in his arms. I do wonder what he could do with those arms if I gave him the chance. I feel like he's the type of guy to pin you against any kind of surface── a wall, a door, a bed, a floor.

God, I'd wish he'd──

He clears his throat, snatching my attention. Based off the shit-eating smirk on his face, he knew I was staring at his arms. He has nice arms, he knows he does. The whole freaking world knows it, don't they?

"Ask the damn question," I insist, my tone unintentionally breathy.

"What's something you really want to do, but you're afraid of doing it?"

I stare at him, eyebrows furrowed and lips tight. He knows what's he's doing, I'll grant him that. He's not as dumb as he appears, he's actually very smart── this proves that fact.

"Are you trying to get some kind of answer out of me?"

He shrugs casually. "Maybe."

"I'm not giving you the answer."

"You have to. We're playing truths."

"But you already asked me a question." I can't believe I'm saying this. I just don't want to answer that particular question. I'm a wuss, I know. I'm completely pathetic, I know.

"You said I could. You have to answer now. It's the rules."

"Well, rules are meant to be broken."

He shakes his head, laughing softly. "Why won't you answer the question? Is it embarrassing?"

Yes. "No."

"Answer the question, Brooke."

"No," I fight, refusing to blurt out that the one thing I'm scared to do is tell him how I'm feel but I'm downright terrified of telling him because I don't want to know how he'll react, especially after he just said he'd kiss me, but not actually── he just wanted to get a reaction out of me.

"Your face is red." Of course it is. Even in the darkness, my stupid face is red. Why do I have to blush at every tiny thing he says? Screw him. "Answer the question."

"No."

"I've never known you to back down."

That is true, I would never normally back down from such a mundane question but he is trying to force out some answer that I so don't want to give him── not yet anyway. I just want to draw, stay silent, and ignore him.

"Answer the question, Brooke."

Fine, I will answer, but not in the way he wants. I'm not giving him the answer he's clearly looking to hear. No, I'm going to offer him something that will have him melting into the floor for a change.

"Skinny dipping," I answer.

He chokes on salvia which brings a satisfied smile out of me. Skinny dipping── that was my answer. I'm not exactly lying. I have always wanted to do it, I just never had the guts, mainly due to the fact that this water is probably gross and cold. Again, I'm a wuss, but who cares? If I never skinny dip, I won't be all that upset.

I just wanted to see JJ squirm which he's... not exactly doing. No, he's grinning at me in a way that says something I don't like. I should get up, run away and hide in my bedroom, but I don't move. A ridiculous, hormone-driven part of me wants to sit here and listen to whatever he has to say.

"Skinny dip? That's what you want to do, but you're afraid?"

Perhaps it would've been easier if I just said, "So, I'm madly in love with you, but I've always been too scared to tell you. Goodnight." That may have been a better answer because I'm a little scared for what he's obviously going to suggest.

He's JJ, he likes to live life on the edge.

I swallow, and I'm pretty sure he hears it.

I've since disregarded the drawing, leaving my sketchbook beside me because I know I will not be able to finish that drawing tonight── not when my head has been ransacked by JJ's intoxicating presence.

"Do it," he says simply.

"Do what?"

"Skinny dip." There's no way he's saying that to me. "Do something you're afraid to do── skinny dip."

My mouth gapes in a scoff. "No."

"Why not?"

"Why──" Okay, now I may run inside and hide in my bedroom like a child. "Why not? W-Why would I? I-I'm not..." The words aren't falling out of my mouth like I hoped they would. I've never been more caught off guard in my life. "I──"

"You're afraid, right?"

"Right."

"So if you do it, you won't be afraid."

Yes, now I wish I'd just told him I was in love with him. That would've been easier to explain than skinny dipping. What the hell was I thinking saying that in response to his question? I could've said anything. God, I'm an idiot.

In my defence, I had no idea he would propose skinny dipping as something to do.

I should've known.

It's JJ, for Christ sake.

"I-I am not skinny dipping."

He shrugs, moving to stand up. "Okay." Once on his feet, I expect him to walk off but he just pulls his shirt off, tossing it down on top of my sketchbook. Uh, bastard? That might be my favourite thing to call JJ── bastard.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"I'm getting in the water." He moves his hands down, fingers on the clasp of his shorts.

"No!" I reach up, snatching his wrist. I pull myself up, my feet feeling awfully like jelly. "Y-You can't. I-I──" He looks at me, grinning once again because, of course, he finds this shit amusing. "We are not skinny dipping."

"Why? You afraid you'll see something you like?"

Bastard. "Shut up."

"I have swim shorts on, Sunny, but I like where your mind went." He shrugs my hand away, moving to unclasp his shorts. Why would he wear shorts and swim shorts, that makes no sense to me. Was he not uncomfortable?

"JJ." I sigh, watching as he moves towards the ladders that lead into the water. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Me? I'm swimming, Sunshine. You're welcome to join── clothes or not." He winks, and that does nothing to ease that butterfly feeling in my stomach.

Skinny dipping alone is weird, skinny dipping with somebody you're secretly in love with is just too... intimate, too real. Swimming together with clothes on── emphasis on the on── would be okay, right?

When I hear the splash of water, I look to find JJ has lowered himself in. The sun has set entirely so I can barely see him, but I know he's there, waiting for me to climb in after him. I'm wearing my bikini underneath my clothes── that's not the problem. The problem is the fact that this── us two, alone and outside without our friends── is so not platonic, not after the conversation we've just had.

He waves his hands, hitting them against the water in an attempt to splash me as I stand and contemplate my decision. "Take a chance, Sunshine. It's not like I'm asking you to get naked── that's your decision."

I roll my eyes and I shrug my top off before I regret my choice. He's right, he's no longer asking me to skinny dip even though he asked not five minutes ago. We're going to swim, clothed. I need to make that point clear as I shimmy out of my shorts, revealing my bikini.

I wish I could afford nicer looking bikinis because the ones I own are boring as shit. This one is a pale yellow colour with── and no, I'm not joking── little white flowers placed strategically over my nipples that are thankfully hidden. I never wear this bikini if I plan on taking my clothes off, but I hadn't anticipated this tonight so I'm wearing it. Kiara bought it for my birthday last year, and I thought it was funny.

I no longer think that.

JJ does, that's what counts, right?

I lower into the water, wincing at how freaking cold it is. Shit. I jerk in the water, suddenly wishing to get out as JJ reaches out to snatch my arm, pulling me into his warmth.

No, no, no. This is not platonic.

Clothed and in the water, alone in the darkness. No, no, no, no. No. No, no. Just... no.

"See, wasn't so bad, was it?"

"Well, at least I'm not naked," I quip, grasping his arms to steady myself as I kick my feet steadily, wanting to keep afloat even though some part of should definitely drown just to avoid this.

"Hey, I wouldn't mind that."

I shake my head, a smile playing on my mouth. "Stop."

JJ flashes me a smile, his tongue darting out to glide across his bottom lip which I obviously see. Not only do I see that, I feel his biceps flex under my arms. Bastard. He knew I was staring at his stupid, perfect arms earlier so he's making it damn clear to me that he has muscles.

His hands are holding my hips, pressing into the skin that, despite the cold water, is on fire. "So..." His voice is low, and that rubs down my body in a way I never expected. "Skinny dipping, huh?"

"Yeah, okay, it's dumb." Totally dumb.

"It's not dumb, I just think you're lying to me."

I tilt my head. "What?"

"I don't think skinny dipping is the thing you really, really want to do." He isn't wrong, I'd rather not do it, but I had to say something for him to get off my back── that, apparently, didn't work. He can see right through me, he knows me that well. "I think you want to do it, for whatever reason, but it's not number one on your list of things you want to do, but are afraid to do."

"Well, if you're so smart, you tell me what's number one on my list."

I shift my gaze back to his eyes which I find to be a mistake when I find he's already staring right at me, obviously trying to read me silently. If he stares hard enough, he'll be able to read my mind by looking into my eyes. My eyes will one day give me away, and I freaking hope today is not the day.

I keep looking at him, now refusing to back down from this staring match. I'm stubborn, I'll keep looking at him which will only give him all the answers I don't want him to have. If he sees me and my secrets, I'm afraid of how he'll react── that's what scares me the most.

I feel his fingers dig into my hip, jerking me just a tiny bit closer. Bastard.

For the shortest second, his eyes dart down, catching onto my lips. Bastard.

I decide to let my eyes wander down, snagging onto the lips that I've been thinking of touching and kissing for years.

"You didn't draw my lips," he says, bringing me back to where we really are.

"What?"

"In the sketch, you didn't draw my lips." I didn't realise he had noticed.

I swallow, biting the inside of my cheek as I speak, "I-I don't know how to." Oh, good one, Brooke.

"You drew Kiara earlier." Again, I didn't realise he'd actually seen the drawing when I held it up. "Can you only draw them if you've kissed them?"

I dig my nails into his perfect bicep. "Bastard." He huffs out a laugh, obviously amused with himself. "I was going to draw them, I just got..." My eyes shift down, looking at those lips we're talking about. "...distracted," I say, breathlessly.

"Right. Sorry 'bout that. I am pretty distracting." My eyes lit, finding his again. Bastard.

Seriously, it's my favourite nickname for him, can you tell?

"You're annoying," I utter, looking down at the water. I can't even see as my legs kick in the water as it's dark. JJ has a hold on me, his hands sliding from my hips to hold my back, and I swear he moves me just a tiny bit closer. I don't know how it's possible at this point, but I definitely feel closer to him.

My thoughts are answered when my chest presses against his, telling me that we are, in fact, too close── so close it's intoxicating. We have all this water yet, here we are, in each other's bubbles, joining them together.

I feel my knees brush against his legs── his thighs, to be exact. Lovely. I bite my tongue, needing to force that overwhelming feeling in my throat because this is nice. Being this close to him is relaxing and warm and inviting despite how cold this water is.

"I like these." He's staring down at──

Bastard.

"My boobs?" He laughs, his whole body shaking from that laugh.

"I mean, they're nice, but I mean the bikini."

"Right." Now I feel like a damn idiot, but then I rethink back to what he said. "Wait, you said you like 'these'. If you liked my bikini, you would've said 'I like this'." Got him!

"I meant these..." He's lost on what to say because I caught him. Well, he wanted to get caught by pointing it out. Ugh. "...flowers on your top." I nod, a satisfied smile on my face because I think I've actually succeeded in making him as nervous as he makes me. "Shut up."

"It's okay. I like these too."

That makes him laugh again which is what I wanted. I like his laugh a lot.

One hand remains on my back while the other moves back to its previous place── my hip. He rubs his thumb over my hipbone, right above the hem of my bikini bottoms, and that single movement is enough to make me feel as if I'm sinking. He presses his thumb down, smoothing the skin of my hipbone, sending a warm pleasure to a place I did not expect. He seems to be caught up in the soft movement of his thumb on my hip that he doesn't seem to notice me pushing forward, inviting him to do whatever he wants.

If I'm being honest, I didn't notice myself moving closer until it was too late, and one of my legs was tangled around his.

His finger stops moving against my hip, and his head lifts, eyes finding mine in the dark. I'm breathing heavily, and pressing myself closer. I'm like some sort of animal, silently begging for him to just shift his fingers to a new spot── a spot nobody has touched before.

His eyes move away from my eyes, travelling down and falling to a spot he seemed encapsulated by a few moments ago. His tongue darts out, swiping across his bottom lip again, and I swear I involuntarily moan.

Now I might just call myself a bastard.

His hand on my back presses in further, pushing my lower half into his which elicits some kind of guttural noise from me.

What am I becoming?

His hand on my back moves up, sliding up my spine and grasping ahold of my ponytail── tightly, might I add. A gasp falls from my mouth as JJ pulls my head back slightly, fingers tightening around my hair.

"This is what you want, but you're afraid." His voice sounds so faraway, but I hear him perfectly.

"W-We can't── We shouldn't. We're friends, JJ." My voice doesn't sound like my own, probably because I know that, deep down, I want this more than I want to breathe.

"Best friends," he corrects, and I hum, my body shifting closer and pressing into all of him.

"T-This isn't what we're supposed to do."

"But it's fine for you and Kiara?"

"I-It's different with..." Our eyes clash, meeting once again. "...with Kiara."

"How?" Because I'm in love with you.

I can't say that though, so I just shake my head and pretend that I don't want this because I'm a little afraid of what this could lead to. "I-It's just different, JJ, you know it is."

"You don't need to be afraid, Brooklyn." He never calls me Brooklyn. It sounds wrong for him to say it, but at the same time, I like it.

"You're my best friend," I say easily.

"And you're mine," he replies, voice hoarse. "That won't change── not ever."

"But if I..." Kiss you. "...It will change us."

His fingers still twirl in my hair, and his other hand still presses deep into my hip. It seems he's trying to stop himself from moving his hands elsewhere, and if I had any guts in the world, I'd let him put his hands anywhere he wants, but I can't get the words off my tongue.

Damn me.

His hand on my hip moves up, sliding across the dip in my waist and tracing up my skin until it rests just under the cup of my bikini top. I cast a glance down, and my heart hammers in my chest as I watch his thumb brush across the material── right over a spot I've only ever dreamed of him touching. That moan I was holding back, well, it unleashes loudly.

JJ breathes out a laugh, his forehead pressing against mine as his thumb moves away, resting underneath instead. "Sunshine?"

"Yeah," I choke out, voice sounded foreign.

"When you stop being so afraid, you let me know, okay?"

On that note, he swims away, leaving me aching from head to toe. I nearly sink under the water once his body leaves mine. He leaves me wanting more. That──

"Bastard."

──────────────────────────

❀ soph speaks

uh lol