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WITH THE CONTROLLER FITTING ALMOST PERFECTLY INTO THE PALMS OF YOUR HANDS, buttons pushed against the soft pads on your fingers, the bright smile on your face couldn't be a better indicator of your excitement. Your eyes were completely blinded by the smooth graphics and animations displayed on the bright screen. At that moment, nothing could be more mesmerizing than seeing and hearing the click of the intro screen.

You could feel the tiny butterflies fluttering underneath your rib cage almost sickenly, just anticipating your first game. It was a lot more nerve-wracking than anything if you were being honest. Sure training could be tough, especially when you're going against your mother, but this kind of nervousness made you feel giddier than anything.

Giddiness isn't something you were accustomed to, it was pretty rare for you to feel any sort of joy towards anything but Hitoshi, food, and sometimes going against your mother's wishes out of spite. (Though the last subject always proved to you that the consequences definitely outweighs the thought behind it.)

Even though the feeling of excitement is almost foreign upon your knowledge, if it were to be hurled at you at hundreds — no — thousands of miles per hour, you still wouldn't hesitate to open up your arms and welcome it without a second thought. Heck, maybe even give it a forehead kiss while you're at it.

You would somewhat describe the feeling like rearing a bathroom when you swear your bladder was going off on a ticking time bomb. The queasiness was there, as well as the urgency, but the feeling couldn't be removed with a simple trip to the bathroom.

The loading screen was moving at a much slower pace than you'd like, making the tension built in your stomach so immensely strong, you wondered if you had accidentally consumed any dairy products anytime on this day.

Despite being lactose intolerant, the thought of cheesecakes and Doritos was of a good deal even if it means you'd feel bloated for the next three days. Cheese is a necessity for survival at this point, you couldn't bear the thought of living the rest of your life without dairy products just for the sole reason of something as wimpy as diarrhea.

How would you do on your first game? Would you be able to get the concept down on your first try? Would the information you learned in class be able to be applied here?

So many questions with so many of them left unanswered, every monologue began swarming haphazardly with no coordination whatsoever inside of your head. Each little dialogue banging against each other carelessly, like a handful of marbles inside of a shaken mason jar.

The hallucinating thoughts screamed volumes, echoing every so often against your hollow skull. All the chaos ensued inside your head rivals against the bangs of pots and pans you would hear on an early Saturday morning, and maybe even louder than the cicadas on a hot summer evening.

Your head was drowned deep into the ocean of its own world, with floating thoughts bobbing here and there just barely grazing above the coral reefs. Even if a wild chimpanzee happens to trample and budge it's away into your room, you doubt you would be able to register it.

Unbeknownst to you, Hitoshi himself was excited to see how well you would perform on your first game. Hadn't have had the chance to play with another person, he was more than happy to hear that you could be his potential gaming buddy.

Finally, he would no longer have to play on two separate accounts just to complete multiplayer quests. Though he held some ounce of pride in being able to control two accounts simultaneously well enough to complete those tasks, he would pick playing with another human being any day.

Especially if the human being was you.

As you both chose your own preferred characters, Hitoshi patiently explained the main concept of controls. It took a while for you to understand, but all and all, it wasn't too hard for you to grasp. For someone who was able to cram all their studies the night before their exams, surely, fidgeting with a few buttons couldn't be too hard... right?

While you continued to reverse the little lines of instructions Hitoshi had rehearsed to you, the said boy began scrolling through the selections, searching for a map that would be suitable for a rookie like you.

He could be mean and choose one of the hardest maps there is, rainbow road. (He had probably cried gallons of tears on that map alone, enough for even the Sahara Dessert to flourish into a rainforest.)

Or he could be the nice, considerable friend he is, and choose one of the easiest maps in the game just to spare you some lack.

Looking at your frame shaking uncontrollably in excitement, he chose the latter.

Your eyes were still completely glued onto the screen in fascination, foot-tapping impatiently against the wooden floor, saying not even a peep to the purple sheep beside you.

If Hitoshi hadn't known you well enough, he would've thought you haven't even seen what technology was. The amount of happiness oozing from your body was thick and heavy, the air surrounding the both of you began to grow hot from all the spirit, but it wasn't enough to cause difficulty in breathing. If anything, it only made you both more excited for the experience that was to come, (as well as the faithful shouts that were sure to wake up the forty-two-year-old Karen three blocks down.)

The players were all lined up perfectly just behind the starting line. The numbers on the screen began counting down from three, making your fingers sweat just as its very tips, ill at ease. Hitoshi, who've had this part of the game bleached into his brain, decided to slip his attention away from the game for a split second, taking a quick glance at your face.

He didn't know what he was expecting, maybe catch you sneakily picking on your nose when you thought he wasn't looking?

You had always discreetly done so, eyes peering left and right like an anxious fawn, all to make sure you weren't seen on the disgraceful act. Hitoshi had caught you doing it more times than he could count, and honestly, he could care less. Sure it was probably unladylike, and maybe very disrespectful for someone with your background. It wasn't his business to point it out, however, so he'd rather stay silent and peel his eyes away from you as you do so.

He would always make you wash your hands afterward though, always with the excuse of keeping your personal hygiene in check. Even though he knew very well himself he just wanted to open the door of the chance to hold your hand.

He never knew when the urges began to arise, but it became annoyingly prominent like a lost puppy clawing at your front door. Premature hand-holding isn't that big of a deal, but he would very much rather hold a hand that hadn't had scavenged a mucky cave just a few moments before.

His tired eyes gazed back at your smile, stretched wide apart onto your flawless face. A smile that he swears he'd never seen before, even after seeing you eat more pineapple buns than he'd deem humanely possible.

It was so... genuine and innocent. The kind of smile you'd see on a child on a bright Christmas morning who had just woken up to a pile of gifts their parents had bought a month ago on black Friday.

The saccharine smile you'd smack right dab onto your face crookedly on a day to day basis was nowhere to be seen. The slightest hint of wavering determination lit up like a dying waxed candle in your eyes, suddenly erupted into a blazing forest fire that could rival the ones in Australia and California combined.

He had enough time to linger his eyes onto your face for a tad bit longer. Carefully trying to burn this rare image of you in 1080p HD quality into the caffeine-driven and insomniac brain of his. With your bottom lip pulled out into a soft — dare he say cute — pout, nose slightly scrunched, eyebrows creased along with your slightly squinted eyes, his own steady heartbeat began to grow out of tempo against his throat.

He began to grow wary that you'd be able to hear the drums beating so loudly in his ears. Could you hear his heart punching its confession into his chest? What would you if you did? Would you accept his feelings and cradle it with as much care as you would to your plants?

Perhaps, even gentler?

Hitoshi wasn't oblivious when it comes to these things, reading books and books of fanfiction and wasting hours of his weekends on anime, the concept of love is engraved into his mind. The soft gooey feeling of seeing your crush's genuine smile, the growing heartbeats whenever you two are near, and the adoration he's felt towards you that surpasses even his love towards gaming.

It was all there, and only when it's with you.

The moment that he had realized he had held such feelings towards you, he was horrified. There was no way you'd be able to see him in that way, you were completely out of his league. A child born to be a hero while the other born with the label of a villain?

Yeah, as if that was gonna work.

Not only that, but he doesn't even know if anyone could hold the same kind of feeling towards him.

As wrong as it might've been, he pushed the feelings into the very depths of his being, he pushed and pushed and pushed. He didn't care if he wouldn't be able to be the one to press his lips into yours, he didn't care if this smile that would only be shown towards him would later be shown to another. He thought he would do completely fine if you were to fall in love with someone else, as long as you two could still hang out every once in a while.

He liked the way things are now and was fine with it if it was going to be how it would end. With the both of you so reliant and dependable on each other, it felt as if he could overthrow the government with any second of the day just being by your side.

He felt invisible with you but in a good way. The both of you could talk for hours and hours on end no matter the time of the day without a problem, or simply sit next to each other without exchanging any words for just as long with no hint of awkwardness floating in the air.

But that changed.

This afternoon, when he saw the pomeranian boy stare at you with such infatuation panged him to the very core.

Why did he feel like this? Didn't he say it doesn't matter?

The creases between his brows deepened as his hand bunched the shirt over his heart. Angry and confused, it made it difficult for him to breathe while standing up to the scene in front of him. If he was alone in his own room, he would bury himself into the comfort of his bed, thinking long and hard about everything until he'd wake up the next morning with an ugly migraine.

But this wasn't his room, this wasn't someplace he could display his vulnerability in.

Especially with you right in front of him.

He calmed himself down with a few rounds of deep breaths. Thinking logically with his mind, he assured himself that you would never find someone as brash and rude as that boy attractive. He heaved a sigh and reached out to your hands, he wanted to get the both of you out of the situation as soon as possible.

But when he turned back to look at your eyes, he halted.

It was glistening with equal admiration as the other boy, it made him feel angrier and more confused than he had ever felt.

Why would you look at him like that? What does that boy have that he doesn't?

Was it the blonde hair? His rough voice?

Why couldn't you look at him the same way you look at that... furry?

Hitoshi wouldn't be surprised if he was one. Considering the number of times he growled and bared his teeth like a feral animal, anything of the sort is possible.

If you knew he was a furry, you wouldn't like him... right?

He was content to holding your hand, but now he wants to kiss it. He was happy with just seeing the smile etched onto your lips, but now he wants to place his own against it.

He wants to be able to have the right to feel jealous of any guy that wants to pursue you without feeling like an overprotective, toxic friend. He wants to go beyond that boundary, of that frontier of a best friend to a lover, so he could litter soft pecks onto the crook of your neck, whispering sweet nothingness into your ear. He wants to be able to rub small circles on your back and hear you say the three words he oh so wants to say to you himself with such love and care. He wants to wake up every morning to see your face placed just centimeters away from his, and pepper your cheeks with kisses until you giggle and push him away.

He wants... he wants to be something more.

Imagining you with someone else was a ghastly sight. He can't imagine you kissing anyone else but him under the starry night, walking hand and hand down the busy streets of Japan without shedding a few tears of his own.

Call him selfish but he only wants you for himself.

He doesn't want to share your attention to anyone else, he doesn't want to see you get swept away into someone else's arms. He wants the person to be him. He, Hitoshi, wants to be the one who would be 'special' not for being one of your best bros, but someone you see in a romantic perspective.

Of course, if in the end, you don't hold the same feeling towards him, he would feel content to seeing you off with someone who would make you feel truly happy.

But he would wait, he would until he dies of old age, until he lies heartbroken underneath his lonely grave. he would wait until he couldn't, until he was forced to depart amongst the many memories you hold and evaporate into the acid rain clouds. He would wait until the sky crashes down onto his shoulders, until the hypothetical big crunch comes and crushes everything into a speck of mere dust floating into the abyss.

Even if he was held up at gunpoint, he would still hold the same feelings he has now with utmost dignity and confidence.

If at its every end of its path, no matter how hard he tries to make you love him back, you still can't see him the way he sees you, he would suck up his tears and wipe his snot onto his sleeves. He would force himself to feel grateful being your friend, your child's godfather, maybe a trusted babysitter.

If that was the case, he would only hope that maybe somewhere in another world, another time, another dimension. Somewhere in another galaxy, you and he would have there own happy ending where he'd be able to hold your hand down the red carpet and kiss you underneath the roof of a decorated church.

An ending where you and he would be able to call each other theirs.

"I won!" you shouted, turning your glittery e/c eyes towards him. You showcased another one of your bright smiles towards the floof beside you, oblivious to the flustered blush that bloomed onto his face. "I totally just beat your ass, were you dozing off or something? Ate a rotten egg? I have a feeling that you were in your Lala land while we were playing, Hitoshi."

Hitoshi turned his face to the other side and heaved a tired sigh, brushing his fluffy locks through his fingers, he leaned back on his arms with a click of his tongue. "That was a practice round, I haven't played for a while so I'm a bit rusty."

You glanced at his exceptionally tired eyes and heaved a sigh of your own. Hitoshi had been uncharacteristically quiet ever since you two got home, and seeing how he is right now, you figured it was about the right time for you to finally ask what you've been meaning to. "Hitoshi~, what's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"No seriously." You brought one of your hands up and placed it on his shoulders, turning it so his face faces you. "What's wrong? Are you okay? You've been really quiet and stiff ever since that dare, don't think I didn't realize that dumbo. Is something on your mind?"

'You're always on my mind', was what he wanted to say, but he bit his tongue down to prevent him from doing so. Hitoshi bobbed his head in a confirming motion and placed his controller beside his thigh. "Yeah, there is."

You waited for a few minutes for him to elaborate, but seeing his stubborn composure, you rolled your eyes and urged him with a soft bump to his side. "Well, buddy, what is it? You're not going to leave your best friend hanging, are you? You'd feel much better if you vent."

Hitoshi shook his head. "It's stupid."

"I don't care how stupid it might be, just tell me." You smiled. "Even if the reason was as simple as you feeling insecure about jacking off to Micheal Jackson, I'd still be there to console you.

"Did you just disrespect the lord himself, Micheal Jackson, in front of my face?" Hitoshi mused. "Illegal, jail, right now. I don't want to see you anywhere but in court."

"Jail has free food, and you don't have to pay your taxes there... I think." You huffed. "I think a trip to jail would greatly enhance my experience in my life if I do say so myself. Maybe even find myself a hot e-boy boyfriend there who probably trespassed private property for a fifteen-second tik tok dance video while I'm there."

"Never knew you were into e-boys, Y/N."

"You look and dress like one yourself." You deadpanned.

Hitoshi raised an eyebrow. "Are you saying I'm your type?"

You shrugged. "Maybe you are, maybe you aren't. Now tell me what's on your mind or imma make you sleep next to my thicc Jonna instead of my room."

"Jonna is a cactus."

You glared at Hitoshi and placed a reprimanding pointer finger towards his face. "A beautiful one at that. But she'd prick you in your sleep, so you better hurry up and spill."

Hitoshi fidgeted a bit in his spot. He contemplated a while if he was really going to say it and thought for a while that it would be too embarrassing to confess. However, he doesn't want to sleep next to a plant that could very well be a natural weapon itself, so he forced himself to blurt it out.

"Re...remember when we saw that dude you used your quirk on?" You nodded.

Hitoshi glanced back towards his lap, suddenly finding the rips on his denim pants much more fascinating than anything he'd seen before. "You seem to really like him... I think. Your eyes were sparkling so much, I thought you were staring at fifty McNuggets instead."

"Hey!" you pouted. "You're just jealous you couldn't be as well built as a fucking nugget."

Hitoshi made a face, to which you snorted at. "Okay okay, was that what you were worrying about?"

He didn't answer.

"I don't know how many times I have to say this but Hitoshi, look at me." The said boy hesitantly brought his eyes onto your face. "You're the most genuine person I know."

"Yeah, you're really snarky and rude sometimes, you love to braid leaves into my hair and steal my chips when I'm not looking, but I love you."

Hitoshi widened his eyes and coughed into his hand to conceal his growing blush. "Woah, are you confessing to me? Y/N, sorry to break it to ya but I--"

"Listen to me." You glared, Hitoshi gulped. "Out of everyone I knew from my tortuous fifteen years of my life, you're the most real and kind person I know."

"Despite all the rumor going around, you're still waking up with a determined mind to move forward. You didn't let those stupid classmates of yours dictate your life, because you're strong. You might not think that you are, but you are. You know how much I'm inspired by people like you, you're always so levelheaded and calm, you always think before you act. Just being by your side makes me feel calmer than I could ever be by myself."

"You're caring and thoughtful. Not once have you forgot my birthday, and whenever I'm sick and missed school, you lend me your notes and took care of me once you're dismissed from class."

"But I've never seen you look at me with those eyes before," Hitoshi argued. "As I said, the only time I've seen you look at anything with that much passion was a two-pound cheese piled on thirty pounds of steak."

"I was inspired by him when he stood up to my rather rude actions, and I really looked up to that." You sighed. "However, his violent way to stand up for himself isn't something that I approve of. As soon as I saw how rough he got when he pulled onto your collar, every ounce of respect I had for him disappeared."

"So you don't like him?" Hitoshi asked. "Would you greet him on the streets if you saw him again?"

"I will admit, he's pretty hot to look at." You laughed, "Plus, it wouldn't hurt to befriend a few people. I still feel pretty guilty about ruining his shorts."

"Wow—"

"But." you paused. "His actions pulled after what I had done so is still irrationally excessive. He'd have to apologize for his behavior towards you first in order to gain my respect, and be considered my friend."

"You really think someone like him would apologize?" Hitoshi asked. "That boy would probably punch a few walls before even contemplating to do that."

"Why do I have a feeling you think of him more like Thomas the train on steroids than an actual human being?"

"You aren't wrong on that."

"...Okay, anyways chile, so, as I was saying. You'd always be placed ahead of everyone in my priority list. And if you're still worried, in my opinion, you're like, five pineapple bun times hotter than that hedgehog boy."

"I wasn't worried about that," Hitoshi mumbled, placing his hand over the lower half of his face.

You rolled your eyes and brought it back to the television screen in front of you. "Yeah yeah, and I have a dad. Come on, let's play another round. This time don't doze off on me, kay?"

Hitoshi grasped onto the controller and snuggled it into his hands, feeling much lighter than before. "Of course." He smiled.

"...and thank you."

『• • • ✎ • • •』

3927 words
unedited

i got a little bit too excited about this chapter.
i literally typed 2000 words in one sitting yesterday in the span
of one hour, after being incapable to write for 2 weeks straight.
ive never felt more proud on a chapter in my life.

as u can probably tell, my motivation is at an all time high,
i srsly feel like i could type up a mf hurricane.
i hope this confidence would be able to last long enough
for the next couple of weeks, though i rlly doubt it.

anyways,
schools are opening up, but its still important
to wash ur hands, keep up good hygiene and such.
stay hydrated and dont forget to eat C:

ily guys, muah ❤️