dahlia

i opened my eyes and sat up tiredly.

after i rubbed my eyes, i looked over at johnny.

but... he wasn't there.

"what the hell?"

where'd he go?

my door opened and i looked over to see someone throw a baseball at me.

i lifted my hand and caught it.

dream. this is a dream. i'm dreaming.

"good job. you still have a good reflex." i looked up to see decker standing in my doorway, smiling at me.

my mouth was hanging open as he told me to follow him. as soon as i walked out my door, i was in a big open baseball field. i looked over and saw the stands and the scoreboard with my high school logo on it.

i was back here. the field were he kissed me for the first time. the field where he asked me to prom. the field where he asked me to be his girlfriend.

i actually felt a pain in my chest as tears welled in my eyes. i looked around at all the good memories.

"why'd you bring me here?" i knew this was all in my head. i knew it was a dream. but i didn't know why.

"cause this is our field." he smiled at me. the small smile that held everything i had once loved about him. all the things i still would love if things turned out differently.

i swallowed the lump in my throat as he walked closer. he was standing on the pitching mound.

"you ready to play ball?" he tossed up the baseball he held in his hand and caught it in the mitt he was wearing. he was in his baseball uniform.

he eyes shone will all of his good qualities.

i looked down at the bat i was now holding in my hand. i lifted it up it look at it closer.

it was the bat i had gotten him for his birthday. i had signed my name on it as a little joke. when he saw i did, he did it too. i gave a small laugh, running my thumb along the faded marker.

that was before everything went sour. that was when things were good. when things were perfect.

then, he was in front of me.

"this is a dream." i choked out.

"of course it is. you have a lot of questions. so.. ask away."

i wanted too. i wanted to ask every question i had. but i couldn't.

"do you regret me?" that was the only thing i could ask.

his smile falters.

"dahl..." it was that nickname.

yet, when he said it this time, it had lost all of its sexual meaning. he didn't say it like i was his object. but his girl again.

it was back to being a sweet, innocent, nickname.

a sob rose in my throat.

"i could never regret you. and i know you want to, but you don't regret me."

i looked down.

"i know i have put you through hell. and as much as i want to apologize... i can't. because this is all in your head. it wouldn't mean anything to you. it wouldn't make up anything. but i hope one day i can. i hope one day i realize everything and feel remorse about what i did to you. and i hope when that day comes, you will at least hear me out."

i felt my tears falling but i didn't bother to wipe them away. i watched as he stepped back and the same, beautiful smile appeared on his face.

he stepped back on the pitchers mound and threw the ball up in the air.

"play ball!" he yelled and lunged forward. the ball flew at me faster than light.

my eyes opened for real this time and i was still crying.

i wiped away my tears and took a deep breath.

that was crazy.

i looked to the side and saw johnny sleeping next to me.

now, that, for one, is a sight i could get used to. and two, a good way to wake up from a... strange dream.

then i remembered everything that happened yesterday.

i sighed.

i needed to apologize to matt.

i crept towards my door and cracked it open, looking into the living room and kitchen from the tiny crack.

nick was at the fridge, talking to chris who was sitting at the counter.

matt wasn't out there.

i looked back at johnny, he was still sleeping.

i had to get this over with.

i slipped out of my door and closed it softly.

nick and chris went silent, staring at me.

i pressed my lips together. not knowing what to say, i just waved and gave a weak smile.

"where's matt?"

"he's in my room." chris pointed down the stairs.

i nodded and turned to walk.

"wait," chris stopped me. "leelee... are you ok?"

i sighed and shook my head.

"i don't know."

nick stood up and pulled me into a hug.

"we are always here when you need us. you can talk to us."

i felt my eyes well up with tears.

"i know. thank you. i just have to apologize." i whispered.

nick patted my shoulder and sat back down.

i walked down the stairs into chris's room to find matt sitting on the edge of the bed, his head in his hands.

"i'm a shit sister." my voice cracked.

he lifted his head and frowned.

"don't say that." he shook his head.

i sat down next to him as he put his arm around my shoulder.

"but i am." i whispered, laying my head on his shoulder.

"lia, i'm really sorry. i just worry about you."

"i'm the one who needs to be apologizing. you have every right to worry. im so sorry."

"are you ok? i can tell all of this is messing with you."

i only nodded my head.

"i'm ok. but i'm gonna quit."

"what?"

"not the social media thing," i stifled a laugh. "i'm gonna quit smoking."

"i'm really proud of you." he smiled.

"thank you."

i sat up and hugged him fully.

lilys words 💜

heyyyyy

sorry i have been dead. i have been very busy ahah

i'm working on finishing more chapters and editing summertime sadness so i can put it BACK UP!!!!!!

i need to add a couple more characters and stuff so yeaaa

i hope you enjoyed

bye bye <3