❛ NOZEL SILVA ❜
"How did we get here, when I used to know you so well?"

NOZEL'S POINT OF VIEW

I'm very careful. I never done so many mistakes in my life, especially on this part. But why?

I did my best. I know I did my best. If I didn't, I tried. Believe me.

I fought this desire my whole life just to hide my identity, just for Y/N's sake. I don't want to hurt anyone, I don't want to hurt the most special person in my whole life. She accepted me. She loved me. No lies ever escaped her mouth every time she'll talk about how much she wanted to grow old with me.

I tried to hide everything from her.

Is this a payback? Is this what I'm going to pay her back?!

I'm horrible. I'm very horrible. I'm not a human. Or maybe, I'm really not a human since the first.

I closed my eyes as I tried to remember how it ended up like this.

It was a fair Sunday.

A day-off for me and my squad and a perfect time to spend with my beloved wife. I knew from the very start of the day, there's something wrong with her. Or maybe, she's just getting a little too clingy. No, very clingy. Yet I didn't mind her, it was just her nature to be this giggly.

"I'm going to cook curry today," she cheered. "Mind helping me?"

God, she's so beautiful.

I nodded. "Of course."

"Great, great, great! Come on, follow me!"

She started walking to the kitchen as I obeyed her request. She grabbed the ingredients out of the fridge and cabinet as I watched her every move before mindlessly licking my lips.

"I bought this yesterday because I was so bored. I bought you two new pajamas, check it out on your cabinet."

I hummed. "Color?"

"Blue," She looked at me. "It's obvious. Everything you wear is blue."

I smiled. She really knew me, inside and out and my heart can't help but skip a beat every time she will look and smile at me. Every time.

She set the vegetables on the table before she told me to boil some water. I nodded as I grabbed the kettle, pouring water into it. I heard she's talking about how cute those other pajamas on the shop she went in. There were different colors: red, yellow, green, black and more.

"Ow!" She suddenly exclaimed, interrupting her story.

I dropped the kettle on my hands as I hurried to her side. She cut her finger and blood is gushing from it.

Oh, God.

My heart hammered faster than before and my mind went blank.

Blood. Fucking blood. I licked my lips unconsciously and I knew Y/N saw it.

"Lick it," She commanded. I looked at her with a hint of hesitation. Is she for real?!

Decline, Nozel. Fucking shit.

My hands are shaking as hell as I bring her bleeding finger on my mouth. Closing my eyes, I sipped the blood. I fucking sipped it. No, I fucking drank it.

Fuck it, Nozel. Fuck it! That's when...

"Ah, Nozel! It hurts, stop!"

I opened my eyes immediately and I saw her horrified look. She's shaking like a crazy woman and it looks like she just saw a ghost.

My heart ached.

"I-I'm sorry..." I mindlessly bit it.

"N-Nozel, your eyes..."

Holy shit.

"They're so—"

"I know!"

My voice grew louder as she took a step back. My eyes are always turning red every time my vampire side is acting up as well as my teeth are growing larger and sharper than before.

She keep stepping backward as I tried approaching her, trying to catch her hands but then I saw tears falling from her eyes, making me stop in my tracks. I fucking hurt her. I'm fucking unforgivable! Will she be able to forgive me?!

Fuck you, Nozel.

"A-Are you a..." She stuttered. "... a vampire?"

I lowered my head.

"Answer me, Nozel! Are you?!"

Pain is painted on her voice. As well as disgust.

I remained silent, balling my fists. My sight grew cloudy as tears fell from my eyes too. I'm so reckless. I knew that even though she begged for me to lick it, I should've declined. I have my own mind and I can decide for myself! Why? Why did I give in to my own desire?!

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?! Why did you hide this from me?! I am your wife, Nozel!"

I am hurting her.

"How did we get here when I used to know you so well?!"

"You will leave me if I do!" I shouted back. "You will not accept me anymore! And I..."

I clutched my chest. "...I can't take it."

There is a pity in her eyes.

"I...I need time to breathe," And then she stormed out of the kitchen leaving me falling on my knees, punching the floor until it broke.

"I fucking messed up."

Going back to the present time, I'm stuck in my room for hours already. I haven't eaten my lunch, as well as my dinner. I can't show my face to my own wife anymore. She loathes me, she hates me, she disgusts me.

I wiped the tears off my face as I heard a faint knock on my door. A butler probably pitied me because I haven't eaten any food yet. I have no blood on the stock. My pills aren't going to last long in my case. Dark circles easily appeared under my eyes and my skin turned paler than before. If this lasts long, I won't be able to face the sun again.

I opened it as a warm hug greeted me, making me cry again. Should I touch her? Am I allowed to?

"I'm so sorry, Nozel."

"I should be the one saying that, Y/N." My voice broke.

She cupped my cheeks as I saw tears in her eyes.

"I shouldn't run away from you earlier. I shouldn't have left you. I'm so sorry, I was too shocked! I know you don't want the situation you're in and you did your best trying to hide it from me so you won't hurt me and yet I made you feel that I hate you. I made you cry, I hurt you, Nozel. My Nozel..."

My Nozel.

"You must be hungry," She stated making me look away.

I swallowed the lump formed on my throat. Fuck.

"Nozel," She forced me to look at her. "Do you need blood? Tell me."

I fucking do. "No," I tried to sound honest. "Don't worry about—"

"Stop lying to me, will you?!" Y/N roared under her breath.

"I-I'm sorry..."

"So you do," she took a deep breath before hugging me tighter again this time, her foot pushing the door behind her as it slammed shut.

"Then drink my blood."