Authors: @bedframehardmattress

Reviewer: -agustellar

Title: 9/10

To be honest, I was really confused about why your title was an entire sentence of it's own. But it did manage to pique my interest and let me tell you, the title perfectly captures the essence of your story.

Cover: 6/10

To put it simply it's just a picture with text slapped on it. Even though it does depict the mattress, and (correct me if I'm wrong) it's in black and white to show how dark the story would be, I think the cover doesn't serve  justice to your story as such. A graphic designer could help you out here!!

Description: 8/10

The description is short and hooks the reader to indulge further. I will have to say it could use a little more tweaking done and you could reform it to remove some of the ambiguity, perhaps give a little more insight. But for now this description is good enough.

Pace: 9/10

For a short story driven more on character rather than a plot, the pace was good. Your writing, however does stop the flow here and there, which I will talk about in the writing section. The entire reading I was genuinely hooked and curious, confused, disgusted but I wanted to know more and you executed the pace perfectly.

Concept and plot: 8/10

The concept had some common tropes you see in book with a really dark concept. But what made it different was your execution of it. The way you built your story, even though it was more of a character-driven plot is really, really good. When I picked it up to read it in one stretch (after reading it before just to pick out the grammatical errors) I was genuinely shocked, confused, disgusted and surprised. All 9 chapters were executed well. You gave life to this concept and vibrance to the dark theme.

Character development: 10/10

Honestly, you breathed life into your characters. You made them real people with real problems. Both the male and the female (whose name you never told us till the end) had such a cruel, mind-wrecking story which you delivered so well. From the beginning to the ending every action your character took left an impact. Capturing such a murky and gruesome concept that you chose and making your characters live up to it, truly amazing. I have nothing to say about your character profiling. You're doing a really good job!

Grammar: 4/10

While you could execute your story well and make characters that scared me, your writing and grammar do not serve justice to what you wish to show us!

There are several mistakes I spotted recurring in many paragraphs. I will list out the most common ones with examples so you get an idea.

1. Incomplete sentences.

There were cases where your sentences were not completed, the subject did not have an object when it was needed. I suggest you read your sentences out aloud and see if it makes sense.

2. Redundancy

There were some sentences where you repeated the same things twice. Here you mentioned the tap runs slow so it implies that the water filled in the cup underneath would run slowly too!

3. Dialogue tags

Whenever you end your dialogue with an action to explain it, instead of a person saying it out loud, you must put a period before the quotation mark instead of a comma. There were many places where you got this right and many that you left.

4. Run on sentences.

Almost every paragraph in your story has run ons. You use too many commas that it makes the sentences unreadable. This is where I was thrown away from the trajectory of your story. These run ons make it so hard to understand and read your story.

Suggestion: Separate two independent sentences using a period instead of a comma. This brings more impact than you think it would. Grammarly might help you pick these out!

5. Overuse of the conjunction 'and'

You have used more than five 'and' in several paragraphs. This made it really difficult to read and all the more confusing. I highly suggest you break them down using commas instead of conjunctions and periods or semicolons appropriately. An editor would help you here. 

6. Tenses

There were times when your tenses were inconsistent. This is one of the examples. Here the fingers should curl, it shouldn't be curling. Read the sentence out loud when in such doubts, this really helps!

Here are some more errors I spotted which I hope you will rectify.

-comma splices

-Capitalisation

-Punctuation

-logic ( drinks seeping out from my pore: I'm not sure what this was supposed to convey)

I could go longer but after this a review and edit from your side and the help of an editor would really help.

Writing style: 6/10

Please do not get discouraged by seeing this score! You have incredible potential when it comes to writing. As a matter of fact I will give you a complete 10 for the tone you write with. But the thing which led you to a six is the way you structure your sentences. Sometimes you use too many metaphors that are too confusing. Too many sentences which break down what you wish to convey. I've had to read certain paragraphs twice or thrice to understand what you wanted to say. It almost comes out as purple poetry the way you write. While you do have amazing vocabulary and a gift to write down characters, you need to work more on structuring your sentences. There were many sentences which had words that weren't really needed, making it more sloppier and harder to understand.

You also write with a passive subtone. This may not be a problem but in your case it's sometimes really confusing.

While I do understand your writing is poetic of sorts, I'd still say there were many inconsistencies breaking the flow and some which were just too long to understand. But at the same time there were sentences which left me in awe. I'll share some which I really loved!

Overall impression: 6/10

It was only the run on sentences and the heavy metaphors that had me reading twice that broke my flow. Apart from that, the book as such is a good read. It's short and has a really dark theme which is my first time reading. I enjoyed reviewing your book.

Rating of the book: 7/10

It's a good book. I love your writing style and see so much potential in it and not to mention your character profiling! Splendid. I really do hope you get an editor to help you correct the mistakes or you take your time to edit them out.

I hope my review could help you a little!

Total:: 73/100

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