14. Mafia's Obsession

Review by:Β Tae-s-bear
Author of the book: _samsoo

Title :: 6/10
Firstly the title of the book has a big spelling mistake. It should be 'obsession', not 'obession'. Please correct it. Also, the title is highly overused so try to come up with something unique that will attract the readers.

Cover :: 5/10
On the cover is a picture of a girl depicted as Y/n. I would recommend you change it as the lead female character doesn't have any specific identification. If you still want to go with a female lead on your cover try to match the hue and theme of the rest of the cover with it because right now it doesn't look that systematic.

Description :: 7/10
The description needs to be entertaining. Make it sound mysterious so that it will grow attraction towards the reader.

Pace :: 3/10Β Β 
The very beginning of the story, mainly the whole marriage part which has been posted till now is at a much faster pace. Please make sure to describe each and every situation in detail so that the readers can understand each situation in depth which will keep them invested in the story.

Concept and plot :: 14/20
As the plot is too common, add some unique sub-stories frequently to entertain the readers. Add some funny and romantic moments between the bride and groom and the conversation between any character is very less to understand their situation and what is going on inside their heads. Try to add twists to your plot. Make it unique; a one like no one has ever read.Β 

Characters :: 5/10
The character of Y/n is a bit unrealistic in some places. As a 13-year-old girl, she can be intimidating but being in the mafia is too much considering her age so you should try to increase her age to match with the given character.

Grammar :: 4/10
There are many spelling mistakes and typos in the story. Like in chapter one it should be 'respective', not 'respensitive' so do make sure to work on it and improve the clarity of the text.

Writing style :: 8/10
I think you should add more conversations between the characters. As I mentioned earlier, the story is going at such a fast pace that the events mentioned feel like they are incomplete or half-written. So try to write more by describing everything in a detailed poetic way. Don't worry about the length of the chapter or book just focus on making it the best. Rest will come behind.

Overall impression :: 4/10Β 
Β Please try to incorporate all the points mentioned above to improve your story. Do read books by established authors and analyze the way they write and unfold the story and plot. It will help you in writing and understand more about it. Just work at a pace comfortable to you and keep writing!

Total :: 56/100

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