Winner - SSears90

Runner Up - delulu_alex

Book: Meet Me at Midnight by @SSears90

Title : 5/5

The title along with the cover fits the vampire theme. It always seems vampires prefer doing things at midnight or later.

Cover : 5/5 

It’s a simple graphic of Jungkook but it doesn’t need more, it fits the story as if he posed for it. Also the font is easy to read. The fact that he is about eat, “Blood Grapes” is a nice touch. I don’t know if many others have noticed that little tid bit.

Description : 10/10

The description lets you know you are in for a BTS vampire story. The questions in the blurb draws you in like the mesmerizing spell of a vampire for more blood, um I mean for answers that you can only find by reading the story.

Plot : 15/15

Though this is your typical hurt/sic fic, it isn’t your typical vampire story plot which makes it even more compelling to want to read. Yes, I used compelling as in compelled, by a vampire lol.

Vocabulary : 10/10

vocabulary is appropriate for the story.

Grammar and Punctuation : 15/15

It is always such a joy to read a story with proper dialogue markers. All the issues I found in a previous judging review I’ve done, have all been addressed and corrected.

Pace : 5/5 

The pacing is steady and moves the reader smoothly forward.

Character Introduction and Development: 10/10

The introduction of the BTS (personas) is faithfully represented through out this fan fiction, even Jungkook, though he has a ferocious thirst for blood instead of banana milk. The characters growth and depth were balanced.

Writing Style : 15/15

The writing style is polished and the author has a talent of pulling emotions out of the reader.

Overall Evaluation : 10/10

This story is well done. The cover, title and plot all fit well together captivating the reader till the very end.

Total : 100/100

Book: Hot-Hearted  By:@delulu_69

Title : 5/5

The title fits as Jungkook is the male lead.

Cover : 5/5

@janefanfics did a great job on the authors cover, with the Hot hearted Jk in the forefront and the more reserved female lead in the background. I award the points to the creator lol, but I’m sure the author instructed the designer on their vision for it and the designer just brought it to life.

Description: 10/10

The story has a great hook to catch a readers interest in reading more.

Plot : 15/15

The story is on-going but the plot is riveting, keeping the reader firmly riveted to their seat not wanting to miss a single thing.

Vocabulary : 10/10

The vocabulary chosen for the characters fit their personalities and professions very well.

Grammar and Punctuation : 14/15

In Chapter 4 check on this sentence “And miss out on seeing the look on your face – it appears the enter key was accidentally hit splitting the sentence into two parts. In Chapter 8 who is Y/N? No where else in the story is there a Y/N. Other than those two things grammar and punctuation looks good. I took off two points because these things could easily have been found with proofreading. Proofreading can help stop these kinds of errors from slipping by us as authors. The grammar and punctuation was such a joy to see, I am a stickler for proper quotation marks and they were done correctly.

Pace : 5/5

The pacing of the story was well-balanced.

Character Introduction and Development : 10/10

The characters in this on-going story are exciting, humorous and serious. They play well off of each other. Their development as the story moves forward is well done.

Writing Style : 15/15

The writing style of the author is engaging and effective in telling the story keeping the reader enthralled with the story line.

Overall Evaluation : 10/10

This story kept me on the edge of my seat; it was engaging, and the characters were exciting. The small references to song titles and albums did not go unnoticed by me as I like to sneak them in my stories too. A small example is Tae’s bar being called Layover, and that is just one. It is almost like I became challenged to find the rest lol. It was a great story. I checked for AI-written sections, and the samples I checked showed 100% human written. Great job! I love the story and look forward to more.

Total : 99/100

Book:  The Jeon Twins (Book 1) by ggukie_69

Title : 5/5

Fits the story

Cover : 4/5

I think if you could have a picture of a girl behind Jungkook (Doesn’t have to be full face) but just to help sell the story is about twins (two people)

Description: 8/10

Move the wording that is placed down under the disclaimer with the red X’x to the top of your blurb followed by the list of questions, but add who is doing the asking.

Plot : 15/15

The plot does have a challenge not only for the reader but the main characters.

Vocabulary : 8/10

Some of the wording sounds stilted, too formal not following naturally. I feel that it may be due to translation issues.

Grammar and Punctuation : 7/15

(Judges Disclaimer: I don’t point out things that need correction to hurt or insult any author. I do so to help the author see where improvement can be made, because I want them to succeed. If one doesn’t know what’s broke then how can they fix it?)
Double quotations marks are the given normal for spoken dialogue, single is usually used for denoting a title of a story, album or a quote inside a quote. Dialogue is distinguished from the rest of the story by the use of quotation marks, using bold fonts for active dialogue is incorrect. In chapter 17 the bold fonts stop, but then comes back in the next. Active dialogue needs to be on separate lines and not bunched together in a paragraph. It makes it confusing to tell exactly who is speaking when bunched together. Example of how to write dialogue:

“Hi Jimin. You sure look cute today.” You hope he will compliment you back.

“Hello, Ggukie. You’re looking cute today too.”

In chapter 2 the tilde ~ is used as a form of punctuation. The symbol is used in mathematics to represent an estimated given number and is not a grammatical marker. In the story there are past and present tense confusion with words like come and came as one example. Ellipses represent a slight pause in dialogue and should be done as three dots: … or . . . either of those two ways is correct. The use of four or more dots is incorrect. Over use of ellipses diminish their impact. There are some translation issues or misunderstandings for example: “I will try to find your’s one.” “Name doesn’t matches.” “I found yours one.” The phrase ‘all of a sudden’ is written in the story as ‘out of sudden’. ‘Why did you came?’ was used instead of ‘Why did you come?” The following sentence needs clarification as to what is meant: “After saying my parents, I walked to my room with Ara.” I’m going to buy some snakes to eat. Did you mean snacks? Did you mean motherf*cker instead of mouthf*cker in chapter 22? “She will be seeded to the orphanage” did you mean she will be sent? You also have Jungkook whipping his tears instead of wiping them. “Please receive the phone” did you mean please answer the phone when she called her uncle?
There are many miss worded sentences throughout the story making it difficult to read having to pause to figure out what was actually meant by the author. Check for words that have capital letters that shouldn’t and correct. The majority of issues that affect the story adversely can be found and corrected with good proofreading. If English is not the author’s first language then maybe finding a friend or someone else who is fluent in English Grammar can help.

Pace : 4/5

the pace in inconsistent but not blatantly so.

Character Introduction and Development:  9/10

The Characters are interesting and have their own unique personalities. There growth within the story is slow in development but they are likeable.

Writing Style : 13/15

When writing the narrative, it is automatically assumed by the reader that it is the author and doesn’t need the heading “Author’s POV”
Having the active speaking dialogue in bold font is distracting and can be hard on the eyes of the reader switching back and forward between normal fonts and bold. The large gaps in chapter 90 are bothersome and break up the story and interrupt the flow for the reader.

Overall Evaluation : 5/10

The clumped together dialogue, the bold font of the dialogue with regular font and the many sentences that are difficult to understand, either due to language translation or need for more grammar building skills hurts the story. The story itself is good, interesting and has a twist or two but the issues I just mention affect the story. There is a gem of a story in all the grammatical confusion and that gem needs to shine. By proofreading, correcting mistakes and if needed getting help with writing in English will make reading the story an enjoyable experience. Don’t ever stop writing because of a daunting review; use it as a tool to improve your story. Never give up and always keep learning and improving.

Judges personal note to author: I hope you bring your gem of a story to shine brightly so I can read it again. For now it is a diamond in the rough. Make it shine! =D

Total : 78/100

Book: Entangled by KimSoojin1112

Title : 3/5

I don’t see how the title fits the story, though it is an interesting title.

Cover : 5/5

on the side of the story there are other books shown that a reader might be interested in, one has the same cover graphic, what are the odds? But this particular picture of Jungkook gets used a lot. I see where the picture fits the story in the fact that JK is holding an amulet dangling from his fingers.

Description: 8/10

The first sentence needs to be reworded for better clarity. It is confusing as in did she forget she has amnesia or forgot her past due to amnesia. Finding a better way to clarify would help the blurb a lot. The blurb is short but is does let the reader know this is another cold CEO BTS story.

Plot : 13/15

There is a plot with a beginning, working on the middle and has yet to reach the end as it is “on-going” but the plot is a little difficult to want to stay engaged.

Vocabulary : 7/10 

The vocabulary needs some work. The vocabulary should fit the age, attitude etc of the characters. There are a lot of the same words being over used. A Thesaurus would be of help with changing up the words so they aren’t so repetitive. Example: narrowed, smirk, sharp.
As for the word ‘bruh’: nothing is more disrespectful sounding than calling a females/women bruh. Bruh is slang for a male friend not a female employee. It seemed later the story’s writing style changed with the use of ‘bruh’ started being used.

Grammar and Punctuation : 9/15

(Judges Disclaimer: I don’t point out things that need correction to hurt or insult any author. I do so to help the author see where improvement can be made, because I want them to succeed. If one doesn’t know what’s broke then how can they fix it?)
There are many grammatical and punctuation errors throughout the story. I will only mention a few here. Ellipses represent a slight pause in dialogue. Correct ellipses are three dots done either way shown here: … or . . .  Over use of ellipses diminishes the impact of ellipses. In several places there are four dots instead of the correct three. Sometimes the dots are used incorrectly where an exclamation point or period should be. I found hyphens randomly placed without context or necessity. Some words are plural where they should be singular and vice versa or they are mixed. Other word choice issues are as follows: ‘He looks much masculine’ much should be more. ‘She takes a seat on the table’ should be takes a seat at the table. “Jumps in joy’ correct context would be Jumps with joy or jumps for joy. “Search up” should be search for. In several places the word you’re is used incorrectly/out of context and should be you are. There are some spaces missing between the end of a sentence’s period and the quotation mark of the next line. There are a few confusing sentences, one example is “This is that you get for it.” There are places where there are words that don’t belong and if removed actually makes the sentence read correctly. Examples: a, of, out, is. Proofreading will help a lot with finding and correcting these issues unless English isn’t the author’s first language, then some studying up on writing a story in English would be of value or having a friend whose first language is English help.

Pace : 4/5

The pace of the story moves slow in some places and therefore is not consistent.

Character Introduction and Development : 6/10 

The main female lead jumps from acting like an adult, then a teenage bully to the actions of a three year old. It was distracting and didn’t make sense, leaving the character unstable and with no real growth. The male lead is the usual cold CEO persona that is portrayed in most CEO BTS fan fictions.

Writing Style : 10/15

With the grammatical errors and vocabulary usage it affects the writing style making the story difficult to read smoothly. The writing style changes further into the story when the word ‘bruh’ comes in to use.

Overall Evaluation : 8/10

The over all issues with vocabulary, grammar and punctuation hinder the smooth reading and understanding of the story. Though this is another CEO BTS story, you do add your own touch of originality to it which was nice to see. I won’t discuss what I found as original because I don’t want to give out any spoilers. Never give up writing or feel discouraged due to a review that may seem daunting; use it as a tool to improve. Keep writing, learning, improving and growing. =D

Total : 73/100

Book: Scar of Past By iamjeonmishmee

Title : 3/5

The title seems to be missing a word, as is, it sounds incomplete, like it is missing the ‘the’ between the word ‘of’ and the word ‘past’.

Cover : 3/5

It’s hard to read the author name up top, a change of font will help. Changing the font used for the title would be helpful too. The word ‘of’ looks more like ‘or’. And the red letters overlaying on the white letters on the word ‘Past’ interfere with each other but that all can be easily fixed and clarify the words for better reading. Your cover is good, just work a little more on font choices because Wattpad likes to shrink the covers down and some fonts are harder to read when it does that.

Description: 8/10

sentence structure, extra spaces between words, punctuation in the wrong position and confusing sentences make this a little difficult to catch the idea of the story. “Emily was appointed as a psychiatric in a hospital” a psychiatric nurse, doctor or a patient?

Plot : 14/15

The plot of the story is interesting, but I found it hard to stay engaged due to many issues with grammar/punctuation and writing style.

Vocabulary : 8/10

The vocabulary fits the genre and the intended audience but is hampered by other issues.

Grammar and Punctuation : 5/15

(Judges Disclaimer: I don’t point out things that need correction to hurt or embarrass any author. I do so to help the author see where improvement can be made, because I want them to succeed. If one doesn’t know what’s broke then how can they fix it?)
There are many grammatical mistakes or omissions. Sentence structure needs major reconstruction throughout the story. There are missing periods, commas used where a period should be. There are many random extra spaces between words or punctuation. Some sentences are incomplete or broken on to different lines. Quotations marks on a line with nothing else when they should be paired with the active dialogue its belongs to. There are extra line spaces (gaps). Through out the story there is long run on sentences. Many of these things I mentioned could be found with proofreading before publishing. There is an over abundance of commas where sentences should have ended with periods. There is a sentence that reads, “I didn’t did anything” should be “I didn’t do anything.” There are many sentences that need a little work through out the story, but it could all be due to translation. There are words that are capitalized but don’t require it. Proofreading helps find these kinds of things. In writing in story format ‘ofc’ needs to be written out as “of course’. If this was a texting story or the dialogue was part of a passage of texting within the story, then you can use abbreviations that are normal for texts. All these things combined together ended up affecting every other area of the story and thus affect the scores.

Pace : 4/5

the pace of the story is carried mainly by dialogue.

Character Introduction and Development
: 8/10

The characters have their personal merit but I found them a little confusing at times due to the writing style and other issues affecting the story

Writing Style : 12/15

writing style appears chaotic with all the issues under Grammar and Punctuation and words used that seem out of place or were meant to be a different word. There may be a translation into English issue going on. There are large paragraphs, then no paragraphs but chopped up lines/sentences and gaps. I almost couldn’t finish reading the story it was really bothering my eyes and my head. But the redeeming part was the story was good.

Overall Evaluation : 4/10

There is a very interesting story in there but it desperately needs to have the grammar, punctuation and sentence/story structure issues taken care of and word choices improved. Though it was difficult to read because of all the issues, I kept reading because, as I said, the story itself was good. Never rush a good story, make sure everything is in order.
Sometimes we get excited with our stories and rush through getting them out and miss a lot of things that could be fixed or need to be fixed. I have done the same thing myself and have friends who say, hey did you realize you did this or did you mean to do that, lol. So don’t feel bad, just make sure you take your time and proofread and if English isn’t your first language find a friend or teacher who can help you. The core of the story is good and interesting, it just need to be showed a little love and care.
Don’t let a daunting review discourage you or stop you from writing, use what is mentioned in a review as a tool to help you improve your story. Keep writing, learning, improving and growing. I would love to re-read this story again once improvements are done. =D

Total : 69/100

SSears90

delulu_alex

Judge - LAJoyner

Thank you so much for judging so fast and providing the participants with such detailed reviews.