I wrote this so many times and I'm still not sure about it but anyway enjoy!

I hoped things would work, I had been unrealistic and thought that it could be okay, not seeing her made me become miserable. 

I needed more than just some phone calls but I knew she wasn't ready for something else, and I didn't want  to force her to do anything,  I wanted her to take her time, I knew she hadn't made a decision yet
So I made mine, I wasn't getting any younger and she deserved someone that was able to grow with her.

She needed someone who wasn't a constant reminder of her past relationship, someone that wasn't me.

 I've been painfully aware that we were slowly growing apart. 

I didn't want to be selfish and ask her to stay but I was also scared that all the space I was willingly giving her was soon going to become an unreachable distance,  and she would quickly become far.

The truth was that perhaps neither of us was ready, I still couldn't stop blaming myself for what happened and she was still struggling with it. 

I thought maybe the drive back home would ease the anguish that for weeks wouldn't leave me but it was wishful thinking. 

There was something I had to do.

I wasn't going to act like some coward and do it through call or even worse through text, those conversations had to happen face to face.

Some part of me wished that I had misread the whole situation, that I was going to be able to look into her deep brown eyes while caressing her soft cheeks and tell her how I felt about this whole situation.

 After 40 minutes of driving back home, I wasn't able to go out of the car before I had to at last call her first.

I took out my phone but before I could even insert the digits of her number her name popped on the screen.

Without a doubt, I answered the call, now even more focused on at last asking her to meet.

"I can't do this anymore" for a moment I thought that the line was distributed and that what I had heard was just my voice, but then I understood, she was saying the exact same thing.

I wasn't wrong after all, I hadn't misread the situation…although, I still wanted to do this face to face.

"Before you say anything, I would like to meet you Elide, if you aren't ready that's okay, but-"

"I would love to see you again, it's been a while,  just tell me when" I couldn't help but notice the hint of awkwardness in her tone. 

"What about tomorrow? Would that be okay for you?"This was going to be more awkward than I thought.

"Just send me your address then so-"

"I don't think you coming over is a good idea"  I didn't question her, she probably had her reasons.

"Then I will send someone to come and pick you up so that will be able to me at  my new house, would noon be fine with you?" I tried brushing it off without feeling bothered but I simply couldn't. 

My mind was roaming through different scenarios, thinking of any possible situation for why she didn't want me to see her apartment.

But I wasn't in the place of complaining about it, what if it was because she had already met someone else? Wasn't that what I had been trying to do? 

I had to begin to process that thought I wanted the best for her, I wasn't that.

Hell, how could the father of your abuser be the best for you?

"Uh, that would be amazing, thank you" 
Silence followed her last sentence that drew us in a way worse sense of the awkwardness of some moments before it was almost unbearable. 

"See you tomorrow then." I cut off the call and let out a frustrated sigh.

Why do things like that always have to be so complicated? 

•••

Morning came, I promptly emptied my schedule for today, taking a day off in a really long time.

I waited for her after. I had sent one of my security men to go get her by the chosen time, but knowing she wouldn't be here before two I decided that for once let my body rest wasn't going to be bad and went back to sleep

Eventually, after an hour I was painfully aware that I had tried to surrender to sleep while not feeling the slightest need of even closing my eyes for a minute,  I did my moving routine and went to the house gym.

Hoping to realise all the anxiety and frustration but it only helped with me being drenched with sweat and smelling like it.

I went to the bathroom once again and showered properly, putting something casual on.

After I tried to keep myself busy with any imaginable task the ringneck finally resounded through the house, and I made a mental note that if this was to ever happen again I would just work from home.

But the realization she was here, made all the delight go away.

I had been with the same woman for a long time after all, and I just wasn't used to doing something like that. 

I open the front door and suddenly her face came to view,  I wasn't exaggerating when I said that she was the most beautiful woman I had ever laid my eyes on.

Her hair was different from the last time, she had long little black braids decorating the top of her head, she was wearing a small quantity of makeup, her plump lips were tinted with dark red lipstick and her eyebrows were coated with mascara, she was wearing a pretty white dress that made her look even more amazing. 

At a point, she began to laugh lightly and I realized I was dumbly standing by the door and not saying anything while obviously checking her out. 

"Hello." She said with a hint of shyness in her smile

"Hi" I smiled back and moved away from the entrance hinting her to come inside. I closed the door behind us and took a deep breath.

"Uh, how are things going?" She said trying to start a normal conversation. 

"I can't complain, have you eaten?"

"Yes, we stopped for food, it was a long drive." 

"I'm sorry about that, welk then no need to cook." Silence.

"So umm, I think I'm here because you wanted to talk"
 
"Yes, yes you are '' c'mon Damien you are a grown man you can do this.

"So talk" there wasn't any trace of that joking tone that she had when I first opened the door, even if she was trying to smile but I knew she was well aware of what I was going to tell her. 

"I don't think we should keep this up, for how much I would like to think you want to go on this I'm guessing you don’t"

"Elide  I thought about this for a while now, I don't think our relationship is something inherently good for you."

"I'm the father of your abuser, you know I don't want you to look at me one then and have that thought hit you as it does with me, I don't want to see you slowly drifting apart from me, not more than this"

"I want you to smile every time you can, to be someone who can be able to make you really start over, someone who will be able to grow with you, and eventually I figured out I couldn't be the one."

She wasn't looking at me, but I knew that she was crying. 

"Elide please don't cry" she hid her face between her palms, I came closer to her and pushed her face between my hands.

"Why are you doing this to me? why are you deciding for me what is the good thing to do, why Damien why?"  I patted her back with my hands feeling like the biggest asshole ever. 

"Elide-"

"No Damien let me talk, you had done nothing but help me, protect me, you made me feel like shit at times I won't deny it, I doubted about you when you planned that whole thing to get Andrew in prison but in the end, I was still able to put trust in you, and I've never regretted it"

"You made me feel safe like no one will ever be able to make me feel, nor Andrew nor any other partners, for once I felt really cherished for when I see you I do not see Andrew and I'll never will"

"When I look at you I see the man that helped me out of that situation,  and how many times do I have to tell you that I'm not bothered by your age? I deserve someone that makes me feel like you make me feel, I do not "deserve" someone that will "grow with me", I  deserve  someone who will care for me as you do."

"I know that I shouldn't have been so reluctant to open up and I  blame myself partly for this but I just tried to be cautious and you can't blame me for that."

"Damien, do you truly want to push me away? Do you really want to end what we have? Because while you said those words it was clear you didn't even believe them yourself." This time she looked at me, waiting for an answer.

I took her beautiful face between my hands and kissed her forehead. 

"You are right, I don’t. I want you close to me, I'm so tired of feeling as if as time passes you are distancing yourself from me  more and more, but at the same time, I still can't help but blame myself for what happened to you."

"My whole family is fucked up Elide, my whole family caused you to have bad memories and I can't help but blame myself"

"How can I make you understand that it is not your fault?" She almost groaned.

"Don't push me away,  I know Andrew fucked everything up, I know that our relationship is anything but easy I understand that, but now is me and you and no one else."

"If it doesn't work well no issue, that happens all the time, but how are you going to put an end to this without trying?"

"Stop thinking about what is best for me and think about what you want, because I know I've been sending mixed-signal and I'm sorry about that but I don't want to end this."

I hugged her to me even more tightly. I never really wanted to do this. I wanted to do the best thing for her but if she says to give it a try I will give it.

Because for her, I'd do anything. My heart is fully hers.

"Shh stop crying,  I was just trying to do what was best for you,  I want you happy, if I wasn't the one causing those tears I'd probably punch the culprit" I withered drying her tears with my thumbs.

"Deeply I hoped you still wanted  to give us a try and now well I know that you want to, I'm not even going to try to mention this again."

I put one of her hands on my chest letting her feel my heart beating "my heart do you feel it? You now own that-'' before I could say anything more her lips met mine, it had been long since I've felt them and they were sweeter than ever.

After I don't know how long I shifted my attention to her neck sucking lightly on it as my hands caressed her cheek, I wanted to take my time with her.

I wanted to slowly explore every inch of her, make her feel good and taken care of, now that there wasn't anything holding me back I wasn't going to stop myself.

I was hers and she was mine.

Imagine if I was to skip the next chapter with the..."We spent an amazing time in bed"

Obv I won't or maybe I will?