༉˚*ೃ ᵒ². 𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐀𝐖𝐀𝐊𝐄, 𝐎𝐑 𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐒𝐋𝐄𝐄𝐏𝐈𝐍𝐆?

𝐊𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐄 𝐇𝐀𝐃 𝐇𝐄𝐑 first nightmare in six years. It snuck up on her, something sinister in the night, sunk its claws deep, deep into her flesh and blood. So deep she thought she couldn't shake them. Oh, how good Sar had been at keeping them at bay. From keeping those night terrors from creeping in—those ones that prickled your body and made you toss in your sleep as sweat crept up your spine and across your forehead, as you saw all the terrors of your past come to pass again and again.

          Having a nightmare for the first time in so many years was a shock. It seemed to paralyse her, from the inside out, shake her up and grasp hold of her bare bones, rattle her from the inside. She would not remember much of it when she woke up, but she remembered running, and the roof had been falling in, and hands—hands, fingers, reaching, reaching, bleeding—she fell, knees scraping, the walls caved, caved in— and there was—.

           She awoke with a strangled sound, caught right in the back of her throat, eyes darting open, wakening suddenly lying on the Byers' living room floor. The room was dark, covered by night, thick and warm; time felt suspended as she breathed and breathed and breathed, panicked and closed and heavy. Surrounding her were the sleeping bodies of her friends: Max and El, Mike, Lucas, Dustin, Will. Bundled up in blankets and pillows, half on top of one another—their only comfort. Their breaths filled the air. Warm, calm. She couldn't remember falling asleep in the first place, but knew it must have been after hours of tossing and turning.

          It had been so very long since a nightmare had dared laid its fingers on her. It struck her—a metaphorical blow to her lungs, crunching against bone, tearing her to shreds—and sunk in deep, deep to her skin all at once, that understanding, that sickening comprehension, the... the kind of real acknowledgement.

          For the first time, she realised, that maybe Sar was really gone.

          But the start shocked her, left her sitting upright with her heart beating fast and hard, lurching uneasily, and her fingers clutching there at her chest like she could just grab the organ and tear it out. There was still that dull fear at her senses, at every edge, the remnants of a dream that had felt so very real. God, her heart was pounding so quick against her fingertips. The world seemed to spin and sway. Maybe she might be sick.

          Movement, from at her left, and from a pile of blankets Will Byers raised his head. His features were a little hollow, dark circles beneath his eyes. And the way he looked at her... like she was fragile and hurt: a wounded animal. Not as if she was weak, but as if he knew just how she felt.

          "What happened?" he asked, his tone very soft. It struck Katie a little how much he'd grown since she first met him, even his voice growing deeper and more hoarse. Katie didn't like change very much. She'd never realised how quickly it crept upon them, growing up. Once they were eleven, and now they weren't, and where had all that time ever gone? Will, despite his tired eyes and dark circles, looked remarkably awake, which told Katie everything she needed to know without even saying it. She just shook her head firmly at him. Her throat was dry, parched and tight. "Are you alright?"

          Of course she was alright. She was. She was. Katie opened her mouth, hesitantly, ready to form the words. 'I'm okay', that was what she was going to tell him, but along the way the words got all twisted up and confused, and what instead fell from her parted lips was a ragged sob. And then she burst into tears.

          Will's face went from concerned to outright frightened, and he immediately sat completely upright, took her hands in his own. "Hey, hey, don't cry," he tried to soothe. The tears running down her face were hot, visible even in the dark living room as her cheeks and eyes turned pink.

          It hurt. It hurt.

          Katie wanted to scream and shout. She wanted to shake the earth. She wanted to unleash her powers and wreak havoc—she wanted to be furious. Some outlet that would stop her from feeling this way. She just wanted to scream. Scream at the sky, and the lab, and her friends, and at Sar. Scream it all out. And yet, all Katie could do was cry. Because she didn't even know if she had the energy for screaming anymore. She was like a weak and helpless little bird. She felt like she'd had her wings broken or her tiny bird heart torn out. And all she could do was weep.

          How could it be alright when Sara was never coming home?

          Her crying was loud enough to wake the others. Max shifted down by her ankle, raising her head so that her long red hair tumbled over her face and shoulders. El, on Katie's other side, rubbed her tired eyes, looking so fragile. Then up sat Dustin and Lucas—even Mike righted himself in the darkness, bundled up in about three blankets. Their tired faces moulded into immediate worry. Some of them even looked like they might cry.

          "Katie," was all Lucas said as his hand rested on her knee. She could not stop crying now. It had started, and she wasn't sure it would ever end. The tears burned, and there was a great ache in her chest. Like she was being torn up from the inside.

          So unfair.

          Losing Sar was— Losing Sar— It was like a great big hole—... And Hop too—... How had she survived all this time, losing all those other kids? Maybe she'd been too young to understand. But now she felt it all. And losing two of the people she loved most in a single day... A single moment...

          They were all around her, faces only showing concern and care. El clung to Katie's arm, and the rest sat cross-legged or kneeling, teary-eyed. "It's okay," said Mike, most surprising of all. "Sar will come back. She always does." And he was right, she always had, but—... how long would that luck last? With that wall of dimensions blocking them? And that wasn't even considering the fact that the Mind Flayer could have already gotten her. The nightmares...

          Her hands were covering her face, she sobbed into them. She felt Max latch onto her, forehead tucked against Katie's cheek, and El's chin on her shoulder, face pressing into the curve of Katie's neck. Her arms around her middle. She was crying too, Katie could feel the tears against her skin, and so was Dustin when he hugged his arms around her and Max, his curly hair sticking up in every which direction. And then all of her friends were piling onto her—Mike with his gangly limbs at her right side and Lucas at her left, Will crushed somewhere between, already crying. Their embrace was warm and loving and they clung on tight, tight, as she heard them sniffle one by one.

          All Katie could think was, how could Sar do this to us?

          None of them spoke, none of them had to. So many arms hugging her, so many heartbeats right next to her own. They held onto her, and Katie held onto them, and together they cried.

༉*ೃ༄

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐄𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐃 𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄 Katie woke up, the sun was high in the sky, shining through the hastily-curtained window directly onto her face. For a second, she forgot everything. It was that sweet moment of bliss, like waking up in the middle of a sleepover and not knowing where you are, or rising after midday during the holidays when there wasn't a care in the world. In those seconds, before you really wake up, and nothing else but the warmth and turning your head to a more comfortable position mattered. In that very second, she thought she was in her bed, and Sara was in just the next room over. And nothing was wrong.

          This time, the way realisation rushed back to her was cold and creeping, sinister like sludging water seeping into her skin. Her eyes stung from the night—she had cried for a long, long time, so long—and every part of her seemed to ache all over. She wanted to go back to sleep. She wanted to go back to sleep for a very long time, until Sar came back to them.

          Katie lay still for a few moments, rustled up on her side in blankets and with that choking paralysis still settled over her, in every nook and cranny, every joint and bone, until she realised that she was alone in the living room. Will wasn't asleep in front of her face, as he had been before, Max was not by her ankles and Lucas wasn't snoring like usual. In fact, absolutely none of them were there. It made her sit up, slowly, plant her hands in her lap and glance around with her hair sticking at all angles.

          The blankets and duvets and sleeping bags still littered the floor around her, accompanied by multi-coloured pillows, but they were empty. Their body warmth had all gone. Her eyes glanced over to the living room clock, and Katie saw that it was already midday. She'd slept the day away in a fit of exhaustion.

          Where is everyone?

          A little bit panicked, but mostly sluggish—still no energy—Katie rubbed her eyes and got to her feet. She was wearing purple socks with stars on them that James had gotten her last Christmas, and they padded over the sea of blankets, tripping on a pillow or two. Katie walked down the hallway, glancing at the framed photo of Joyce, Will and Jonathan on the wall, towards the kitchen, turned the corner in the doorway, and there was Mike Wheeler, sitting at the Byers' wooden table with a bowl of cereal.

          He glanced up at her as she entered, blinking momentarily with his spoon halfway to his mouth. It looked like he'd been waiting for her. For a moment, silence passed between them—just a wordless, blinking stare, Katie looking hollow and exhausted, still heavy bags beneath her eyes. Even though she'd slept through the day. Mike hesitated, before he held up his bowl of cereal. "Do you want some?"

          Katie swallowed. Her throat was very dry, closing, she felt like she might cry. Stubbornly, she shook her head. Her teeth were sunk into the inside of her cheek, her eyes feeling hollow and heavy. Tentatively, Mike lowered the bowl. As she stood silently there, his spoon clacked awkwardly against the bowl. It was clear she wasn't really up for conversation.

          The Wheeler boy seemed to want to fill the silence. "Dustin's gone," said Mike. "His mom was worried, everyone was told there was a big fire in the mall and—... and his mom wanted him back." He finished awkwardly, probably realising she didn't much want to talk about the mall when it had been the cause of her adoptive father's death and her sister's likely-fatal disappearance. "Everyone else will be, um, back soon." His eyes didn't move away from her—they had a certain emotion to them: a kind of hesitant, concerned intensity, like he was worried that she was going to fall apart again.

          Steeling herself, hands scrunching in the oversized pyjama pants she was wearing, Katie asked, "Where's James?" Her voice was a lot weaker than she would have liked. Hoarse and teary. Realising, she blinked the suspended tears out of her eyes.

          Mike kept watching her. "I think he's out with Mrs Byers. They—..." He looked exhausted too, the feeling reflected in his brown eyes, which were a duller shade of brown than usual. "They had to talk to the police officers about... what happened. With... um, Sar, Hopper and Billy." He was still staring at her like that. Katie hated that look. She'd gotten it before, when people looked too closely at her scar or heard about one of her sad backstories. As if they were scared that she was going to shatter.

          "Where's Steve?" she asked next, nearly surprising herself. Poor, poor Steve. Poor Nancy, poor Jonathan, poor Robin. Poor everyone, thought Katie. We're so very sad. And worry twisted in her gut, because she had known Steve ever since he was dating Nancy even when he was so blatantly in love with Sar, and she knew he was going to be beating himself up—just like Katie and James were in their own right. When she blinked at Mike, her eyes—still teary, still wide—were filled with concern.

          Slowly, Mike shrugged—not nonchalantly. Legitimate worry flashed across his features. "Nancy and Jonathan never came back, and I haven't seen Robin yet. I think they must still be with him." His spoon was gently clacking against the bowl as his words seemed to hang in the air. It was clear he was unsure what he should be saying. Katie didn't say anything more, didn't move, just... stood in the doorway looking very lost and very alone. He spoke again, voice hesitant. "Are... are you okay?"

          A second passed. Very surely, she shook her head side-to-side. Her eyes were watery, her trembling lips pressed tightly together as she tried to keep it all in. He just sat there, dumbly, unsure of what to do. Perhaps he didn't know how to talk to her about it, how to console her about grief. That was alright, Katie didn't expect him to know how to look after her. She didn't need looking after. But he did look concerned. Katie wasn't sure any of her friends would do much better. They were all just kids. They weren't supposed to be consoling each other's grief at fourteen.

          Another moment she stood there, in her fuzzy purple socks, arms hanging by her side, face empty. A lost little girl. "I think I'm going to go home." Then she started to walk past the table towards the Byers' front door.

          Mike stood abruptly, the stool scraping loudly, and he ducked between her and the exit, an impassable wall. It struck her how much taller than her he was. She didn't know how or why he was trying to stop her—he couldn't, really, if he tried. He looked very worried suddenly, very young. "Hold on, Mrs Byers said—"

          Katie felt so very tired—more tired than she'd ever felt in her life. It was worse, even, than when she was in the lab, when the experiments left her tired enough for her to collapse against the cold ground and pass out for a while, before she was tugged into Sar's or Lune's or Emma's soft arms. Her voice was exhausted and defeated, "Please, Mike."

          "The others are coming back soon, Max and Will and Lucas—" he offered quickly, voice running fast and mindless. His hair was a frazzled mess of dark curls.

          "Mike—"

          He didn't move from her path, seemed to get more frantic, threw out his hand with dramatic, almost-excited fervour. "They're bringing candy and movies! Will thought—"

          "I want to go home," she said, very softly. Almost a murmur. It seemed to throw Mike off completely. It was probably the first time he'd ever seen Katie Hopper in such a state, so... not herself. To him, to her other friends, she'd always been so bright, so bubbly and full of joy. They couldn't stop her laughing, couldn't stop her from cracking jokes or making rash decisions in Dungeons and Dragons, from wanting to dance around to Cyndi Lauper or singing I Want to Know What Love Is by Foreigner at the top of her voice. Now, she had tears in her doe eyes and her lips were downturned and trembling slightly, like if he tried to hold her back a second longer she'd just shatter into a thousand pieces. She seemed delicate, for the first time he'd ever known her.

          She could feel another sob threatening to come up her throat, hoped that he would just drop it so she could go home to her empty house, to her empty living room and the empty bedrooms, feel the ghosts inside its walls and remember all the spectres of her past. Who knows, maybe Sar would walk through the door then. Maybe she would come home; maybe the nightmare had just been one, just a mistake.

          Mike Wheeler looked very conflicted, but his face seemed to drop. All that hope seeped away, and his eyes fell towards the ground too. "Okay," he said, unsurely, almost as quiet as her, and stepped to the side, creating a pathway straight towards the door. Katie did not think twice as she walked past him.

          A nightmare. That's what this felt like: a nightmare. But she was so very awake.

༉*ೃ༄

sorry that this is so depressing right now  ‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )‧º·˚ this story is going to be a mixture of sadness and elation so it's an interesting combination <3 happier times will come soon-ish, i promise!

i really, really love the "little bird" metaphors i'm using in this, if anyone caught that

it's so strange to me writing in sar's world as not her. but i'm super excited to tell katie's story! this won't be updated super regularly because it's an original plot and is a lot harder to write, but i'll try to keep to a loose schedule! sorry these chapters are short right now, i just want to wallow in katie's grief for a while before we start moving on with the main plot ♡꒰ᵕ༚ᵕ⑅꒱

word count: 2,987

28.03.2021.